Els Posted July 2, 2018 Share Posted July 2, 2018 (edited) I will say that I had a very stern talk with my parents after my breakup, and told them that they were partially responsible for the relationship ending on such a sour note. I do view that approach as fairly irresponsible and let them know it. The next time I'll have to essentially date for me and them. I will add something to this story that maybe I didn't clarify the last time: the terrible meeting I referenced was the fourth time they met. The previous three times, no such criticism was discussed. I did meet the girls parents and they took a hands off approach as long as both of us were happy. My parents I think started to get the impression that she didn't have strong enough work ethic to get herself out of her career conundrum, and was seeking me out as a free way to get to a comfortable life. The first three meetings consisted of niceties and probing questions. Yes I do interpret the meeting as extremely harsh and would never personally want to be on the receiving end of such a thing. Do you genuinely trust that your parents won't do it again with your next girlfriend? Somehow, it sounds to me like the point went a bit over their heads, since they seem to think that what they did was OK and that they "would have stopped if she had only said that she'd consider our criticism". To be honest it was very nice of your ex to even answer them, if I was in her shoes I would simply have walked out halfway through their spiel and never came back. My sincere advice to you is that if you want to date again, keep your date and your parents FAAAARRRRR away from each other. Allow your parents minimal involvement until they have demonstrated that they are actually capable of behaving like decent human beings. And if they start berating a girlfriend in this manner again, take the lead, take her hand, and walk away with her. Don't sit there and let it happen. Edited July 2, 2018 by Elswyth 1 Link to post Share on other sites
mrs rubble Posted July 3, 2018 Share Posted July 3, 2018 If you don't stop relying on your parents and letting them get involved in your love life, your love life isn't going to go well. Until you stop giving them this much control -- you are still a boy, not a man. Part of growing up and becoming a man is taking control back from your parents. I couldn't agree more! My son is dating a Chinese girl, she's 19 and they have been together for 4 years already, her parents don't allow her to have a boyfriend but she chooses to ignore this. Also her parents said she should only be dating Asian boys, my son is Caucasian. They got caught in the park together cuddling by her grandparents one day and the grandparents were actually very impressed with my son because he's "very tall" and the family have now accepted that she is dating him. So if a 19yo law student can stand up to her Asian parents, I don't understand why a 31yo cardiologist can't!! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
guest569 Posted July 4, 2018 Share Posted July 4, 2018 You have learned nothing from this experience aside from pointing the finger at your ex!! Take some responsibility for the relationship and breakup, for yourself, your actions, your life!!! Take the reins. Your parents treatment of your ex girlfriend was disgusting. No excuses. “Culture “ and “tradition” do not give anyone a free pass at being nasty and cruel. It’s not up to the victim to think “I will take those heartless and rude comments into account”. What was she supposed to get from their comments? It angers me that you would sit by passively while they disrespect you and your partner. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mittens Posted July 4, 2018 Share Posted July 4, 2018 (edited) I'm going to be blunt. She'd have to be crazy to marry into your family. They are way out of bounds and you are way out of bounds for talking about all of that stuff with your parents about her. They should not be very involved at all in this relationship and them picking apart little physical things about her is just ridiculous. I've never heard of going that far. They're cold-blooded. Your girlfriend should run for the Hills. And if you ever want to keep a woman first you need to become a man who stands on his own two feet and have boundaries with his parents and stands up to them. I'm 65 years old and I've never heard of anything this extreme. No one in her right mind would get involved with this. Amen to all of this. I've lived/am living this right now. I have health problems, both physical - I was run over when I was 17 and my right leg was crushed - and mental - bipolar disorder - and my FI's parents have been as foul as your parents have been them. Add in the fact that (even though I'm nearly 50) that I've been married before, am a foreigner, and can't have children...well to hear the way his father talks, I may as well be Satan... Crucial difference is, that my FI has ALWAYS put me first, 'defended' (not that anyone should have to 'defend' an illness they have zero control over) me and basically ignored all the crap his parents have come out with. Our relationship comes first and their opinions - because that's all they are, opinions - have no more weight than anyone elses. His father only got to be vile with me once...I've not seen either of them in nearly 4 years. I don't interact with judgemental arseholes. FI is free to have whatever relationship he wants with them, but I'm not obliged to have anything beyond a superficial, civil one with them. They created the situation, so it's their loss, not mine. If I had been your ex girlfriend I'd have told your immature arse to get ****ed, frankly. Running back to mummy and daddy to have 'relationship discussions' about your girlfriend, without her being present, at your age? Disgusting. I don't care what your culture is, grow the **** up. Edited July 4, 2018 by Mittens 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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