Being asked for sex on first date

[lurker74]

A lot of factor needs to be taken into consideration. I am of French heritage so me being nice can be interpreted by being flirty by other cultures. I will always remember the parking guy at my work. Each morning he'd tell me how beautiful I looked and I'd say *thank you you're always full of compliments * Well he took it as me flirting with him and it turned into a nightmare when one day he followed me underground to profess his love to me. He was an older man from Haiti and I confused his world by accepting his compliments each morning. In my book I was being nice by smiling and accepting the compliment.

 

I deal with the same lawyer at work and we're of the same culture. When he calls me he always starts his call with: Isn't that the unique amazing and equally gorgeous Ms. Gaeta? I laugh, I answer yes it's herself and it has never ever crossed my mind this man was trying to flirt with me, never. Another woman that is not used to the ways of our culture could have found this inappropriate or interpret this as flirting.

 

Other than that, I have a lot of confidence in my femininity. If I get a compliment I accept it, I smile, I make eye contact and just that can be perceived as being flirty.

 

Sadly the story of my life as well. Five older sisters so talking to women has never been an issue to me. And I like to make people laugh. Put that together and people think I'm flirting. It destroyed my last relationship (although to be fair, that was mostly her fault, not mine). But other peole see it as just being nice (which is how I see it too...flirting needs intent IMO).

[hotpotato]

Okay.. So when do you differentiate being nice verse being flirty. I feel like when I smile and am nice to people it has been taken out of context more times that I would like. If someone smiles at me I do not automatically think they are flirting with me. How do you differentiate this and conclude you were flirting?

 

I can relate. Many times me being nice has been misconstrued. I also dont assume someone wants me bc they smiled at me.

 

There's also a big difference between being friendly to a date and being up for nsa sex.

[Cookiesandough]

It’s not that you’re overly flirty. I’m overly flirty. I think I’ve always been the one to mention sex first(just a general comment about it or a flirty joke) When I am asked over on the first few dates (literally only happened a few times) it never goes beyond kissing unless I ask(they usually initiate the first kiss). The only guy who ever tried sex with me was because I told him I want to just hookup nsa when we first met but I was too scared to do it, so it did not go beyond heavy petting lol/making out. It was several dates when it ended and he was still being ypatient

 

It’s definitely the men you are choosing for some reason

 

Or maybe you just elicit a feeling of unabated lust from men and they are the “loudest” so you go out with them . Maybe you have a bangin body or something!!!

Edited February 21, 2018 by Cookiesandough

[Spractor]

All females want is sex with the hottest jerk

 

It is so easy to just have sex with men... Finding a quality guy to do it with is so much more appealing. Hopefully women learn this once college is through.

[girlinNYC]

Does this happen to any other ladies? Is there away to stop this? Most men I meet try to have sex with me very quickly, usually by the end of the first date. Very few men in my experience do not do this.

 

I am not intending to date, but I would like to know.

 

This has never happened to me on a first date, but guys I have met tend to expect sex if you spend more time with them and fade out if you don’t give that to them straight away. Either way, it is a good way indication as to what their intentions are.

You can’t change a guy’s mind, if he only wants sex, he only wants sex. All you can control is how you react to it and not get attached to any guy until you clearly know what his intentions are with you.

[hotpotato]

I don't get attached to guys quickly, but I find it very irritating. It makes me feel like a piece of meat honestly.

 

I also understand not everyone will click. I'd rather them just leave. What if we did have 1st date sex and I got pregnant? That would be a disaster.

[Gaeta]

I'd rather them just leave. What if we did have 1st date sex and I got pregnant? That would be a disaster.

 

You have to date with in mind YOU run the show. If you hear something that doesn't please you YOU leave. You cannot expect every stranger you meet to be honest. Assume none of them are and watch your back.

 

If you have sex on first meeting and play with protection than the disaster is on YOU. Again it's a question of YOUR choices. NO man will stay with you because you get pregnant on a first date.

[No_Go]

Oh wait I forgot one guy I went to their house, they cooked me a huge meal plus dessert, we played video games, at the end of the night I hinted at a good night kiss. He said he doesn’t kiss until exclusive. Lol.

 

We had another date planned but I canceled

 

It’s def not you , but the guys!

 

Gah this is the most ANNOYING type of guy. A p**sy teaser Gives me flashbacks. Although the guy I'm currently seeing also started super slow but with so much sexual talk in between that it kind of filled the gap.

 

I've been on >10 first dates and only 1 guy *hinted* sex on the first date. To keep in mind, it was 8+ hours first date and in the last 2 hours we were in my apartment, he asked to kiss me (he was only the second guy I kissed ) and then start hinting something about the size of my bed and I accompanied him to the front door

 

OP - I think it is the type of guys you're picking OR something in your behavior that you're not aware of...

[hotpotato]

You have to date with in mind YOU run the show. If you hear something that doesn't please you YOU leave. You cannot expect every stranger you meet to be honest. Assume none of them are and watch your back.

 

If you have sex on first meeting and play with protection than the disaster is on YOU. Again it's a question of YOUR choices. NO man will stay with you because you get pregnant on a first date.

 

The problem is almost every guy asks for first date sex. Not all, but vast majority.

 

I certainly wouldn't expect a guy to stick around if I were pregnant. In 30, I've seen other people's single parent hardships.

[guest569]

Does this happen to any other ladies? Is there away to stop this? Most men I meet try to have sex with me very quickly, usually by the end of the first date. Very few men in my experience do not do this.

 

I am not intending to date, but I would like to know.

 

One guy practically molested me at the end of what seemed to be a lovely first date. I’m not particularly one to even kiss or hand hold on a first date. I was definitely not giving off signals. How have these dates been aside from that? Did you hit it off, was there huge amount of attraction? Just trying to figure out why this would happen all the time. What is the setting day/time of the dates?

[smackie9]

I feel when they sense vulnerability they think they have the green light to take advantage of you.

[Cookiesandough]

The 1st woman liked to dress provocatively, had breast implants, you know the drill. I knew she was definitely DTF before I even asked for her number there in the canned vegetables aisle.

 

..

 

Need these

[RecentChange]

The 1st woman liked to dress provocatively, had breast implants, you know the drill.

 

I don't know how she dresses, but the OP does have newer implants. And while it "shouldn't" say something to men - I think breast implants often DO say something to men.

 

The problem is almost every guy asks for first date sex. Not all, but vast majority.

.

 

Hot Potato... I really think the problem lies with the men you are picking, and the way they interpret you if the problem is this prevalent.

 

Like Graeta pointed out - for me at least, *I* have always lead the dance. I have made it clear how far we are going, or not going on that first date.

 

Men who value me as a person, like my personality, talk to me about meaningful subjects - men who treat me as equals and not like they just want in my pants.

 

From your posting history, you seem to have a pattern with men who do not respect you as a person, and I think this is why you are seeing this "try for first date sex" issue.

[joseb]

I don't know how she dresses, but the OP does have newer implants. And while it "shouldn't" say something to men - I think breast implants often DO say something to men.

 

Yes, absoutely.

 

They scream dtf. Not sure why, but they do.

[Crazyalex84]

I don't do that.

 

In fact, I don't put sex in front of everything else. I could date her for months before having sex and I would be perfectly ok with it if it's what she wants.

 

Maybe it's because I'm older (mid-30's), but after a first date if it has to end in a bed, I would prefer something sweet like to kiss and cuddle than having sex.

 

But it may be just me too...

[Space Ritual]

Does this happen to any other ladies? Is there away to stop this? Most men I meet try to have sex with me very quickly, usually by the end of the first date. Very few men in my experience do not do this.

 

I am not intending to date, but I would like to know.

 

Sorry I have not read the entire thread but just wanted to ask are these guys off of Online Dating Sites or Social Media platforms like FB?

 

I ask this because so many people on such sites are so full of crap about everything......they are always going to attempt to embellish their rather mundane lives.

 

And I am sorry that happens to you. Sadly I think many younger people these days have so many different peer pressures and other dynamics that a guy like me probably couldn't keep track of.

 

That being said....I want you to remember an adage and it may be something you can think about when trying to sort the wheat from the chaff...

 

"Girls want a lot for things from one guy..conversely, guys want one thing form a lot of girls.

 

Be more discriminating with those who are expressing interest.

 

Usually you can spot the cretins who just want to knock boots and leave by their being overboard with the Gentleman act.

 

I now this happens to a LOT of women...probably the vast majority.

 

Please understand that these guys are basically all the same, They are under the impression that being Gentleman automatically qualifies them for sex.

 

I should know...I used to be one of those guys a few decades back.

 

Our male egos are very fragile.....that's why we make such asses of ourselves and ruin what could have been an otherwise wonderful experience before we even shake hands....

 

I am surprised many ladies just don't have open interviews for potential suitors. That would solve 99 percent of these type of problems..LOL

 

Good Luck...please be more discriminating.

Edited February 24, 2018 by Space Ritual

[Space Ritual]

Yes, absoutely.

 

They scream DTF. Not sure why, but they do.

 

Totally.....The common thought pattern by men about implants is that any chick who has em is available.

 

I've dated a lot of strippers who had them, and they always say it's for the tips, but even they say when they are doing lap dances or VIP room visits or whatever the guys have total Titnosis.

The girl I am dating now has em. Has had em for a few years and she told me the same thing about her days dancing for dollars. Titnosis...lol.

 

Guys equate the fake boobs with DTF...never ever thinking that perhaps they may have them for Self Esteem reasons. The girl I am currently dating originally got them because she had such low self esteem that she got them for no other reason than to feel more self confident. Then she started stripping and the rest is history...

[hotpotato]

I asked a guy what he thought, and he said i was crazy for asking and that every attractive woman gets asked for sex on the first date. He doesn't understand why im upset. I've grown tired of being treated like an object.

 

As for my breast implants, i've only had them about 14 months. They're very new, and they're not super huge. People say they look normal on me. Even if i go on a date, it's not obvious to the guy i have them. I'm glad i have them, too, I hated being flat chested.

 

I haven't dated anyone since I got my implants. I only have my motorcycle guy friend, and we're not serious.

Edited February 24, 2018 by hotpotato

[hotpotato]

Sorry I have not read the entire thread but just wanted to ask are these guys off of Online Dating Sites or Social Media platforms like FB?

I ask this because so many people on such sites are so full of crap about everything......they are always going to attempt to embellish their rather mundane lives.

 

And I am sorry that happens to you. Sadly I think many younger people these days have so many different peer pressures and other dynamics that a guy like me probably couldn't keep track of.

 

That being said....I want you to remember an adage and it may be something you can think about when trying to sort the wheat from the chaff...

 

"Girls want a lot for things from one guy..conversely, guys want one thing form a lot of girls.

 

Be more discriminating with those who are expressing interest.

 

Usually you can spot the cretins who just want to knock boots and leave by their being overboard with the Gentleman act.

 

I now this happens to a LOT of women...probably the vast majority.

 

Please understand that these guys are basically all the same, They are under the impression that being Gentleman automatically qualifies them for sex.

 

I should know...I used to be one of those guys a few decades back.

 

Our male egos are very fragile.....that's why we make such asses of ourselves and ruin what could have been an otherwise wonderful experience before we even shake hands....

 

I am surprised many ladies just don't have open interviews for potential suitors. That would solve 99 percent of these type of problems..LOL

 

Good Luck...please be more discriminating.

The guys have been mostly from POF, other than that's it's been real life meetings.

 

I wish I could say it was only younger guys. If i were dealing with 18 year old guys, I could understand it better.

 

I feel like we're on the date for very different reasons. I was actually trying to date.

 

I don't know how she dresses, but the OP does have newer implants. And while it "shouldn't" say something to men - I think breast implants often DO say something to men.

 

 

 

Hot Potato... I really think the problem lies with the men you are picking, and the way they interpret you if the problem is this prevalent.

 

Like Graeta pointed out - for me at least, *I* have always lead the dance. I have made it clear how far we are going, or not going on that first date.

 

Men who value me as a person, like my personality, talk to me about meaningful subjects - men who treat me as equals and not like they just want in my pants.

 

From your posting history, you seem to have a pattern with men who do not respect you as a person, and I think this is why you are seeing this "try for first date sex" issue.

 

I've tried wearing long, unflattering dresses, and guys would still come at me. *shrug*

 

I never told a guy straight up we weren't having sex on the first date. Maybe that was a problem. I would much rather wait awhile for sex.

 

I don't have a lot of men who actually try to get to know me. Most of the guys who do talk to me live far away. It's like if there's no significant distance between us, we don't have many conversations.

[newyorker11356]

I asked a guy what he thought, and he said i was crazy for asking and that every attractive woman gets asked for sex on the first date. He doesn't understand why im upset. I've grown tired of being treated like an object.

 

As for my breast implants, i've only had them about 14 months. They're very new, and they're not super huge. People say they look normal on me. Even if i go on a date, it's not obvious to the guy i have them. I'm glad i have them, too, I hated being flat chested.

 

I haven't dated anyone since I got my implants. I only have my motorcycle guy friend, and we're not serious.

 

Not sure what your guy friend is talking about. I'm a guy and don't ask every attractive woman for sex on the first date, as do plenty of other guys I'm sure.

[CptInsano]

Not sure what your guy friend is talking about. I'm a guy and don't ask every attractive woman for sex on the first date, as do plenty of other guys I'm sure.

 

Of course, and that's probably why this thread gets the attention that it does, because it seems odd to many of us. I mean, I might not be sure if I want to have sex with a woman that soon, and life becomes far more uncomplicated as a guy if you also pick your women carefully.

[Springsummer]

A lot of factor needs to be taken into consideration. I am of French heritage so me being nice can be interpreted by being flirty by other cultures. I will always remember the parking guy at my work. Each morning he'd tell me how beautiful I looked and I'd say *thank you you're always full of compliments * Well he took it as me flirting with him and it turned into a nightmare when one day he followed me underground to profess his love to me. He was an older man from Haiti and I confused his world by accepting his compliments each morning. In my book I was being nice by smiling and accepting the compliment.

 

I deal with the same lawyer at work and we're of the same culture. When he calls me he always starts his call with: Isn't that the unique amazing and equally gorgeous Ms. Gaeta? I laugh, I answer yes it's herself and it has never ever crossed my mind this man was trying to flirt with me, never. Another woman that is not used to the ways of our culture could have found this inappropriate or interpret this as flirting.

 

Other than that, I have a lot of confidence in my femininity. If I get a compliment I accept it, I smile, I make eye contact and just that can be perceived as being flirty.

 

Na...I think French just simply more flirty than the rest.

 

can't confuse a smile with a flirt, right? a flirt require the close of an eye. I rarely go to Montreal, but one time I went there for an interview, a stranger man on the building flirt at me. and one time I went to the airport from a shuttle and the french bus driver refuse to let me off the bus unless I give him my phone number.

 

francophone men definitely seems more flirty, open and aggressive than their anglophone counterparts.

 

These things never happen to me in the boring capital city 2 hours away.

 

need to go to Montreal often. Life seems funner there.

[thefooloftheyear]

No one is comfortable talking about it, but some of this could be an ethnic or racial thing...Is it right? No...But it happens every day of the week and twice on Sunday...

 

Also...And I am not suggesting anything, because I can't say for sure, but women that are (on the surface) of a lower league than the guys that they are attracting or pursuing may often find themselves in the unenviable position of being objectified..

 

Not to say all guys do this, but you find some desirable and attractive men going for women below their league(some way below), thinking those women are going to more readily put out, may work harder in bed, etc....If a guy gets hit on by a woman he views as below him, most won't just blow them off, they'll take the sex..Women won't generally do this...Guys pretty much know their league, because it's pretty rare that a woman would eff someone they consider "below their league"...

 

I'm not buying the theory of large breasted women just immediately seen as sex objects...I know several that would never be seen as such, despite their appearance..

 

It's just another reason why this game is harder for women than it is for men...Despite what a lot of guys like to say...

 

TFY

[Soxfaninfl]

I’ve never expected sex on the first date nor would I insinuate it. If the women wanted then that is fine, but I would never expect it.

 

If a man asked you for sex on the first date then you should end the date and tell him good night. You should also not go on more dates with that person.

[hotpotato]

I've never dated anyone higher than me as far as leagues if we're going by looks. Most of the guys were average.

 

I don't buy that I'm getting hit on so hard because I'm less attractive than the guy. In fact, I'd say less attractive guys were sometimes more aggressive.

Edited February 24, 2018 by hotpotato