Being asked for sex on first date

[lurker74]

From a man's perspective, I have two theories.

 

One, something about you tells these guys you are DTF right away. I don't know if it is the pics you use in your profile, how you carry yourself, or what, but they could be getting that impression.

 

Another theory is that you are picking douchebags to go out with. Think about it. Most women require a bit of effort before they will have sex with you. Treat a girl respectfully on the first date or two, and she will likely be the one wanting to have sex on date 3. Almost never fails for me. These guys don't want to bother with all that, so they just hit you up immediately and bail when they don't get what they want. IMO, they either don't respect you, or they don't respect women in general. Either way, douchebags.

 

Yep. Or both. But since it would take a LOT of dressing and talking weird to communicate that she was DTF, it's likely the guys being chosen. I have been on innumerable first dates and never asked for sex on the first. I've had first date sex but never initiated by me (and now when I start dating again I throw away all my condoms so that I am less tempted to have sex on the first date!).

 

So, OP, look at the guys you are dating. If they wear Drakkar, wear Ed Hardy, and have tribal tattoos, that might be your problem.

[thefooloftheyear]

Does this happen to any other ladies? Is there away to stop this? Most men I meet try to have sex with me very quickly, usually by the end of the first date. Very few men in my experience do not do this.

 

I am not intending to date, but I would like to know.

 

You're selecting low quality men....Adjust your picker....so they don't tell you to adjust their pecker...

 

TFY

[newyorker11356]

How are you meeting these men? Online dating sites are full of men that just want to get laid

 

It's not just online dating.

[CommittedToThis]

Another male perspective, I've successfully initiated 1st date sex twice in the last 2 years of dating maybe 2 dozen women in total.

 

The 1st woman liked to dress provocatively, had breast implants, you know the drill. I knew she was definitely DTF before I even asked for her number there in the canned vegetables aisle. I met her in the grocery store that morning and that evening she was at my place giving me good things.

 

The other woman gave off a vibe -- can't put my finger on it (perhaps something else) -- and I was really horny so I talked her into going back to her place. "Come on, we're adults here, we're both attracted to each other, let's do it. Come on."

 

"Ok, follow me in your car."

 

For the other 98% of women I vibed that pursuing 1st date sex was imprudent, all they got was a great time and a goodnight kiss.

 

OP, I guess you either look amazingly sexy, or you give off heavy sexual connotations, or you're attracting horn dog guys. For me, I expect to not initiate or have sex on the 1st date. I'm all about the build-up. Give me 3-4 dates to get her worked up...

[hotpotato]

It's not just online dating.

 

Same experience here. It's not just online men.

 

My pic on POF is a face pic.

 

The best I can guess from the responses is that being friendly was being taken as dtf.

 

Some of these guys seem nice. One guy I dated who seemed so sweet tried to get me into his work place for after hours sex. It seemed like he liked me, too.

[MaleIntuition]

The real douches are those who pretend for three dates, have sex with you and then dump you.

 

Since they disappeared after asking you, my assumption is that they never saw you as girlfriend material but where open for NSA/casual. At least they are up-front and honest. Dressing less sexy might have the opposite effect depending on what sort of girl they are looking for.

[Popsicle]

Only dudes that come from online do this.

[CptInsano]

Only dudes that come from online do this.

 

The OP mentioned that it wasn't all online. But maybe we're talking about physically very attractive men who know they have other options. Most regular guys wouldn't do this because they have too much to lose.

[Popsicle]

The OP mentioned that it wasn't all online. But maybe we're talking about physically very attractive men who know they have other options. Most regular guys wouldn't do this because they have too much to lose.

 

Oh no, the ugly ones online do it too.

[Jj66]

Guy perspective. I have never pushed for sex on a first date or any date for that matter but I do get flirty. My goal I guess is to make her want sex with me enough that she is the one initiating. This usually happened after about 8-12 hours together, whether that was 2 dates or 5. The controlling factor seemed to be the amount of time spent together and not the number of dates. Although fist date sex was still quite rare.

 

Other than bar pick ups where both of us knew what was going down when we left I've only had first date sex three times. Every time it's was her idea and not mine.

 

Last time it happened she invited me in to her apartment after our date. As soon as we get inside she said do you want to get high or just go to the bedroom. She was a professional woman who worked for my company but in a different building. The first date had been completely normal and sort of boring with not much sexual tension in my mind. I wasn't going to ask for a second date. I couldn't tell if she liked me. I was shocked by her proposal. So matter of fact and casual. There had always been some build up before sex in my life. Not this time. This ended up being a very weird short term involvement lasting a couple of months. Neither of us ever ended it. After the Christmas holiday vacation neither of us ever bothered gettting back in touch with the other. Double ghosting? Weird.

 

Before that was a last minute Tinder date. She had been stood up for a first date and was already dressed up. Right after we matched she asked me what I was doing. I told her and she asked if I minded if she joined me. So I was on a date with her within 30 minutes of matching. She was in the mood to go dancing so we left to go to a club but for some reason the club had closed early. She proposed we get some wine at the grocery store and go back to my place and dance in my living room. She told me she was down for sex but didn't want it to be just a one night stand. I was ok with that. We went back to my place for dancing and sex. The next day she blew up my phone at work and then insulted me when I didn't answer right away because I was in a meeting. So I thanked her for the insult, blocked her, and never saw her again. I was planning to see her again but she turned it into a one night stand with her outrageous behavior toward me afterward.

 

The only other time was after spending literally all day with a woman exploring the small island beach town she lived in. I had traveled to meet her. The plan had been for me to sleep on her couch. But she changed her mind and invited me to sleep in her bed. She said she wanted to cuddle and kiss but not have sex. I said I was ok with that. It wasn't long before she was pulling my **** out of my shorts and putting it in her mouth. We were together for over a year afterward.

[CptInsano]

Oh no, the ugly ones online do it too.

 

Well, if they didn't have a chance in the first place they might as well ask.

 

Either way you'll need a mindframe that allows you not to care too much about the results, and that isn't the case for most guys during a regular date.

Edited February 20, 2018 by CptInsano

[Popsicle]

 

Either way you'll need a mindframe that allows you not to care too much about the results, and that isn't the case for most guys during a regular date.

 

Correct. I think that doing OLD for too long can make a person kind of numb and jaded regardless of how they look. They will ooze their tiredness and/or start following “rules” that they think they need to follow in order to protect themselves and get the most out of it. It definitely shows.

[Arieswoman]

Gaeta #21,

 

I remember a date in the middle of the day. The guy walks me to my car after the date and as I am getting in my car he says *wait* and he pulled his d&ck out of his pants!

 

I said WTH is wrong with you?? and he said he wanted to make sure I knew he was well equipped. Yep! under a shining sun in middle of afternoon in a parking lot.

 

:lmao:

 

Well Gaeta, that's a real corker and trumps anything I ever experienced on a first date !!!!

[RecentChange]

My guess. You are picking men who do not respect you, and rather just think you are a hot piece of a**.

[hotpotato]

Oh no, the ugly ones online do it too.

 

Right. Men of all attractiveness do this.

[hotpotato]

The real douches are those who pretend for three dates, have sex with you and then dump you.

 

Since they disappeared after asking you, my assumption is that they never saw you as girlfriend material but where open for NSA/casual. At least they are up-front and honest. Dressing less sexy might have the opposite effect depending on what sort of girl they are looking for.

 

Unfortunately, I've experienced something similar-guys pretending like they wanted to be my by for sex. That situation can drag on for awhile.

 

If they only wanted sex, it rather them not take me on a date at all. I don't know If I'd call these guys honest as they don't discuss their feelings or intentions ("I only want sex from you").

 

It hasn't changed much depending on how I dress. *shrug*

[CptInsano]

Right. Men of all attractiveness do this.

 

Then I can't help but wonder how you pick them, or if there is something about you that screams casual sex.

 

Or let me ask differently: Are you emotionally attracted to these men, do you feel something for them?

[sn3akerlover]

I'm not a saint- definitely a very sexual guy but I like exclusive relationships better than dating. I do not expect a woman to have sex on the first few dates. If it happens naturally, then great.

 

As others said on here, it's either a vibe you are giving off subconsciously or more than likely the "type" of guys you are attracted to have these tendencies.

 

Analyze their pics, profiles, initial approach, conversations you have, etc. There should be clues as to what type of person they are and their intentions.

 

I am good at reading people, I could easily spot a woman who's just an attention seeker, not loyal etc.

[newyorker11356]

I'm not a saint- definitely a very sexual guy but I like exclusive relationships better than dating. I do not expect a woman to have sex on the first few dates. If it happens naturally, then great.

 

I'm pretty much the same way.

[hotpotato]

Then I can't help but wonder how you pick them, or if there is something about you that screams casual sex.

 

Or let me ask differently: Are you emotionally attracted to these men, do you feel something for them?

 

At the first date, I'm not sure if I'm emotionally attracted to a guy. Most of the guys seem ok.

 

It would have to be very subtle and mostly in their own minds. Many of the guys I didn't find all that attractive.

[CptInsano]

At the first date, I'm not sure if I'm emotionally attracted to a guy. Most of the guys seem ok.

 

It would have to be very subtle and mostly in their own minds. Many of the guys I didn't find all that attractive.

 

I was wondering if they might pick up on that you're not all that much into them, and may either think you're into something casual, or simply try their chance at immediate sex, as they don't see a chance at a second date.

[Gaeta]

I was wondering if they might pick up on that you're not all that much into them, and may either think you're into something casual, or simply try their chance at immediate sex, as they don't see a chance at a second date.

 

I heard that from men while dating. They know they're out of the woman's league and they have nothing to lose so they give it a shot.

[hercules22]

Oh wait I forgot one guy I went to their house, they cooked me a huge meal plus dessert, we played video games, at the end of the night I hinted at a good night kiss. He said he doesn’t kiss until exclusive. Lol.

 

We had another date planned but I canceled

 

It’s def not you , but the guys!

 

wow at the not kissing part lol

[Spractor]

She needs to explore how she presents herself. I had no clue I was sending that signal to men till a couple of them pointed I was very flirty. I thought I was being nice but now that I look back I was flirty.

 

Okay.. So when do you differentiate being nice verse being flirty. I feel like when I smile and am nice to people it has been taken out of context more times that I would like. If someone smiles at me I do not automatically think they are flirting with me. How do you differentiate this and conclude you were flirting?

[Gaeta]

Okay.. So when do you differentiate being nice verse being flirty. I feel like when I smile and am nice to people it has been taken out of context more times that I would like. If someone smiles at me I do not automatically think they are flirting with me. How do you differentiate this and conclude you were flirting?

 

A lot of factor needs to be taken into consideration. I am of French heritage so me being nice can be interpreted by being flirty by other cultures. I will always remember the parking guy at my work. Each morning he'd tell me how beautiful I looked and I'd say *thank you you're always full of compliments * Well he took it as me flirting with him and it turned into a nightmare when one day he followed me underground to profess his love to me. He was an older man from Haiti and I confused his world by accepting his compliments each morning. In my book I was being nice by smiling and accepting the compliment.

 

I deal with the same lawyer at work and we're of the same culture. When he calls me he always starts his call with: Isn't that the unique amazing and equally gorgeous Ms. Gaeta? I laugh, I answer yes it's herself and it has never ever crossed my mind this man was trying to flirt with me, never. Another woman that is not used to the ways of our culture could have found this inappropriate or interpret this as flirting.

 

Other than that, I have a lot of confidence in my femininity. If I get a compliment I accept it, I smile, I make eye contact and just that can be perceived as being flirty.