sundrop Posted September 20, 2005 Share Posted September 20, 2005 ahhh Now I get it .. and you can pm me anytime.. thanks Thanks Art, I'm actually doing pretty good right now, don't really know what I would say to him and dont really want to talk to him right now. I still think about him but the urge to call has passed right now. YEAH!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted September 20, 2005 Share Posted September 20, 2005 Thanks Art, I still think about him but the urge to call has passed right now. YEAH!!!! Super !! the more time that passes the easier it gets and the further the urges get from one another Link to post Share on other sites
Author NewLee40 Posted September 20, 2005 Author Share Posted September 20, 2005 Well, Beth, I'm glad calling him seemed to help you. There is something empowering about having the conversation and having it "go differently" than it has in the past - recognizing that you can speak to someone without falling into old patterns. But, you say you suck at NC - that it "isn't you." I still think, in his case, NC is definitely the goal. Why? Because even if he doesn't hold any more power over you, he still treats you poorly and behaves like an a**h***. You suspect he's lying that he was even in town. Even if he was telling the truth, he waited until the last minute to call. You know he was trying to manipulate and rope you into another go round of his drama. Do you really think he loves you and means it? No...you know EXACTLY what he's doing, you called it, and somewhere inside you that gleefulness for having recognized it for what it was needs to turn into anger that says..How dare he try to do this to me again? You did great by not engaging, but I ask, what purpose does it serve to be in touch with this man at all? Do you want to be friends with a guy who is such a straight up ass? Do you feel like you "owe" him anything? Do you feel like it would be wrong to "hurt his feelings" by not responding, when clearly he doesn't give you the same courtesty? I'm glad it helped you....but its dangerous territory. Its better to leave him in your past where he belongs. Link to post Share on other sites
pippen_2k Posted September 20, 2005 Share Posted September 20, 2005 It always helps in the short term, but in the long term it causes damage... common who are we kidding here? Link to post Share on other sites
Miffy Posted September 21, 2005 Share Posted September 21, 2005 If someone really loves you, thinks you are special they will a) be with you b) never play games with you and c) never make you feel like this. All the people described on this thread are players, out for the ego boost of having someone fancy them and 'a bit of loving' at the click of fingers/ring of a mobile but not into anything serious. It hurts like hell - I've been there - but the first level of healing is to accept that this is the situation, they won't change and chasing them just makes you look and feel like a doormat. If they call, ignore them, you are not answering to 'put a stop to it', you simply give the reaction they were hoping for - ie that when they feel like it they can pick you up, they still have the charm. Meanwhile you are sat staring at the phone waiting for it to ring. I have been there, it was awful and I wish someone had said to me what I am saying to you a lot sooner. It took my best friend to snap at me before I finally took a hold on my life. Pretend you are Madonna or similar 'life in control, not a doormat' person and try to act like she would in your situattion - would she pine and answer calls, unlikely - more likely to say 'f' you. Link to post Share on other sites
smile95 Posted September 22, 2005 Share Posted September 22, 2005 Ok I know you will all hate me, but Ihave to write how I feel....you all are the nly ones who seem to help me....if you are going to upset me by saying I am crazy and I need help, please do not respond....I know both of those things already... I secretly got my hopes up after he contacted me Sunday......I day dreamed about how we used to be and thought"maybe since he called, he wil change for US?". I have not heard from him since sunday (the text) and I am feeling so stupid and let down for even responding.....when will I learn? I even text him to talk to me last night(stupid I know) and got nothing. So I asked him in text why he was not replying and nothing! I hate myself for this! At the time, the time apart where I didnot call, I was healing. I see that now. Now I feel like I have to start all over....what is wrong with me!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Why do I keep hopes up? I am so hurt right now to think that he actually MAY love me and now I see that this is a game to him. DO i just take this setback and pretend it never happened????? HELP......I liked missing him better than being back in this place again!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! How do I move on? I cried for the first time today in weeks and all becasue I broke NC. I have to get over this. I am just so hurt. I hope for the best and end up being crapped all over. He does not love me. I am a game. He only wanted to know he still had me. Why tell me he loved me and that he thinks of me all the time and then ignore me?? What did he get out of calling. All he does is FU** with my heart!!!!! My downfall is always breaking NC( i never can ignore him) BUT NOW I CAN AFTER THIS LAST STUNT!!!!! How can he say he loves me??? He does not even know what that is!!!! I am the type of person who tries and hopes for the best and tries to see the best in people. This has only hurt me! I know I have to go back to NC. Looking back, it ws helping....I see that now.... Can someone tell me why he even contacted me and would he be so dumb to do it again?????? I HATE HIM. What in he world am I getting good out of this anymore??? NOTHING! Sorry if you all are mad..........this is truly the end for me....I get nothing from him!!!!!!! He knows just what to say to me. It has almost been 24 hrs since I text him to call me and he cannot even text me back?????? ok let me have it(in a nice way) I cried waaay too much already today! Link to post Share on other sites
Author NewLee40 Posted September 23, 2005 Author Share Posted September 23, 2005 I'm not one to kick someone when they are down, even when they did it to themselves. Eventually you will learn, and hopefully this just brings home the lesson. You are not stupid, but you do need help. That's not a judgement, its just the truth. Get the help you need so you can get out of this cycle. Link to post Share on other sites
heartnsoul Posted September 23, 2005 Share Posted September 23, 2005 It takes believing in your dreams and in what you know to be true. Surviving disappointments and the times when you are truly alone. Awakening to see that you have made it through the difficult times with only yourself to depend on. It takes facing the truth that only you can shape your destiny. Realizing that the footsteps you take today are the ones that will lead you into tomorrow, and they must be guided by an unswerving faith in yourself. Understanding that the failures, setbacks, and hurts life often gives us all only serve as steppingstones to true happiness- and if you follow the trail instead of turning back, only then will you recognize your strengths and be able to view life from the summit. ~Debra McCleary~ Link to post Share on other sites
Hotdiggitydammit Posted September 23, 2005 Share Posted September 23, 2005 Its funny how we found this place without having to tell each other. I know when you are near me and it doesn't have to be literally. I feel it in my heart all the time. Its this great sense of feeling I get and then my chest just burns. It is because I can feel you leaving and its that slow burning desire that turns into heartache. But this is the last time I cry for you. I'll make it easy for you. Give me one month and I will be on my way following the road less traveled. All I can say is that I will go as far away until I don't have the feeling anymore. You'll know when I'm gone. Because I know you feel it too. Baby I miss you, but I wont miss the heartaches that come everytime. Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted September 23, 2005 Share Posted September 23, 2005 Its funny how we found this place without having to tell each other. I know when you are near me and it doesn't have to be literally. I feel it in my heart all the time. Its this great sense of feeling I get and then my chest just burns. It is because I can feel you leaving and its that slow burning desire that turns into heartache. But this is the last time I cry for you. I'll make it easy for you. Give me one month and I will be on my way following the road less traveled. All I can say is that I will go as far away until I don't have the feeling anymore. You'll know when I'm gone. Because I know you feel it too. Baby I miss you, but I wont miss the heartaches that come everytime. Are you talking to a specific poster ???? Link to post Share on other sites
In Sync Posted September 23, 2005 Share Posted September 23, 2005 beth5201' I've been back reading a few pages and it is obvious beth5201 you have completely given yourself over to this man who is not the nicest person. And everyone on this thread keeps advising you to NC. But maybe telling us what exactly draws you to him can be a better way to dealing with ridding yourself of this lack of will power when it comes to not being able to do NC with him. What qualities do you like about him? Really. What is so powerful in his quality that keeps you compelled to stay in contact with him? Link to post Share on other sites
pippen_2k Posted September 23, 2005 Share Posted September 23, 2005 I think Hot Dog Man is from another planet Link to post Share on other sites
jhurtinct Posted September 23, 2005 Share Posted September 23, 2005 beth- if your good at not calling but not good at not responding- just a suggestion- change phone #'s emails and anyother way of him contacting you. #1 then your not waiting for it ever again and #2 you won't be in that postion again. Just a thought I did this once at the time only had a home phone and a pager but I'll tell you what I never again ran in the door and directly to that answering mach again a day in my life (for him anyway) and I never again jumped when my pager went off. most of all print this out and keep it close so you don't forget in a moment of weekness HELP......I liked missing him better than being back in this place again!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! How do I move on? I cried for the first time today in weeks and all becasue I broke NC. I have to get over this. I am just so hurt. I hope for the best and end up being crapped all over. He does not love me. I am a game. He only wanted to know he still had me. Why tell me he loved me and that he thinks of me all the time and then ignore me?? What did he get out of calling. All he does is FU** with my heart!!!!! good luck sweetieand really think about what i suggested:) Link to post Share on other sites
Cloud100 Posted September 23, 2005 Share Posted September 23, 2005 Beth, NewLee40, and all of you going through this, my heart goes out to you, because I'm going through the same exact thing. This post has been the closest post to how I feel right now. I read it slow, carefully, and all the advice in here is wonderful, heartfelt, all the pain in this post breaks my heart... If it were all so easy to forget, right? Every time he comes back, I remember all the things I love about him. Everytime he leaves, the one thing I find myself reall truly hating about him is how it is so easy for him to pretend as if I never even existed. I think I have a problem with loving him TOO much, is that possible? Link to post Share on other sites
smile95 Posted September 23, 2005 Share Posted September 23, 2005 inSync-what draws me is the chemistry. I love to hear that he loves me. Altho he never shows it unless we are together. We are LD. Or were. Other than that....I love who he was when we met 3.5 yrs ago and hope he will return and he never does. I guess part of it is I am scared I will never fall in love. I do love him very much. I guess it is not a good sign when those are y only reasons? Oh we laugh together and have fun......we connect I guess........Are those things I can find elsewhere? Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted September 23, 2005 Share Posted September 23, 2005 Beth .. It is sad that you have WASTED 3.5 years with this piece of trash of a man. Instead of think how much you love him.. You need to focus your energy on his bad traits.. That shouldn't be too hard since he has SO MANY BAD TRAITS. FOCUS.. Stop living in the past Link to post Share on other sites
smile95 Posted September 23, 2005 Share Posted September 23, 2005 At least everyone I know and all of you agree he is a jerk and it is not just my opinion.......I still wonder why he did that and then ignored me, but you are right. I should stop thinking of him. Why would ANYONE love him? I wonder if I should make a NEW list of what I hated about him! Link to post Share on other sites
kscholze Posted September 23, 2005 Share Posted September 23, 2005 beth- how would he show he loves you if you are not together? I love my ex, and I didn't know how to show it if we werent together How? Link to post Share on other sites
smile95 Posted September 23, 2005 Share Posted September 23, 2005 I assume when yousay "not together" you mean not in the same state......he could show me by answering my calls, calling me first, answer my emails, come and visit me or make plans to do so......ask about my day, ask about my life and family....that SHOWS me someone cares......... Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted September 23, 2005 Share Posted September 23, 2005 I wonder if I should make a NEW list of what I hated about him! Yes and not only hated but a list of all the BAD things about him Link to post Share on other sites
kscholze Posted September 23, 2005 Share Posted September 23, 2005 We are in the same zip code, not together as a couple but we talked for a while. I was always there when she needed, but I cant do it anbymore cause it hurts. Just trying to figure out where I went wrong. She tells me she still loves me Link to post Share on other sites
smile95 Posted September 23, 2005 Share Posted September 23, 2005 a friend suggested that I make a list of his bad and make a list of what I want in a man and see how it compares, just to see the contrast. what is the diff between what i hate and what was bad? Like "I hate how he could not take a minute out of his day to call" vs. "He had no compassion" Is that what you mean? Link to post Share on other sites
smile95 Posted September 23, 2005 Share Posted September 23, 2005 kscholze-why are you not together? if my ex was there for me and wanted me back and I had no reason to be upset by how he treated me, I would take him back. That was not the case. It does not sound as if you did anything wrong? Yu are there for her? SOunds like her issue of not knowing what she wants? It is confusing whenthey throw out the L word though! Link to post Share on other sites
kscholze Posted September 23, 2005 Share Posted September 23, 2005 sorry to bust into ur thread. She said she didn't want to burden me with her issues and her past. Then she got back with an ex like 2 months after we broke up. She then said a month ago that she loved me while her new guy was in the same place. Then I pushed her to either not love me or be with me and she told me to get lost. She then txtd me a few days ago, I wish I knew or could just forget Link to post Share on other sites
smile95 Posted September 23, 2005 Share Posted September 23, 2005 did you respond to her? I think we are both victims of a game they are playing with out emotions....it is not fair. We are inthis with out hearts and they just want a quick ego boost or to see if we are still on the back burner. They have to throw a bone here and there Link to post Share on other sites
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