Thoughts on Monkey-branching exes?

[lawyaman2018]

Lawya, if you decide she is exhibiting most of those behaviors at a strong and persistent level, you likely are seeing a young woman whose emotional development was frozen at a very young age. She therefore never had the opportunity to develop a strong self identity or learn how to regulate her own emotions.

 

If that happened, you were essentially in a parent/child relationship with her. Like a young child, she would feel unloved and insecure if you did not provide strong direction and help to ground and center her. Yet, when you did exactly that -- providing what was so desperately needed -- she would resent you because she would feel suffocated and controlled. That's the same struggle that all parents have with their young children.

 

That is a very accurate description, in my opinion. She looked to me to take care of her, protect her, give her guidance...almost like a parent/child relationship to an extent. Even just weeks before we broke up, she told me that she literally didn't know how she'd be able to even survive without me taking care of her. Guess she's getting the chance to figure all that out now.

 

My biggest reason for posting this thread was just to get some takes/thoughts on whether I'll hear from her again. At this point, I'm fully expecting to never hear a peep from her. Just wondering if you guys think she'll try to contact me in any form whatsoever in the future.

[Veronica73]

I bet you’ll hear from her again. And if you want your relationship with your significant other/wife to be a parent/child relationship...take her back I guess.

[lawyaman2018]

I bet you’ll hear from her again. And if you want your relationship with your significant other/wife to be a parent/child relationship...take her back I guess.

 

I certainly don't want that, and wouldn't consider taking her back unless, over time, she proved things would change.

[carhill]

.

 

My biggest reason for posting this thread was just to get some takes/thoughts on whether I'll hear from her again. At this point, I'm fully expecting to never hear a peep from her. Just wondering if you guys think she'll try to contact me in any form whatsoever in the future.

 

Based on the story as posted, yes, you'll likely be contacted in some form or fashion by her in the future. It might seem accidental but your presentation as a high value male nearly ensures it. Beware of those second dips at the well. At minimum, eyes open. Power of the female is strong, no doubt. Compelling. Accept it for what it is. You'll really want to try again. Watch for that. Good luck!

[lawyaman2018]

Based on the story as posted, yes, you'll likely be contacted in some form or fashion by her in the future. It might seem accidental but your presentation as a high value male nearly ensures it. Beware of those second dips at the well. At minimum, eyes open. Power of the female is strong, no doubt. Compelling. Accept it for what it is. You'll really want to try again. Watch for that. Good luck!

 

Thanks for the advice...as much as I, like any other guy, wants to be strong, you're right that females can have a very strong and compelling power over us. It's easy to say you'll be strong and resist that power/urge, but when the moment hits, if she ever contacts me again, who knows if I'll be able to stay strong. I guess the more time elapses between now and the time I hear from her (if I do), it'll be easier to resist, especially if I've moved on by that time. At any rate, thanks for the words of wisdom!

[CantTakeMySmile]

You may hear from her again. Who knows? Right now, she is probably pretty busy working two jobs and her new boyfriend.

 

 

SO, you want to hear from her just for her to tell you that she appreciated what you did for her and that she misses you? Is that the takeaway you are looking for?

[lawyaman2018]

You may hear from her again. Who knows? Right now, she is probably pretty busy working two jobs and her new boyfriend.

 

 

SO, you want to hear from her just for her to tell you that she appreciated what you did for her and that she misses you? Is that the takeaway you are looking for?

 

Ideally, I'd like for her to apologize for what she did, show remorse and change, and want to give it another try. I know that's unlikely, but that would be ideal.

 

It's just hard to think of NEVER hearing from her again, considering we didn't go for more than a few hours at a time talking over the last 2 1/2 years.

[niji]

You're right, hindsight is always 20/20. I really cringed reading your first post... dropping out of college, no friends, completely financially and emotionally dependent? If you're legally an adult and act like this, it's difficult to sustain a relationship with anyone. I know happy couples whose financial/educational backgrounds are vastly mismatched, but the partner with less to contribute on paper has to make up for it in some other regards. One of my coworkers' husband is a blue collar worker (she's a highly paid professional), but the guy is extremely smart, quick-witted, and, though only has a high school degree, takes care of all of the financial management of the family. It was thanks to him working right out of high school that they were able to buy a house right after she graduated from professional schooling. So for them, despite how different they are "on paper", it's a pretty equal match. In the future, you should look for someone with more equal footing, other than look, which will fade and can only keep you engaged for so long.

 

You loved her, but did you respect her? Is she someone whose opinion you would value when it comes to: buying a house, how to raise children, medical matters? If you didn't, and you were the sole decision maker, the relationship is not likely to last. It might have in the "good ole days" when men were making all decisions, but not in 21st century, where men doing all the providing isn't the norm anymore.

 

I'd say the rule of thumb is that, ask yourself whether your partner is someone who can survive (financially/emotionally)/be self-sufficient if all of a sudden, you were to leave them. If the answer is no, proceed with extreme caution.

Edited February 18, 2018 by niji

[lawyaman2018]

You're right, hindsight is always 20/20. I really cringed reading your first post... dropping out of college, no friends, completely financially and emotionally dependent? If you're legally an adult and act like this, it's difficult to sustain a relationship with anyone. I know happy couples where financial/educational backgrounds are vastly mismatched, but the partner with less to contribute on paper has to make up for it in some other regards. One of my coworkers' husband is a blue collar worker (she's a highly paid professional), but the guy is extremely smart, quick-witted, and, though only has a high school degree, takes care of all of the financial management of the family. It was thanks to him working right out of high school that they were able to buy a house right after she graduated from professional schooling. So for them, despite how different they are "on paper", it's a pretty equal match. In the future, you should look for someone with more equal footing, other than look, which will fade and can only keep you engaged for so long.

 

You loved her, but did you respect her? Is she someone whose opinion you would value when it comes to: buying a house, how to raise children, medical matters? If you didn't, and you were the sole decision maker, the relationship is not likely to last. It might have in the "good ole days" when men were making all decisions, but not in 21st century, where men doing all the providing isn't the norm anymore.

 

I'd say the rule of thumb is that, ask yourself whether your partner is someone who can survive (financially/emotionally)/be self-sufficient if all of a sudden, you were to leave them. If the answer is no, proceed with extreme caution.

 

I did respect her...but I think one of the problems, especially in the last 6 or so months, was that I subconsciously turned a little bitter. Like I said in my first post, I made all the money, paid for all the expenses, if we went on trips I'd make all the plans...I literally did and took care of EVERYTHING. Though I loved her with all my heart, and gladly did all those things for her because of that love, it really started getting to me that I was investing everything I could, but it seemed like she wasn't investing much in me, except for her love.

 

Looking back, we were pretty mis-matched toward the end. Part of me really hopes that this new experience (living on her own, actually working not one, but two jobs, taking care of a guy who is incapable of even buying his own lunch) will show her how harsh the realities of life are, and maybe cause her to realize how much I did for her. I can only hope.

[Marc878]

 

Caught me off guard, considering we'd been ring shopping a couple weeks earlier. I sort of went beta, spilled a little of my heart to her and asked (might say begged) her to give us a chance, which she said no. After that point, I never mentioned getting back with her or asking for a second chance. We texted a few times the next couple days, then no more. I traveled again for the next month (for work) and found out she had basically moved new guy into our place with her. I go back, kick him out, and she stays in the spare room until she finds a new place to live just last week. While she was still living in my spare room, we talk in passing but nothing substantive and I never ask for her to come back. Unfriended her on all social media, deleted all our texts and trying to forget about her.

 

Be glad she's gone. Not long term relationship or marriage material.

 

You dogged not a bullet but a cannon shell.

 

You're extremely lucky. Better fix your picker

[CantTakeMySmile]

Ideally, I'd like for her to apologize for what she did, show remorse and change, and want to give it another try. I know that's unlikely, but that would be ideal.

 

It's just hard to think of NEVER hearing from her again, considering we didn't go for more than a few hours at a time talking over the last 2 1/2 years.

 

 

 

I think it will be natural for you to speak at some point again. I get it. When I think I will never talk to my ex again, I go down a rabbit hole. I have known her for 25 years or so, so to never speak to her again, would be devastating.

 

 

But, who knows? Maybe I won't, I just don't allow myself to have those thoughts.

 

 

That would be my advice, Just assume you will hear from her at some point. Just don't make ANY plans around it.

[niji]

I did respect her...but I think one of the problems, especially in the last 6 or so months, was that I subconsciously turned a little bitter. Like I said in my first post, I made all the money, paid for all the expenses, if we went on trips I'd make all the plans...I literally did and took care of EVERYTHING. Though I loved her with all my heart, and gladly did all those things for her because of that love, it really started getting to me that I was investing everything I could, but it seemed like she wasn't investing much in me, except for her love.

 

This makes a lot of sense. Your first post did make it seem like you were just throwing money at her, but from reading your subsequent ones you did sound very invested emotionally. This kind of sounds like my ex, where I'd be doing all of the planning/taking care of little things, all while working through school, vs he'd just be studying (very little in reality because he was a genius and didn't need to in order to get As) then playing video games. A parent-child relationship is doomed to create bitterness, as I was just bitter, then eventually worn out and tired. I chose to end the relationship despite him being a very good (morally) and faithful person.

 

The contrast is stark with my fiance, who enjoys taking care of things around the house, financially planning our future, etc. Regarding the things he doesn't enjoy as much, he still wants to be involved because he doesn't want me to be the one taking care of it alone. It's truly enjoyable when both partners contribute.

 

Oh and the whole bringing the guy in your house is not just disrespectful but also dumb. This was a lesson well-learned. Take care of yourself, and it would be wise to cut all contacts. Emotions make us a lot less bright, and while you may know taking her back is the last thing a wise man should do, you may just be tempted. Women do hold their power

[NopeNah]

You really need to block this person from contacting you.

[lawyaman2018]

This makes a lot of sense. Your first post did make it seem like you were just throwing money at her, but from reading your subsequent ones you did sound very invested emotionally. This kind of sounds like my ex, where I'd be doing all of the planning/taking care of little things, all while working through school, vs he'd just be studying (very little in reality because he was a genius and didn't need to in order to get As) then playing video games. A parent-child relationship is doomed to create bitterness, as I was just bitter, then eventually worn out and tired. I chose to end the relationship despite him being a very good (morally) and faithful person.

 

The contrast is stark with my fiance, who enjoys taking care of things around the house, financially planning our future, etc. Regarding the things he doesn't enjoy as much, he still wants to be involved because he doesn't want me to be the one taking care of it alone. It's truly enjoyable when both partners contribute.

 

Oh and the whole bringing the guy in your house is not just disrespectful but also dumb. This was a lesson well-learned. Take care of yourself, and it would be wise to cut all contacts. Emotions make us a lot less bright, and while you may know taking her back is the last thing a wise man should do, you may just be tempted. Women do hold their power

 

I was very emotionally invested, although it took a while for me to get there. Prior to dating her, I'd gone through a bitter divorce a couple of years prior, and at the time I her, I wasn't looking for anything serious at all. But then bam, before I knew it, I had fallen for her. And don't get me wrong, though we had issues especially toward the end, we did have one h*** of a fun time during the years we were together. If you saw the apple ear buds commercial that aired during Christmas...that reminds me of us. Two random people who bumped into each other by circumstance, had one h*** of a ride, then before you know it, it's over.

 

I'm a pretty stable person, happy with myself, so it's not as if I'm devastated over the thought of being single. But, after 2 1/2 years, I'd be lying if I said I didn't miss her. But you're right, her bringing him over was very disrespectful. And it wasn't just that one time...during the month I let her stay in my spare room while she found a place, she actually brought the new boyfriend over to stay the night. Said his step-father had kicked him out (he lived in the back room of a strip club at the time), and that he had nowhere to go so she invited him to stay with her at my place. Needless to say, I gave her 10 minutes to get him out of my place before I removed him myself. Between the time I kicked him out (the second time) and the time she moved out, he lived in his car in a Wal-Mart parking lot. Real winner she chose.

 

I've cut all ties from her (unfriended on social media, deleted all our pictures together, removed everything in my house that reminds me of her, deleted all our conversations over text, etc). Done all but outright block her number. Out of sight, out of mind, will make it easier. But like you all say, women do have that hold over you that never 100% dissipates.

Edited February 19, 2018 by lawyaman2018

[NopeNah]

I was very emotionally invested, although it took a while for me to get there. Prior to dating her, I'd gone through a bitter divorce a couple of years prior, and at the time I her, I wasn't looking for anything serious at all. But then bam, before I knew it, I had fallen for her. And don't get me wrong, though we had issues especially toward the end, we did have one h*** of a fun time during the years we were together. If you saw the apple ear buds commercial that aired during Christmas...that reminds me of us. Two random people who bumped into each other by circumstance, had one h*** of a ride, then before you know it, it's over.

 

I'm a pretty stable person, happy with myself, so it's not as if I'm devastated over the thought of being single. But, after 2 1/2 years, I'd be lying if I said I didn't miss her. But you're right, her bringing him over was very disrespectful. And it wasn't just that one time...during the month I let her stay in my spare room while she found a place, she actually brought the new boyfriend over to stay the night. Said his step-father had kicked him out (he lived in the back room of a strip club at the time), and that he had nowhere to go so she invited him to stay with her at my place. Needless to say, I gave her 10 minutes to get him out of my place before I removed him myself. Between the time I kicked him out (the second time) and the time she moved out, he lived in his car in a Wal-Mart parking lot. Real winner she chose.

 

I've cut all ties from her (unfriended on social media, deleted all our pictures together, removed everything in my house that reminds me of her, deleted all our conversations over text, etc). Done all but outright block her number. Out of sight, out of mind, will make it easier. But like you all say, women do have that hold over you that never 100% dissipates.

I'm assuming she has all of her belongings,so there's no need to keep a line of communication open. Block her number. Don't compare yourself with him. It's pointless. She's not who she 'acted to be', she's shown you who she is.

[lawyaman2018]

I'm assuming she has all of her belongings,so there's no need to keep a line of communication open. Block her number. Don't compare yourself with him. It's pointless. She's not who she 'acted to be', she's shown you who she is.

 

That's the thing though, even her family (who knows her as well as I do) can't believe she's with a guy like this or would do something like this. Her behavior is so out of the ordinary for her, and again, the guy is so different than everything she's wanted in a guy. Everyone thinks this is just a phase, maybe a rebellions phase, but in any event, I just can't block her number. I'll never initiate contact with her again, but I do want to know if she ever initiates contact with me.

[NopeNah]

That's the thing though, even her family (who knows her as well as I do) can't believe she's with a guy like this or would do something like this. Her behavior is so out of the ordinary for her, and again, the guy is so different than everything she's wanted in a guy. Everyone thinks this is just a phase, maybe a rebellions phase, but in any event, I just can't block her number. I'll never initiate contact with her again, but I do want to know if she ever initiates contact with me.

Why do you want her to contact you? Seriously? You sound like you have your stuff together(not including talking to her family,that's odd to me),but why hope/want contact.. Seriously? Who cares if it's a "phase" her damn parents? Jesus,man..re-read this thread from front to back and focus on your posts. Why would you want any contact with her or anyone close to her?

[niji]

Why do you want her to contact you? Seriously? You sound like you have your stuff together(not including talking to her family,that's odd to me),but why hope/want contact.. Seriously? Who cares if it's a "phase" her damn parents? Jesus,man..re-read this thread from front to back and focus on your posts. Why would you want any contact with her or anyone close to her?

 

Because he wants her to admit that she's wrong I get it. I didn't block the guy who turned me down (yet continued talking to me as "a friend"), because I was hoping that he'd come to his senses and realize what a catch I am :lmao:. That being said, I wasn't involved with him at all (were just friends), and if he contacted me and wanted to give it a try, it could have worked out, or it could have not. The result is unclear. But in lawya's situation, knowing what we know about this gal and her disrespectful, idiotic actions, the result is very clear.

 

So... I understand why you don't block her lawya, but in your case the risk of her contacting you and you relapsing, though small, is just not worth it (it's kinda like risking contracting HIV/herpes vs benefit of sex for me is just not worth it). You evaluate the risk:benefit ratio. But IMO the risk really outweighs the benefit of her groveling at your feet repenting her sins in this case. Just block her and eliminate the risk all together.

[NopeNah]

. Just block her and eliminate the risk all together.

I'm no attny,but I pay a few and did eat a strong edible a bit ago,so I strongly suggest counsel considers this 'plea agreement'. Edited February 19, 2018 by Praying4Daylight

[Versacehottie]

I did respect her...but I think one of the problems, especially in the last 6 or so months, was that I subconsciously turned a little bitter. Like I said in my first post, I made all the money, paid for all the expenses, if we went on trips I'd make all the plans...I literally did and took care of EVERYTHING. Though I loved her with all my heart, and gladly did all those things for her because of that love, it really started getting to me that I was investing everything I could, but it seemed like she wasn't investing much in me, except for her love.

 

Looking back, we were pretty mis-matched toward the end. Part of me really hopes that this new experience (living on her own, actually working not one, but two jobs, taking care of a guy who is incapable of even buying his own lunch) will show her how harsh the realities of life are, and maybe cause her to realize how much I did for her. I can only hope.

 

I think you are looking at just one aspect of respect. Yes, you 'treated her well and with respect' as a girlfriend. But your first several posts show that you didn't respect her in the sense that you didn't feel she had much to offer, didn't have admiration or weren't inspired by her.

 

I do think you are handling the criticism you are getting on this thread pretty well. Not sure if you realize how the tone of your first post came off though. You spoke as if you were better than her and she offered nothing. Even in THIS post that I'm quoting you acknowledge that you are mismatched. She probably isn't capable of being what you expect for yourself in terms of a partner and you traded her beauty and the fact that she needed you majorly for things that would make your relationship long-lasting.

 

I know that you and others commenting make it seem a little bitter about her looks and young age. Me, personally, I was focusing on all the character traits she seemed to be lacking to make a good partner and at least near match in terms of intelligence (which doesn't have to mean college educated only) and personality--you seem to have shown in your original post that she was severely lacking in those things and shown disdain, which truthfully would come back 99% chance even if you got her back and she had improved a bit. There was an interesting study done where the facial micro expressions of couples were studied and the couples followed to see who survived as a couple and who didn't. THE biggest predictor of ALL predictors (facial expressions and other characteristics) was the emotion of disdain. Not angry, not infidelity, nothing else more than disdain. Look, you and this girl don't share the same values--what she values in life is not what you value in life. Therefore, you really don't "respect" her. In the other sense--not just the one where you treat her with respect, like a gentleman.

 

For my part, I don't think I'm being too hard on you. First and most importantly, you can only change and work on you and your side of this. There really is not too much of a point in me jumping in and agreeing that yes she sounds like a total loser other that to sooth your feelings and allow you to think you are fine to keep making the same mistakes--whether you do it pining after her and getting yourself into another situation like this. I do think you sounded a little cocky and condescending in your first post--maybe there is something in you that likes that feeling of being "above" others and thus why you allowed a situation where she was not near to your equal or pulling her own weight & and devastated that she is managing to do it now for some other guy (seemingly a more of a loser than she was). Listen, you wouldn't be the first guy to fall into this syndrome--it's actually common enough. But also your tone in your first post was that you were just hurt and confused but that you actually had been unhappy much of the time with her--disappointed in her as a person.

 

So even if you are currently missing regular contact from her and the fact that she needed you, which I realize is compelling, you are just hurting and you will get over it. I find no fault with you picking a beautiful and on the young end person (who wouldn't want that if possible honestly), only that you stuck with someone who didn't have character and personality traits that you admired. Right now you are dealing with this breakup but my advice would be to find a girl who is beautiful, youngish-to near your age, ACCOMPLISHED in a way you respect & admire and of CHARACTER strength that you respect & admire once you have recovered. There are plenty of them out there!! I'd hate to think that you are threatened by someone who brings as much to the table as you do, therefore seek someone who brings significantly less as a way to hold it over their head. Seek out someone more your equal. Good luck

[lawyaman2018]

I think you are looking at just one aspect of respect. Yes, you 'treated her well and with respect' as a girlfriend. But your first several posts show that you didn't respect her in the sense that you didn't feel she had much to offer, didn't have admiration or weren't inspired by her.

 

I do think you are handling the criticism you are getting on this thread pretty well. Not sure if you realize how the tone of your first post came off though. You spoke as if you were better than her and she offered nothing. Even in THIS post that I'm quoting you acknowledge that you are mismatched. She probably isn't capable of being what you expect for yourself in terms of a partner and you traded her beauty and the fact that she needed you majorly for things that would make your relationship long-lasting.

 

I know that you and others commenting make it seem a little bitter about her looks and young age. Me, personally, I was focusing on all the character traits she seemed to be lacking to make a good partner and at least near match in terms of intelligence (which doesn't have to mean college educated only) and personality--you seem to have shown in your original post that she was severely lacking in those things and shown disdain, which truthfully would come back 99% chance even if you got her back and she had improved a bit. There was an interesting study done where the facial micro expressions of couples were studied and the couples followed to see who survived as a couple and who didn't. THE biggest predictor of ALL predictors (facial expressions and other characteristics) was the emotion of disdain. Not angry, not infidelity, nothing else more than disdain. Look, you and this girl don't share the same values--what she values in life is not what you value in life. Therefore, you really don't "respect" her. In the other sense--not just the one where you treat her with respect, like a gentleman.

 

For my part, I don't think I'm being too hard on you. First and most importantly, you can only change and work on you and your side of this. There really is not too much of a point in me jumping in and agreeing that yes she sounds like a total loser other that to sooth your feelings and allow you to think you are fine to keep making the same mistakes--whether you do it pining after her and getting yourself into another situation like this. I do think you sounded a little cocky and condescending in your first post--maybe there is something in you that likes that feeling of being "above" others and thus why you allowed a situation where she was not near to your equal or pulling her own weight & and devastated that she is managing to do it now for some other guy (seemingly a more of a loser than she was). Listen, you wouldn't be the first guy to fall into this syndrome--it's actually common enough. But also your tone in your first post was that you were just hurt and confused but that you actually had been unhappy much of the time with her--disappointed in her as a person.

 

So even if you are currently missing regular contact from her and the fact that she needed you, which I realize is compelling, you are just hurting and you will get over it. I find no fault with you picking a beautiful and on the young end person (who wouldn't want that if possible honestly), only that you stuck with someone who didn't have character and personality traits that you admired. Right now you are dealing with this breakup but my advice would be to find a girl who is beautiful, youngish-to near your age, ACCOMPLISHED in a way you respect & admire and of CHARACTER strength that you respect & admire once you have recovered. There are plenty of them out there!! I'd hate to think that you are threatened by someone who brings as much to the table as you do, therefore seek someone who brings significantly less as a way to hold it over their head. Seek out someone more your equal. Good luck

 

I think the main issue is that she had the capability to offer so much, and just chose not to. Even after dropping out of college, the plan was always to get back in college, or to choose this career or that. She always had these big plans of things she wanted to do/accomplish, and I always did everything I could to encourage her and help her try to reach those goals (taking off work and touring colleges with her, researching application deadlines, helping with applications, helping her job search, etc). In the end, they always fizzled out and it was back to square 1. I was more than happy to stick with her and help her become a proud and accomplished woman; it's just that time and time again, she never stuck with things. Does that make sense?

 

She's a very intelligent girl, capable of doing anything she sets her mind to. It's just the motivation and the making smart choices that she has issues with. I didn't want her because she was needy or because I enjoyed holding things over her head. In fact, we did start a couple of business ventures together, working together on kicking a** and making money, and those are some of the best times I had with her - working together as a team.

 

Unfortunately, I did become disappointed that she wasn't working to make herself happy. Like I told her toward the end of the breakup, no matter how hard I try or how much I do, there's no way I can make you 100% happy - no other person can. In order to have a happy relationship, both partners must be happy in and of themselves, and bring that happiness into a relationship for it to work.

 

I feel that's one reason she's done a complete 180 and chosen a guy who is my total opposite. He's not motivated to do anything except mooch off others, and he's very obviously not the type to try to encourage or motivate her to be the best she can be. H***, he wants her working at a strip club so she can pay his rent and expenses.

 

All that to say, I probably did come across as a bit controlling, especially in the last few months, but not because I wanted or enjoyed that - but because I wanted her to be the best person she could be and to be accomplished and happy. I'll be the first to readily admit that I made many mistakes in our relationship, and all I can do is focus on me and being a better person in my next one, but I really did love this girl and wanted a life with her, so it's going to sting for some time.

[kaitlynlily6]

She may be a 9/10 in looks but she sounds like a 1/10 in overall quality. Here's a shout out to a poster here @Downtown who needs to see this, because your ex has BPD written all over her. Don't walk, RUN.

 

I so agree! She contributed nothing to the relationship, ended up cheating and leaving you so if ever she contacts you again, never look back.

[NopeNah]

All that to say, I probably did come across as a bit controlling, especially in the last few months, but not because I wanted or enjoyed that - but because I wanted her to be the best person she could be and to be accomplished and happy. I'll be the first to readily admit that I made many mistakes in our relationship, and all I can do is focus on me and being a better person in my next one, but I really did love this girl and wanted a life with her, so it's going to sting for some time.

Don't be too hard on yourself. She could have maturely voiced her rational thoughts,you know like a normal adult would do and not think the 'honeymoon' would last forever. That's just little girl playing princess rationale.

 

Damn that edible was strong last night!

[ShyLove]

I skimmed over the last pages of this thread so forgive me if you have already addressed the following...

 

Did she not work AT ALL? I work in a counseling center and many people who cheat/have affairs are lonely housewives who have nothing to do all day. It seems that you make enough to be the breadwinner but I would be careful going forward. Especially since you go out of town a lot for your work. I would look for a woman who has at least some sort of passion.

 

Another thing we see a lot are men who are in 30s, 40s and 50s depressed over women in their early 20s bc they expect girls in their early 20s to have the maturity level of a woman in her mid 30s. Idk how old this girl is but if she is in her early 20s she is going to have to live and make her own mistakes. She has not been around enough to know how she likes being treated so she may have gotten bored and left for a guy who, yes is homeless, but is very exciting and is giving her so much attention right now.

 

I, too, think she will be back though (when she wants or needs something).

 

Also, do you suspect any drug use? Just bc I have seen a few cases where women left her high profile life for a man similar to the guy in this thread and it was bc they both liked to get high. Her being able to hold down 2 jobs is an indicator that drugs are probably not the case but it is possible.

 

Good Luck. Things will get better

[lawyaman2018]

I skimmed over the last pages of this thread so forgive me if you have already addressed the following...

 

Did she not work AT ALL? I work in a counseling center and many people who cheat/have affairs are lonely housewives who have nothing to do all day. It seems that you make enough to be the breadwinner but I would be careful going forward. Especially since you go out of town a lot for your work. I would look for a woman who has at least some sort of passion.

 

Another thing we see a lot are men who are in 30s, 40s and 50s depressed over women in their early 20s bc they expect girls in their early 20s to have the maturity level of a woman in her mid 30s. Idk how old this girl is but if she is in her early 20s she is going to have to live and make her own mistakes. She has not been around enough to know how she likes being treated so she may have gotten bored and left for a guy who, yes is homeless, but is very exciting and is giving her so much attention right now.

 

I, too, think she will be back though (when she wants or needs something).

 

Also, do you suspect any drug use? Just bc I have seen a few cases where women left her high profile life for a man similar to the guy in this thread and it was bc they both liked to get high. Her being able to hold down 2 jobs is an indicator that drugs are probably not the case but it is possible.

 

Good Luck. Things will get better

 

You hit the nail right on the head! To answer your questions:

 

No, she did not work the majority of our relationship. However, about 3 months before our breakup, she did start working part time as a cocktail waitress at a shady strip club (turning down HIGH paying modeling and other jobs to do so and make minimum wage). This is where she met the new guy.

 

We had a 10 year age difference, and she is now 20. And I do remember my early twenties, not yet fully emotionally developed and not understanding how the world really works, etc. Having that view of the world, and the people in it, through rose-colored glasses, not realizing that the choices you make at that age can haunt you forever. So yes, I do realize that a lot of this has to do with some emotional immaturity as well as a lack of understanding about the real world.

 

And yes, I think boredom has a lot to do with it. H***, I'd get bored just sitting around the house all day. And new guy can give her attention 24/7 because he has nothing else to do, so it's fun and exciting for her, at least for now.

 

I know for a fact there's drug use involved on both parties, so that has something to do with it too, I'm guessing. As of the moment, I know she only has her 3 shift a week job at the same strip club, and hasn't yet found a second job, so it'll be interesting to see if they are evicted from their sh**** apartment next month.

 

At any rate, I still believe that once the "honeymoon phase" wears off and reality sets in, this new fling will die as quick and hard as it started. I do want her to be happy and want the best for her, though. I just know this life is not the best for her.