It took me awhile but I did it 😊

[aliveagain]

He is picking you regardless of the beauty of the other women, beauty is in the eyes and the heart of the beholder. Just my opinion but I think you have them beat as far as he is concerned. He dated, you didn't, I think he feels the field has been leveled, again just my opinion.

[georgia girl]

I read all of Sophie’s last thread when it was active and I advise anyone before posting to go back and review it. Sophie truly was an exception. She had everyone - even the most hardened heart - pulling for her. She was honest and genuine in both her remorse and her desire to make things right. She gave her husband unconditional love and took quietly but with dignity whatever he gave back. At the time - when he started dating after their divorce - I actually advised her to start dating. She didn’t obviously and held out hope.

 

Sophie, I am so glad for you, your husband and your boys that you guys have put your relationship back together again. Enjoy this new beginning. You both deserve this happiness!

 

How did the boys react, if you don’t mind sharing?

[georgia girl]

And I agree with Aliveagain. The superficial beauty does not matter. Think about it? Would you want to be loved solely for your body? Or for your heart, mind, soul and body? What is beautiful and sexy to your husband is you... the whole package. Sometimes, we women don’t fully embrace that but it’s true. Our legs aren’t too short, our chest too flat, our wrinkles too noticeable to the man who really loves us just as we also don’t see their physical flaws but instead the heart and character underneath.

[Deepremorse5]

So happy for you. Glad things worked out for your family.

[GoldenR]

I'm very happy for you, Sophie. I didn't read your threads as they were happening, but they were the first ones I read after I joined.

 

I want to ask some questions, I hope that's ok. I'm not trying to flame or be ugly, I'm just very curious and it's not often that we have a chance to talk to someone in your shoes.

 

IIRC, you cheated but really had no reason to...you claimed to love your H and not love the OM. And sex was better with your H. You cheated just because....the OM hit on you? Is that right? I mean, it was just that simple? He wanted you, so you were like, "Why not?"?

 

And after the first time, you felt horrible, but felt you had already ruined your marriage, so why quit doing it. And then once discovered, you fought like hell to not get divorced which contradicts the thinking that everything was already ruined, so why stop, as that sounds like the thinking of someone in an exit affair. I never understood that.

 

And now...given that you never had any type of reason to cheat, and you never stopped loving your husband, how can you be sure that as soon as this newness wears off and there is a calm, normal attained in your household, how can you be sure that you won't want more than your H again? And how will he not live in daily fear that if he doesn't make every single day exciting for you that you might step out again?

 

I hope I didn't offend here....You have one of the most compelling infidelity stories there is, and I'm truly curious about these things.

[Gr8fuln2020]

I'm very happy for you, Sophie. I didn't read your threads as they were happening, but they were the first ones I read after I joined.

 

I want to ask some questions, I hope that's ok. I'm not trying to flame or be ugly, I'm just very curious and it's not often that we have a chance to talk to someone in your shoes.

 

IIRC, you cheated but really had no reason to...you claimed to love your H and not love the OM. And sex was better with your H. You cheated just because....the OM hit on you? Is that right? I mean, it was just that simple? He wanted you, so you were like, "Why not?"?

 

And after the first time, you felt horrible, but felt you had already ruined your marriage, so why quit doing it. And then once discovered, you fought like hell to not get divorced which contradicts the thinking that everything was already ruined, so why stop, as that sounds like the thinking of someone in an exit affair. I never understood that.

 

And now...given that you never had any type of reason to cheat, and you never stopped loving your husband, how can you be sure that as soon as this newness wears off and there is a calm, normal attained in your household, how can you be sure that you won't want more than your H again? And how will he not live in daily fear that if he doesn't make every single day exciting for you that you might step out again?

 

I hope I didn't offend here....You have one of the most compelling infidelity stories there is, and I'm truly curious about these things.

 

Interesting, if all this is accurate.

[waterwoman]

 

Hey Sophie! That is such wonderful news. Congratulations to you and Mr Sophie. It always warms my heart when it works out for truly remorseful WS. Good luck xxxxx

[DKT3]

I'm very happy for you, Sophie. I didn't read your threads as they were happening, but they were the first ones I read after I joined.

 

I want to ask some questions, I hope that's ok. I'm not trying to flame or be ugly, I'm just very curious and it's not often that we have a chance to talk to someone in your shoes.

 

IIRC, you cheated but really had no reason to...you claimed to love your H and not love the OM. And sex was better with your H. You cheated just because....the OM hit on you? Is that right? I mean, it was just that simple? He wanted you, so you were like, "Why not?"?

 

And after the first time, you felt horrible, but felt you had already ruined your marriage, so why quit doing it. And then once discovered, you fought like hell to not get divorced which contradicts the thinking that everything was already ruined, so why stop, as that sounds like the thinking of someone in an exit affair. I never understood that.

 

And now...given that you never had any type of reason to cheat, and you never stopped loving your husband, how can you be sure that as soon as this newness wears off and there is a calm, normal attained in your household, how can you be sure that you won't want more than your H again? And how will he not live in daily fear that if he doesn't make every single day exciting for you that you might step out again?

 

I hope I didn't offend here....You have one of the most compelling infidelity stories there is, and I'm truly curious about these things.

 

Statically speaking women tend to be one and done on affairs.

 

The questions you ask are all questions I asked myself and my wife before I made the decision to recommit to her. I think most betrayed spouses and those who haven't been through infidelity doesn't really understand the logic.

 

Usually the woman is in a bad spot when the affair starts, be it work, family, husband or friends. Once they have entered into the affair they can find an escape from those issues and it really isn't about how they feel about the OM or husband but most about how the situation makes them feel.

 

My wife told me she ended her affair 5 or 6 times but would continue to go back. The reason is as odd as it sounds it was the only time she felt good about herself. I didn't get that, but I do now. Spending time with me or the kids was time she felt guilty or horrible for what she had done. When with her friends and family she felt the wouldn't approve or accept the things that she did. So what did that leave as a way to not feel like crap all the time.....yep OM. With him she felt worthy like he was on her same level.

 

So it's not a straightforward if you love your husband you wouldn't have done this or that.

[Just a Guy]

Hi Golden, I guess the answer to your question lies in the adage, "Once bitten twice shy"! The fact that Sophie has been through hell and back, the chances that she will falter again are very unlikely, although I wouldn't go so far as to say impossible. I think she has been put through the wringer and has come out a survivor. People do not go through such an experience nonchalantly. It is a life changing event.

 

I do not remember the events from Sophie's thread very clearly except for the circumstances in which she was caught out but the little I do recollect was that she was feeling a little left out in the cold by her husband. Affair generally happen when the bonds of marriage are strained for one reason or another. Even in those marriages where things seem rosy on the outside and there is no apparent reason for a spouse to cheat, infidelity raises it's ugly head. Sometimes pure boredom leads to infidelity when there is no other significant reason for it to happen. I do not doubt that Sophie ever stopped loving her husband. If that were the fact then she wouldn't have put in the effort to woo him back and reach a point for reconciliation to happen. She did not sleep around after her divorce neither did she date anyone. She remained true to the memory of her union with her husband till she was able to materialize it again. One bad choice did not render her a blackguard for ever. It is only when people repeatedly make bad choices that there is a reason to doubt their sincerity or ability to walk the straight and narrow. I see Deepremorse taking an interest in this thread which is a good thing. Nothing anyone can tell her or advise her about will make as significant an impact on her as reading through the thread of a reformed WS who has successfully reconciled. Warm wishes.

[JuneL]

Hi Sofie,

 

One of my friends pointed me to read your thread back then, and I became hooked. Even though I had zero experience with infidelity, I enjoyed following how your story unfolded with the various twists.

 

I also finally signed up for an account myself and have been posting during my sabbatical year (from last year's holidays through this year's holidays). Now that my schedule has become hectic again, I will refrain from posting in the near future. It's just perfect timing that you just came back with such a wonderful update.

 

But I will still be reading in case you have any updates years from now. Please keep us posted when you and your man share the first grandkid together

 

 

Very best wishes,

June

[GoldenR]

but the little I do recollect was that she was feeling a little left out in the cold by her husband.

 

I don't remember that part or anything close to it.

[GoldenR]

Also, I've always been confused about this...

 

In your opening post at the forum here, you said this:

 

Both I and john( the guy I’m having the affair with, not his really name) work in the same department and usually have business trips together and it also were we hook up most of the time but we have done it other times before work, after work and during your lunch break and so on.

 

 

Then on 1 April 2014 at 1108am, in your second thread that continued where the first one left off, you posted this:

 

 

My husband knows the full details of my affair...

 

My husband knows the full details of my affair from the first time we stared talking/texting and when it became physical and when it ended. He knows the number of times we hooked up which is 3 times...

 

 

That number of times being 3 that you say in that second quote doesn't mesh with your original post.

[road]

Also, I've always been confused about this...

 

In your opening post at the forum here, you said this:

 

 

 

 

Then on 1 April 2014 at 1108am, in your second thread that continued where the first one left off, you posted this:

 

 

 

 

 

That number of times being 3 that you say in that second quote doesn't mesh with your original post.

 

 

SOFIE, you have a lot of explaining to do.

[Veronica73]

Pretty sure she explained this before. They would meet up and have lunch and dates and stuff, but it only got sexual the 3 times when they were away on business trips.

[GoldenR]

Pretty sure she explained this before. They would meet up and have lunch and dates and stuff, but it only got sexual the 3 times when they were away on business trips.

 

The sentence said that they would hook up on business trips but they've done it other times (before work, lunches, after work, etc). "Hook up" does not imply "going out to eat". Neither does "done it".

[Cephalopod]

We're getting fed a bunch of hooey. She's been lying so much she can't remember what's true and what's not.

[understand50]

Point is, she has not come back and responded. Veronica73 could be right, but this I think she should explain a bit.

[Cullenbohannon]

Why should she?

 

She had the affair and suffered the consequences. Her husband divorced her 4 years ago, so what does it matter if it was 3 times or 30 times? That marriage is dead.

 

Was this line of questioning/calling her a liar really necessary?

Edited February 9, 2018 by Cullenbohannon

[GoldenR]

Why should she?

 

She had the affair and suffered the consequences. Her husband divorced her 4 years ago, so what does it matter if it was 3 times or 30 times? That marriage is dead.

 

Was this line of questioning/calling her a liar really necessary?

 

She came back. She opened herself up to questions. Her story has big contradictions. People invested a lot of time and effort into her and her threads. So yes, I want to know how the story goes from being one of having sex a lot of times, anywhere they could find the time, to just 3 times.

[aliveagain]

So it just happens today is the day he’s suppose to move in. The boys don’t know yet I kind wanted to keep it a surprise for them. I can't wait to see the look on their faces when they find out that dad is moving back home. I know they miss him being around just as much as I do.

Who are we to judge, they are trying to make it work. Not many get a second chance at happiness. They both cheated on each other, he cheated first as I recall. They have a shot at making it because they both know the cost of loosing each other. I truly hope they make it.

[BluesPower]

Who are we to judge, they are trying to make it work. Not many get a second chance at happiness. They both cheated on each other, he cheated first as I recall. They have a shot at making it because they both know the cost of loosing each other. I truly hope they make it.

 

I don't know about the number of times...

 

I was confused as well. I am thinking they got to meet up a lot for lunch and what not but only had sex on the out of town trips.

 

I am not sure that it matters one way or another.

 

Like AA said, she did her time divorced and he did not have to come back. To me, it seems like she has earned her second chance. And I almost never, ever say that.

 

From my perspective she is one of the FEW WS's that actually has done the right thing after she had the affair. And even to me she sound actually remorseful about what she has done.

 

The only concern that I have is how/if her husband actually dealt with the infidelity issue or swept it under the rug while at the same time divorcing her.

 

So my vote is that we should get off of Sophie's back and just be happy for her.

[road]

I am glad she got her family back.

 

Though it is if we have been trickled truthed in a way.

 

Getting clarification is wanted but in the end not needed.

Because there is no contradiction between her and her

husband.

 

May the have a better marriage than the old one.

[loversquarrel]

So it just happens today is the day he’s suppose to move in. The boys don’t know yet I kind wanted to keep it a surprise for them. I can't wait to see the look on their faces when they find out that dad is moving back home. I know they miss him being around just as much as I do.

Who are we to judge, they are trying to make it work. Not many get a second chance at happiness. They both cheated on each other, he cheated first as I recall. They have a shot at making it because they both know the cost of loosing each other. I truly hope they make it.

 

So let me get this straight... They both cheated, he cheated first then she did? I do apologize for I have not read any of Sophie's previous threads. If that is the case, that they both cheated, then they truly deserve each other.

[DKT3]

I don't recall her husband having cheated but it's been several years now and I'm getting older.

 

Haha, women not in affairs are rarely honest about sexual history so it's no surprise that there is some confusion about her sexual history. I do recall thinking she was minimizing the sex with OM big time during the real time posting.

 

Thins is, he has accepted it, whatever she told him. I don't think it's a sticking point to go over in great detail here with us.

 

Her not being back to answer isn't a indication of misleading because her posting has always been sporadic.

[GoldenR]

He cheated when they had just started dating.