Author anths Posted January 31, 2018 Author Share Posted January 31, 2018 (edited) I had my faults in the relationship - more than enough for sure. If I tried to deny that I'd be lying to myself and you all. I played a huge role in screwing this up. On the one hand, I know it wasn't 100%. On the other hand, I can't help but think if I had done the right things, or even remotely the right things and been patient, gentle, and kind 100% of the time I'd still have her. I don't know - maybe I'm just daydreaming. All I suppose that is left is to pick up the pieces and not make the same mistakes again. I can't control what other people say and do - but I do have control over myself. Man the mistakes I made - needy, clingy, jealous. I was willing to accept her willingness to change to hope for a better tomorrow. I don't know if that's so easily found in people in today's world. I don't know that many at least. But again, she wasn't willing - and that's the reality. I keep thinking about the small things that added up - not that important by themselves, but together they seem weird: never posting pictures of us on FB and Instagram (in fact nearly every one of her photos on FB is a modeling pic of herself). Never introducing me to her whole family - I only met her mom because she lives with her. Of course, scratching my face multiple times (she said that this had not happened in 8 years since her first long term relationship in the US), and showing up at my door banging on it. I have have this about too many people, but I just had this "sneaky" feeling in my gut about her for a while - I just chose to ignore it. Now I'm the one heartbroken - so confusing. Edited January 31, 2018 by anths Link to post Share on other sites
CommittedToThis Posted January 31, 2018 Share Posted January 31, 2018 Chiming in to say, my friend, I think you dodged a bullet here. Yes, she's gorgeous and sexy but she sounds disordered. Any time a disagreement cannot be won, any time there's an argument that never resolves, those are red flags you are dealing with someone with a personality disorder. Normal people don't do that. Normal people resolve issues. Disordered people get you into what is called a "double bind", meaning no matter what you do to try and resolve the issue, you're the one making the sacrifice. No matter what you choose, you feel bad about it. That's because they set you up that way. Another thing is "circular arguing" which I'd bet I don't need to explain to you. Disordered people spend hours and days arguing the same points over and over, never getting anywhere. It's meant to grind you into emotional hamburger over time thus making you easier to fry. A lot of times a disordered person will provoke their partner into arguing for the sole purpose of seeing them get upset. That way the disordered person can justify any behavior by saying, "See? Look at what a jerk this guy is. I think I deserve better." Way back on page one someone mentioned Borderline Personality Disorder. Trust me when I say you do not, under any circumstances, want to enmesh your solid, stable life with a disordered person. No contact, 100%, is the way to go. Cold turkey. All the best. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
CantTakeMySmile Posted January 31, 2018 Share Posted January 31, 2018 Honey, I don’t know what your mistakes were, but if they weren’t “deal breakers”, you are just beating yourself up over nothing. When you are in love with someone, you look for a way to make it work,Not a way to get out of it. It doesn’t sound like you “caused” this... it sounds like her feelings changed. You can’t change that, nor take it as a insult. It is just her feelings, doll, It is not you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
NopeNah Posted January 31, 2018 Share Posted January 31, 2018 Dude...for the love of god!! Stop bothering this women. 1) She broke up with you. 2) You appear weak as hell! 3) She's dating others. 4) (I could continue this list to 1000.) Link to post Share on other sites
Author anths Posted January 31, 2018 Author Share Posted January 31, 2018 I do not plan on “bothering” her anymore as you put it. I’m simply using this board to vent and get over my own heartbreak. And yes, you are correct I am in a fairly weak state right now. Link to post Share on other sites
Young mind Posted January 31, 2018 Share Posted January 31, 2018 I do not plan on “bothering” her anymore as you put it. I’m simply using this board to vent and get over my own heartbreak. And yes, you are correct I am in a fairly weak state right now. Weakness to who?, what does it mean to be weak?, please cut all that alpha male crap, you are yourself mate, nothing like weakness, if you wish to pour your emotions out, do so, doesn't make you less or 'weak', Vent as much as you can, it helps, if we were so 'strong' we won't be on LS. Stay NC, vent, heal, most importantly take care of yourself. Cheers Link to post Share on other sites
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