Author anths Posted January 28, 2018 Author Share Posted January 28, 2018 I guess you're right. Maybe I'm just reading some of these posts wrong on here where people broke up with someone and regretted it and came back to reconcile. I guess those are few and far between though. I'm still not going to contact her and I am improving myself...I just don't understand why I'm holding out in a way for her. She as well as her friends told me that in our first breakup, she tried to date but she came home crying every time because she couldn't do it. Maybe that's part of my hope. That was then and this is now though I suppose. Link to post Share on other sites
Author anths Posted January 28, 2018 Author Share Posted January 28, 2018 I'm weak right now, so weak. I started a text to her and had to leave my devices at home and get out of there. I'm going out of my mind. This breakup has truly f-ed my world up. I feel like I'm going crazy just wanting her to contact me. I feel like a piece of crap and so lost for feeling like this. I feel like if a couple of days go by without me hearing anything, I may text her. Link to post Share on other sites
BluSpark Posted January 28, 2018 Share Posted January 28, 2018 I'm weak right now, so weak. I started a text to her and had to leave my devices at home and get out of there. I'm going out of my mind. This breakup has truly f-ed my world up. I feel like I'm going crazy just wanting her to contact me. I feel like a piece of crap and so lost for feeling like this. I feel like if a couple of days go by without me hearing anything, I may text her. Hang in there. Please try not to text her. You will only make yourself more miserable. Link to post Share on other sites
Author anths Posted January 28, 2018 Author Share Posted January 28, 2018 I feel like a jack*$$. I've been sitting here in tears for the last 3 hours trying to read the various threads on LS for comfort. I am dying inside. I want to ask her to give me 1 month to try and do the things she asked before - I don't know if they are really that unreasonable. Maybe I can text her friend that helped us get back together the first time - that might work. I don't even want to go out anywhere because it seems like I see her out more often than I did when we were together. If I saw her with another guy it would destroy me. Link to post Share on other sites
jm5423 Posted January 28, 2018 Share Posted January 28, 2018 I'm at almost the exact stage that are you. I am also 40, dated my girlfriend for just under a year. We broke up this past spring. Then she started calling and texting again wanting to get back together. So we dated again from this past November to December, only to dump me once again. I've seen her recently on match.com and it's killing me. I want so bad to contact her and I write messages everyday of things I want to say, but in the end only throw them away. I was starting to recover somewhat, then she started reaching out to me again. I got my hopes up this second time and it basically reset all the pain again when she left the second time. I know contacting her will only bring me more pain. As much as it hurts I have to let her go and move on. Link to post Share on other sites
jm5423 Posted January 28, 2018 Share Posted January 28, 2018 I know what nights my ex is kid free and all I can think about is her with other guys and it destroys me. I can tell you asking her to try again for another month likely won't work. I tried all of this and it only led to me getting more hurt, strung along and delayed any healing. Link to post Share on other sites
Author anths Posted January 28, 2018 Author Share Posted January 28, 2018 I hear you jm5423 - I saw her on Match and have seen her on Bumble. I know she blocked me on Bumble but is still on. I think I am living in a pipe dream thinking she's thinking about me. She is SOOO headstrong - at least she appears that way. I also know that she has a fragile ego and that makes her have very attention-seeking behavior...especially from guys. Also not good for my chances. I don't know what to do. I've never hurt this bad in my life...sad to say even with the death of my mother. This is like a death but worse - because she's still here and doesn't contact me. I have not tried to speak to her since church last Sunday. I wonder if she's thinking about me. I wonder if she misses anything about me. I wonder if our mutual friends are talking to her about my subtle posts on FB (and I'm 100% positive they are subtle - it's mainly about me running up a mountain, running 15-16 miles, and lots of other fun activities). Ii wonder if she's thinking about texting me back. I wonder if she's crying after she leaves dates like she did the first time - and she was on Bumble within 3 days last time. This time it's been three weeks before she got on. Never on match.com when I've know her. It's all so confusing. Link to post Share on other sites
jm5423 Posted January 28, 2018 Share Posted January 28, 2018 It sounds like our girlfriends were very similar as well. I cannot reason with her at all (so stubborn), but at the same time she can't be alone. If she's not with me she is immediately back online looking. The first time we broke up she was back on match.com after 2 days (this is where we met). I wanted to believe our relationship meant more than that, after all we were talking about marriage and moving in together. I would like to think she still thinks about me but I know inside she's not (I think she'll move on with the next guy that shows her attention). I'm right there with you though, I've never hurt this bad in my life either, not even after my divorce and I was with her for 17 yrs and had 2 kids. I've been going out and drinking too much lately to try and get her off my mind, but it doesn't help. I still miss her so bad and just feel more lonely now than at any point of my life, it sucks!!! Link to post Share on other sites
CantTakeMySmile Posted January 28, 2018 Share Posted January 28, 2018 It sounds like like time you broke up she tried to move in too fast. This time it appears that she waited until she was actually ready to move on. My opinion is that you should do the same, I didn’t really seem you are emotionally ready to date just yet. Link to post Share on other sites
bluecastle Posted January 28, 2018 Share Posted January 28, 2018 Unless she is a complete sociopath, which she clearly is not, she is thinking about you. What she is thinking, who knows? But I'd imagine it's not so different from what you're going through: some anger, some longing, but all under the umbrella that things were not working. Which, as your posts have made clear, they were not. You're on Bumble and Match while thinking about her but assume her doing the same thing means she has no thoughts? You've gone on dates while obsessing about her but assume she's on dates without a care in the world? What you're doing is creating stories to feed your anger—it's okay, it's natural, have SO been there—but you need to recognize that that's what you're doing right now. Both of you are fresh out of something and trying to heal—that is all. You are both stumbling, as people with fresh wounds do. I've said this before, but you really, really need to try to stop controlling things. That is your wounded ego: you want to win, only this isn't a competition; it's just life, beautiful and terrifying. If you post something on FB, do it because you want to post something; if you think it will trigger some epiphany and/or longing, do not post it. That is being manipulative, and what's the point of that when it's one of the things you didn't like in the relationship? Do these things FOR YOU, even if you kind of have to fake it; before you know it, the actions will be authentic and you'll have some perspective on things. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted January 28, 2018 Share Posted January 28, 2018 She was actually really undramatic when she broke off with you. It all sounded perfectly logical. She doesn't see you as someone she'd marry and have kids with and one reason is to her, you drink too much. Yes, people can stop loving you. I wrote a country song once and the title sums it up: If I Had the Chance I Wouldn't Do It All Over Again." Link to post Share on other sites
Author anths Posted January 29, 2018 Author Share Posted January 29, 2018 (edited) I never got drunk or drank too much! That's the thing! That was an excuse I think because how in the world can I just stop drinking even a beer or two immediately? Seriously, I don't understand that comment. She tried to say I smoked weed from day 1 and I haven't smoked in 20 years. I just stopped drinking altogether to prove to her (then myself) that it's easy-peazy. That's all I was saying. If I drank too much for sure I would definitely admit it because I want to get the best advice possible. Edited January 29, 2018 by anths Link to post Share on other sites
jm5423 Posted January 29, 2018 Share Posted January 29, 2018 (edited) It's an excuse, she is trying to justify her decision to break up with you by throwing out baseless accusations. When my ex-girlfriend broke up with me she accused me of cheating (even though I never texted, talked too or went out with anyone else). But she told everyone this and got to be the victim. I won't go into it all here, but I wrote about it on a couple of previous threads. She later admitted that she broke up with me because of a disagreement on how soon we should move in together. (She was going to move into my house). When they get to this point where they are making up issues or exaggerating them it seems they are just looking for a way out. Edited January 29, 2018 by jm5423 Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted January 29, 2018 Share Posted January 29, 2018 Guys, bottom line. They don't want to be with you. You can't fix that. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author anths Posted January 29, 2018 Author Share Posted January 29, 2018 As much as it hurts to say, you are right that is the bottom line. It's just hard figuring out what to think and feel given that point. I've got to stop hoping anything different is going to happen, but it's one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. Link to post Share on other sites
Author anths Posted January 29, 2018 Author Share Posted January 29, 2018 Does anybody have any success stories with getting an ex back that sounds similar to mine??? Link to post Share on other sites
CaliBabe Posted January 29, 2018 Share Posted January 29, 2018 I've had many exes come back but by that time I am over it. The silence from me is oh so sweet. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author anths Posted January 29, 2018 Author Share Posted January 29, 2018 Any other details? Sorry, not trying to get personal, but looking for some clarity for my heart. Were they like mine that I described at the beginning of the thread? Was there things like phone blocking and all of that involved? What time frame? Link to post Share on other sites
CantTakeMySmile Posted January 29, 2018 Share Posted January 29, 2018 Any other details? Sorry, not trying to get personal, but looking for some clarity for my heart. Were they like mine that I described at the beginning of the thread? Was there things like phone blocking and all of that involved? What time frame? Maybe I miss d it, but did you block her phone number? Link to post Share on other sites
Author anths Posted January 29, 2018 Author Share Posted January 29, 2018 No. Actually I found out the hard way today it was the opposite. Here's the update: So, we live really close to each other (which makes it even more difficult) and I was going to get a late lunch. I have to drive by her condo building - there is literally no way of getting around that as there is one main road to get anywhere. So, I saw her and passed right by her (or at least I thought it was her). So, impulsively I broke no contact and text her to ask did I just pass her. I said if not it was her twin, and that I would be eating a late lunch if she wanted to join me. Just friendly, nothing serious - and that was all. I found out the hard way that she had blocked my number (the iMessage turns from blue to green). I thought it may be a fluke so I tried to call her - it went right to VM...so I know 100% I was blocked. I figured it was from the other night when we saw each other at church. Again impulsively, I sent her an email saying the same thing about she could join me for lunch. No reply at all. So I ate, then I left. I actually was just going to tell her that I hope she's happy and that she finds who she's looking for. I honestly 100% will say there was going to be no begging or groveling. So at this point - she's completely ghosted me. About the only thing she hasn't done is blocked me on FB, although she did de-friend me. So, at this point I suppose there is zero hope of reconciliation with her. I guess I'm to heartbroken to figure it out when she is trying to hit me in the head with a sledgehammer. So, I guess I was asking about the particulars to see if this has ever happened to anyone. And did the ex end up contacting you later, what tiimeframe, and why? Link to post Share on other sites
chassmash Posted January 30, 2018 Share Posted January 30, 2018 It's been a week since last contact. And I thank God I'm not so dumb that I would let her back into my life. I wished her the best. And it sucks a bit less every day. Link to post Share on other sites
chassmash Posted January 30, 2018 Share Posted January 30, 2018 It's been a week since last contact. And I thank God I'm not so dumb that I would let her back into my life. I wished her the best. And it sucks a bit less every day. Link to post Share on other sites
CantTakeMySmile Posted January 30, 2018 Share Posted January 30, 2018 No. Actually I found out the hard way today it was the opposite. Here's the update: So, we live really close to each other (which makes it even more difficult) and I was going to get a late lunch. I have to drive by her condo building - there is literally no way of getting around that as there is one main road to get anywhere. So, I saw her and passed right by her (or at least I thought it was her). So, impulsively I broke no contact and text her to ask did I just pass her. I said if not it was her twin, and that I would be eating a late lunch if she wanted to join me. Just friendly, nothing serious - and that was all. I found out the hard way that she had blocked my number (the iMessage turns from blue to green). I thought it may be a fluke so I tried to call her - it went right to VM...so I know 100% I was blocked. I figured it was from the other night when we saw each other at church. Again impulsively, I sent her an email saying the same thing about she could join me for lunch. No reply at all. So I ate, then I left. I actually was just going to tell her that I hope she's happy and that she finds who she's looking for. I honestly 100% will say there was going to be no begging or groveling. So at this point - she's completely ghosted me. About the only thing she hasn't done is blocked me on FB, although she did de-friend me. So, at this point I suppose there is zero hope of reconciliation with her. I guess I'm to heartbroken to figure it out when she is trying to hit me in the head with a sledgehammer. So, I guess I was asking about the particulars to see if this has ever happened to anyone. And did the ex end up contacting you later, what tiimeframe, and why? Well, I don't think she ghosted you. If she did, she would have not actually broken up with you, and just disappeared. I think she has said what she wanted to say, and now wants to be left alone by you. I have never blocked or been blocked by anyone. But, I can only assume it means that the person wants to continue with their life, without the possibility of you contacting or trying to contact them. They probably want the peaceful possibility to start over. But, whatever their reason, I would be assured that they don't want to talk to you. I know how painful this is. Believe me, I do. I am going through it as well. And I feel hurt, numb, and lifeless. All your feelings, no matter what they may be, are valid. But, you may have "impulsively" contacted her once, but not three times. You made a conscious decision to reach out to her. And that is ok, if that is your path, at the moment. Just don't convince yourself that you don't have a choice. You do/you did, and you wanted to. And that is fine. When you want to stop contacting her, you will. Link to post Share on other sites
Author anths Posted January 30, 2018 Author Share Posted January 30, 2018 Thanks for that. I'm pretty much having to slowly, painfully get used the fact it's over. Another fact is she's beautiful and very charming. No telling how many guys are hitting her up on dating sites - like I've said earlier in the post, she's not going to have a night at home anytime soon. I'm trying to get over not holding out for it, but at this point, the ONLY way I see her ever contacting me is if she dates some losers who have money (that's one thing she's definitely looking for I'm 100% sure), and they chew her up and spit her out and she realizes that with my faults, I wasn't so bad. But, she is (by her words) on a mission to have a baby within a year. She's 41 and realizes she doesn't have that much time left. So, there's that too. Hopefully if that day ever comes, I'll be ready. I cannot say I'm there now. I can say that I would not beg and plead if she contacted me today, but I am sure that I would not be ready walk away and never look back. I am going through withdrawals almost - or I guess this is the closest to what I know when people describe withdrawals. Link to post Share on other sites
CantTakeMySmile Posted January 30, 2018 Share Posted January 30, 2018 I'm trying to get over not holding out for it, but at this point, the ONLY way I see her ever contacting me is if she dates some losers who have money (that's one thing she's definitely looking for I'm 100% sure), and they chew her up and spit her out and she realizes that with my faults, I wasn't so bad. But, she is (by her words) on a mission to have a baby within a year. Really, sweetie!?! No! Just no. You are above this ! Link to post Share on other sites
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