Is he being rude?

[girlinNYC]

see, here is the fun part. you responded. now he has to figure out what the hell you are saying, in what tone, and then, carefully craft a hook, I mean a response....

 

That’s fine, if he wants to continue the banter I will show him I can give it back with measured replies. I think you are right though, just seeing if I can handle it. It’s a test I won’t fail, even just for the sake of my ego and nothing else

[bachdude]

That’s fine, if he wants to continue the banter I will show him I can give it back with measured replies. I think you are right though, just seeing if I can handle it. It’s a test I won’t fail, even just for the sake of my ego and nothing else

 

There’s the NY lawyer in ya’!

[staggerlee71]

I'm so proud of you

[girlinNYC]

There’s the NY lawyer in ya’!

 

I even have the Fran Drescher accent for in person banter if it eventuates. My tone just isn’t as nasal.

[girlinNYC]

I'm so proud of you

 

lol... I’ll take it.

[Cookiesandough]

tell he's a lot wittier than he looks like he'd be. Sink to his level; perhaps love will sprout here

Edited January 3, 2018 by Cookiesandough

[bachdude]

I even have the Fran Drescher accent for in person banter if it eventuates. My tone just isn’t as nasal.

 

Haha, Perfect! Watch folks, they’ll meet in person and sparks will fly from all the banter and it’ll be one of these head butting, will clashing, intense romances. Haha

[staggerlee71]

were going to need play by play on this one

[basil67]

Despite not jumping for joy initially when I read his first couple of messages, I still wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt (because there’s also a 50% chance he’s joking or using techniques to stand out from the crowd) given I am so bad at reading signals myself. I don’t know him well enough to be able to conclusively tell you what makes it worth pursuing, but all I can do is give it more time to be able to determine if he wants to hold genuine conversation or not. No love lost either way.

 

I would suggest that you're still getting it wrong.

 

Instead of being interested in investigating further because he's good looking, how about saving further investigations for guys where "there's something about his attitude that I really like" or "his profile is really fun" or "we have a lot of similarities".

 

You're giving time to someone who hasn't offered anything worth reporting other than a pretty face and you being unable to read him. See, I'd call that a fail from the get go.

[Chris2016]

Haha, Perfect! Watch folks, they’ll meet in person and sparks will fly from all the banter and it’ll be one of these head butting, will clashing, intense romances. Haha

 

Or, she'll just come back with, Is he being rude - Part 2 ... he said my dog smelled like a dog. Wait, that's not really a negative, but it's kind of a negative. And for him, hook, line, and sinker. Damn it feels good to be a gangster! (Movie reference, anyone?)

 

OP, keep your wits, enjoy!

[staggerlee71]

office space

[heavenonearth]

I have to admit that I also hate it when guys text like that on dating apps.

I have had a lot of guys approach me like this and it's always a turn off, and often these conversations fizzle out quickly because those dudes don't have much depth or anything else going on for them.

 

That's just anecdotal, tho.

[elaine567]

I have to admit that I also hate it when guys text like that on dating apps.

I have had a lot of guys approach me like this and it's always a turn off, and often these conversations fizzle out quickly because those dudes don't have much depth or anything else going on for them.

 

That's just anecdotal, tho.

 

I think that is probably right, as it doesn't actually take a lot to "neg" someone, it is hardly witty repartee.

So once he has dissed her appearance, her job, where she lives, her friends, her taste in music, her food choices... then it all starts to get a bit boring unless he actually has some intelligence, wit and charm to get him through and I guess if he had some of that he would not be negging her in the first place...

[heavenonearth]

I think that is probably right, as it doesn't actually take a lot to "neg" someone, it is hardly witty repartee.

So once he has dissed her appearance, her job, where she lives, her friends, her taste in music, her food choices... then it all starts to get a bit boring unless he actually has some intelligence, wit and charm to get him through and I guess if he had some of that he would not be negging her in the first place...

 

That's how I felt.

 

And also, there are a lot of witty ways one can engage in a first conversation without insulting the other person.

 

I remember when my boyfriend first wrote me... he replied in a very funny way to the things I wrote in my profile, and it was super charming and inviting!

Not at my expense. Just positive.

 

I mean, there are girls out there who actually like this 'bad guy' negging attitude. that's why some guys still use it. Because it works for a lot of them.

 

But trust me ,you don't want to be one of those women on which this method works on!

 

Get yourself a funny dude who respects you! In every way possible.

[girlinNYC]

I would suggest that you're still getting it wrong.

 

Instead of being interested in investigating further because he's good looking, how about saving further investigations for guys where "there's something about his attitude that I really like" or "his profile is really fun" or "we have a lot of similarities".

 

You're giving time to someone who hasn't offered anything worth reporting other than a pretty face and you being unable to read him. See, I'd call that a fail from the get go.

 

Granted it’s only been 1 day since we had our first exchange. I’m not basing it solely on his looks, however as what others have said it might pay to give it a little more time to give him an opportunity to shine through. Sure, if he doesn’t I’ll objevtively turn my back on it.

[Versacehottie]

That's how I felt.

 

And also, there are a lot of witty ways one can engage in a first conversation without insulting the other person.

 

I remember when my boyfriend first wrote me... he replied in a very funny way to the things I wrote in my profile, and it was super charming and inviting!

Not at my expense. Just positive.

 

I mean, there are girls out there who actually like this 'bad guy' negging attitude. that's why some guys still use it. Because it works for a lot of them.

 

But trust me ,you don't want to be one of those women on which this method works on!

 

Get yourself a funny dude who respects you! In every way possible.

 

Complete agree on getting a funny guy who respects you. Idk, but I do find that funny (or funny enough), nor is it trying to be disrespectful and I have NO idea what this guy looks like. And it's safe enough to suppose that her good looking might not be my good looking anyway. So I'm certainly not giving him a pass because of that.

 

I really don't see it as negging but to be fair I am not a fan of guys who fawn unnecessarily to win favor--and i do realize some girls like and need that. I mean OP's accomplishment of law school and subsequent career speaks for itself; he doesn't really need to baby her through it and say how great it is, when it is obviously great and admirable to go into the family part of it. I'm thinking if he realizes she is an intelligent lawyer type he might have felt the need to try to be smart and witty. Also thinking she is probably picking someone with around same level of education/accomplishment so maybe trading compliments about careers isn't the only way that convo should go. Plus IMO texting or messaging isn't for trading your life story stuff but to build a quick rapport, light-hearted each person show that they are relatively fun IMO. That's what your guy did and it worked.

[LilySun]

I would take it as someone trying to sound funny. I don't see what's rude about it but given it's your profession I guess something about it was offensive for you. But probably just a nervous guy trying to make conversation and saying the 1st thing that comes to mind.

[staggerlee71]

Complete agree on getting a funny guy who respects you. Idk, but I do find that funny (or funny enough), nor is it trying to be disrespectful and I have NO idea what this guy looks like. And it's safe enough to suppose that her good looking might not be my good looking anyway. So I'm certainly not giving him a pass because of that.

 

I really don't see it as negging but to be fair I am not a fan of guys who fawn unnecessarily to win favor--and i do realize some girls like and need that. I mean OP's accomplishment of law school and subsequent career speaks for itself; he doesn't really need to baby her through it and say how great it is, when it is obviously great and admirable to go into the family part of it. I'm thinking if he realizes she is an intelligent lawyer type he might have felt the need to try to be smart and witty. Also thinking she is probably picking someone with around same level of education/accomplishment so maybe trading compliments about careers isn't the only way that convo should go. Plus IMO texting or messaging isn't for trading your life story stuff but to build a quick rapport, light-hearted each person show that they are relatively fun IMO. That's what your guy did and it worked.

 

Agree again!!

 

He is not negging!!

 

Why is it that we are dissecting his statement. Cant the OP Throw her own misinterpreted, seemingly offensive statement, and see the result.

 

Hes vetting through the best language and game he knows. I would surmise that because his text seems offensive to the OP, they are not compatible, BUT, ONE TEXT and the sky is falling. How can an intelligent, articulate, open minded person make such a JUDGMENT.....shame!!! shame!!!

wouldn't it be easier if we started with stereotypes and worked from there

[ThisisIt606]

I’ve recently started casually chatting to a guy on Bumble. He’s quite attractive so I’m interested in speaking to him but I’m trying to decipher whether he’s throwing shade at me or acting mysterious for now to ‘stand out.’

 

I told him he has a nice smile, he responded saying I have a nice pout (I hardly pout in my photos.)

He asked me what kind of lawyer I want to become, I said family law and he said ‘divorce and heartbreak, interesting ?’

 

I haven’t replied yet but before I further a conversation I’d ideally like some insight as to whether he’s being rude or just playful. I would rather be a recluse than waste my time with another who isn’t serious.

 

I generally ask myself this same questions. I find a lot of male "humor" to be rude at times. only you can judge this, if this is rude to you, then he is being rude. I personality don't find his comments too funny. Perhaps its a very specific sense of humor. even if he is trying to "stand out" as you say, he is succeeding but not in a good way.

 

If he's "quite attractive" as you say. He's probably used to having a selection of girls which is fine, but he seemed to develop a borderline nasty attitude to go with it. If you're already noting flags ( flags that are negative for you, don't think if other girls would be bothered by this) then he's prob not your cup of tea and that's fine.

 

You just don't want to get too involved and have these comments of his build op over time and start to tear you down. I've been on the receiving end of that and broke up with the guy, too rude with unessicary comments.

[Interstellar]

I’ve recently started casually chatting to a guy on Bumble. He’s quite attractive so I’m interested in speaking to him but I’m trying to decipher whether he’s throwing shade at me or acting mysterious for now to ‘stand out.’

 

I told him he has a nice smile, he responded saying I have a nice pout (I hardly pout in my photos.)

He asked me what kind of lawyer I want to become, I said family law and he said ‘divorce and heartbreak, interesting ��’

 

I haven’t replied yet but before I further a conversation I’d ideally like some insight as to whether he’s being rude or just playful. I would rather be a recluse than waste my time with another who isn’t serious.

 

He doesn’t dig you. Why would you want to go out with someone who doesn’t dig you and is nasty and has no manners. Oh wait, “he’s quite attractive.”

Edited January 3, 2018 by Interstellar

[S2B]

I think a LOT of men (and women) on dating sites use tactics like this to determine if a woman is willing to put up with crappy behavior from them.

 

A litmus test to see if you'll be willing to put up with their brand of banter/abuse.

 

Funny is fun - sarcasm isn't fun - someone pays a price for that brand of "humor" - which isn't funny at all.

 

You gotta admit though - it easily eliminates a strong woman who shows she's not willing to put up with it right out of the gate.

Edited January 3, 2018 by S2B

[girlinNYC]

Agree again!!

 

He is not negging!!

 

Why is it that we are dissecting his statement. Cant the OP Throw her own misinterpreted, seemingly offensive statement, and see the result.

 

Hes vetting through the best language and game he knows. I would surmise that because his text seems offensive to the OP, they are not compatible, BUT, ONE TEXT and the sky is falling. How can an intelligent, articulate, open minded person make such a JUDGMENT.....shame!!! shame!!!

wouldn't it be easier if we started with stereotypes and worked from there

 

I literally just told you I’m willing to see how the rest of the conversation goes, and that I misinterpreted. Chill.

[girlinNYC]

Haha, Perfect! Watch folks, they’ll meet in person and sparks will fly from all the banter and it’ll be one of these head butting, will clashing, intense romances. Haha

 

Ha! He responded to my ‘banter’ quite well with a more chilled reply. It was clearly a technique to see if I could handle it.

[girlinNYC]

I think a LOT of men (and women) on dating sites use tactics like this to determine if a woman is willing to put up with crappy behavior from them.

 

A litmus test to see if you'll be willing to put up with their brand of banter/abuse.

 

Funny is fun - sarcasm isn't fun - someone pays a price for that brand of "humor" - which isn't funny at all.

 

You gotta admit though - it easily eliminates a strong woman who shows she's not willing to put up with it right out of the gate.

 

He responded quite well to what I dished back with far less sarcasm or banter. Instead he was quite pleasant and has started asking open ended questions about my interests. I think in this case I misinterpreted, which I’ll happily admit.

[girlinNYC]

Complete agree on getting a funny guy who respects you. Idk, but I do find that funny (or funny enough), nor is it trying to be disrespectful and I have NO idea what this guy looks like. And it's safe enough to suppose that her good looking might not be my good looking anyway. So I'm certainly not giving him a pass because of that.

 

I really don't see it as negging but to be fair I am not a fan of guys who fawn unnecessarily to win favor--and i do realize some girls like and need that. I mean OP's accomplishment of law school and subsequent career speaks for itself; he doesn't really need to baby her through it and say how great it is, when it is obviously great and admirable to go into the family part of it. I'm thinking if he realizes she is an intelligent lawyer type he might have felt the need to try to be smart and witty. Also thinking she is probably picking someone with around same level of education/accomplishment so maybe trading compliments about careers isn't the only way that convo should go. Plus IMO texting or messaging isn't for trading your life story stuff but to build a quick rapport, light-hearted each person show that they are relatively fun IMO. That's what your guy did and it worked.

 

Couldn’t have summed it up better. I’ll happily admit I misinterpreted. I threw some banter back, he responded quite well and has started asking open ended questions. It was more than likely a stand out technique, rather than something malicious. Definitely stood out as I’m used to guys fawning from the get go (which I find unappealing!)