bachdude Posted January 2, 2018 Share Posted January 2, 2018 It seems to me he is attempting to rib you a little. It is a little ironic, and there is some humor, in meeting someone on a dating app that happens to be in family law! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Cookiesandough Posted January 2, 2018 Share Posted January 2, 2018 Did he say anything after that to keep the conversation going?Or did you have to pick up the ball. Link to post Share on other sites
SpinScratch Posted January 2, 2018 Share Posted January 2, 2018 (edited) Im guilty of this. I'm not an A-Hole, I'm not a PUA. I think of myself as a kind hearted person, but I do have a bit of a sarcastic personality. But its hard to cut through and grab a girls attention on a dating app when she has 500 guys texting her. So, I'm good at cracking jokes but I also throw in some compliments. It comes naturally and it shows I have a sense of humor, and a bit of confidence. I wouldnt do it nearly as much in person. He might not really be a jerk so dont count him out just yet. If a girl said "Are you always so disrespectful?" I would probably tone it down so she didnt feel uncomfortable. You can try and say that without making a big deal about it and see if he dials it down. But if he doesnt start asking you out, then he's not really interested Edited January 2, 2018 by SpinScratch Vulgarity Link to post Share on other sites
Lorenza Posted January 2, 2018 Share Posted January 2, 2018 It seems to me he is attempting to rib you a little. It is a little ironic, and there is some humor, in meeting someone on a dating app that happens to be in family law! I thought his comment about "divorce and heartbreak" was an attempt to point out the irony of the situation as well, since most people on dating sites and apps are divorced and brokenhearted to begin with. The other one was a little bit annoying, but I'd talk a little longer to find out if he tends to give backhanded compliments like that 2 Link to post Share on other sites
bachdude Posted January 2, 2018 Share Posted January 2, 2018 I thought his comment about "divorce and heartbreak" was an attempt to point out the irony of the situation as well, since most people on dating sites and apps are divorced and brokenhearted to begin with. The other one was a little bit annoying, but I'd talk a little longer to find out if he tends to give backhanded compliments like that Lorenza, correct me if I am wrong, but isn’t pouting in a selfie when a woman puckers her lips together to look more sexy? That’s how I have seen the term used. Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted January 2, 2018 Share Posted January 2, 2018 Lorenza, correct me if I am wrong, but isn’t pouting in a selfie when a woman puckers her lips together to look more sexy? That’s how I have seen the term used. Yes it can mean that but also "to push one's lips or one's bottom lip forward as an expression of petulant annoyance" It is also a term that often applies to sulky, sullen kids. So whilst he may have been trying to say she looks sexy, he may have been saying she looks like a spoiled and annoyed child, the equivalent to telling her to "Smile" and that never really goes down well. Link to post Share on other sites
bachdude Posted January 2, 2018 Share Posted January 2, 2018 Yes it can mean that but also "to push one's lips or one's bottom lip forward as an expression of petulant annoyance" It is also a term that often applies to sulky, sullen kids. So whilst he may have been trying to say she looks sexy, he may have been saying she looks like a spoiled and annoyed child, the equivalent to telling her to "Smile" and that never really goes down well. Yes, I hope I know what the traditional meanings meaning of pouting is! Now THAT’S a little annoying! Haha My point is, it depends which meaning he is using. Link to post Share on other sites
Iseult Posted January 2, 2018 Share Posted January 2, 2018 I’ve recently started casually chatting to a guy on Bumble. He’s quite attractive so I’m interested in speaking to him but I’m trying to decipher whether he’s throwing shade at me or acting mysterious for now to ‘stand out.’ I told him he has a nice smile, he responded saying I have a nice pout (I hardly pout in my photos.) He asked me what kind of lawyer I want to become, I said family law and he said ‘divorce and heartbreak, interesting ?’ I haven’t replied yet but before I further a conversation I’d ideally like some insight as to whether he’s being rude or just playful. I would rather be a recluse than waste my time with another who isn’t serious. Instead of trying to find negatives from the get go, why not start on a positive note? You're still in the chatting phase afterall. You have plenty opportunity to decide whether he's worth your time or not. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted January 2, 2018 Share Posted January 2, 2018 I’ve recently started casually chatting to a guy on Bumble. He’s quite attractive so I’m interested in speaking to him but I’m trying to decipher whether he’s throwing shade at me or acting mysterious for now to ‘stand out.’ I told him he has a nice smile, he responded saying I have a nice pout (I hardly pout in my photos.) He asked me what kind of lawyer I want to become, I said family law and he said ‘divorce and heartbreak, interesting ?’ I haven’t replied yet but before I further a conversation I’d ideally like some insight as to whether he’s being rude or just playful. I would rather be a recluse than waste my time with another who isn’t serious. He sounds like he's negging you. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Lorenza Posted January 2, 2018 Share Posted January 2, 2018 Lorenza, correct me if I am wrong, but isn’t pouting in a selfie when a woman puckers her lips together to look more sexy? That’s how I have seen the term used. Well anyway, what's the point in saying "I like your [insert something that can be perceived negative]". F ex I like your short legs. I like how your jokes are so unfunny they kind of make me laugh. I like that you're not as skinny as the other girls on here. I like your carrier choice, shows that you're not money oriented. These are much worse than the one OP got, and there's still a chance he was being playing and likes to tease though. Link to post Share on other sites
Frostedflake Posted January 2, 2018 Share Posted January 2, 2018 Agree. So you think they’re cheap shots as opposed to dry wit? I honestly think he's trying to be witty. But many forget that sarcasm and that brand of wit does not do well with strangers. Have you tried giving some flack back? See how he responds to being nudged similarly. If he responds poorly, then you know the guy is just a jerk. Or, if playful banter is not your style just move on. Plenty of guys out there. Link to post Share on other sites
bachdude Posted January 2, 2018 Share Posted January 2, 2018 Well anyway, what's the point in saying "I like your [insert something that can be perceived negative]". F ex I like your short legs. I like how your jokes are so unfunny they kind of make me laugh. I like that you're not as skinny as the other girls on here. I like your carrier choice, shows that you're not money oriented. These are much worse than the one OP got, and there's still a chance he was being playing and likes to tease though. Yeah, those are downright insulting, hardly the same thing, as you say! Personally, a little playful pouting is kind of cute, if you ask me. It doesn’t need to be an insult. Link to post Share on other sites
Iseult Posted January 2, 2018 Share Posted January 2, 2018 (edited) Well anyway, what's the point in saying "I like your [insert something that can be perceived negative]". F ex I like your short legs. I like how your jokes are so unfunny they kind of make me laugh. I like that you're not as skinny as the other girls on here. I like your carrier choice, shows that you're not money oriented. These are much worse than the one OP got, and there's still a chance he was being playing and likes to tease though. Certainly there are better ways to make a compliment, but it's all in how you accept them. I like your short legs = You have nice legs (who cares whether they're short or long?) I like how your jokes are so unfunny they kind of make me laugh = I like dorky humour I like that you're not as skinny as the other girls on here = I don't like rail thin women and like that you have some meat on your bones I like your carrier choice, shows that you're not money oriented... What's wrong with this? If anything, your examples just demonstrate your biases. Edited January 2, 2018 by Iseult grammar Link to post Share on other sites
Lorenza Posted January 2, 2018 Share Posted January 2, 2018 Certainly there are better ways to make a compliment, but it's all in how you accept them. I like your short legs = You have nice legs (who cares whether they're short or long?) I like how your jokes are so unfunny they kind of make me laugh = I like dorky humour I like that you're not as skinny as the other girls on here = I don't like rail thin women and like that you have some meat on your bones I like your carrier choice, shows that you're not money oriented... What's wrong with this? If anything, your examples just demonstrate your biases. What do you even mean? I wrote what kind of compliments I'd consider backhanded. Link to post Share on other sites
Iseult Posted January 2, 2018 Share Posted January 2, 2018 What do you even mean? I wrote what kind of compliments I'd consider backhanded. Look up what biases mean then get back to me. Link to post Share on other sites
Lorenza Posted January 2, 2018 Share Posted January 2, 2018 Look up what biases mean then get back to me. I know what biases mean, I'm saying you're not making sense. How are my examples of negging biased? Would you like someone telling you they like something about you and then insert something sneakily belittling? By the way, telling me to look up what biases mean is belittling in itself. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Iseult Posted January 2, 2018 Share Posted January 2, 2018 I know what biases mean, I'm saying you're not making sense. How are my examples of negging biased? Would you like someone telling you they like something about you and then insert something sneakily belittling? By the way, telling me to look up what biases mean is belittling in itself. Yeah, I did that on purpose but I didn't think you'd get it What I was trying to say was what you consider "negging" could be construed as awkward compliments by another. "Honi soit qui mal y pense" Do you know what this means? Link to post Share on other sites
Versacehottie Posted January 2, 2018 Share Posted January 2, 2018 I’ve recently started casually chatting to a guy on Bumble. He’s quite attractive so I’m interested in speaking to him but I’m trying to decipher whether he’s throwing shade at me or acting mysterious for now to ‘stand out.’ I told him he has a nice smile, he responded saying I have a nice pout (I hardly pout in my photos.) He asked me what kind of lawyer I want to become, I said family law and he said ‘divorce and heartbreak, interesting ?’ I haven’t replied yet but before I further a conversation I’d ideally like some insight as to whether he’s being rude or just playful. I would rather be a recluse than waste my time with another who isn’t serious. Wow, so you are trying to determine all that by a messaged sentence fragment??? You cannot protect yourself from being hurt or duped at this stage off that TINY bit of info. I would just say he probably has a sarcastic (as someone said) sense of humor and is pointing out the obvious irony. It wouldn't bother me as far as his "game" goes. You DEFINITELY need more info and a 3 more arbitrary messages wouldn't be it IMO. You may just be too literal of a person for his sense of humor. Doesn't mean he's a bad guy, just not for you. That's ok. I don't think he's trying to be rude because if you do, I think you are being overly sensitive. If anything, the sarcasm would alert me to the fact that behind sarcastic jokes lie some truth so perhaps he is is still hurting or bitter over a previous heartbreak--that, to me, is something I think is far more likely than him trying to be rude to you. IMO, you are putting WAY WAY too much pressure and expectations onto some guy from bumble. It means nothing until you meet him. You cannot out analyze that and you are just going to have to take a risk and meet up. Please tell me as a future lawyer, you have thicker skin than this Link to post Share on other sites
Author girlinNYC Posted January 2, 2018 Author Share Posted January 2, 2018 Wow, so you are trying to determine all that by a messaged sentence fragment??? You cannot protect yourself from being hurt or duped at this stage off that TINY bit of info. I would just say he probably has a sarcastic (as someone said) sense of humor and is pointing out the obvious irony. It wouldn't bother me as far as his "game" goes. You DEFINITELY need more info and a 3 more arbitrary messages wouldn't be it IMO. You may just be too literal of a person for his sense of humor. Doesn't mean he's a bad guy, just not for you. That's ok. I don't think he's trying to be rude because if you do, I think you are being overly sensitive. If anything, the sarcasm would alert me to the fact that behind sarcastic jokes lie some truth so perhaps he is is still hurting or bitter over a previous heartbreak--that, to me, is something I think is far more likely than him trying to be rude to you. IMO, you are putting WAY WAY too much pressure and expectations onto some guy from bumble. It means nothing until you meet him. You cannot out analyze that and you are just going to have to take a risk and meet up. Please tell me as a future lawyer, you have thicker skin than this I love banter and am often very receptive to it, I guess something in this instance threw me off a little. I’m a very black and white person (there’s that lawyer) so perhaps the left field replies clashed with how I think. I’ll keep an open mind and test the waters via a drink if he suggests it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Chris2016 Posted January 2, 2018 Share Posted January 2, 2018 He sounds like he's negging you. Yup, and it's obviously working. Add to that he's good looking--he can get away with this. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Chris2016 Posted January 2, 2018 Share Posted January 2, 2018 I love banter and am often very receptive to it, I guess something in this instance threw me off a little. I’m a very black and white person (there’s that lawyer) so perhaps the left field replies clashed with how I think. I’ll keep an open mind and test the waters via a drink if he suggests it. You can try it, but seems like he has the upper hand, and it's not going to end well for you. You want to find someone you can gel well with. Bantering/flirting is fun, why not find it with someone, where you will not feel like the underdog? It's more funner than. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted January 2, 2018 Share Posted January 2, 2018 Interesting. I guess I’m not one who finds it attractive. No woman with an ounce of self worth finds it attractive. It's a technique used by guys who have poor social skills to find desperate girls. You mention that you're pursuing this because he's good looking. That's only skin deep. What makes him really worth pursing? 6 Link to post Share on other sites
S2B Posted January 2, 2018 Share Posted January 2, 2018 Sounds kind of rude and dismissive. But only you can determine if he’s playing or not. Women seem to think “sarcasm” is an attractive attribute as I see it listed in nearly every NYC profile. Not sure why they think it’s a good thing. Perhaps the same is true for guys as well. This is the problem when you base your matches on only looks. I see sarcasm listed a lot in so cal profiles too. Personally, it's a turnoff for me - I relate sarcasm with anger and an inability to properly communicate true and authentic feelings = neither of those work for me. Doesn't matter how good looking - an ineffective communicator is ugly in my world. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Cookiesandough Posted January 2, 2018 Share Posted January 2, 2018 (edited) I think a lot of people conflate sarcasm with wit so they put they like it??? Edited January 2, 2018 by Cookiesandough 2 Link to post Share on other sites
staggerlee71 Posted January 2, 2018 Share Posted January 2, 2018 LOL, I had to run through this twice. Let it go. Your have the sense of humor of a nun. He probably has basic game but I'm not sure you would recognize it anyway 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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