girlinNYC Posted January 2, 2018 Posted January 2, 2018 I’ve recently started casually chatting to a guy on Bumble. He’s quite attractive so I’m interested in speaking to him but I’m trying to decipher whether he’s throwing shade at me or acting mysterious for now to ‘stand out.’ I told him he has a nice smile, he responded saying I have a nice pout (I hardly pout in my photos.) He asked me what kind of lawyer I want to become, I said family law and he said ‘divorce and heartbreak, interesting ’ I haven’t replied yet but before I further a conversation I’d ideally like some insight as to whether he’s being rude or just playful. I would rather be a recluse than waste my time with another who isn’t serious.
elaine567 Posted January 2, 2018 Posted January 2, 2018 (edited) Google PUA techniques Edited January 2, 2018 by elaine567 removed quote 4
stillafool Posted January 2, 2018 Posted January 2, 2018 If he's "quite attractive" know he's got options and probably already has someone if only a FWB. I don't see think he was being rude just making an observation. 1
Author girlinNYC Posted January 2, 2018 Author Posted January 2, 2018 Google PUA techniques What would you say this pick up technique is? Because frankly it’s a slight turn off. 4
SevenCity Posted January 2, 2018 Posted January 2, 2018 Sounds kind of rude and dismissive. But only you can determine if he’s playing or not. Women seem to think “sarcasm” is an attractive attribute as I see it listed in nearly every NYC profile. Not sure why they think it’s a good thing. Perhaps the same is true for guys as well. This is the problem when you base your matches on only looks. 1
Author girlinNYC Posted January 2, 2018 Author Posted January 2, 2018 If he's "quite attractive" know he's got options and probably already has someone if only a FWB. I don't see think he was being rude just making an observation. No doubt, I’m sure being on a dating app he’s come across many girls. I’m not emotionally invested, just wanted to clear this up before I continue to chat with him because I don’t want to waste my time. Could be trying to stand out, who knows.
Author girlinNYC Posted January 2, 2018 Author Posted January 2, 2018 Sounds kind of rude and dismissive. But only you can determine if he’s playing or not. Women seem to think “sarcasm” is an attractive attribute as I see it listed in nearly every NYC profile. Not sure why they think it’s a good thing. Perhaps the same is true for guys as well. This is the problem when you base your matches on only looks. I think with sarcasm there is a fine line between humour and rudeness. It needs to be done well for it to work. In this instance I don’t find it attractive because he comes across as someone having a dig. I’ll reply back later and see if he continues. It will be the only way I can judge it further. 1
BaileyB Posted January 2, 2018 Posted January 2, 2018 That would piss me off... Perhaps he's trying to be funny, but those little digs, those little one line put downs... They would really wear on me after a while. I'm not saying I would not give him a chance. But, I wouldn't date someone like this long term... 2
elaine567 Posted January 2, 2018 Posted January 2, 2018 Negging, as it is called, is in essence a trick. The idea is to undermine a woman's confidence by making backhanded or snide remarks – give a compliment with one hand, and take away with the other. It is about control, putting the man in charge of the interaction by pushing the woman to earn his approval.https://www.newstatesman.com/blogs/voices/2012/05/negging-latest-dating-trend 5
Author girlinNYC Posted January 2, 2018 Author Posted January 2, 2018 That would piss me off... Perhaps he's trying to be funny, but those little digs, those little one line put downs... They would really wear on me after a while. I'm not saying I would not give him a chance. But, I wouldn't date someone like this long term... Touché. Hence the post, I thought maybe I’m being too harsh viewing his one liners as a turn off so I figured getting second opinions would help. I’ll give it 3 more messages, if it’s still the same rigid ‘try to be witty’ messaging I’ll move on to the next profile. Good grief.
BaileyB Posted January 2, 2018 Posted January 2, 2018 If he's trying to be witty, then he needs to work on his game. Humor, at the expense of someone else, is not humor. 3
Author girlinNYC Posted January 2, 2018 Author Posted January 2, 2018 https://www.newstatesman.com/blogs/voices/2012/05/negging-latest-dating-trend Interesting. I guess I’m not one who finds it attractive.
Author girlinNYC Posted January 2, 2018 Author Posted January 2, 2018 If he's trying to be witty, then he needs to work on his game. Humor, at the expense of someone else, is not humor. Agree. So you think they’re cheap shots as opposed to dry wit?
SevenCity Posted January 2, 2018 Posted January 2, 2018 Though he is causing an emotional reaction from the OP. Angry is better than bored when it comes to women I’ve seen. 3
todreaminblue Posted January 2, 2018 Posted January 2, 2018 Though he is causing an emotional reaction from the OP. Angry is better than bored when it comes to women I’ve seen. ummm no...angry is not what you should aim for......with any woman...deb 2
elaine567 Posted January 2, 2018 Posted January 2, 2018 I think it is difficult for such "put down banter" to do well via text. IRL it is all in the eyes, the smile, the body language, and it is easy to a quickly salvage the situation if it goes too far and gets obviously hurtful. BY text he has no idea if she is feeling very amused or she is actually literally crying into her coffee as he touched a huge nerve. Without the body language to tell her if he is being serious or not, she is left with a few nasty sounding one liners and that tends not to be attractive. Of course he could just be a bitter, misogynistic, narcissistic guy who has got away with bring horrible to women on dating sites, because he is so good looking. 4
clia Posted January 2, 2018 Posted January 2, 2018 I feel like you are trying to read too much into a fair comment. Family law can be quite depressing as you are essentially dealing with and planning for the worst. There is also a lot of room for miscommunication when you are communicating via text. I think you should let it go and try to meet him in person for a quick drink or cup of coffee. Don't waste a lot of time texting. 6
BaileyB Posted January 2, 2018 Posted January 2, 2018 Though he is causing an emotional reaction from the OP. Angry is better than bored when it comes to women I’ve seen. If you think so... personally, I don't prefer either in the person that I'm seeing...
BaileyB Posted January 2, 2018 Posted January 2, 2018 I think it is difficult for such "put down banter" to do well via text. IRL it is all in the eyes, the smile, the body language, and it is easy to a quickly salvage the situation if it goes too far and gets obviously hurtful. BY text he has no idea if she is feeling very amused or she is actually literally crying into her coffee as he touched a huge nerve. Without the body language to tell her if he is being serious or not, she is left with a few nasty sounding one liners and that tends not to be attractive. Of course he could just be a bitter, misogynistic, narcissistic guy who has got away with bring horrible to women on dating sites, because he is so good looking. Agreed. This kind of humor does not come across well by text and the best way to get to know someone in person. Which is why I would say, keep it going and give him a chance... hopefully, it's just a poor and nervous attempt to engage you. 1
jjgitties Posted January 2, 2018 Posted January 2, 2018 (edited) I think it is difficult for such "put down banter" to do well via text. IRL it is all in the eyes, the smile, the body language, and it is easy to a quickly salvage the situation if it goes too far and gets obviously hurtful. BY text he has no idea if she is feeling very amused or she is actually literally crying into her coffee as he touched a huge nerve. Without the body language to tell her if he is being serious or not, she is left with a few nasty sounding one liners and that tends not to be attractive. Of course he could just be a bitter, misogynistic, narcissistic guy who has got away with bring horrible to women on dating sites, because he is so good looking. I feel like you are trying to read too much into a fair comment. Family law can be quite depressing as you are essentially dealing with and planning for the worst. There is also a lot of room for miscommunication when you are communicating via text. I think you should let it go and try to meet him in person for a quick drink or cup of coffee. Don't waste a lot of time texting. Agreed. This is why I hate texting or chatting. It's next to impossible to read people via little snips of text. You have no context as you aren't missing information needed from their face and body language. OP, I think you are over analyzing the deeper meaning into pieces of text that you are zoning in on. The guy might have no clue you are interpreting those texts the way that you are. To me, they seem like insignificant banter aimed at generating a laugh. What you could do is voice your concerns to him via text and be upfront about how you feel. But then you risk exposing yourself and your insecurities. ;-) Edited January 2, 2018 by jjgitties
elaine567 Posted January 2, 2018 Posted January 2, 2018 What I would do is lob a few mild hand grenades back in his direction, if he gets uppity, then he probably was trying to gain the upper hand and make you feel small, but if he takes it in good humour like it is all part of the game then meet him for coffee... 2
caveman621 Posted January 2, 2018 Posted January 2, 2018 I think he's trying to be witty and funny. Obviously not working since you're not taking it that way. I could be wrong, but I don't think it's malicious. Just a "joke" gone wrong. 6
CptInsano Posted January 2, 2018 Posted January 2, 2018 Agree. So you think they’re cheap shots as opposed to dry wit? Agreed. I don't think he is really interested. He is attractive and he knows that, and this is just banter he finds amusing. It may be a joke gone wrong, but I don't think it sounded enthusiastic either way. 2
Miss Spider Posted January 2, 2018 Posted January 2, 2018 (edited) It could be a technique or trick to get you interested,, as Elaine said, but it could just be way he really acts due to arrogance.. It’s what PUA guys mimic. Maybe his personality is just blunt/Ill mannered and he doesn’t need to moderate or be polite because he care about the outcome of this. Women with lots of options and little manners do this all the time to guys they aren’t interested in. Either way, I’d be completely turned off. It is rude Edited January 2, 2018 by Cookiesandough 1
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