How often are we wrong

[usa1ah]

How could one be so clueless?

 

 

I just don't know what to say. Damn

[EunuchMonk]

life is always good for the delusional. It's easy to be happy when your head is in the sand and you live in perpetual denial.

 

Do some actual due diligence and look for signs of her chronic infidelity and you will find it.

 

Don't ask her, she will just say no and you will believe her because believing her doesn't rock the boat and doesn't challenge your denial.

 

Actually go through her phone bill and texting history. Hack her computer and her emails and social media. Dig through all her stuff like a CSI guy looking for that one strand of hair that makes a break through in the case.

 

Pick up a few voice activated recorders and stash them in her car and any other place she may have a private conversation.

 

Make up a story to leave town and then hire a PI to watch her while you are gone and then contact you to show up while she is getting it on with the OM.

 

When you decide to accept reality and open your eyes, you will see the truth.

 

Reminds me of a bumper sticker: "If you aren't outraged, you're not paying attention."

[WilyWill]

Let's say you find out that she's been sleeping with two local guys and sees them a couple times a week. She still has sex with you once a week for the pre-arranged 5 minutes. Do you care if she's having sex with the other guys? It sounds like it doesn't really matter to you, since it never did before. If she's post-menopausal, you don't even have to pay for her abortions anymore. Problem solved.

[S2B]

If nothing else - get tested for diseases. No telling what your wife brought home.

[Just a Guy]

Hi folks, fact is cuckolds enjoy the fact that their wives are having sex with other men. Far from bothering them this becomes a source of pleasure and arousal for them. I think the OP falls in this category and so, those trying to rouse him to action to discover whether his wife is cheating on him or not are just flogging a dead horse. I wouldn't be surprised if the OP actually does have ample evidence his wife is cheating( if she actually is cheating and not indulging in extra marital sex with his explicit encouragement and permission) but he is not going to budge an inch in trying to nail her infidelity.

 

It is obvious she has been cheating from almost the start of the marriage as evidenced by her abortion and as time has passed she has become more brazen, cheating with his best friend right under his nose. From the way the OP has written it looks like he was at least aware of the possibility his wife was cheating with his friend. Why else would he mention the friend's troubled marriage and the fact that he was cheating on his wife? Maybe the OP was looking for a different kind of forum and posted here by mistake!

[road]

Fear can cause a BH to not take action.

 

 

Fear can cause a BH to live in denial.

 

 

Because a BH lets fear control him does not mean he is into cuckold fetish.

 

 

Even though fear has a firm grip on this BH the pain in his gut has grown to where he is having a hard time living in denial.

[S2B]

He has KNOWN about all of this for decades. He knew when he didn't have his nest egg and still didn't even have so much as a conversation about it way back then.

 

This BH avoids conflict... Denies evidence and turns away from the truth.

 

And he's less likely to say or do anything now since he never addressed it many years ago.

 

He is familiar with denial and it seems to work for his marriage. No need to change things when it really doesn't make him that uncomfortable, right?

[MidnightBlue1980]

Jay, in your case, since the material stuff represents such a safety blanket to you, I would recommend not confronting your wife even if you find evidence of her malfeasance. What you ought to do is start putting a portion of your money away into a numbered, offshore bank account. Do it slowly so you arouse no attention. If you can do it for ten years, you ought to have enough saved up to have a nice unannounced nest egg after the divorce. You will only be in your mid sixties, and if you disappear off the radar (like retire in Mexico), you will be able to live like any other rich American ex-pat.

 

If you do adopt this [plan], there are many resources you can look into , such as books, web sites, etc. that will allow you to do it right without getting caught. When you do leave, make sure you leave those purple pills behind along with note for her to feed them to the next pet she acquires to take care of her. Once in Mexico, keep your zipper firmly in the locked and upright position so you can stay out of trouble... then live your life FREE!

 

This is really dangerous advice. If the OP lives in the USA, you need to file an information form for any offshore bank accounts over 10K - FBAR. The penalty for not doing so can be $10K or jail time, not to mention hiding assets in a divorce.

[Buckeye2]

 

Dudes don't @#$@ married women because they want them for themselves. They @#$@ married women so they can have some occasional fun with them but not have to deal with them all the time and don't have to rub their feet and hang out with their friends and relatives and don't have to put up with them all the time.

 

The above should be engraved in stone somewhere.

[bubbaganoosh]

Boy you people can be really harsh, but in some ways you are probably right. I came from nothing and scrimped and saved for a life while my wife stayed home enjoying the benefits. With current legislation I end up with barely enough to retire on if I divorce her.

Been poor once in life and don't want to go back.

 

You know something Jay12? So did I. My first wife and I divorced and I got ripped to shreds but be damned if I was going to roll over and play dead.

 

I was self employed and she prevented me from using any of my equipment to earn a living but wanted half of everything until I got a lawyer to convince a stupid judge that if she wants her half then I have to use my equipment to make the money to give her DUH!! I finally was able to pay her off and built off what I had.

 

Second thing is when she slips you a blue pill, holds your hand for a half hour until it kicks in then throws one at you, pats you on the head and says "good boy, good boy" then leaves the room, it's called sympathy sex just to keep you quiet and in your place. My God she has control of your hard one pills instead of you taking it when you want it.

 

Time for you to wise up real quick. Sorry if this is harsh but all your doing is.....................nothing to help yourself. Time to wake up and do more for you. Want more for you. Have your life back although I also wonder the same thing Old Shirt mentioned if this is even real.

[jay12]

So I finally brought up my concerns directly with my wife.

I told her I was concerned that her and my friend had left the party at the marina at 2AM together riding our bicycles and then returned some time later after having sex.

I told her that I had found her panties in the laundry the next day and they were all wet and sticky.

I told her I was in shock and do had waited untill the monday to ask her about them. By the time I asked her, They were dry and she told me that they had been at the boat for a week so they were from us.

This time I told her that I had found them wet and she said she had a bladder infectikn and it must be from thst. I told her thst it was not urine, it was wet and stivky.

She then told me she had never had sex with anyone but me since marriage. She asked me to believe her.

I had no comeback so just said I eould.

[oldshirt]

I wonder how many people dream of having a spouse like Jay?

 

He would be the ultimate provider and beta boy for a WS. You could screw everyone in town and not even try to hide it and he would look the other way because he doesn't want to lose the Lazy Boy.

 

In many ways he is just as selfish and self serving as she is. He is only concerned about his own comforts and ease of lifestyle.

 

I'll go back to what I said earlier in the thread. You are the perfect chump BS that every WS dreams of.

 

Jay to Mrs Jay - "did you cheat?"

 

Mrs Jay - "no"

 

Jay - "oh ok, good" (goes back to watch The Voice and finishing his bag of chips)

[Marc878]

So I finally brought up my concerns directly with my wife.

I told her I was concerned that her and my friend had left the party at the marina at 2AM together riding our bicycles and then returned some time later after having sex.

I told her that I had found her panties in the laundry the next day and they were all wet and sticky.

I told her I was in shock and do had waited untill the monday to ask her about them. By the time I asked her, They were dry and she told me that they had been at the boat for a week so they were from us.

This time I told her that I had found them wet and she said she had a bladder infectikn and it must be from thst. I told her thst it was not urine, it was wet and stivky.

She then told me she had never had sex with anyone but me since marriage. She asked me to believe her.

I had no comeback so just said I eould.

 

what did you even bother? Did you really think she'd tell you the truth?

 

Don't worry. It won't stop. If you want the truth you'll find it.

[GoldenR]

So I finally brought up my concerns directly with my wife.

I told her I was concerned that her and my friend had left the party at the marina at 2AM together riding our bicycles and then returned some time later after having sex.

I told her that I had found her panties in the laundry the next day and they were all wet and sticky.

I told her I was in shock and do had waited untill the monday to ask her about them. By the time I asked her, They were dry and she told me that they had been at the boat for a week so they were from us.

This time I told her that I had found them wet and she said she had a bladder infectikn and it must be from thst. I told her thst it was not urine, it was wet and stivky.

She then told me she had never had sex with anyone but me since marriage. She asked me to believe her.

I had no comeback so just said I eould.

 

This has to be the worst confrontation ever.

 

Why not get a semen testing kit?

[QuietDan]

I suspect you are here because you really want more from your relationship with your wife than you have. This marriage is broken on so many levels.

There is a subtle hint that you are starting to feel different about what you really want in life.

 

I think you should consider seeking IC. This type of Beta Male behavior isn't working for you anymore.

Probably due to the fact that your children are grown up now. The responsibility dynamics/factor has changed. Since it is now transitioning back to a two person relationship dynamic, you probable are finding yourself wanting and expecting a healthier marriage relationship with your wife than you currently have.

In this case, the truth really isn't hidden that much.

It sounds like you both really want and need to redefine your relationship.

Really, don't you just want to have a reboot with how you both treat each other. Both of you seem to be living some sort of stale mate lie.

 

A lot of the responses and excuses that you have given here seemed to be the well reasoned view points you use to have that use to work for you.

But, it seems that they no longer really work for you anymore....

So, now you are searching... trying to make sense out of that subtle sense of frustration, depression, and panic that keeps showing up now....

I get the sense, that you may be at a turning point in your life that is still early for you... Take your time, this issue/problem isn't going away anytime soon.

Age is an issue, just not a big of an issue as you are wanting to believe it is.

You could be having a lot better sex, more creative sex, more often than you do now. It seems like everything both of you are doing now is going through the motions. This whole thing is bad for both of you.

 

I didn't see if anyone else suggested that maybe you should get both of your kids DNA tested to see if both of them really are yours.

 

Even post menopausal woman still have sexual desires, needs, wants.

Most of sexual desire, needs, wants are driven by personal choice. Hormone levels do not always dictate these issues. They may affect the functional mechanics a bit. But, where there is a will there is a way. A lot of people find ways to work around physical issues.

Confronting your wife's infidelity doesn't have to be the end of your marriage.

At this point in the game, I really suspect having a fully open transparent accounting for the real history will be more of a relief than anything else.

It will really give both of you an opportunity to rediscover each other and start a new open honest relationship with the person that your wife really is.

It won't be easy, but, if it works out, both of you will end up in a much better situation and marriage than you currently are ghosting along in.

Both of you are young enough to grow and change as people.

 

Who knows, your wife may discover that she actually enjoys having sex with her husband if he acts like he really wants it and is willing to be creative and make an effort.

She may need to learn a few new things as well about how to have sex, how to be creative, and how to communicate in a positive way about sexual challenges that occur in long term relationships. This once a week routine with her controlling the Viagra like she does seems to be very demeaning for both of you. She may not realize it, or, there may be some other issues and fears that she hasn't really confronted. Same thing with you. Really, this relationship that you are describing seems to be riddled by fear controlling both of you.

The truth will set you free.

It won't be easy, but, I really suspect that it will be very liberating for both of you at this point.

It might also be a very good example to your children that, it is never to late in life to confront relationship problems and grow in a positive way.

Let me ask you,

If one of your daughters ended up in a long term marriage with a cheating spouse, what sort of life would you want for her?

This is an opportunity to demonstrate to your children that they don't have to settle for less than they deserve.

At the moment, you are showing them the path that they should take if they are in this type of situation.

[QuietDan]

Don't let her classic wayward responses and lies detour you.

At this point in the game... it is as much practiced perfected habit on her part.

A serial cheater, she is a professional at lying, covering, deflecting.

Again, I want to say, reading this thread of yours, both of you seem to be living with so much fear on so many levels.

She will lie, out of fear, but, if you are strong, resolve to fix this, your wife will come around. It won't be easy, change never is. But, this is going to be change for the better for both of you.

Listen to all of advise on how to confront and break through the lies, deceptions, practices, methods that most waywards resort to.

The people here on this site are both Betrayed Spouses and Wayward Spouses.

They have seen and heard a lot of stories and have gained a wealth of wisdom and knowledge. This is a very good resource for working through the type of problems you are experiencing or about to experience.

[WilyWill]

She's having sex with another man. If this is okay with you, or if you want to watch, then you should tell her so. You can even arrange an open marriage where both of you have sex with other people.

 

If you are not okay with her sleeping with another man, then you should consider filing for divorce. It's just difficult to accept that you want to continue living in limbo like this.

[Mr Blunt]

If you really want to test her get a Polygraph

[S2B]

what did you even bother? Did you really think she'd tell you the truth?

 

Don't worry. It won't stop. If you want the truth you'll find it.

 

The truth will find him. It always has a way of showing up while someone believes those lies.

 

Your wife is a bold faced liar.

 

Why stay?

[Giacomo67]

i dont know about the rest of you guys but....... REALLY???

YOU DID NOT HAVE SEX WITH HER FOR A LONG TIME AND SHE GOT PREGNANT?

 

Ok.... whatever

[jay12]

The truth will find him. It always has a way of showing up while someone believes those lies.

 

Your wife is a bold faced liar.

 

Why stay?

When we talked about this she was so sincere about never having sex with another man since we had been married. The real problem in her story is she has not been able to explain the wet sticky panties in the laundry the morning after the night before when everyone was drinking and the two of them disappeared on the 2 bicycles we have at the marina. After they rode off one of the other ladies, who didn"t really know us that well, said"your wife is having an affair with your friend".

I initally put down to a joking comment but that is what started me thinking there may be a relationship between them. That is why I stooped to checking her panties in the laundry the next morning and finding the smoking gun. I am now starting to think I may be wrong and you may be right.

[Friskyone4u]

When we talked about this she was so sincere about never having sex with another man since we had been married. The real problem in her story is she has not been able to explain the wet sticky panties in the laundry the morning after the night before when everyone was drinking and the two of them disappeared on the 2 bicycles we have at the marina. After they rode off one of the other ladies, who didn"t really know us that well, said"your wife is having an affair with your friend".

I initally put down to a joking comment but that is what started me thinking there may be a relationship between them. That is why I stooped to checking her panties in the laundry the next morning and finding the smoking gun. I am now starting to think I may be wrong and you may be right.

 

Jay,

 

Didn't even have to read this thread. Ten pages and you still are playing ostrich. Your wife is cheating and you are playing the "pick me game". Just accept you are in a one sided open marriage or get out of denial.

 

If you are still spouting this naive nonsense after apparently all the other folks have told you the same thing, not sure what advice will help you.

 

And by the way, you might want to consider going online and buying an at home semen detection kit. Then unless she washes her panties every day, you'll catch her that way. The question is, even if you catch her, whats your next move. ???

[gia37]

If your weekly sex is like you described plus she sleeps apart then she does it just to give you the physical minimum you need to stay married to her. The fact that she doesn't even make any effort to climax with you means she doesn't care a bit about being intimate with you. Been there, believe me...

[BluesPower]

When we talked about this she was so sincere about never having sex with another man since we had been married. The real problem in her story is she has not been able to explain the wet sticky panties in the laundry the morning after the night before when everyone was drinking and the two of them disappeared on the 2 bicycles we have at the marina. After they rode off one of the other ladies, who didn"t really know us that well, said"your wife is having an affair with your friend".

I initally put down to a joking comment but that is what started me thinking there may be a relationship between them. That is why I stooped to checking her panties in the laundry the next morning and finding the smoking gun. I am now starting to think I may be wrong and you may be right.

 

Jay, buddy, everyone told you months ago when you first told this story that she was, and has been for a while, cheating on you.

 

Your confrontation is actually the worst confrontation in the history of man. If it worries you that your wife is having sex with at least one other man, then file for divorce and move on.

 

What is it going to take for you to wake up to what has been going on for god knows how long????

[Lady Hamilton]

Did she cheat? Honestly... Probably. But what makes me think so has nothing to do with her behavior with the other guy, but her behavior with you.

 

Ladies, be real, if your husband accused you of an affair because of something you did and then said he checked your underwear for confirmation and is debating you on what fluids he believed he found, what would you do?

 

I bet a majority of women would fixate on the fact that their other half is checking their underwear like a parent does a child who's potty training and freak out at how supremely weird that is. To ignore the strangeness of your spouse saying your underwear has no urine in it but another discharge of some sort and instead insist you didn't cheat... That's equally weird.