How often are we wrong

[CupCakess]

How do you propose he makes his wife stop cheating when she's evidently cheated for more than 20 years? There's no way to force another person to do anything you may wish for them to do...

 

Trust me, I agree with everyone else that he should divorce her cheating ass.

 

Just saying that, since he seems not to care that his wife was unfaithful, he could try to make her stop. Will probably fail, but it is a possibility though.

 

Anyway, as I said, I recommend divorce too.

[merrmeade]

Trust me, I agree with everyone else that he should divorce her cheating ass.

 

Just saying that, since he seems not to care that his wife was unfaithful, he could try to make her stop. Will probably fail, but it is a possibility though.

 

Anyway, as I said, I recommend divorce too.

Maybe .... once he confirms for himself that she's cheating, but he's not absorbing that as a reality yet. I think talking to the friend's wife is reasonable.

[Gr8fuln2020]

jay12...my LS friend, you sound like a decent guy. I haven't read all of the posts, but based on the first one, I am guessing that you are a decent guy. Your wife, from the start, was not what you expected/needed. I don't know, maybe YOU needed her, but she has been playing you for all these years.

 

I really dislike stories like this. Yes, BLIND love. You, consciously, subconsciously disregarded/ignored the red flags. I don't know how you got through 20+ years of marriage with her, but I get a sense that she got through in her own, subversive way.

 

You're still young. You can recover from a break-up, you have time. The choice is yours, of course.

[JS84]

I gotta say you are a cheating wife's wet dream. If you stuck your head any further in the sand only your feet would be left sticking out of the ground.

 

I have to agree with an earlier post. I'm not exactly sure what the point is of you making this thread. If someone held a gun to my head and told me to tell them whether I thought your wife has repeatedly cheated on you based on what I've read in this thread and my life depended on giving the right answer, I'd have to say yes.

 

You not only seem to be in extreme denial about this, it doesn't even sound like you'd care even if you did know. Not enough to actually do anything about it anyway.

 

You're already in an open relationship whether you think you'd be okay with it or not. It's simply one-sided on her part. The choice is not, and has never been yours. While you go through your marriage and life with eyes wide shut, everyone else knows your wife is making a fool out of you. Hell some of them are even outright telling you what she's doing.

 

If you don't mind being the neighborhood chump as long as you can play happy house and that works for you, my advice would be to walk away from this thread, enjoy your marriage with your wife if that's what makes you happy.

 

I have to say though, you might think things in your life are going great with your wife. From our end however it's hard to not feel sorry for your situation. You're a borderline cuckold. You might not outright give your wife permission to **** other men, but you don't seem all that bothered by it as long as you can keep that head in the sand and any of the details from reaching your eyes and ears.

[oldshirt]

I do know that the two girls have absolutely no idea that I have suspicions about their mother. I am close to both of them and we talk a lot.

It would be a shock that would crumble their world if I was to tell them any of this.

 

 

They don't need YOUR suspicions. They already have their own suspicions or perhaps they even know for sure.

 

They also know that you have your head in the sand and have less respect for you because of that.

 

Their world would not crumble. They are adults and have their own lives to manage. Yes they would be sad and it would be a bit of a disruption but they would not be harmed.

 

They think less of you because of your denial and your head in the sand than they would if you were to stand up for yourself, even if that was to result in divorce.

 

If you want to live with your head in the sand to keep the dining room set, that is your prerogative. But don't use your adult children as your excuse for denial and inaction.

[road]

So now I am back to wondering if it is just my jealousy making me feel this way.

Tonight was a good sex night. I always know when we are going to have sex because she gives me a Viagara and then we watch tv for half an hour or so, then we come to my bedroom and she joins me in bed. I guess the only problem with our sex life is that it doesn't really change much. She gets frisky right away and usually I am soent in 4 or 5 minutes. She then says, that should keep you happy for another week" and goes back to her bedroom closing both my door and hers.

 

 

You call that good sex?

[road]

I must admit that reflecying on our sex life it isn't what it used to be, but I thought that was more of an age thing.

We rarely kiss anymore and when we do it is usually a short kiss initiated by me while having sec with her.

I don't think she has had an orgasm during sex in years.

Once again I just thought it was an age thingvwith her. I guess I am going to have to contact his wife and meet her for a heart tovheart. We go back a long way so she should be honedt with me about what she thinks.

I appreciste those who have taken time to respond, and I guess I need to now seek some type of confirmation of my deep concerns regarding my wife's behavior.

 

 

Yes see those people but do not forget to key logger, GPS, and VAR's so when WW contacts them to do damage control you will hear her admit that she cheated.

[oldshirt]

Here is something else you can try. Pick out some trusted friends and relatives.

 

Send them a blank piece of paper and a SASE with no return address along with a note asking them to anonymously jot down on the paper if there is anything that they think you should know about.

 

You can ask that they include timelines, locations, circumstances etc, but basically give them an opportunity to anonymously tell you if there is anything going on that you should know about.

 

You don't even need to come out and ask if they think your wife is banging other dudes. Just ask if they can think of anything that you need to know about.

 

Your going to get your answers.

 

(but yes, do the VARs and trackers and the key loggers. From the VARs you are going to hear it in her own words, from her own mouth)

[oldshirt]

Here is something else you can try. Pick out some trusted friends and relatives.

 

Send them a blank piece of paper and a SASE with no return address along with a note asking them to anonymously jot down on the paper if there is anything that they think you should know about.

 

You can ask that they include timelines, locations, circumstances etc, but basically give them an opportunity to anonymously tell you if there is anything going on that you should know about.

 

You don't even need to come out and ask if they think your wife is banging other dudes. Just ask if they can think of anything that you need to know about.

 

Your going to get your answers.

 

(but yes, do the VARs and trackers and the key loggers. From the VARs you are going to hear it in her own words, from her own mouth)

 

 

And realize that there are probably more than one of your so-called 'friends' is laying the lumber to her.

 

Some of them are going to get alarmed when they get your letter and will be contacting her so have her emails and social media hacked, be watching her phone/txt logs and have the VARs in place before you send out the letters and then sit back and watch the cat circus unfold in front of you.

[jay12]

You call that good sex?

 

Well we all know that sex when we were younger was more romantic, but as we aged and especially after she moved into her own bedroom, the thrill of sex has diminished.

I don't think she enjoys it as much as I do, so that is why I just really let her get me excited and then get on top and satisfy me.

The fact that I am done in a couple minutes is more my problem than hers.

She did used to complain that I was to quick for her but she has not complained for many years now. When I turned 50 I started having trouble with sex so I asked her if I could get a Viagra prescription, and she told me that if I wanted to, I could go ahead but she would control when I used them. I thought that was great because she now feeds me a pill when we are going to have sex.

So I am sure that five minutes of sex may seem hurried for many people here but it works for me, the alternative would be no Viagra and no sex at all.

[oldshirt]

Seriously?????

 

 

 

I gotta be honest, even though I can't rightfully condone adultery, I am beginning to side with Mrs Jay.

 

If this thread is even for real (which I have been questioning from the start) I think he is just as self-centered and entitled and shallow as she is, maybe more so.

 

If all he cares about is keeping all the furniture and keeping up appearances and sitting on the money in the bank and doesn't give a hootenannie about what she does in her spare time as long as she pops him a pill and bobs up and down on him until he is done 4 minutes later (which I think if you were to actually time it, it would probably really be like 1 or 2 minutes because time flies when you're having fun y'know) then why shouldn't she go out and have her fun?

 

If this is true, this is a lifestyle that they have both created. Is it for me? No, not at all. But it's obviously worked for them for a quarter of a century and I really don't see why he's asking questions now.

 

They are both equally selfish and entitled. Noone and no animals are being harmed here. they both have their house in the 'burbs, the cars, the retirement accounts. She gets to have her fun with whatever dude is available at that given time and he gets his weekly Viagra dose and 2 minutes of laying back getting his balls drained. They both get to keep their comfortable lifestyle and don't have to mess with lawyers and real estate agents and deciding who gets the china and who gets the dog.

 

They are like Forest Gump and Jenny, he is a simpleton and she is a #$%@^. They go together like peas and carrots. It's the perfect arraignment.

 

And all the horny guys in town get to benefit from it too. Mrs Jay has probably actually saved a lot of marriages. When some married dude gets a little restless, instead getting into an actual affair with his younger, prettier, single secretary and having all messiness that can occur with that, he can just call up Mrs Jay to meet him behind the boathouse at the marina for 45 minutes and then all is well for another few weeks.

[oldshirt]

....My point is Jay is no victim here. He is good with this "arrangement" and he is benefiting from it.

 

While I usually have nothing but disdain for cheaters, that is only with the assumption that the BS is acting in good faith.

 

While I am not going to say there are times that cheating is ever justified. There are times where the BS is so negligent and so uncaring and so lazy and so self-indulged themselves, that no reasonable person would be able to remain happily and healthily monogamous to them.

 

Yes, the "proper" thing to do would be to divorce if one wasn't happy or satisfied, but in this case the BS was perfectly happy to let her have her cake and eat it too as long as it didn't rock his boat any.

 

To put it simply - he doesn't care. As long as she dispenses his weekly purple pill and bobs up and down on him for 2 minutes each week, she is free to do as she wishes and they both get to keep the house, the dog and not have to fight over the Lazy Boy.

 

He's not going to rock the boat because it has taken them 25 years to build the boat into what it is today and it floats for both of them.

[oldshirt]

I think the real reason he is here is he is afraid that one of these days she will come across one of her lovers that will actual want to be with her and will take her fulltime and she will split and he won't get his weekly tank draining and she will try to take the Lazy Boy.

 

He has been fairly secure the last 25 years because she has been banging other married dudes and known womanizers and players. He knew they wouldn't want her fulltime and so he was secure.

 

I think his real concern is that he may eventually have to actually do something and lift a finger and write out a check some day.

[jay12]

Boy you people can be really harsh, but in some ways you are probably right. I came from nothing and scrimped and saved for a life while my wife stayed home enjoying the benefits. With current legislation I end up with barely enough to retire on if I divorce her.

Been poor once in life and don't want to go back.

[oldshirt]

Boy you people can be really harsh, but in some ways you are probably right. I came from nothing and scrimped and saved for a life while my wife stayed home enjoying the benefits. With current legislation I end up with barely enough to retire on if I divorce her.

Been poor once in life and don't want to go back.

 

 

If you are ok with her screwing every dude in town as long as you get your weekly draining and as long as it doesn't cost you anything, that is fine and that is your prerogative and your choice.

 

But realize that sticking your head in the sand and allowing her to screw whoever she wants won't make you immune from divorce.

 

The moment she meets some guy that has equal to/greater than your financial resources and is good in bed and will have her fulltime, she will be out the door within days and you'll still lose the Lazy Boy.

 

You have been taking comfort that all these guys are players and womanizers and are just banging her for fun but don't want her.

 

(and the reason you think they won't want her is you don't actually want her, but that is for your shrink to deal with)

 

But one of these days she is going to hook up with someone and they are going to click.

 

Keep your comfortable cuckold lifestyle if you want, but at least see a lawyer and get a divorce preplan in place to protect your property and assets for when she meets someone that will have her and is willing to take her off your hands.

[road]

Well we all know that sex when we were younger was more romantic, but as we aged and especially after she moved into her own bedroom, the thrill of sex has diminished.

I don't think she enjoys it as much as I do, so that is why I just really let her get me excited and then get on top and satisfy me.

The fact that I am done in a couple minutes is more my problem than hers.

She did used to complain that I was to quick for her but she has not complained for many years now. When I turned 50 I started having trouble with sex so I asked her if I could get a Viagra prescription, and she told me that if I wanted to, I could go ahead but she would control when I used them. I thought that was great because she now feeds me a pill when we are going to have sex.

So I am sure that five minutes of sex may seem hurried for many people here but it works for me, the alternative would be no Viagra and no sex at all.

 

 

Alternative can be to learn the truth, stop the cheating, recover the marriage sex seven nights a week instead of one, or the truth, divorce and a new woman with lots of sex.

[road]

I think the real reason he is here is he is afraid that one of these days she will come across one of her lovers that will actual want to be with her and will take her fulltime and she will split and he won't get his weekly tank draining and she will try to take the Lazy Boy.

 

He has been fairly secure the last 25 years because she has been banging other married dudes and known womanizers and players. He knew they wouldn't want her fulltime and so he was secure.

 

 

 

They'll want her full time when they get caught and their current wife divorces them or they become a widower.

[S2B]

Why did you post here? Did you have a question you thought we could help you with?

 

What did you intend to change about your marriage?

[sandylee1]

Jay .... I've read most of the thread and you seem to be very happy with the way you're living. You describe a rather strange sex prelude and believe it to be good sex.

 

Something about that post seems really off to me. If I were to say what I really think on it, I'd get a slap on the wrist from the Mods.

 

I'll go with the flow of your good sex night and it's like a little boy being given his toy train to shut him up. Then when she's done that .... she can have sex with the men or man she really wants to. It's like sticking a pacifier in the baby's mouth.

 

I don't mean any offence by this, but I don't your wife is satisfied with your sex life at all. Pop the old boy a viagra and he's good to go.

 

She probably married you because you were nice, sweet, reliable, a good provider and a safe bet. I reckon she's been getting eleswhere the whole marriage and she still is.

[oldshirt]

They'll want her full time when they get caught and their current wife divorces them or they become a widower.

 

That is a common assumption, but rarely actually works out that way.

 

The quickest way to stop some lover boy from messing with your wife is to let him have her.

 

Dudes don't @#$@ married women because they want them for themselves. They @#$@ married women so they can have some occasional fun with them but not have to deal with them all the time and don't have to rub their feet and hang out with their friends and relatives and don't have to put up with them all the time.

 

If some guy gets kicked out and he wants a replacement relationship, he is going to find a single woman that is relationship material and doesn't have much baggage. He's not going to want some married woman that is sleeping with half the town and will have a ton of baggage and issues.

 

Married women are for extra part time fun on the side, not to have as your primary relationship.

[Poutrew]

Boy you people can be really harsh, but in some ways you are probably right. I came from nothing and scrimped and saved for a life while my wife stayed home enjoying the benefits. With current legislation I end up with barely enough to retire on if I divorce her.

Been poor once in life and don't want to go back.

 

 

Jay, in your case, since the material stuff represents such a safety blanket to you, I would recommend not confronting your wife even if you find evidence of her malfeasance. What you ought to do is start putting a portion of your money away into a numbered, offshore bank account. Do it slowly so you arouse no attention. If you can do it for ten years, you ought to have enough saved up to have a nice unannounced nest egg after the divorce. You will only be in your mid sixties, and if you disappear off the radar (like retire in Mexico), you will be able to live like any other rich American ex-pat.

 

If you do adopt this [plan], there are many resources you can look into , such as books, web sites, etc. that will allow you to do it right without getting caught. When you do leave, make sure you leave those purple pills behind along with note for her to feed them to the next pet she acquires to take care of her. Once in Mexico, keep your zipper firmly in the locked and upright position so you can stay out of trouble... then live your life FREE!

[Mr. Lucky]

J Once in Mexico, keep your zipper firmly in the locked and upright position so you can stay out of trouble... then live your life FREE!

 

Free from sex also ? Doesn't sound like that great of a deal...

 

Mr. Lucky

[seren]

When you first posted, it sounded like you wanted some advice as to whether there was any chance your wife was having an affair, everything you posted suggested that there was a real inkling that an affair had taken place all those years ago that resulted in an abortion. Your further posts imply that even if there were an affair, even recently, you wouldn't want to know for certain as it would have an impact on your finances, that doesn't sound like blind love, it sounds like complacency and I wonder if your wife has picked up on this and is having an affair. TBH you sound almost accepting that she has had an affair and that it is fine as long as your boat isn't rocked.

 

If I have read it wrong then I apologise, but, for most of us BS, when we suspect our first thoughts aren't with finances but with the gut punching feel that the person we love has been unfaithful. If you are happy to continue with not knowing and can accept that it is happening then all the advice and support in the world will not make a jot of difference. I find it hard to believe that anyone who is in love with their partner can accept that they are being cheated on and carry on as if nothing has happened.

 

If you want to make an informed choice about your life then I would think knowing one way or the other is essential. If I had even had the slightest idea that my H was cheating I would take steps to find out for sure, then make a decision on having all the facts. To just accept it might be would tear me apart and I couldn't hide it, I wonder how you can and she not notice a difference. Maybe your lack of confrontation is making her feel you don't really care if she is or not. As for her acting the same, they nearly all do, until it hits the fan and it all comes out and most of us are blindsided then start looking back and it all hits us how we should have noticed. In your instance, it sounds like the clues have all been there, but you have chosen to ignore them.

 

I hope you ask or at least take steps to find out, asking the OM's wife seems like spreading the doubt around and if she isn't having an affair with him, opens a huge can of worms. I would concentrate on what she is doing before confronting someone else's partner. Either ask her or begin to pay more attention to what she is doing. I hope you do something rather than just live out life wondering just for money. I too have been broke and I prefer broke to living a lie any day. Whatever you do, make your choice based upon having all the facts about what your life is, if you choose to not confront her if she is having an affair, then at least you will know exactly what your marriage is based on. I hope it isn't an affair, no one should have an affair in their life history, marriage's can work after an affair, mine does, but living with suspicion and doubt will come out one day, better now than years down the line. Good luck.

[S2B]

I was thinking about you, your life and your posts...

 

The whole scenario seems to sit well with you - and you have no motivation to change any of it... So it seems you are somewhat satisfied with your arrangement.

 

And while it may not work for most married couples - it seems it works for you well enough to stay solidly in place.

 

 

Most people don't change anything unless they are really uncomfortable enough to want to change things. Nothing is likely to change here because you don't care enough to change it.

 

While your marriage lacks passion and intimacy - and that would never work for me - it obviously works for you.

 

Soooo, happy marriage dude. I just hope more than anything your daughters don't think this is all there is to marriage. This is the example you've set FOR THEM. This is "normal to them". How sad... But that's the reality.

[Mr Blunt]

Jay is consumed by fear and compromise!...... He is not going to change anything to any great degree......Reminds me of the movie "One Flew Over the Cuckoo's nest"