How often are we wrong

[oldshirt]

Boy you people can be really harsh, but in some ways you are probably right. I came from nothing and scrimped and saved for a life while my wife stayed home enjoying the benefits. With current legislation I end up with barely enough to retire on if I divorce her.

Been poor once in life and don't want to go back.

 

 

If you are ok with her screwing every dude in town as long as you get your weekly draining and as long as it doesn't cost you anything, that is fine and that is your prerogative and your choice.

 

But realize that sticking your head in the sand and allowing her to screw whoever she wants won't make you immune from divorce.

 

The moment she meets some guy that has equal to/greater than your financial resources and is good in bed and will have her fulltime, she will be out the door within days and you'll still lose the Lazy Boy.

 

You have been taking comfort that all these guys are players and womanizers and are just banging her for fun but don't want her.

 

(and the reason you think they won't want her is you don't actually want her, but that is for your shrink to deal with)

 

But one of these days she is going to hook up with someone and they are going to click.

 

Keep your comfortable cuckold lifestyle if you want, but at least see a lawyer and get a divorce preplan in place to protect your property and assets for when she meets someone that will have her and is willing to take her off your hands.

[road]

Well we all know that sex when we were younger was more romantic, but as we aged and especially after she moved into her own bedroom, the thrill of sex has diminished.

I don't think she enjoys it as much as I do, so that is why I just really let her get me excited and then get on top and satisfy me.

The fact that I am done in a couple minutes is more my problem than hers.

She did used to complain that I was to quick for her but she has not complained for many years now. When I turned 50 I started having trouble with sex so I asked her if I could get a Viagra prescription, and she told me that if I wanted to, I could go ahead but she would control when I used them. I thought that was great because she now feeds me a pill when we are going to have sex.

So I am sure that five minutes of sex may seem hurried for many people here but it works for me, the alternative would be no Viagra and no sex at all.

 

 

Alternative can be to learn the truth, stop the cheating, recover the marriage sex seven nights a week instead of one, or the truth, divorce and a new woman with lots of sex.

[road]

I think the real reason he is here is he is afraid that one of these days she will come across one of her lovers that will actual want to be with her and will take her fulltime and she will split and he won't get his weekly tank draining and she will try to take the Lazy Boy.

 

He has been fairly secure the last 25 years because she has been banging other married dudes and known womanizers and players. He knew they wouldn't want her fulltime and so he was secure.

 

 

 

They'll want her full time when they get caught and their current wife divorces them or they become a widower.

[sandylee1]

Jay .... I've read most of the thread and you seem to be very happy with the way you're living. You describe a rather strange sex prelude and believe it to be good sex.

 

Something about that post seems really off to me. If I were to say what I really think on it, I'd get a slap on the wrist from the Mods.

 

I'll go with the flow of your good sex night and it's like a little boy being given his toy train to shut him up. Then when she's done that .... she can have sex with the men or man she really wants to. It's like sticking a pacifier in the baby's mouth.

 

I don't mean any offence by this, but I don't your wife is satisfied with your sex life at all. Pop the old boy a viagra and he's good to go.

 

She probably married you because you were nice, sweet, reliable, a good provider and a safe bet. I reckon she's been getting eleswhere the whole marriage and she still is.

[oldshirt]

They'll want her full time when they get caught and their current wife divorces them or they become a widower.

 

That is a common assumption, but rarely actually works out that way.

 

The quickest way to stop some lover boy from messing with your wife is to let him have her.

 

Dudes don't @#$@ married women because they want them for themselves. They @#$@ married women so they can have some occasional fun with them but not have to deal with them all the time and don't have to rub their feet and hang out with their friends and relatives and don't have to put up with them all the time.

 

If some guy gets kicked out and he wants a replacement relationship, he is going to find a single woman that is relationship material and doesn't have much baggage. He's not going to want some married woman that is sleeping with half the town and will have a ton of baggage and issues.

 

Married women are for extra part time fun on the side, not to have as your primary relationship.

[Poutrew]

Boy you people can be really harsh, but in some ways you are probably right. I came from nothing and scrimped and saved for a life while my wife stayed home enjoying the benefits. With current legislation I end up with barely enough to retire on if I divorce her.

Been poor once in life and don't want to go back.

 

 

Jay, in your case, since the material stuff represents such a safety blanket to you, I would recommend not confronting your wife even if you find evidence of her malfeasance. What you ought to do is start putting a portion of your money away into a numbered, offshore bank account. Do it slowly so you arouse no attention. If you can do it for ten years, you ought to have enough saved up to have a nice unannounced nest egg after the divorce. You will only be in your mid sixties, and if you disappear off the radar (like retire in Mexico), you will be able to live like any other rich American ex-pat.

 

If you do adopt this [plan], there are many resources you can look into , such as books, web sites, etc. that will allow you to do it right without getting caught. When you do leave, make sure you leave those purple pills behind along with note for her to feed them to the next pet she acquires to take care of her. Once in Mexico, keep your zipper firmly in the locked and upright position so you can stay out of trouble... then live your life FREE!

[Mr. Lucky]

J Once in Mexico, keep your zipper firmly in the locked and upright position so you can stay out of trouble... then live your life FREE!

 

Free from sex also ? Doesn't sound like that great of a deal...

 

Mr. Lucky

[seren]

When you first posted, it sounded like you wanted some advice as to whether there was any chance your wife was having an affair, everything you posted suggested that there was a real inkling that an affair had taken place all those years ago that resulted in an abortion. Your further posts imply that even if there were an affair, even recently, you wouldn't want to know for certain as it would have an impact on your finances, that doesn't sound like blind love, it sounds like complacency and I wonder if your wife has picked up on this and is having an affair. TBH you sound almost accepting that she has had an affair and that it is fine as long as your boat isn't rocked.

 

If I have read it wrong then I apologise, but, for most of us BS, when we suspect our first thoughts aren't with finances but with the gut punching feel that the person we love has been unfaithful. If you are happy to continue with not knowing and can accept that it is happening then all the advice and support in the world will not make a jot of difference. I find it hard to believe that anyone who is in love with their partner can accept that they are being cheated on and carry on as if nothing has happened.

 

If you want to make an informed choice about your life then I would think knowing one way or the other is essential. If I had even had the slightest idea that my H was cheating I would take steps to find out for sure, then make a decision on having all the facts. To just accept it might be would tear me apart and I couldn't hide it, I wonder how you can and she not notice a difference. Maybe your lack of confrontation is making her feel you don't really care if she is or not. As for her acting the same, they nearly all do, until it hits the fan and it all comes out and most of us are blindsided then start looking back and it all hits us how we should have noticed. In your instance, it sounds like the clues have all been there, but you have chosen to ignore them.

 

I hope you ask or at least take steps to find out, asking the OM's wife seems like spreading the doubt around and if she isn't having an affair with him, opens a huge can of worms. I would concentrate on what she is doing before confronting someone else's partner. Either ask her or begin to pay more attention to what she is doing. I hope you do something rather than just live out life wondering just for money. I too have been broke and I prefer broke to living a lie any day. Whatever you do, make your choice based upon having all the facts about what your life is, if you choose to not confront her if she is having an affair, then at least you will know exactly what your marriage is based on. I hope it isn't an affair, no one should have an affair in their life history, marriage's can work after an affair, mine does, but living with suspicion and doubt will come out one day, better now than years down the line. Good luck.

[Mr Blunt]

Jay is consumed by fear and compromise!...... He is not going to change anything to any great degree......Reminds me of the movie "One Flew Over the Cuckoo's nest"

[usa1ah]

How could one be so clueless?

 

 

I just don't know what to say. Damn

[EunuchMonk]

life is always good for the delusional. It's easy to be happy when your head is in the sand and you live in perpetual denial.

 

Do some actual due diligence and look for signs of her chronic infidelity and you will find it.

 

Don't ask her, she will just say no and you will believe her because believing her doesn't rock the boat and doesn't challenge your denial.

 

Actually go through her phone bill and texting history. Hack her computer and her emails and social media. Dig through all her stuff like a CSI guy looking for that one strand of hair that makes a break through in the case.

 

Pick up a few voice activated recorders and stash them in her car and any other place she may have a private conversation.

 

Make up a story to leave town and then hire a PI to watch her while you are gone and then contact you to show up while she is getting it on with the OM.

 

When you decide to accept reality and open your eyes, you will see the truth.

 

Reminds me of a bumper sticker: "If you aren't outraged, you're not paying attention."

[WilyWill]

Let's say you find out that she's been sleeping with two local guys and sees them a couple times a week. She still has sex with you once a week for the pre-arranged 5 minutes. Do you care if she's having sex with the other guys? It sounds like it doesn't really matter to you, since it never did before. If she's post-menopausal, you don't even have to pay for her abortions anymore. Problem solved.

[Just a Guy]

Hi folks, fact is cuckolds enjoy the fact that their wives are having sex with other men. Far from bothering them this becomes a source of pleasure and arousal for them. I think the OP falls in this category and so, those trying to rouse him to action to discover whether his wife is cheating on him or not are just flogging a dead horse. I wouldn't be surprised if the OP actually does have ample evidence his wife is cheating( if she actually is cheating and not indulging in extra marital sex with his explicit encouragement and permission) but he is not going to budge an inch in trying to nail her infidelity.

 

It is obvious she has been cheating from almost the start of the marriage as evidenced by her abortion and as time has passed she has become more brazen, cheating with his best friend right under his nose. From the way the OP has written it looks like he was at least aware of the possibility his wife was cheating with his friend. Why else would he mention the friend's troubled marriage and the fact that he was cheating on his wife? Maybe the OP was looking for a different kind of forum and posted here by mistake!

[road]

Fear can cause a BH to not take action.

 

 

Fear can cause a BH to live in denial.

 

 

Because a BH lets fear control him does not mean he is into cuckold fetish.

 

 

Even though fear has a firm grip on this BH the pain in his gut has grown to where he is having a hard time living in denial.

[MidnightBlue1980]

Jay, in your case, since the material stuff represents such a safety blanket to you, I would recommend not confronting your wife even if you find evidence of her malfeasance. What you ought to do is start putting a portion of your money away into a numbered, offshore bank account. Do it slowly so you arouse no attention. If you can do it for ten years, you ought to have enough saved up to have a nice unannounced nest egg after the divorce. You will only be in your mid sixties, and if you disappear off the radar (like retire in Mexico), you will be able to live like any other rich American ex-pat.

 

If you do adopt this [plan], there are many resources you can look into , such as books, web sites, etc. that will allow you to do it right without getting caught. When you do leave, make sure you leave those purple pills behind along with note for her to feed them to the next pet she acquires to take care of her. Once in Mexico, keep your zipper firmly in the locked and upright position so you can stay out of trouble... then live your life FREE!

 

This is really dangerous advice. If the OP lives in the USA, you need to file an information form for any offshore bank accounts over 10K - FBAR. The penalty for not doing so can be $10K or jail time, not to mention hiding assets in a divorce.

[Buckeye2]

 

Dudes don't @#$@ married women because they want them for themselves. They @#$@ married women so they can have some occasional fun with them but not have to deal with them all the time and don't have to rub their feet and hang out with their friends and relatives and don't have to put up with them all the time.

 

The above should be engraved in stone somewhere.

[bubbaganoosh]

Boy you people can be really harsh, but in some ways you are probably right. I came from nothing and scrimped and saved for a life while my wife stayed home enjoying the benefits. With current legislation I end up with barely enough to retire on if I divorce her.

Been poor once in life and don't want to go back.

 

You know something Jay12? So did I. My first wife and I divorced and I got ripped to shreds but be damned if I was going to roll over and play dead.

 

I was self employed and she prevented me from using any of my equipment to earn a living but wanted half of everything until I got a lawyer to convince a stupid judge that if she wants her half then I have to use my equipment to make the money to give her DUH!! I finally was able to pay her off and built off what I had.

 

Second thing is when she slips you a blue pill, holds your hand for a half hour until it kicks in then throws one at you, pats you on the head and says "good boy, good boy" then leaves the room, it's called sympathy sex just to keep you quiet and in your place. My God she has control of your hard one pills instead of you taking it when you want it.

 

Time for you to wise up real quick. Sorry if this is harsh but all your doing is.....................nothing to help yourself. Time to wake up and do more for you. Want more for you. Have your life back although I also wonder the same thing Old Shirt mentioned if this is even real.

[jay12]

So I finally brought up my concerns directly with my wife.

I told her I was concerned that her and my friend had left the party at the marina at 2AM together riding our bicycles and then returned some time later after having sex.

I told her that I had found her panties in the laundry the next day and they were all wet and sticky.

I told her I was in shock and do had waited untill the monday to ask her about them. By the time I asked her, They were dry and she told me that they had been at the boat for a week so they were from us.

This time I told her that I had found them wet and she said she had a bladder infectikn and it must be from thst. I told her thst it was not urine, it was wet and stivky.

She then told me she had never had sex with anyone but me since marriage. She asked me to believe her.

I had no comeback so just said I eould.

[oldshirt]

I wonder how many people dream of having a spouse like Jay?

 

He would be the ultimate provider and beta boy for a WS. You could screw everyone in town and not even try to hide it and he would look the other way because he doesn't want to lose the Lazy Boy.

 

In many ways he is just as selfish and self serving as she is. He is only concerned about his own comforts and ease of lifestyle.

 

I'll go back to what I said earlier in the thread. You are the perfect chump BS that every WS dreams of.

 

Jay to Mrs Jay - "did you cheat?"

 

Mrs Jay - "no"

 

Jay - "oh ok, good" (goes back to watch The Voice and finishing his bag of chips)

[Marc878]

So I finally brought up my concerns directly with my wife.

I told her I was concerned that her and my friend had left the party at the marina at 2AM together riding our bicycles and then returned some time later after having sex.

I told her that I had found her panties in the laundry the next day and they were all wet and sticky.

I told her I was in shock and do had waited untill the monday to ask her about them. By the time I asked her, They were dry and she told me that they had been at the boat for a week so they were from us.

This time I told her that I had found them wet and she said she had a bladder infectikn and it must be from thst. I told her thst it was not urine, it was wet and stivky.

She then told me she had never had sex with anyone but me since marriage. She asked me to believe her.

I had no comeback so just said I eould.

 

what did you even bother? Did you really think she'd tell you the truth?

 

Don't worry. It won't stop. If you want the truth you'll find it.

[GoldenR]

So I finally brought up my concerns directly with my wife.

I told her I was concerned that her and my friend had left the party at the marina at 2AM together riding our bicycles and then returned some time later after having sex.

I told her that I had found her panties in the laundry the next day and they were all wet and sticky.

I told her I was in shock and do had waited untill the monday to ask her about them. By the time I asked her, They were dry and she told me that they had been at the boat for a week so they were from us.

This time I told her that I had found them wet and she said she had a bladder infectikn and it must be from thst. I told her thst it was not urine, it was wet and stivky.

She then told me she had never had sex with anyone but me since marriage. She asked me to believe her.

I had no comeback so just said I eould.

 

This has to be the worst confrontation ever.

 

Why not get a semen testing kit?

[QuietDan]

I suspect you are here because you really want more from your relationship with your wife than you have. This marriage is broken on so many levels.

There is a subtle hint that you are starting to feel different about what you really want in life.

 

I think you should consider seeking IC. This type of Beta Male behavior isn't working for you anymore.

Probably due to the fact that your children are grown up now. The responsibility dynamics/factor has changed. Since it is now transitioning back to a two person relationship dynamic, you probable are finding yourself wanting and expecting a healthier marriage relationship with your wife than you currently have.

In this case, the truth really isn't hidden that much.

It sounds like you both really want and need to redefine your relationship.

Really, don't you just want to have a reboot with how you both treat each other. Both of you seem to be living some sort of stale mate lie.

 

A lot of the responses and excuses that you have given here seemed to be the well reasoned view points you use to have that use to work for you.

But, it seems that they no longer really work for you anymore....

So, now you are searching... trying to make sense out of that subtle sense of frustration, depression, and panic that keeps showing up now....

I get the sense, that you may be at a turning point in your life that is still early for you... Take your time, this issue/problem isn't going away anytime soon.

Age is an issue, just not a big of an issue as you are wanting to believe it is.

You could be having a lot better sex, more creative sex, more often than you do now. It seems like everything both of you are doing now is going through the motions. This whole thing is bad for both of you.

 

I didn't see if anyone else suggested that maybe you should get both of your kids DNA tested to see if both of them really are yours.

 

Even post menopausal woman still have sexual desires, needs, wants.

Most of sexual desire, needs, wants are driven by personal choice. Hormone levels do not always dictate these issues. They may affect the functional mechanics a bit. But, where there is a will there is a way. A lot of people find ways to work around physical issues.

Confronting your wife's infidelity doesn't have to be the end of your marriage.

At this point in the game, I really suspect having a fully open transparent accounting for the real history will be more of a relief than anything else.

It will really give both of you an opportunity to rediscover each other and start a new open honest relationship with the person that your wife really is.

It won't be easy, but, if it works out, both of you will end up in a much better situation and marriage than you currently are ghosting along in.

Both of you are young enough to grow and change as people.

 

Who knows, your wife may discover that she actually enjoys having sex with her husband if he acts like he really wants it and is willing to be creative and make an effort.

She may need to learn a few new things as well about how to have sex, how to be creative, and how to communicate in a positive way about sexual challenges that occur in long term relationships. This once a week routine with her controlling the Viagra like she does seems to be very demeaning for both of you. She may not realize it, or, there may be some other issues and fears that she hasn't really confronted. Same thing with you. Really, this relationship that you are describing seems to be riddled by fear controlling both of you.

The truth will set you free.

It won't be easy, but, I really suspect that it will be very liberating for both of you at this point.

It might also be a very good example to your children that, it is never to late in life to confront relationship problems and grow in a positive way.

Let me ask you,

If one of your daughters ended up in a long term marriage with a cheating spouse, what sort of life would you want for her?

This is an opportunity to demonstrate to your children that they don't have to settle for less than they deserve.

At the moment, you are showing them the path that they should take if they are in this type of situation.

[QuietDan]

Don't let her classic wayward responses and lies detour you.

At this point in the game... it is as much practiced perfected habit on her part.

A serial cheater, she is a professional at lying, covering, deflecting.

Again, I want to say, reading this thread of yours, both of you seem to be living with so much fear on so many levels.

She will lie, out of fear, but, if you are strong, resolve to fix this, your wife will come around. It won't be easy, change never is. But, this is going to be change for the better for both of you.

Listen to all of advise on how to confront and break through the lies, deceptions, practices, methods that most waywards resort to.

The people here on this site are both Betrayed Spouses and Wayward Spouses.

They have seen and heard a lot of stories and have gained a wealth of wisdom and knowledge. This is a very good resource for working through the type of problems you are experiencing or about to experience.

[WilyWill]

She's having sex with another man. If this is okay with you, or if you want to watch, then you should tell her so. You can even arrange an open marriage where both of you have sex with other people.

 

If you are not okay with her sleeping with another man, then you should consider filing for divorce. It's just difficult to accept that you want to continue living in limbo like this.

[Mr Blunt]

If you really want to test her get a Polygraph