Author AussieGuy2018 Posted January 2, 2018 Author Share Posted January 2, 2018 Your story was brief in your opening post, but I really don't know the timeline of all this. Did she give you a lot of chances to open up in the beginning and you refused, then only when she had enough and was ready to leave, that's when you open up? What's unfair is that people hold back in order to protect their heart. Which you both have done. You gave her a reason to believe that she needs to protect her heart and she doesn't trust you yet to open hers back up. She wondered why you were even bothering with her in the beginning if you're not open to her. Now you're wondering why she's bothering if she's not open. See how this creates such a vicious cycle? The only advice I can give you is to give it time and BE OPEN. Normally I tell people to run when someone acts all distant (which you did in the beginning and now she is doing) but since she has shown in the past that she can be open, then we know she is capable and I'd say stick it out and let time and an open heart work it's magic. Thanks, completely understand what you’re saying. When I told her I liked her and have enjoyed getting to know her, she followed it up with too late, so it wasn’t like i said that after she pulled away. I was going to open up and tell her Why id prefer to move slow on our second date and when I bought up the subject she said she didn’t care about my past and knocked the convo on the head. I then planned to do it when we next saw each other, but that ended up being Xmas and someone in her family was quite ill so I didn’t think that was great timing and planned to do it next date, I told her I like her over the phone and she said it was too late. I don’t think I was distant in the beginning, I mean I used to text her when I woke up and we’d text until bedtime, I mean how open can you be after a couple of weeks? That conversation about why I was taking it slow, I never wanted to do via text or phone, I thought it was a convo for face to face. Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted January 2, 2018 Share Posted January 2, 2018 A couple of weeks is a really short time. Yes, I think she is overreacting. She may even be crazy. Link to post Share on other sites
Author AussieGuy2018 Posted January 2, 2018 Author Share Posted January 2, 2018 A couple of weeks is a really short time. Yes, I think she is overreacting. She may even be crazy. I’m 80% leaning towards letting it go and deleting her number and social media etc...but how would you suggest I approach it if I give it one more go to try and contact her? If I let it go, she may contact me again once her pride has been restored, who knows? But there’s a few red flags I think... Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted January 2, 2018 Share Posted January 2, 2018 I was pretty much a closed book and although she tried to get me to open up, I just didn’t know how even though I wanted to. I didn’t show her a lot of affection You had 3 dates in 5-6 weeks and by your own admission you were a closed book and did not show her much affection. She got fed up and closed it down. There is nothing here to salvage, you dated, she wasn't happy, she broke it off, end of. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
salparadise Posted January 2, 2018 Share Posted January 2, 2018 I’m 80% leaning towards letting it go and deleting her number and social media etc...but how would you suggest I approach it if I give it one more go to try and contact her? If I let it go, she may contact me again once her pride has been restored, who knows? But there’s a few red flags I think... How long has it been now? A week? That's eons on her timeline. I think it's low odds at this point. She has probably doubled down on the obstinacy in that time... but if she hasn't deleted you from social media, who knows. It also may depend on whether she has found a new target of interest in the meantime. You have nothing to lose but pride, so if you're willing to risk another sharp rejection for an unlikely outcome, might as well go for it. I wouldn't make any grand gestures... just ask her to meet for coffee or something. Try calling first, but if she doesn't pick up don't leave a voicemail message. Text and say you tried to call and would like to meet up to talk. That's it. If you get no response or a negative response, call it done, delete her number (and social stuff) and move on. I agree with Popsicle in that I suspect that she could be cray-cray. It's just not normal for people to expect instant fireworks, and then get angry... but people are different and hot women often expect to be objects of desire and pursuit... I can see how she might feel humiliated if she offered herself up and you declined to partake. I also don't know exactly what you meant when you said you were closed at first. Anyway, take another shot or not, up to you... but realize that it's low odds, and even if you manage to date her again, this is a woman with rigid expectations and a short fuse. Link to post Share on other sites
Author AussieGuy2018 Posted January 2, 2018 Author Share Posted January 2, 2018 How long has it been now? A week? That's eons on her timeline. I think it's low odds at this point. She has probably doubled down on the obstinacy in that time... but if she hasn't deleted you from social media, who knows. It also may depend on whether she has found a new target of interest in the meantime. You have nothing to lose but pride, so if you're willing to risk another sharp rejection for an unlikely outcome, might as well go for it. I wouldn't make any grand gestures... just ask her to meet for coffee or something. Try calling first, but if she doesn't pick up don't leave a voicemail message. Text and say you tried to call and would like to meet up to talk. That's it. If you get no response or a negative response, call it done, delete her number (and social stuff) and move on. I agree with Popsicle in that I suspect that she could be cray-cray. It's just not normal for people to expect instant fireworks, and then get angry... but people are different and hot women often expect to be objects of desire and pursuit... I can see how she might feel humiliated if she offered herself up and you declined to partake. I also don't know exactly what you meant when you said you were closed at first. Anyway, take another shot or not, up to you... but realize that it's low odds, and even if you manage to date her again, this is a woman with rigid expectations and a short fuse. I mean closed as in...I didn’t tell her I liked her working the first 2-3 weeks. She just deleted me off social media so I’m guessing that’s my answer. Link to post Share on other sites
Mkn1010 Posted January 2, 2018 Share Posted January 2, 2018 We went on 3 dates in the five weeks QUOTE] Yeah 3 dates is nothing! I'm not sure what she was expecting from you after such a short amount of time spent face to face! Sounds like you dodged a bullet! Link to post Share on other sites
Author AussieGuy2018 Posted January 2, 2018 Author Share Posted January 2, 2018 We went on 3 dates in the five weeks QUOTE] Yeah 3 dates is nothing! I'm not sure what she was expecting from you after such a short amount of time spent face to face! Sounds like you dodged a bullet! Yeah only 3...but speaking everyday seemed like we hung out a lot more than we did. Sometimes she would get frustrated that it was the boy three dates, but we were so busy coming to the end of the year, then she would apologise for not living in the moment and enjoying getting to know each other, it was like she was always trying to get to the next level or fast forward things...probably because we were in contact all the time. Anyways it’s done now, she’s deleted me off the socials so I think I should put a line through this one. I made some mistakes, but I think she’s unreasonable too. Link to post Share on other sites
BriNyc82 Posted January 2, 2018 Share Posted January 2, 2018 I always want the guy to fight for me if he's truly interested (no games). It sounds like since she put herself out there and wasn't getting that reciprocated her defenses went up and she's telling herself you aren't compatible in order to protect herself. She wanted you to be on the same page. I think being honest with her about your past is the way to go to help her understand that it's not her. That you're a little guarded and cautious. Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
Author AussieGuy2018 Posted January 3, 2018 Author Share Posted January 3, 2018 I always want the guy to fight for me if he's truly interested (no games). It sounds like since she put herself out there and wasn't getting that reciprocated her defenses went up and she's telling herself you aren't compatible in order to protect herself. She wanted you to be on the same page. I think being honest with her about your past is the way to go to help her understand that it's not her. That you're a little guarded and cautious. Good luck! Do you think she’s giving me signs to fight or telling me to forget it? This is why I’m so confused... Link to post Share on other sites
Mkn1010 Posted January 3, 2018 Share Posted January 3, 2018 Yeah only 3...but speaking everyday seemed like we hung out a lot more than we did. Sometimes she would get frustrated that it was the boy three dates, but we were so busy coming to the end of the year, then she would apologise for not living in the moment and enjoying getting to know each other, it was like she was always trying to get to the next level or fast forward things...probably because we were in contact all the time. Anyways it’s done now, she’s deleted me off the socials so I think I should put a line through this one. I made some mistakes, but I think she’s unreasonable too. Given what you've written about her, my guess is that she's on a race to lock down a husband/baby daddy...RUN FAST!! Don't fight for her, this woman will drive you up the wall with her neediness and unrealistic expectations. Link to post Share on other sites
Author AussieGuy2018 Posted January 3, 2018 Author Share Posted January 3, 2018 Given what you've written about her, my guess is that she's on a race to lock down a husband/baby daddy...RUN FAST!! Don't fight for her, this woman will drive you up the wall with her neediness and unrealistic expectations. Stupidly I reached out one more time and she replied by saying she appreciates me being open, but it’s too late, I didn’t show her enough and that she is not interested and to leave her alone. Makes it easier to do that now with how cut throat/nasty she is. I saw red flags early on and ignored them, usually when someone likes someone so much so quickly, it usually ends as quickly as well. I made some mistakes but for her to show no empathy, I think I dodged a bullet. Link to post Share on other sites
Scarlett.O'hara Posted January 3, 2018 Share Posted January 3, 2018 I agree with you that you dodged a bullet. If I had known how infrequently you had actually seen each other, I probably would have given you different advice. It puts a different spin on her behavior. I'd also delete/block her number in case she starts playing games again. Link to post Share on other sites
GemmaUK Posted January 3, 2018 Share Posted January 3, 2018 I mean I used to text her when I woke up and we’d text until bedtime. Maybe texting has become the new intimacy and social media is the new friendship much like orange is the new black? Anyway, time to move on OP. Link to post Share on other sites
Author AussieGuy2018 Posted January 3, 2018 Author Share Posted January 3, 2018 Maybe texting has become the new intimacy and social media is the new friendship much like orange is the new black? Anyway, time to move on OP. This is what frustrates me about dating these days, text messaging! Why don’t people want to talk on the phone anymore? Yep movING on, number and all socials deleted. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BriNyc82 Posted January 4, 2018 Share Posted January 4, 2018 Well you didn't get the outcome that you desired at that time but I admire you for fighting for what you want and staying true to yourself. If you didn't you may have always wondered "what if". Well now you know and you can move on Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts