Good first date but now what?

[ZoeGirl]

I don't know...I think that I would wait and send her one more text a few days after she is back in town if she does not get back to you. She is just getting back after being away Christmas and New Years. A lot to catch up on. If she doesn't reply after that, then you can ride off into the sunset and not give her another thought.

[Cookiesandough]

no more second chances. (More like at least 5th now) Start searching for the next

Edited January 2, 2018 by Cookiesandough

[Sbla22]

So...

 

I went through my day and it got to 5 pm and nothing from her still so I thought **** it and sent a message 'We on for golf tomorrow? I Promise to go easy on you '

 

I thought she wouldn't reply but 2 minutes later she did 'haha yeah, can I let you know what time though? Will be in the library getting my uni essay done so it will be later'

 

So I said 'yeah cool, let me know' and she said 'I will do '

 

I honestly expected her to turn me down or ghost based on her none contact this week. I suppose the only thing she could do now is use her essay as an excuse to cancel tomorrow at some point...but then if she wasn't interested why go to the bother of replying at all?

 

God I hate my neurosis!

[python23]

So...

 

I went through my day and it got to 5 pm and nothing from her still so I thought **** it and sent a message 'We on for golf tomorrow? I Promise to go easy on you '

 

I thought she wouldn't reply but 2 minutes later she did 'haha yeah, can I let you know what time though? Will be in the library getting my uni essay done so it will be later'

 

So I said 'yeah cool, let me know' and she said 'I will do '

 

I honestly expected her to turn me down or ghost based on her none contact this week. I suppose the only thing she could do now is use her essay as an excuse to cancel tomorrow at some point...but then if she wasn't interested why go to the bother of replying at all?

 

God I hate my neurosis!

 

That’s a good sign, although from experience I wouldn’t assume 100% you’re seeing her tomorrow. Since she told you she’s in the library She’s got an excuse ready for when she cancels on you. I’m not saying this is going to happen but just a heads up.

 

I usually take my offer back at the point and say” let’s make plans for when you’re definitely free”

I hope I’m wrong so good luck mate, she got back to you at least

[Sbla22]

That’s a good sign, although from experience I wouldn’t assume 100% you’re seeing her tomorrow. Since she told you she’s in the library She’s got an excuse ready for when she cancels on you. I’m not saying this is going to happen but just a heads up.

 

I usually take my offer back at the point and say” let’s make plans for when you’re definitely free”

I hope I’m wrong so good luck mate, she got back to you at least

 

Exactly my thinking, although I did know about this essay as she told me about it before we actually met for our first date 2 weeks ago and on the date too so I know it's not a fictional essay but it would be very easy for her to use it if she was a bit meh about seeing me tomorrow.

 

But if she was really not interested at all then why not just say she can't see me tomorrow because of the essay?

 

I guess tomorrow will show me once and for all. Can't work this one out at all!

[python23]

Exactly my thinking, although I did know about this essay as she told me about it before we actually met for our first date 2 weeks ago and on the date too so I know it's not a fictional essay but it would be very easy for her to use it if she was a bit meh about seeing me tomorrow.

 

But if she was really not interested at all then why not just say she can't see me tomorrow because of the essay?

 

I guess tomorrow will show me once and for all. Can't work this one out at all!

 

Yea exactly you’ll know tomorrow. It all comes down to and it’s the same for all of us, when we like someone we’ll make time for them. Definitely don’t text her again now. Let her text you about a time. She will either text you and confirm, cancel or you’ll never hear from her. I’ve had all 3 and I’m very good at guessing which way it will go now judging on her previous behaviours, either way you’ll find out tomorrow, just don’t text her

 

Some girls just enjoy having guys chase them, they will agree all week to plans they’ve arranged with you then when it comes to the day you never hear from them. It’s jusy to pass time and to have their ego stroked. It’s a sign of immaturity of the highest degree.

 

I do think this girls very busy genuinely so good luck.

Edited January 3, 2018 by python23

[Sbla22]

Yea exactly you’ll know tomorrow. It all comes down to and it’s the same for all of us, when we like someone we’ll make time for them. Definitely don’t text her again now. Let her text you about a time. She will either text you and confirm, cancel or you’ll never hear from her. I’ve had all 3 and I’m very good at guessing which way it will go now judging on her previous behaviours, either way you’ll find out tomorrow, just don’t text her

 

Some girls just enjoy having guys chase them, they will agree all week to plans they’ve arranged with you then when it comes to the day you never hear from them. It’s jusy to pass time and to have their ego stroked. It’s a sign of immaturity of the highest degree.

 

I do think this girls very busy genuinely so good luck.

 

Looks like my fears were right - its just gone 5 PM UK time and no word from her today - not even an excuse offered, just nothing. The golf place closes at 10 PM so maybe when she meant 'it will be later' she meant really late but really doubt it now.

 

She seemed quite nice and she's 27 so not exactly a silly, immature girl so this surprises me I have to say. I'm unsure why she didn't just say yesterday that she had work to do so wouldn't be able to see me - at least then I would have known and wouldn't have had some expectation today.

 

It seems that for some reason once she went home for Christmas she either realised she wasn't that into me as she thought right after our date, re-connected with an ex and didn't know how to tell me or just decided she didn't want to see me again for whatever reason but didn't explicitly give me the let down just in case.

 

I guess I should count myself lucky and move on to the next one - frustrating though as I really applied all the advice this time - I hardly contacted her except to try and cement a second date.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

Looks like my fears were right - its just gone 5 PM UK time and no word from her today - not even an excuse offered, just nothing. The golf place closes at 10 PM so maybe when she meant 'it will be later' she meant really late but really doubt it now.

 

She seemed quite nice and she's 27 so not exactly a silly, immature girl so this surprises me I have to say. I'm unsure why she didn't just say yesterday that she had work to do so wouldn't be able to see me - at least then I would have known and wouldn't have had some expectation today.

 

It seems that for some reason once she went home for Christmas she either realised she wasn't that into me as she thought right after our date, re-connected with an ex and didn't know how to tell me or just decided she didn't want to see me again for whatever reason but didn't explicitly give me the let down just in case.

 

I guess I should count myself lucky and move on to the next one - frustrating though as I really applied all the advice this time - I hardly contacted her except to try and cement a second date.

 

Hope is not lost. 5PM is not "later" at all. I would assume 7 or 8 is "later" for this type of activity. It's a little rude of her not to text you yet, but that doesn't mean she won't. Give it until 7:30 before you assume that.

[python23]

Looks like my fears were right - its just gone 5 PM UK time and no word from her today - not even an excuse offered, just nothing. The golf place closes at 10 PM so maybe when she meant 'it will be later' she meant really late but really doubt it now.

 

She seemed quite nice and she's 27 so not exactly a silly, immature girl so this surprises me I have to say. I'm unsure why she didn't just say yesterday that she had work to do so wouldn't be able to see me - at least then I would have known and wouldn't have had some expectation today.

 

It seems that for some reason once she went home for Christmas she either realised she wasn't that into me as she thought right after our date, re-connected with an ex and didn't know how to tell me or just decided she didn't want to see me again for whatever reason but didn't explicitly give me the let down just in case.

 

I guess I should count myself lucky and move on to the next one - frustrating though as I really applied all the advice this time - I hardly contacted her except to try and cement a second date.

 

Yes I very much doubt you’ll hear from her now. At this point I wouldn’t be going anyway even if she did message you say at 7/8 and say I’m free now, all this does if you agree to see her is show you’re waiting around for a text when actually, you’re a busy guy who values his time.

 

If she text you around 7 I would personally say something like “ hey I’m sorry due to not hearing from you I’ve made other plans with a friend of mine” it’s rude of her not to have text you to give her an update on the day.

[Assassino]

Where are you from in the UK? This sounds awfully like a girl I've dated previously

[Sbla22]

Where are you from in the UK? This sounds awfully like a girl I've dated previously

 

Liverpool.

 

Still nothing from her so deleted her number. She wasn't interested or mature enough or both.

 

On to the next.

[newyorker11356]

So I get told on here not to text her much and when I do just to arrange the next date. I do that, she gives me silence and now I'm getting called needy and she has seen that? That's bull****.

 

I admit in this thread I am needy but have done nothing in texts to her this week to show that. Seems like females trying to justify poor behaviour that they wouldn't like from a male who encouraged interest after a first date.

 

Agreed.

 

I'm sorry, but unlike most here, I'm in agreement with the OP. After the 1st date, it was apparent that she lost interest. Maybe she didn't show the lack of interest right away, but it eventually was evident. Most people in this thread probably tried to give you encouragement and/or give your date the benefit of the doubt, but our intuition is usually right for a reason.

 

I know because this has happened to me a lot of times. I usually meet women from OLD apps. We match, talk, exchange numbers, text more, and set up a 1st date and we meet. Through all this, I can tell she's interested. I usually play it cool with texting. Not too passive, or aggressive. And I'm in-between sending flirty and "how was your day" type texts.

 

However, after the 1st date, I can tell that the woman's texting patterns have changed (ie. not initiating texts anymore, boring-dry short texts, hardly or not asking me any questions, no mention of 2nd date plans, etc). I'm very good at reading into text messages, so it's obvious that her interest level changed. It's not rocket science, lol.

 

It's almost become a predictable pattern at this point. It's like something happens in-between the end of the 1st date and planning a 2nd date.

 

Granted, this isn't all women. Some women are gracious enough to let me know after the date or the next day that they didn't feel it and don't want to go with me again. Those women I respect. It's the ones that are clearly not interested (even when they claimed to want a 2nd date) that try to string me along and keep feeding me enough until they either ghost, or finally let me know that they don't want to date anymore (because of being too busy, realized they don't want to date anyone, yadayada, etc.) that I don't respect a whole lot of.

 

My point is, if a woman (or man) likes you, then YOU WILL know it. More likely than not, you won't have to wonder. Are there exceptions? Sure, but to me, they're very, very rare. I learned this a long time ago.

Edited January 4, 2018 by newyorker11356

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

Liverpool.

 

Still nothing from her so deleted her number. She wasn't interested or mature enough or both.

 

On to the next.

 

Sorry . It was rude of her for sure .

[gbe2015]

Liverpool.

 

Still nothing from her so deleted her number. She wasn't interested or mature enough or both.

 

On to the next.

 

IMO you should have been on to the next 2 weeks ago. Nothing wrong with having 3-4 girls on the go, at the 1st-2nd date stage nobody is committed to anybody. You should have left it alone until she got back, if you didn't hear anything you'd have been farther ahead on the others girls, or if you did hear back, great you have a date.

 

You don't sit there waiting for a response. You send a text to her and start talking to the next one. It gives you confidence, allows you to be more daring with your texts and you don't feel like you wasted your time when it doesn't work out with one of them. They are more than likely doing the same thing.

 

Another thing, ALWAYS wait between texts, at least a couple hours. Think of something creative to say in the meantime. And don't ask questions, make a statement, something interesting (preferably funny) and let the conversation flow that way. During the next 2-4 hours think of another statement built up from her response. But keep it all to a minimum. Sure you might be sitting around doing nothing but she doesn't need to know that, let her fill in the missing time with her imagination. And if she doesn't specifically ask, don't offer any details.

Edited January 4, 2018 by gbe2015

[newyorker11356]

IMO you should have been on to the next 2 weeks ago. Nothing wrong with having 3-4 girls on the go, at the 1st-2nd date stage nobody is committed to anybody. You should have left it alone until she got back, if you didn't hear anything you'd have been farther ahead on the others girls, or if you did hear back, great you have a date.

 

You don't sit there waiting for a response. You send a text to her and start talking to the next one. It gives you confidence, allows you to be more daring with your texts and you don't feel like you wasted your time when it doesn't work out with one of them. They are more than likely doing the same thing.

 

Another thing, ALWAYS wait between texts, at least a couple hours. Think of something creative to say in the meantime. And don't ask questions, make a statement, something interesting (preferably funny) and let the conversation flow that way. During the next 2-4 hours think of another statement built up from her response. But keep it all to a minimum. Sure you might be sitting around doing nothing but she doesn't need to know that, let her fill in the missing time with her imagination. And if she doesn't specifically ask, don't offer any details.

 

I think having multiple options (especially ones you like) helps with that. It's much easier not to get too hung up on one woman that way.

[Assassino]

Liverpool.

 

Still nothing from her so deleted her number. She wasn't interested or mature enough or both.

 

On to the next.

 

Best advice I ever heard was a woman makes it easy for you if she's interested. If you're finding it this difficult to do simple communication or to get her out on a date, move on, because she isn't interested. You're just portraying your interest on her which is giving you a false sense of hope.

 

Many times I've done exactly what you've done. Then you meet a woman who makes it SO easy for you, you literally cannot do anything wrong.

 

My posts on this forum seem to be my own insecurity, where I imagine there being problems where there's none at all.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

Best advice I ever heard was a woman makes it easy for you if she's interested. If you're finding it this difficult to do simple communication or to get her out on a date, move on, because she isn't interested. You're just portraying your interest on her which is giving you a false sense of hope.

 

Many times I've done exactly what you've done. Then you meet a woman who makes it SO easy for you, you literally cannot do anything wrong.

 

My posts on this forum seem to be my own insecurity, where I imagine there being problems where there's none at all.

 

This is very true.

[Assassino]

IMO you should have been on to the next 2 weeks ago. Nothing wrong with having 3-4 girls on the go, at the 1st-2nd date stage nobody is committed to anybody. You should have left it alone until she got back, if you didn't hear anything you'd have been farther ahead on the others girls, or if you did hear back, great you have a date.

 

You don't sit there waiting for a response. You send a text to her and start talking to the next one. It gives you confidence, allows you to be more daring with your texts and you don't feel like you wasted your time when it doesn't work out with one of them. They are more than likely doing the same thing.

 

Another thing, ALWAYS wait between texts, at least a couple hours. Think of something creative to say in the meantime. And don't ask questions, make a statement, something interesting (preferably funny) and let the conversation flow that way. During the next 2-4 hours think of another statement built up from her response. But keep it all to a minimum. Sure you might be sitting around doing nothing but she doesn't need to know that, let her fill in the missing time with her imagination. And if she doesn't specifically ask, don't offer any details.

 

Sometimes it's hard to be dating multiple people if you work a busy job. I know I struggle, but as long as you have the mentality to quickly get on a dating website and find a replacement, then that's okay.

 

The girl I'm dating (we've had 3 dates, 4th this weekend), I noticed she unhid her dating profile a day or two ago and changed a sentence on her profile. We're not exclusive, so whatever. She still reaches out to me, texts quick and seems interested in talking/setting dates so that's all that matters! She makes it easy for me to do all that stuff. But I do think multi-dating is a good idea because it stops you acting needy, etc with one girl in fear of losing her. I figured she might be keeping her options open incase this doesn't work out, but I'd also fear I'm just a stop gap until something better comes along. Just a case of going with the flow.

 

Obviously don't tell the girl you're dating that you're dating others though. If I'm asked I prefer to say "I'm keeping my options to see who I click with" or act dismissive on the subject.

Edited January 4, 2018 by Assassino

[Sbla22]

Well in another twist to this, she text me at 7! She said 'sotry been in the library all day and lost track of time, we on for crazy golf? X"

 

Now I did consider the advice at this point of saying no but to be honest I had no plans at all tonight and I'm finding it difficult to build any other options on Tinder or POF at the minute or in my life. Tinder I get about 3 matches a week and most of them immediately I know are not suitable. POF it's extremely rare I get a reply - maybe my pictures need refreshing on there but 1 in 15 seem to respond to me on there.

 

So basically I gave it a shot and met her for golf. We had a really good time again - I drove her home and went for the kiss. At first I think she went for the cheek or thought I was going for it but then I pulled her in and we kissed for a while and she definitely kissed back. Then she said 'text me and lets do something else'

 

I think I'm going to follow Corey Wayne's advice now and wait for her to reach out. If she doesn't then in 2 days or so I'll try arrange something. She mentioned tonight she wanted to see Jumanji so I might text 'when are we going to see Jumanji? ;)"

 

I think she seems to be at times socially awkward which may explain the mixed signals? At this stage I am intrested and I like her but still not absolutely convinced she's head over heels for me.

[gbe2015]

Congrats. See, all that worrying and stressing for nothing

 

I wouldn't ask her that. I'd say enjoy the concert and maybe say something about a concert you went to and something amazing that happened there. Tell her about your life and what you like about what happens in it.

[newyorker11356]

Well in another twist to this, she text me at 7! She said 'sotry been in the library all day and lost track of time, we on for crazy golf? X"

 

Now I did consider the advice at this point of saying no but to be honest I had no plans at all tonight and I'm finding it difficult to build any other options on Tinder or POF at the minute or in my life. Tinder I get about 3 matches a week and most of them immediately I know are not suitable. POF it's extremely rare I get a reply - maybe my pictures need refreshing on there but 1 in 15 seem to respond to me on there.

 

So basically I gave it a shot and met her for golf. We had a really good time again - I drove her home and went for the kiss. At first I think she went for the cheek or thought I was going for it but then I pulled her in and we kissed for a while and she definitely kissed back. Then she said 'text me and lets do something else'

 

I think I'm going to follow Corey Wayne's advice now and wait for her to reach out. If she doesn't then in 2 days or so I'll try arrange something. She mentioned tonight she wanted to see Jumanji so I might text 'when are we going to see Jumanji? ;)"

 

I think she seems to be at times socially awkward which may explain the mixed signals? At this stage I am intrested and I like her but still not absolutely convinced she's head over heels for me.

 

Honestly, the fact that she even responded and went out with you is a miracle. 9 times out of 10 in that scenario, they either stop responding or say that they're not interested anymore.

 

I'd still be worried that she doesn't seem THAT into you like you said. Almost like she went out with you because she was bored.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

Well in another twist to this, she text me at 7! She said 'sotry been in the library all day and lost track of time, we on for crazy golf? X"

 

Now I did consider the advice at this point of saying no but to be honest I had no plans at all tonight and I'm finding it difficult to build any other options on Tinder or POF at the minute or in my life. Tinder I get about 3 matches a week and most of them immediately I know are not suitable. POF it's extremely rare I get a reply - maybe my pictures need refreshing on there but 1 in 15 seem to respond to me on there.

 

So basically I gave it a shot and met her for golf. We had a really good time again - I drove her home and went for the kiss. At first I think she went for the cheek or thought I was going for it but then I pulled her in and we kissed for a while and she definitely kissed back. Then she said 'text me and lets do something else'

 

I think I'm going to follow Corey Wayne's advice now and wait for her to reach out. If she doesn't then in 2 days or so I'll try arrange something. She mentioned tonight she wanted to see Jumanji so I might text 'when are we going to see Jumanji? ;)"

 

I think she seems to be at times socially awkward which may explain the mixed signals? At this stage I am intrested and I like her but still not absolutely convinced she's head over heels for me.

 

Glad it worked out, but I still think she was rude to wait until 7! Is this how you want to be treated? Just curious if this is OK with you.

[newyorker11356]

Glad it worked out, but I still think she was rude to wait until 7! Is this how you want to be treated? Just curious if this is OK with you.

 

That would also concern me. It's almost like she has/had no respect for the OP's time and expected him to be free.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

That would also concern me. It's almost like she has/had no respect for the OP's time and expected him to be free.

 

Yeah. I mean, unless she was stuck in an operating room for 12 hours separating conjoined twins, I'm not sure why she couldn't have texted earlier out of courtesy.

[newyorker11356]

Yeah. I mean, unless she was stuck in an operating room for 12 hours separating conjoined twins, I'm not sure why she couldn't have texted earlier out of courtesy.

 

It's because some people are just simply lost in the sauce, lol. Some are just very absent-minded.