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The problem with "nice guys"


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somanymistakes
Notice that most guys are not into bad girls.

 

The high popularity of Sexy Evil Villainesses in the media says otherwise.

 

The bad girl is almost always seen as more exciting, more intelligent, more interesting, and more of a challenge than the "boring" good girl, when it comes to a choice between them. Men crave the chance to make her change for them just as much as women have that fantasy about bad boys.

 

What's that you say, this is something based on fiction and crushes and something young men grow out of in order to get into stable long-term relationships?

 

BINGO. EXACTLY THE SAME AS IT IS WITH WOMEN AND 'BAD BOYS'.

 

Of course, some people never outgrow it, and keep getting into relationships with women who are terrible and toxic for them, over and over again.

 

EXACTLY THE SAME AS IT IS WITH WOMEN AND TOXIC MEN.

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Even though sometimes we disagree, I have absolutely no doubt you are a lovely woman who is compassionate, kind, level headed and reasonable...You are the type of woman most guys will get along great with....I truly mean it....;)

 

But there is no doubt some of what I mentioned does exist...The main reason being many women suffer sometimes from a sense of unreasonable and dreamy idealism when it comes to men and relationships and dating....There are all conditions and some expect more than they will ever bring to the table themselves...And that one aspect is probably the biggest reason they continue to struggle...Too many romance novels and Cosmo articles?? I dunno....

 

And in the tech age we currently live in, now the idealism is taken to a whole nuther level....You have women believing they are God's gift because a bunch of guys flooded their inbox....(most just trolling for sex or the fact that the venue itself just favors women in general)..

 

You should know me by now....I don't have any built in resentment of women...I like women, and women have been better to me than I probably even deserved....:p:)

 

TFY

 

Another nice way of making the same old point:

 

Women hold out for mr perfect instead of accepting what is

the best that they can pull in.

 

And, now with the internet women are getting hit on more than

they ever would of back in the old days. Leaving them feeling

with an inflated self worth and too choosey.

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Women hold out for mr perfect instead of accepting what is

the best that they can pull in.

 

i personally know a number of educated and attractive women in their 40s who are single and waiting for "Mr. Perfect". THey don't realize that he doesn't exist...

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^ This is true. But you have to realize that some of those women also may feel that if it's not right, it's not worth it and they'd be better off alone. Women see an awful lot of discord among their coupled-up friends. Being part of a unit isn't easy and involves a lot of compromise not everyone will be okay with.

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Nice guys give too much too soon. They need to learn to give a little bit, and not consistently. Giving consistently doesn't make a woman want more. Giving intermittently makes her want more.

 

IMO, this is really good advice and bears repeating.

 

Do you ever write some really heartfelt and insightful content and then decide 'oh, why bother?' ;)

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Cookiesandough
^ This is true. But you have to realize that some of those women also may feel that if it's not right, it's not worth it and they'd be better off alone. Women see an awful lot of discord among their coupled-up friends. Being part of a unit isn't easy and involves a lot of compromise not everyone will be okay with.

 

Couldn’t agree more

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^ This is true. But you have to realize that some of those women also may feel that if it's not right, it's not worth it and they'd be better off alone. Women see an awful lot of discord among their coupled-up friends. Being part of a unit isn't easy and involves a lot of compromise not everyone will be okay with.

 

I'm seeing this more often in older, divorced women. They either choose to stay single and just enjoy their lives without having to worry about the care and feeding of a man.....or they switch sides ;)

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I'm seeing this more often in older, divorced women. They either choose to stay single and just enjoy their lives without having to worry about the care and feeding of a man.....or they switch sides ;)

either way the nice guy loses out...again

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somanymistakes
either way the nice guy loses out...again

 

Since this was in the context of women deciding that no one matched up to their standards, the nice guy isn't losing out any more than the not-nice guy.

 

It's not like it's a woman's responsibility to, once a month, pick out the nicest single man nearby and sleep with him.

 

Though that sounds like it might make entertaining science fiction. :laugh:

 

Sadly, many people, male and female, never find what they're looking for. And a lot of those people, male and female, are nice. It's not a conspiracy though.

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^ This is true. But you have to realize that some of those women also may feel that if it's not right, it's not worth it and they'd be better off alone. Women see an awful lot of discord among their coupled-up friends. Being part of a unit isn't easy and involves a lot of compromise not everyone will be okay with.

 

I think the key word there is compromise. They aren't willing to budge much in the compromise area.

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I think the key word there is compromise. They aren't willing to budge much in the compromise area.

 

And if having a relationship isn't high on their list of wants, this is perfectly OK.

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either way the nice guy loses out...again

 

The single older woman does not care.

Edited by basil67
clarity
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i personally know a number of educated and attractive women in their 40s who are single and waiting for "Mr. Perfect". THey don't realize that he doesn't exist...

 

 

No the men that they want do exist. Just that there is not enough

of them to go around to meet the demand.

 

 

Since this was in the context of women deciding that no one matched up to their standards, the nice guy isn't losing out any more than the not-nice guy.

 

 

The problem is in words. Up to standards is just a way of covering

up that I will not compromise, I will hold out for Mr Perfect. While

living in self denial that they do not bring enough to the table to

get a Mr Perfect.

 

And the not/non nice guys aka jerks bad boys are not losing out

because there are plenty of women putting out for them. Though

the nice guy's are still getting passed over.

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I think the key word there is compromise. They aren't willing to budge much in the compromise area.

 

It boils down to a cost benefit analysis.

Many single older women have come out of LTRs or marriages and some can struggle to see what a man brings to their life.

Many are OK financially, many are not natural born housekeepers, nursemaids or carers, many are not keen on the traditional role, so the addition of an older man will probably just add additional work for her to do and drama and stress to her life, so many having weighed up the costs and benefits are happier just to pass.

It needs someone really special to tip the scales and as there are usually not many of them around she is fine being single.

 

Some men are the same, BTDT so are happier pottering around doing what they want to do, when they want to do it, with no interference, no drama, no stress.

Edited by elaine567
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The problem is in words. Up to standards is just a way of covering

up that I will not compromise, I will hold out for Mr Perfect. While

living in self denial that they do not bring enough to the table to

get a Mr Perfect.

 

And if they are happy being single and fussy, good for them.

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It boils down to a cost benefit analysis.

Many single older women have come out of LTRs or marriages and some can struggle to see what a man brings to their life.

Many are OK financially, many are not natural born housekeepers, nursemaids or carers, many are not keen on the traditional role, so the addition of an older man will probably just add additional work for her to do and drama and stress to her life, so many having weighed up the costs and benefits are happier just to pass.

It needs someone really special to tip the scales and as there are usually not many of them around she is fine being single.

 

Some men are the same, BTDT so are happier pottering around doing what they want to do, when they want to do it, with no interference, no drama, no stress.

 

Then add issues such as we see online frequently: "She's let herself go". "She's getting fat" "She doesn't want sex often enough". I'm sure she can't be bothered with it all. Easier to just please yourself.

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And if they are happy being single and fussy, good for them.

 

Seems to me, men get so upset with women who are single and are looking for Mr Perfect, but it is not usually about concern for their welfare, it is usually more about concern about "nice guys" being passed over...

 

I guess the days of Miss OlderLongTimeSingle being paired up with Mr LookingForAWomanJustAnyWomanPlease are gone.

 

Women no longer have to accept any old guy due to desperation, they have choices.

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Women no longer have to accept any old guy due to desperation, they have choices.

 

living a lonely existence with seven cats is not a choice

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Women no longer have to accept any old guy due to desperation, they have choices.

 

So who are they choosing? If a lot of men are being left out, who are the few who are deemed worthy?

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living a lonely existence with seven cats is not a choice

 

Who says they are lonely? The women I know who've chosen to not bother with men have a terrific support network of other women. They travel, socialise, and do generally interesting stuff. All with nobody to answer to.

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xenawarriorprincess
Nice guys just don't turn women on.

 

Why? There are lots of reasons. But let's start with the basics. They're just not exciting. Have you heard the country song, "Ladies love outlaws"? Most women are attracted to a little bit of danger. Plus, in order to have the "in love" feeling, a woman has to have her love returned somewhat, but not altogether, and yet she has to have hope of having it returned altogether in the future.

 

Women need the excitement that makes her wonder, "Will he call or won't he?" Don't become too predictable. Yes, nice guys often finish last. Maybe it's because there's no challenge. Maybe it's because too nice is too boring.

 

Nice guys give too much too soon. They need to learn to give a little bit, and not consistently. Giving consistently doesn't make a woman want more. Giving intermittently makes her want more.

 

The kiss of death for a relationship (in the courting stage) is when they are always there for her and she knows you love her more than life. That's a lot more pressure than a woman wants in the beginning of a relationship. She wants a little equality, in terms of you both deciding at a similar speed if you want to be in a romantic relationship -- not you've decided and now she has to get on board.

 

Alphamale:

 

Have you been reading The Red Pill--Sexual Strategy? Your viewpoints are "red-pilled", and I don't disagree with them at all, but just wondering if you are trying to "red-pill" the audience.....if so, it might be a tough crowd ;)

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So who are they choosing? If a lot of men are being left out, who are the few who are deemed worthy?

 

Well if you believe the guys who have a lot to say on the subject, those of us who are in relationships are all with douchebags :lmao:

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