Frustrated still at 'break up' with MM

[goldengirl11]

He is abusive good riddance to him! His BS probably stopped sleeping with him because he acted like such an a**hole. I'm sorry you had to hear this drivel.

(((goldengirl11)))

Thanks ladydesigner. Although he's obviously not interested anymore (sadly), for different reasons I guess, I still think he's got me wrapped around his little finger! It won't be an easy recovery for sure.

[goldengirl11]

I'm having a rough evening, Jenkins/whoever. Feel so rejected, after being toyed all that time! He's been unbelievably selfish lately I feel. Although, it's probably fair to say nothing's changed since he moved out and feel like a friend at best.

[sandylee1]

You'd be best cutting contact with him altogether. He's not a friend of yours. He's simply a cheater,who has been turfed out.

[goldengirl11]

I'm feeling heartbroken. Utterly utterly heartbroken. I'm mild self harming and feel suicidal. He tells me he's been in a relationship with someone at work, which had never been mentioned before. It seems new, but he says it's up in the air at the moment. Also that he wants to find someone new. I'm shattered. He also says he's married. I know I'm not the one for him and he's treated me appallingly. We plan to meet tomorrow evening for a chat. He said what do I expect we're not in a relationship, but there I was thinking that he was probably repairing his marriage, without complications from another party! I think he got bored with me i.e took me for granted and as he said didn't think we were compatible. I'm also starting a new job on Tuesday, which doesn't help! Just what has he done to me? I feel betrayed and has only now been honest with me. I think this woman at work has spoilt it, whether serious or not, as I REALLY didn't want him to get his needs met elsewhere. He's killing me inside. I feel a fool and think the non sex between us in recent months likely turned him elsewhere, but still feel betrayed if that makes sense? End July when we met up (second to last time) he said he thought he had an erectile dysfunction, which I guess MUST'VE been proved otherwise since?! He obviously thinks he can do better and so doesn't deserve me. I'm FAR too nice to him and have been TOO patient. How dare he get involvement with someone else? It feels like karma, even though he said it wasn't my fault. I'm distraught. Please help me.

Edited September 10, 2017 by goldengirl11

[elaine567]

I guess the on sex between you in the past few months may have been due to him getting it elsewhere...

 

I just read a thread of yours from almost exactly a year ago with him then also "cheating" on you with another woman, so why are you still hanging on in there?

Surely being the OW is hard enough without having to compete with more women... Even when he separates you are not usually is first port of call.

So why torture yourself any longer.

 

Take the hint perhaps, for your own good...

You will never have a nice life as long as this man is in it.

[goldengirl11]

I guess the on sex between you in the past few months may have been due to him getting it elsewhere...

 

I just read a thread of yours from almost exactly a year ago with him then also "cheating" on you with another woman, so why are you still hanging on in there?

Surely being the OW is hard enough without having to compete with more women... Even when he separates you are not usually is first port of call.

So why torture yourself any longer.

 

Take the hint perhaps, for your own good...

You will never have a nice life as long as this man is in it.

 

Believe it or not that was someone else, who I've ceased contact with. The other person I'm posting about now, hadn't cheated before as it were and have been involved for some time.

[elaine567]

Believe it or not that was someone else, who I've ceased contact with. The other person I'm posting about now, hadn't cheated before as it were.

 

OK, so there is a pattern here.

Your picker seems off.

[pumpkinpie1]

I'm feeling heartbroken. Utterly utterly heartbroken. I'm mild self harming and feel suicidal. He tells me he's been in a relationship with someone at work, which had never been mentioned before. It seems new, but he says it's up in the air at the moment. Also that he wants to find someone new. I'm shattered. He also says he's married. I know I'm not the one for him and he's treated me appallingly. We plan to meet tomorrow evening for a chat. He said what do I expect we're not in a relationship, but there I was thinking that he was probably repairing his marriage, without complications from another party! I think he got bored with me i.e took me for granted and as he said didn't think we were compatible. I'm also starting a new job on Tuesday, which doesn't help! Just what has he done to me? I feel betrayed and has only now been honest with me. I think this woman at work has spoilt it, whether serious or not, as I REALLY didn't want him to get his needs met elsewhere. He's killing me inside. I feel a fool and think the non sex between us in recent months likely turned him elsewhere, but still feel betrayed if that makes sense? End July when we met up (second to last time) he said he thought he had an erectile dysfunction, which I guess MUST'VE been proved otherwise since?! He obviously thinks he can do better and so doesn't deserve me. I'm FAR too nice to him and have been TOO patient. How dare he get involvement with someone else? It feels like karma, even though he said it wasn't my fault. I'm distraught. Please help me.

 

Hi GoldenGirl. I am also feeling suicidal due to my involvement in an affair. I won't tell you it's not karma because I think it is..but there's still plenty of time for both of us to change that karma. Perhaps we can help each other through so we don't choose a permanent solution to this temporary problem.

 

With the whole erectile dysfunction thing..regardless, it had nothing to do with you. Perhaps you were a 'starter affair' and he had not yet learned to compartmentalize his thoughts, so he was unable to perform due to guilt. That would be my guess. And now he's turned into a complete slime ball and is able to disregard his wife completely so he can get it up.

 

Sending big hugs your way. Also..posting on this site and trying to help other people through their own problems is helping me..I'm so glad I found it.

[goldengirl11]

Hi GoldenGirl. I am also feeling suicidal due to my involvement in an affair. I won't tell you it's not karma because I think it is..but there's still plenty of time for both of us to change that karma. Perhaps we can help each other through so we don't choose a permanent solution to this temporary problem.

 

With the whole erectile dysfunction thing..regardless, it had nothing to do with you. Perhaps you were a 'starter affair' and he had not yet learned to compartmentalize his thoughts, so he was unable to perform due to guilt. That would be my guess. And now he's turned into a complete slime ball and is able to disregard his wife completely so he can get it up.

 

Sending big hugs your way. Also..posting on this site and trying to help other people through their own problems is helping me..I'm so glad I found it.

 

Thank you for your understanding reply and feel for you too!

 

We met up for a chat on Sunday night, when I admit had gone back with him, mainly because he wanted to show me his new flat. Well, the inevitable happened... and although was nice (but nerve-wracking for me), he promised me not to put any pressure on him now as is very confused. He said would tell me about this other person at work soon, which he said had ended as he ft she was taking the mick (she's got a family), but up in the air. He also admitted that he felt quite strongly about her and was quite full on. This is extremely painful for me and am shaking as I write this. There is also a group drinks tomorrow night with his lot from work, which makes me very nervous. Also starting a new job today - can't believe the timing of it all! He's being selfish towards my feelings in my opinion and feel he's hidden a lot from earlier this year, which he is only now telling me. I appreciate that we weren't in a relationship as we weren't sleeping together (his words), but I was still attached to him for some time. I'm torn in two, but will have to try and put on a front today.

Edited September 12, 2017 by goldengirl11

[pumpkinpie1]

Thank you for your understanding reply and feel for you too!

 

We met up for a chat on Sunday night, when I admit had gone back with him, mainly because he wanted to show me his new flat. Well, the inevitable happened... and although was nice (but nerve-wracking for me), he promised me not to put any pressure on him now as is very confused. He said would tell me about this other person at work soon, which he said had ended as he ft she was taking the mick (she's got a family), but up in the air. He also admitted that he felt quite strongly about her and was quite full on. This is extremely painful for me and am shaking as I write this. There is also a group drinks tomorrow night with his lot from work, which makes me very nervous. Also starting a new job today - can't believe the timing of it all! He's being selfish towards my feelings in my opinion and feel he's hidden a lot from earlier this year, which he is only now telling me. I appreciate that we weren't in a relationship as we weren't sleeping together (his words), but I was still attached to him for some time. I'm torn in two, but will have to try and put on a front today.

 

Oh no. I hope you stop falling for his nonsense soon. This man is abusive. You are in an abusive relationship. I hope you really and truly take some time to contemplate that word for a while. That's what I did.

[sandylee1]

I don't mean to be harsh, but at some point you have to the responsibility for the pain and stop blaming him.

 

He isn't ever going to choose you. He's actually invested in a committed woman and has friendzoned you by talking about her.

 

As long as you maintain contact, your pain will continue. He knows you are so in love with him and he'll continue treating you like crap.... because you're allowing him to.

[goldengirl11]

I don't mean to be harsh, but at some point you have to the responsibility for the pain and stop blaming him.

 

He isn't ever going to choose you. He's actually invested in a committed woman and has friendzoned you by talking about her.

 

As long as you maintain contact, your pain will continue. He knows you are so in love with him and he'll continue treating you like crap.... because you're allowing him to.

 

I know I need to be tougher, for my own sanity at least!

[goldengirl11]

I know I need to be tougher, for my own sanity at least!

 

Jenkins95? Not 'spoken' to you in ages.

[stillafool]

This man is not just abusive it is obvious he just doesn't care anything about the OP or how she feels. He is trying to get rid of you by throwing his new OW in your face. It sounds like he doesn't even want the sex anymore. You have got to get in counseling and work on your self esteem. This affair is over as you once knew it.

[BaileyB]

I don't mean to be harsh, but at some point you have to the responsibility for the pain and stop blaming him.

 

He isn't ever going to choose you. He's actually invested in a committed woman and has friendzoned you by talking about her.

 

As long as you maintain contact, your pain will continue. He knows you are so in love with him and he'll continue treating you like crap.... because you're allowing him to.

 

I totally agree. At a certain point, you can't blame him anymore... You are the one who allows the continued contact and because of that, you are the person who is responsible for creating your own pain.

[goldengirl11]

I totally agree. At a certain point, you can't blame him anymore... You are the one who allows the continued contact and because of that, you are the person who is responsible for creating your own pain.

I understand where you're coming from. I'm devastated, feel lost, heartbroken, vulnerable. Am still at work sitting outside, when I finished an hour and a half ago!

[goldengirl11]

TVI guess what gets me, is that on more than one occasion earlier this year I'm sure I had asked him if there was anyone else when he said "Come on, no there isn't," so I feel lied to. However, when I said was surprised recently there was, he said "What do you expect?" "We're not in a relationship now." So I guess he was either lying, or it was short lived, yet strong. We had a chat over the phone last night, must've been the worst one we've had. Although he'd earlier texted he didn't feel the same about me as I do him, he said we've gone to bed a number of times and haven't been able to... I think this is likely a strong, if not main factor and I know have put on weight (which he's commented on). The last time we went to bed on Sun, he couldn't get it up long enough (blaming his tiredness and alcohol). I deleted my whatsapp account last night, which we mainly communicated on.

Edited September 14, 2017 by goldengirl11

[goldengirl11]

I have had the worst weekend, ever. We met on Saturday night for cinema and afterwards a meal, when he stormed off at the end as he said I was taking too long with my food, which "infuriated" him. He also needed to get the train back and decided to go whilst I'd taken "f***in half an hour" in the toilets.

 

Today was even worse after I stupidly texted him a few times yesterday morning and once last night, when he said the most ruthless things e.g I'm too slow physically and mentally (I replied saying it could be side effects of medication I'm on), was no us, to find someone new etc. He just went too far.

 

He now clearly wants to be with another married woman at work (he didn't know what would happen now after he'd ended it a week ago, but they met up for a chat in the week), who he said feels is a close match, which has spoilt any potential left and pains me to death, yet is going through a separation himself. He has also just began internet dating. He asked me to stop keep messaging him, or he'd block me.

 

We've known each other for 5 years, which just makes it so cruel I feel, but am now respecting his space.

 

We were just going "to see" before at his request a month or two ago. He since told me not to pressurise him after we slept together (not actually penetrated) last Sunday, but he confirmed there was no point now this weekend and has been very cross.

 

I feel so ill and had to ring in sick on Friday in my new job. I don't know how I'm going to cope today, or the foreseeable tbh. I will be looking into getting counselling though.

 

He just doesn't seem to care about my feelings anymore, even wellbeing. He just cares about himself. I plan to move out from where I am in the next few weeks, so I won't feel so isolated perhaps. Although that's a separate issue.

 

I am doing my best to let go and respect that I will have to leave it to him to make the next contact, whenever that may be. However, I am heartbroken at his behaviour towards me. I'm meant to be at work in an hour and a half! Is it possible he will miss me in time and realise he's been too harsh towards me? I feel I have totally blown it now, after obviously coming on too strong.

Edited September 18, 2017 by goldengirl11

[sandylee1]

GG,

 

This MM is awful. You have to see him for who he really is. He cheats with single women, he has relationships with married women .... he is not a good man.

 

He needs to be part of your past. I said earlier that you were responsible for your pain and you keep going back for more.

 

Please don't give hi the change to hurt you anymore. You have to take care of your heart.

[elaine567]

The last time we went to bed on Sun, he couldn't get it up long enough (blaming his tiredness and alcohol).

 

Why on earth are you sleeping with this man?

It is obvious he doesn't care a damn about you.

 

Why would he?

"We're not in a relationship now." sounds pretty clear to me, so why are you hanging on in there especially when his actions and words show he barely even likes you.

I could say he is using you for sex but he cannot even get it up...

 

DO not lose your job over this guy, get real.

He is moving on, whether you like it or not.

YOU need to look out for number one and that now needs to be you.

[goldengirl11]

Have been up all night. I think a big issue why this relationship didn't work out before was because I very rarely invited him round, because my flat was and is in a dreadful state, which ridiculously led me to pretend I had moved back with my parents temporarily a few months ago. I doubt that helped from a sexual perspective!

Edited September 19, 2017 by goldengirl11

[deadsoul]

Have been up all night. I think a big issue why this relationship didn't work out before was because I very rarely invited him round, because my flat was and is in a dreadful state, which ridiculously led me to pretend I had moved back with my parents temporarily a few months ago. I doubt that helped from a sexual perspective!

 

I've only read the last couple posts and um, I don't think that's the reason. The guy is a douche. I can sit here and spout that you deserve better, but it means nothing unless you believe it too and it's apparent in these last couple posts, that you think you deserve this?

 

Maybe I'm not getting the whole story (I'm not... I'll admit again, I only read the last few posts and didn't want to go back any further because I have a feeling it's more of the same).

 

OP. Are you better off with him or without him?

 

I think it's the second one.

[goldengirl11]

I've only read the last couple posts and um, I don't think that's the reason. The guy is a douche. I can sit here and spout that you deserve better, but it means nothing unless you believe it too and it's apparent in these last couple posts, that you think you deserve this?

 

Maybe I'm not getting the whole story (I'm not... I'll admit again, I only read the last few posts and didn't want to go back any further because I have a feeling it's more of the same).

 

OP. Are you better off with him or without him?

 

I think it's the second one.

What I'm fuming about, is that although he said we weren't in a relationship, we met in June for a "review" when there was no mention of anyone else and appeared to give the impression that I was the last person he slept with, which proved now unlikely true - when he said that he was given tablets to use for ED, which I'm sure he said he hadn't used yet. Then instead of him making plans with me to try them, he said that he couldn't take another sexual setback and asked if I would be "ready" for him, which he obviously had doubts about - as it would then appear his relationship with this other woman continued, when he accidentally fell hard for her I guess. Dangerous territory! I suppose it was a case of being strung along than cheating or betrayed. Although very similar feelings.

 

I know I have o move on. Why should he have another chance? I stupidly e-mailed earlier to ask for a no strings experience, as he was convinced I had vagnismus. Probably why he thought there was no harm trying with someone else... And then he ends up falling for her! I've been off sick all this week, as just not been coping. So angry with myself. I need to look after myself more, especially as I live on my own. It's amazing how worthless a man can make you feel.

Edited September 20, 2017 by goldengirl11

[goldengirl11]

I am still very much heartbroken. To cut it short, despite being involved with this MM for 5 years, he 'dumped' me for a married woman at his workplace n August, shortly after separating from his wife. He has treated me appallingly IMO, dismissing us as just dating before, yet for a while never really tried and secretly focussed his attentions elswhere, when he twice denied it.

Sadly, we did experience a some sexual difficulties on and

off, which he described to his new partner as a bad experience and with whom who benefited from his ED treatment, obviously when giving up on me. He said although we have a connection and history, we never reached the same connection/level (same goals, similar age etc) and feel frustrated that we didn't get to make love with his treatment, when he said his heart was now elsewhere. Although we did get to have proper sex since, but no real affection, as he felt guilty. He said I proved a point though, but was too late.

I am finding it particularly hard as the holidays are coming as they are still together (she lives with her husband), after a very brief breakup initiated and rekindled between them in Sept.

I am trying to move on, but needed to try and vent. My life has been torn apart and miss him so much. He thinks its fine to be friends i.e calls very occasionally, after he thinks I've got to grip more with my feelings now, but truthfully, I haven't.

Lastly, I was a bit taken back by a comment he made yesterday, when I said he's set me on fire (with this situation), to which he replied he had that effect. I felt sick.

Would be grateful for some support please.

Edited December 13, 2017 by goldengirl11

[Poppy47]

I am still very much heartbroken. To cut it short, despite being involved with this MM for 5 years, he 'dumped' me for a married woman at his workplace n August, shortly after separating from his wife. He has treated me appallingly IMO, dismissing us as just dating before, yet for a while never really tried and secretly focussed his attentions elswhere, when he twice denied it.

Sadly, we did experience a some sexual difficulties on and

off, which he described to his new partner as a bad experience and with whom who benefited from his ED treatment, obviously when giving up on me. He said although we have a connection and history, we never reached the same connection/level (same goals, similar age etc) and feel frustrated that we didn't get to make love with his treatment, when he said his heart was now elsewhere. Although we did get to have proper sex since, but no real affection, as he felt guilty. He said I proved a point though, but was too late.

I am finding it particularly hard as the holidays are coming as they are still together (she lives with her husband), after a very brief breakup initiated and rekindled between them in Sept.

I am trying to move on, but needed to try and vent. My life has been torn apart and miss him so much. He thinks its fine to be friends i.e calls very occasionally, after he thinks I've got to grip more with my feelings now, but truthfully, I haven't.

Lastly, I was a bit taken back by a comment he made yesterday, when I said he's set me on fire (with this situation), to which he replied he had that effect. I felt sick.

Would be grateful for some support please.

 

Seriously? Sorry but read your post... why would you want somebody who clearly treats you like dirt?

He's done you a huge favour.

 

Poppy.