Frustrated still at 'break up' with MM

[pheonixrisen]

Thanks for your reply, Jenkins95. See my reply to sandylee just now! I will never get involved with anyone unavailable again and just sick of being treated so badly. I'm still on anti-depressants and overweight, which isn't helping my confidence (especially the latter), but trying to change that.

The separated friend who had found a new young GF in his band last summer, told me yesterday that he'll soon be moving into his new house with her (am guessing she'll be living rent free after recently leaving uni), after only recently sending me a friend request. He very rudely blocked and unfriended me at Xmas, after he crashed his car and thought it was karma, as we were due to meet that day for a chat. No apology about it, but heard from him 6 months later out of the blue! Just testing the waters I guess.

 

I would advice you stop ..stop with old still unavailable guy ...stop with the 2nd moved out but not divorced still unavailable guy .

 

Both these men know you will jump so they are baiting do you mean so little to your self .just stop all together for some time and learn to live with yourself alone first learn to love and value yourself first ....breathe and enjoy life without having these unavailable men making you feel worthless .

 

Block them for all areas of your life social media /online /phone etc..etc.. disconnect from them and take care of you get counselling/ get moving workout take care of you emotionally /physically

 

A day will come when you will value your self more and want more and not settle for anything less .you have this one life don't waste it away on unavailable men who treat you with no respect and no value

[goldengirl11]

Thanks both of you. It helps to read back your replies of support.

 

I don't quite believe this 21 year old is as "very mature," as she is. I mean, we aren't *that* much maturer than our age, are we? Also, he agreed when I suggested that she could probably do no wrong in his eyes! How thoughtless was that?

 

I hope she decides she wants kids one day, as he had a vasectomy with his ex (second) wife, so then she'll hopefully dump him and then just might regret dumping me!

 

I also sometimes feel and hear (and this is will probably sound weird) them making love, or him being intimate with me. Especially if there is romantic/classical music on, or in a noisy environment.

 

After deactivating my FB/Messenger account a couple of days ago (soon after messaging him as I'd explained before), I activated it again today as missed contact with my other friends. I may deactivate it again though, as spend too much time on there!

 

Thanks again

Edited August 10, 2017 by goldengirl11

[goldengirl11]

Need to chat again I'm afraid. Not having a very good day today and am off work too. It sounds sad, but it's hard going through these 2 important rejections at the same time, when I have been made to feel by these men that it's me overreacting! Also meant to be focussing on a job application right now! I just hate them.

[jenkins95]

Need to chat again I'm afraid. Not having a very good day today and am off work too. It sounds sad, but it's hard going through these 2 important rejections at the same time, when I have been made to feel by these men that it's me overreacting! Also meant to be focussing on a job application right now! I just hate them.

 

Come here again (((goldengirl11))) x

 

I've been thinking of you. It's great that you are posting. We're here for you and this will fast-track your recovery.

 

I didn't think this story could shock me much more, but now it turns out he has had a vasectomy!!! OMG!

 

I think it's downright irresponsible to get involved with a 21 year old, who may not yet completely know whether she wants to eventually have children or not, when you have had "the snip". I truly hope he's discussed all this with her as it would be extremely cruel if he didn't mention this ON DAY 1.

 

He's nearly double her age, has two failed marriages behind him, was very cruel to his OW (you) and has had the snip. And she is little more than a child. Five years from now, she will likely be a completely different person. You would get very long odds on this lasting more than a couple of years - but try not to make it your problem GG. This is their mess, you need to look after YOU.

 

I do know what you mean about music being a trigger for unwelcome mind movies. It's not uncommon GG. Ride it out. Things get better.

 

You've been badly hurt by two MM. It's a sh*t sandwich for now, but you'll move past it. Look after yorself. You're clearly a lovely, intelligent woman, you can do so much better than someone who is committed to someone else...and I know you will.

 

We're here.

Edited August 11, 2017 by jenkins95

[goldengirl11]

Sorry for my outburst earlier - I don't know what came over me! Still, at least it wasn't to them I suppose!! Managed to finally send my job application too (not that you needed to know that! ). Btw, I was off this week on annual leave, it wasn't that I rang in sick. Has it flown by or what?!

Edited August 11, 2017 by goldengirl11

[goldengirl11]

Come here again (((goldengirl11))) x

 

I've been thinking of you. It's great that you are posting. We're here for you and this will fast-track your recovery.

 

I didn't think this story could shock me much more, but now it turns out he has had a vasectomy!!! OMG!

 

I think it's downright irresponsible to get involved with a 21 year old, who may not yet completely know whether she wants to eventually have children or not, when you have had "the snip". I truly hope he's discussed all this with her as it would be extremely cruel if he didn't mention this ON DAY 1.

 

He's nearly double her age, has two failed marriages behind him, was very cruel to his OW (you) and has had the snip. And she is little more than a child. Five years from now, she will likely be a completely different person. You would get very long odds on this lasting more than a couple of years - but try not to make it your problem GG. This is their mess, you need to look after YOU.

 

I do know what you mean about music being a trigger for unwelcome mind movies. It's not uncommon GG. Ride it out. Things get better.

 

You've been badly hurt by two MM. It's a sh*t sandwich for now, but you'll move past it. Look after yorself. You're clearly a lovely, intelligent woman, you can do so much better than someone who is committed to someone else...and I know you will.

 

We're here.

Thanks so much! Really appreciate your support.

 

All the best too!

[misspalmy]

Let her have the cheater,

[goldengirl11]

Jenkins95 - Can I PM you please? I didn't seem able to.

Thanks

Don't worry, I wasn't going to pester you, but no problem if not.

[MJJean]

 

I think it's downright irresponsible to get involved with a 21 year old, who may not yet completely know whether she wants to eventually have children or not, when you have had "the snip". I truly hope he's discussed all this with her as it would be extremely cruel if he didn't mention this ON DAY 1.

 

There seems to be a rash of unintended or very ill advised pregnancies here and on another forum I frequent. At least this young woman won't get pregnant and have to make the life altering choice of aborting, giving for adoption, or raising a baby.

 

 

Silver linings, man, gotta look for em.

[smalltownwriter]

There seems to be a rash of unintended or very ill advised pregnancies here and on another forum I frequent. At least this young woman won't get pregnant and have to make the life altering choice of aborting, giving for adoption, or raising a baby.

 

 

Silver linings, man, gotta look for em.

 

So very true.

[jenkins95]

[]

 

How are you doing this week? Are you feeling any better or at least, less devastated? Has there been any contact with either MM? I really hope you can detach yourself from both of them soon. They don't deserve you.

 

Keep posting. x

Edited August 20, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Topcial content

[jenkins95]

There seems to be a rash of unintended or very ill advised pregnancies here and on another forum I frequent. At least this young woman won't get pregnant and have to make the life altering choice of aborting, giving for adoption, or raising a baby.

 

 

Silver linings, man, gotta look for em.

 

This is actually a very good point - as long as she knows from day 1 that he's unable to father more children.

[Hip Pocket]

Hi,

I'd be grateful for some quick advice please.

Basically, my MM & wife had another bust up recently. Particularly after she questioned by him about me (she doesn't know who exactly I am), he admitted we'd slept together during their 6 month 'separation.'

To be honest, I thought that she probably had told him to move out in the heat of the moment, but at approx 5pm yesterday he rang me out of the blue to say he was living in a flat now and asked to meet up, maybe next week or today.

I replied via text asking how he was etc, also that was with family yesterday and that probably a day next week would be best to meet. Also, I had wondered how he was in the week, but thought I would keep him a bit of space (he asked for it a few weeks back, after I got very emotional after we met). He simply replied with "I think that's what you said last time" i.e when he moved out before 2 years ago. I was quite hurt by that, but it's all about him isn't it?

He NEVER put me first over his family's plans, etc. I said I would ring him back today daytime, as couldn't last night as was with family. Should I jump and see him today, or meet up in a day or two which would suit me better? I'm starting to feel selfish now, but if he's in a crisis...

Thanks

 

Hi GG,

 

It doesn't look as though you've had much support from someone who is in the same position as you, so here I am.

 

If it makes you happy to see sMM (separated MM) then see him. Just know that he's likely working on seeing if his M can be repaired while he exercises his options. If you were separated wouldn't you want to explore options before returning back to your spouse, especially one that hadn't completely satisfied you? I know I would, so I can't blame him for that. And I'm sure you'll want to know if he still meets any of your needs. If not, well it didn't hurt trying.

 

As for the other committed guy, well, let him enjoy Miss young thing. I'd stay away from that one. I never understood the volatile mind that blocks, regriebds, and then blocks again. That doesn't read stable to me.

 

And you don't need counseling just because some lay person suggests it. Do it only if it feels right and if you think you'll truly benefit from it. And don't post to please others, post in hopes of receiving feedback from someone who's been in the same position as you and can truly understand your point of view.

 

(((GG)))

[Grammie]

Hi GG,

 

It doesn't look as though you've had much support from someone who is in the same position as you, so here I am.

 

If it makes you happy to see sMM (separated MM) then see him. Just know that he's likely working on seeing if his M can be repaired while he exercises his options. If you were separated wouldn't you want to explore options before returning back to your spouse, especially one that hadn't completely satisfied you? I know I would, so I can't blame him for that. And I'm sure you'll want to know if he still meets any of your needs. If not, well it didn't hurt trying.

 

As for the other committed guy, well, let him enjoy Miss young thing. I'd stay away from that one. I never understood the volatile mind that blocks, regriebds, and then blocks again. That doesn't read stable to me.

 

And you don't need counseling just because some lay person suggests it. Do it only if it feels right and if you think you'll truly benefit from it. And don't post to please others, post in hopes of receiving feedback from someone who's been in the same position as you and can truly understand your point of view.

 

(((GG)))

 

Did you read her posts? She is hurting, she is having self esteem issues. Telling her to keep seeing MARRIED MEN isn't what she needs! Those men can't help her - counseling will help her realize she deserves BETTER than 2 cheating men!!

[Hip Pocket]

Did you read her posts? She is hurting, she is having self esteem issues. Telling her to keep seeing MARRIED MEN isn't what she needs! Those men can't help her - counseling will help her realize she deserves BETTER than 2 cheating men!!

 

Not sure if forum guidelines are such that we can go off topic and converse with each other on someone else's thread so I'm taking my chances in responding to you. If it benefits the original poster then that's a good thing, I guess.

 

Since I've been with my MM for long over a decade and have had no hit to my self-esteem as a result I cannot see the logic in your post. Unless GG feels that her self-esteem plummets directly from having seen a MM then she should keep seeing him if it makes her happy.

 

It was my xH that caused my self-esteem to plummet, and myself that brought it back when I left him. My MM only added to my joy and happiness. We all have very different experiences and not all Rs are bad. And sometimes ARs are better than MRs. I do hope GG finds the happiness she seeks within herself and only allows MM, or whoever, to embellish that happiness.

[goldengirl11]

I'm feeling heartbroken now, literally. I've just blurted out stuff to two friends/acquaintances of mine, as one happened to be on-line.

 

I'm torn apart, after he said he wasn't in the relationship market i.e he didn't want dates, just casual chats. This feels so unfair - last time we met was just awful when I was crying in restaurant, when he said it was mainly down to communication issues (i.e he said I'm rarely open with him). No doubt it was partly sexual too.

 

He blamed me for not making the effort when I last slept with him the last time, as I didn't bring any lubricant or anything. I think a main issue recently though is that he was quite angry when I told him (at our second to last meeting he initiated to discuss our feelings moving forward) that I had experienced another sexual issue with a previous boyfriend around five years ago, when I sought help via a therapist.

 

I didn't tell him before, as was embarrassed and the outcome was that I was highly likely not relaxed enough. However, he was angry that I hadn't told him about it, as it may have prevented him thinking he had a sexual problem and seeking counselling, etc. I actually think that that was the final straw between us,from his perspective. Although regrettably I had also told him recently that I had temporarily moved back with my parents (I was too embarrassed to let him see my place at present), which I think also may have put a spanner in the works.

 

He has now moved out from his wife/family as previously said,but the impression I got is because it is mainly because his wife asked him to move out, but he told me it is because he needs space.

 

It is a shame I'm working tomorrow in a new job, as I do not feel well enough right now to cope with it.

 

I'm trying to get things in perspective, as I know he has messed me around for the best part of 5 years, but it is extremely hard as I feel have been played.

 

I hope I haven't repeated myself, but could really do with some support please.

 

Thank you

[goldengirl11]

Following my last post a few minutes ago, I know this sounds ridiculous, but I'm feeling vulnerable now. Almost like a little girl! If only I had known how bad this would turn out when the affair started!!

 

Please note this is re the long term MM, as have most definitely moved on from the one with the 21 year old!!

Edited August 29, 2017 by goldengirl11

[BluesPower]

I have read your thread...

 

I understand how you are feeling as I have had several breakups over the last few months/years.

 

The last one was the worst in a while, I was not a 5 year affair, and I have had those, but it was a deep love.

 

No matter what type of relationship, it sucks and it always will...

[zanwalk]

Well GG, I am sorry to hear you are feeling so vulnerable at the moment, big hugs to you. Unfortunately these periods of vulnerability do come to you at unpredictable times after experiences like yours, I do feel for you and I do hope that you can hold yourself together through this and you will find you come out of it stronger and better able to face life.

 

All these events in our lives shape our characters and if you seek to learn from this it can be turned into positive benefit for the future.

 

Big hugs again and keep posting!

[goldengirl11]

Well GG, I am sorry to hear you are feeling so vulnerable at the moment, big hugs to you. Unfortunately these periods of vulnerability do come to you at unpredictable times after experiences like yours, I do feel for you and I do hope that you can hold yourself together through this and you will find you come out of it stronger and better able to face life.

 

All these events in our lives shape our characters and if you seek to learn from this it can be turned into positive benefit for the future.

 

Big hugs again and keep posting!

 

Thanks for your sympathetic words. Finally,he added via text earlier that I had put on a lot of weight and couldn't penetrate me before,which he saw a non-starter -and didn't need me adding to his own problems!! Also that it may sound cruel,but he can't carry on being Me Reasonable! For a moment I was speechless. Although I did reply back to say that had actually rejoined a slimming club recently.

 

I vow never to have an affair again... There I said it!

[goldengirl11]

I have read your thread...

 

I understand how you are feeling as I have had several breakups over the last few months/years.

 

The last one was the worst in a while, I was not a 5 year affair, and I have had those, but it was a deep love.

 

No matter what type of relationship, it sucks and it always will...

 

Thanks for understanding. I wish you the best!

[BTDT2012]

Thanks for your sympathetic words. Finally,he added via text earlier that I had put on a lot of weight and couldn't penetrate me before,which he saw a non-starter -and didn't need me adding to his own problems!! Also that it may sound cruel,but he can't carry on being Me Reasonable! For a moment I was speechless. Although I did reply back to say that had actually rejoined a slimming club recently.

 

I vow never to have an affair again... There I said it!

He is mean and cruel.

[jenkins95]

Thanks for your sympathetic words. Finally,he added via text earlier that I had put on a lot of weight and couldn't penetrate me before,which he saw a non-starter -and didn't need me adding to his own problems!! Also that it may sound cruel,but he can't carry on being Me Reasonable! For a moment I was speechless. Although I did reply back to say that had actually rejoined a slimming club recently.

 

I vow never to have an affair again... There I said it!

 

(((GG))) Just sending you a little hug. I know you are at rock bottom, but you WILL be ok. You really will. We're here for you.

 

From what you've said in recent posts including the one quoted above, he sounds like a cruel, manipulative loser who doesn't deserve to breathe the same air as a lovely girl like you. Of course you can't see it yet because you are under his spell. But as objective, internet strangers, we can see it clearly and so will you when you break that spell.

 

Regarding the bolded part above - Good for you, GG! As a former MM in an affair, I'm with you on that 100%!

[goldengirl11]

(((GG))) Just sending you a little hug. I know you are at rock bottom, but you WILL be ok. You really will. We're here for you.

 

From what you've said in recent posts including the one quoted above, he sounds like a cruel, manipulative loser who doesn't deserve to breathe the same air as a lovely girl like you. Of course you can't see it yet because you are under his spell. But as objective, internet strangers, we can see it clearly and so will you when you break that spell.

 

Regarding the bolded part above - Good for you, GG! As a former MM in an affair, I'm with you on that 100%!

 

Thanks so much for your kind words, Jenkins95! Have had quite a tough day tbh, as have been feeling very depressed at times, but also tried to keep extra busy at work to distract myself. Am back home now, when took an extra anti-depressant, which usually take at night time. I've been playing back our last few meetings in my mind and also over the last (can you believe) five years. I just feel he's been unbelievably cruel, especially considering how distant and uninterested he's appeared since he moved out on his own last month or so. I know I shouldn't let him deflate my self-worth, but it is very hard not to.

Edited September 1, 2017 by goldengirl11

[ladydesigner]

Thanks for your sympathetic words. Finally,he added via text earlier that I had put on a lot of weight and couldn't penetrate me before,which he saw a non-starter -and didn't need me adding to his own problems!! Also that it may sound cruel,but he can't carry on being Me Reasonable! For a moment I was speechless. Although I did reply back to say that had actually rejoined a slimming club recently.

 

I vow never to have an affair again... There I said it!

 

He is abusive good riddance to him! His BS probably stopped sleeping with him because he acted like such an a**hole. I'm sorry you had to hear this drivel.

(((goldengirl11)))