wmacbride Posted December 10, 2017 Posted December 10, 2017 OP, I hope you leave this weirdo mm behind asap and move on with your life. Unless you leave a lot of info out, your ap sounds pretty terrible all around, you really don't need anyone like that in yours and your daughter's life. If he was about to tell his wife that he was going to move out and end the marriage, there was no need to try to explain away the texts, to stay for Christmas etc, how can you not see he is full of it and is lying to you face, please stop defending his despicable behavior. Please take good care of yourself and don't count on him for anything, the proverbial bus is fast approaching and you will be thrown under it in no time. The op is every bit the same as the mm she is seeing. They are two peas in a pod. She knows what the mm is like, and simply doesn't care. that's not impotent to her, all that maters to her is herself. 1
BaileyB Posted December 10, 2017 Posted December 10, 2017 The op is every bit the same as the mm she is seeing. They are two peas in a pod. She knows what the mm is like, and simply doesn't care. that's not impotent to her, all that maters to her is herself. Absolutely true. She is well aware of the situation, and she is selfishly choosing to continue on this path anyway... As my mother would say, these two really do deserve each other. Best they stay together so as not to ruin two other lives... except, it's already too late for that! 1
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted December 10, 2017 Posted December 10, 2017 I agree that these two, especially their "personality types," are two peas in a pod. Too bad they didn't find each other before leaving so many hurting souls in their wake . 1
stillafool Posted December 11, 2017 Posted December 11, 2017 Why should that make a difference? She knows that an OW is in the picture (IF that’s true at all - and we don’t know that, as guys seem to be more conflict avoidant than women are), and she (bw) now has to deal with this. It’s all in her hands. Provided that her WH is not making a decision before she does ( which in my opinion is not very likely, because, see above, guys are not very happy when they have to deal with conflict). I don’t think in this scenario it matters anymore if he has a thing for her, or if he is in love with her. He told his wife, and he told her for a reason, and that should be all that matters. Why pick things apart? Quite frankly, and we’re assuming that he really did tell his wife about it, Would it make a difference to you if he was seriously in love with her or if he just had a thing for her? I mean come on - he told you about her. Shouldn’t that be enough? He probably told you for a reason..... It would absolutely make a difference to me. Having a "thing" for a person could indicate you are just trying to deal with a "crush" you have on someone. Not that you are serious to the point of leaving your marriage. Being told "I'm in love with someone else" is serious business and a reason to ask for a divorce. Who cares if a man doesn't like conflict or not. If he is leaving his marriage he needs to grow some balls and tell the truth.
stillafool Posted December 11, 2017 Posted December 11, 2017 Just to clarify it was never in his plans to come clean. Not I think it will be. He just wants a clean separation so our small town won't judge us. Be certain you will be judged and gossiped about. There is no way around it.
stillafool Posted December 11, 2017 Posted December 11, 2017 This guy sounds like a bigger jerk as time goes on. He isn't the only one who is involved in this affair. So he isn't alone.
Author niteandfog Posted December 11, 2017 Author Posted December 11, 2017 Ok we're both terrible people. I have to live with that. My Stbxh gave me his blessing today, he says now that I've explained it all, it makes sense to.him.
Author niteandfog Posted December 11, 2017 Author Posted December 11, 2017 Gave his blessing for what? Did you tell him about your affair? Yes I did, every single detail. He think I might have shot at happiness but it won't be easy, so we won't make it difficult for me
wmacbride Posted December 11, 2017 Posted December 11, 2017 Ok we're both terrible people. I have to live with that. My Stbxh gave me his blessing today, he says now that I've explained it all, it makes sense to.him. you just don't get it. The ones who have to live with the consequences of your choices really aren't you, because, quite frankly, I really don't think you care at all. You pay lip service, but there is nothing behind the words. 2
elaine567 Posted December 11, 2017 Posted December 11, 2017 Yes I did, every single detail. He think I might have shot at happiness but it won't be easy, so we won't make it difficult for me Sounds like he is as done with the marriage as you are. 4
Author niteandfog Posted December 11, 2017 Author Posted December 11, 2017 Sounds like he is as done with the marriage as you are. We are, which over all is a good feeling. 1
Maddieandtae Posted December 11, 2017 Posted December 11, 2017 Alot of people it seems need to live out the consequences of an affair before any real understanding kicks in. I know now this was the case for me. Reading this board more likely is a good resource for people who have stopped their affairs and are continuing to learn about their own actions and thoughts. I think once you are hooked into this particular addition the only way out is going through to the bitter realization. It was for me anyways! 1
DKT3 Posted December 11, 2017 Posted December 11, 2017 Yes I did, every single detail. He think I might have shot at happiness but it won't be easy, so we won't make it difficult for me You know, this is the third time in this thread that you've said you've told your husband "EVERYTHING" it's becoming less believable by the post.
Author niteandfog Posted December 11, 2017 Author Posted December 11, 2017 You know, this is the third time in this thread that you've said you've told your husband "EVERYTHING" it's becoming less believable by the post. He's just asked for more detail each time. Originally I just said I had an affair/ was in love with someone else, and he was satisfied with that. He had been asking that I leave my AP, but i said I couldn't so he asked what our relationship was like, so I told him. He thought the coincidences were uncanny, he saw why i would want to give it a shot, and he basically gave me his blessing.
BaileyB Posted December 11, 2017 Posted December 11, 2017 Life is just really working out for you, huh? 1
William Posted December 11, 2017 Posted December 11, 2017 Thread starter, if you're getting the sense that you're being made out as a 'terrible person' here, feel free to call us in for a review. We have the tools to handle such issues. I've already posted three statements in the thread and have a start point for turning those tools on and members had plenty of advance notice. I'll stop back by later to see how things are going.
Author niteandfog Posted December 11, 2017 Author Posted December 11, 2017 Thread starter, if you're getting the sense that you're being made out as a 'terrible person' here, feel free to call us in for a review. We have the tools to handle such issues. I've already posted three statements in the thread and have a start point for turning those tools on and members had plenty of advance notice. I'll stop back by later to see how things are going. Thanks! I mean yeah I'm used to all this backlash. I know everybody thinks their story is unique... And I guess we all have the right to think that way, until proven wrong.
Space Ritual Posted January 5, 2018 Posted January 5, 2018 Whatever happened to niteandfog? A lot of people asked that in the 1930's..... 1
Author niteandfog Posted January 19, 2018 Author Posted January 19, 2018 Well there wasn't much to report til now. I'm finally moving out on Monday. AP has finally asked for divorce tonight, but she wants to go to couples therapy, and he accepted so they can part ways in peace. And that's pretty much it. There were a few messy situations between STBXH (please if anybody reads this move out, even if you have to live under a bridge that's a better option!) So my new life starts on Monday
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted January 19, 2018 Posted January 19, 2018 Thanks for the update . Are you believe that the couples therapy is so they can "part in peace?" Why do you believe this man? 1
Author niteandfog Posted January 19, 2018 Author Posted January 19, 2018 Well because my STBXH and I thought of doing it at first? And because well he's still having an affair with me so.i don't see any chance of it working at all.
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted January 19, 2018 Posted January 19, 2018 Well because my STBXH and I thought of doing it at first? And because well he's still having an affair with me so.i don't see any chance of it working at all. All situations are different of course, but there are loads of people having affairs who go to counseling to "go through the motions" with their spouses. I guess if his motivation for counseling doesn't matter to you, it's a moot discussion anyway. How are you feeling like things are going to go once he leaves his wife? Will you stay together?
Author niteandfog Posted January 19, 2018 Author Posted January 19, 2018 Well, I would be lying if I said that I didn't maybe counseling might work for them. But 1- we're still having an affair 2- he's kept his self imposed deadlines so far 3- he said she'd always ask for it and he'll just go for the sake of it and make everything more "peaceful". We've only talked about how we're going to do things once he's out of his house superficially. I know he'll get his own place, he'll visit and stay overnight whenever we're both free and we'll go on proper dates. After an "incident" on tinder (I was bored and yes wanted to figure out how it worked) and watching Coco of all things I realized that I want to give this my 100%. If he keeps his word (which he has so far) I'll just give my best and nothing else to make this work. Our.affair is not based on sex, we haven't had any for 6 weeks! And it's not like we don't see each other we do... (Last Sunday we ran for 3 hrs for example) and when we meet in the car which is like.once every two.weeks and it's never for more than 20 mins, it rarely goes as far as second base :/ in fact last Tuesday he wanted to hold hands which I thought was super sweet. Our affair is mostly about telling how our day is going and all the "I love yous" that come with it. We even have little games now where we try to up how many kisses we send each other or how far our love goes.
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted January 19, 2018 Posted January 19, 2018 After an "incident" on tinder (I was bored and yes wanted to figure out how it worked) and watching Coco of all things I realized that I want to give this my 100%. If he keeps his word (which he has so far) I'll just give my best and nothing else to make this work. OK, wait, what? Have you cheated on your affair partner by going on Tinder? Did you meet anyone? And what is "Coco?" Is that a TV show?
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