Me and My Girl

[joseb]

gezz louise. how is this cheating??

 

i am texting this person who is an adult about art and homework assignments. i am not sleeping with her or sexing. how the hell does this qualify as cheating? all i came on here is to ask for advice to be able to tell if a much younger woman is showing interest because its been so long and i have no clue anymore. as i am out if touch and definatly out of touch when might be going through a 20 year olds mind.

 

 

so what the hell are you blabbing about.. any time i have any sort of minimal interaction with a female socially i am supposed to stick out my arms and yell, 'hold on there, i am a married man with kids'.

 

I'm not sure why you are asking this, unless you are considering pursuing her (and cheating)

 

I'm a similar age to you op, and I do meet and sometimes date girls a lot younger. Despite what a lot seem to think, it's not that unusual.

 

However, I'm single. No kids and not looking for anything long term.

 

I think you would be better served sorting out your marriage situation. I haven't read your other posts, but it sounds like you are miserably married. So what are you going to do about that?

[jjgitties]

Your ridiculous deflections aside, my personal opinion is 10 years. As long as both are over 21. Teenagers should only date within 2-3 years of their age range.

 

I don't think it was a deflection. Seem to be a very reasonable answer to someone who posted, "my daddy and brother gonna beat up anyone that comes anywhere near me."

 

but back you your wise comment. So what exactlyhappens at the 11 or 12 year age difference then? Some sort of magic incompatibility occurs? I mean its more than the magic number 10 that you seem to have been conditioned to believe is socially acceptable in modern society?

 

How about older couples? a 60 year old woman? Only allowed to date 70 year older men or can she go up to 80 or 90? Maybe, who cares, they are old geezes anyways.

[jjgitties]

I'm not sure why you are asking this, unless you are considering pursuing her (and cheating)

 

I'm a similar age to you op, and I do meet and sometimes date girls a lot younger. Despite what a lot seem to think, it's not that unusual.

 

However, I'm single. No kids and not looking for anything long term.

 

I think you would be better served sorting out your marriage situation. I haven't read your other posts, but it sounds like you are miserably married. So what are you going to do about that?

 

so the answer is block an overly friendly person on social media for no apparent reason and sort out your divorce first.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

so the answer is block an overly friendly person on social media for no apparent reason and sort out your divorce first.

 

The "apparent reason" is that you are married.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

I don't think it was a deflection. Seem to be a very reasonable answer to someone who posted, "my daddy and brother gonna beat up anyone that comes anywhere near me."

 

but back you your wise comment. So what exactlyhappens at the 11 or 12 year age difference then? Some sort of magic incompatibility occurs? I mean its more than the magic number 10 that you seem to have been conditioned to believe is socially acceptable in modern society?

 

How about older couples? a 60 year old woman? Only allowed to date 70 year older men or can she go up to 80 or 90? Maybe, who cares, they are old geezes anyways.

 

I think a ten year age gap still provides for a chance to have some compatibility in interests, life experiences, and life goals.

 

Of course there are always outliers if the older person of the partnership is very immature.

[Blanco]

I don't think it was a deflection. Seem to be a very reasonable answer to someone who posted, "my daddy and brother gonna beat up anyone that comes anywhere near me."

 

but back you your wise comment. So what exactlyhappens at the 11 or 12 year age difference then? Some sort of magic incompatibility occurs? I mean its more than the magic number 10 that you seem to have been conditioned to believe is socially acceptable in modern society?

 

How about older couples? a 60 year old woman? Only allowed to date 70 year older men or can she go up to 80 or 90? Maybe, who cares, they are old geezes anyways.

 

Age gaps matter way more when one is a young adult. A 60-year-old woman and an 80-year-old man probably have more in common and are at more compatible stages of their lives: Retired, have grown children, were probably married before, etc.

 

That's a world of difference between a twentysomething and someone in their forties; heck, even late thirties is pushing it. Think about it: You know what it's like to be married, raise children, pay a mortgage, etc. A college-aged person almost certainly has not experienced these things.

 

Culturally, there's probably a huge gap. I'm in my early thirties, am not a total square, and even I feel a bit out of touch with some of the things college-aged people are into. It happens.

 

Point is, once both people are at age of consent, it really becomes more about life experience. Dudes love to normalize dating women twenty years younger than them, and why wouldn't they: They stand to benefit the most.

 

The reality, though, is that anything past a casual physical relationship is already fighting the odds. Some people like to make it sound like it's just society that makes it weird and that those people are just bitter old maids, but for real, the stigma exists because in most cases, it's got at least a little bit of an "eww" factor to it.

[KBob]

so the answer is block an overly friendly person on social media for no apparent reason and sort out your divorce first.

 

Stop playing like your some complete innocent. You're posting in a DATING section of a romance forums, under the title DATING A YOUNGER GIRL, seeking advice from people on how dating said girl would work out for you. Your deflections and won't work on us because were not naive teenagers who would believe your intentions are not devious. You are a married man, you deserve to be called out on your crap here, stop pretending otherwise.

[elaine567]

Oh, I don't know. 41 year old men can be quite sexy, so I get it. However, it's just dating. She'll grow out of it as he ages.

OK but the OP is not 41 is he?

I am close to 50 #1

And should a married man with two kids really be talking about "dating" anyone?

 

We get it that his homelife and relationship with his wife is not what he wants, but texting and carrying on with 23yos will not help his situation one iota.

 

The solution is not to divert himself with idiotic schemes to date women ~30 years his junior, but to grasp the nettle and actually DO something about his marriage and try to be a better father to his young kids, even if that is in a co-parenting situation.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

OK but the OP is not 41 is he?

 

 

Yes, but What-2-do was participating in this thread, sharing his experience of leaving his marriage for a younger woman, and he is 41. That's who we were chit chatting about at the moment.

[jjgitties]

Age gaps matter way more when one is a young adult. A 60-year-old woman and an 80-year-old man probably have more in common and are at more compatible stages of their lives: Retired, have grown children, were probably married before, etc.

 

That's a world of difference between a twentysomething and someone in their forties; heck, even late thirties is pushing it. Think about it: You know what it's like to be married, raise children, pay a mortgage, etc. A college-aged person almost certainly has not experienced these things.

 

Culturally, there's probably a huge gap. I'm in my early thirties, am not a total square, and even I feel a bit out of touch with some of the things college-aged people are into. It happens.

 

Point is, once both people are at age of consent, it really becomes more about life experience. Dudes love to normalize dating women twenty years younger than them, and why wouldn't they: They stand to benefit the most.

 

The reality, though, is that anything past a casual physical relationship is already fighting the odds. Some people like to make it sound like it's just society that makes it weird and that those people are just bitter old maids, but for real, the stigma exists because in most cases, it's got at least a little bit of an "eww" factor to it.

 

It's like some peeps on here have some sort of learning disability and developed some sort of weird tunnel vision where they only read keywords they are looking out for and disregard the context and subtext.

 

Totally disagree with you obviously. I think it might be an "eww factor" if a man my age was actively chasing and hitting on a 23 year old women at coffee shops and gyms and asking them out -- which is not and was not the case here. I don't know if you read this entire (what has IMO turned into quite a disastrous attack on a male by a bunch of -- well, I won't say it -- but you know what I think of them!) long winded thread and responses.

 

I did not chase her or actively pursue this person. We met via a class we are taking together and got to know her (sort of) when we shared social media contact info. She initiated the exchange of info and contact info because, well, as you mentioned, yeah, I am a little worried a much young person might think "eww" if I asked her for her contact info.

 

The reason I am posting here (and I admit, I might have used a really dumb thread title) is because she seems to be texting me a lot. It seems a lot more than is needed for the assignment we worked on. So, given that I don't know what goes on a 20 year old person head and I don't treat text messaging and social media that seriously - I was just asking for advice on what I should be looking out for if it turns out this person might be interested in something more than just the assignment we worked on and our shard interest in the course. I can't tell because a) I am a dumb male b) I haven't gone out or a dated in almost 25 years and c) I don't know how young people actually communicate because I am not in my 20s.

 

I can't tell if she is just terribly lonely and has no one to text with or she is really interested in this course or she might be interested in me. No idea. No clue. Too dumb to figure it out. Hence, why I am here.

 

But, a big shout out and thank you to all the nice fine classy ladies on here for digging up posts form two years ago and reminding me actually how long my ****ty miserable home life has been going on for. It was a real morale booster. To be reminded that it is possible to become an adult married male with a job, house, family and keep going home to an unhappy miserable home life every night of the week 365 days a year, day-in and day-out.

Edited November 11, 2017 by jjgitties

[Blanco]

You seem upset that people are supposedly inferring that you were asking about dating this girl, but in your first post you said:

 

I dont want to do anything stupid like ask her out for dinner and get laughed at -- but at the same time, i don't want to miss out on an opportunity to meet someone.

 

Any tips on what I should be looking out for from a much younger person if she happens to be interested?

 

Are you really trying to say that you were not asking about potentially dating this girl?

 

But, a big shout out and thank you to all the nice fine classy ladies on here for digging up posts form two years ago and reminding me actually how long my ****ty miserable home life has been going on for.

 

I'm not sure why you keep thinking your thread from six months ago is not at all relevant to this discussion. Do you really think people are being unreasonable for wanting context? Do you really think you being a married man of 25 years with two children who has not even filed for divorce is not at all relevant to the topic of gauging the romantic interest of another woman?

 

Forget for a minute that this girl is young enough to be your daughter. That's only one issue. I think what a lot of people have taken issue with is that you're a married man. You being a miserably married man doesn't make you less married. If you want to pursue a younger woman, fine, have at it. But get divorced first, or at the very least file and show a potential romantic interest that you're doing something, anything to change your situation.

 

Until then, stop playing the victim and deflecting everything on to others.

[Purepony]

She’s 20 and most 20 year olds are crazy haha you never know she might not mind

Usually I won’t date under 26 but a few times that I did date 19-23 year olds it because a fwb and I had a blast but be prepared to be used and dropped

[jjgitties]

She’s 20 and most 20 year olds are crazy haha you never know she might not mind

Usually I won’t date under 26 but a few times that I did date 19-23 year olds it because a fwb and I had a blast but be prepared to be used and dropped

 

Yeah. Somewhere in that puny little sane mature part of my brain I keep getting Fatal Attraction flashbacks, except that the Glen Close character is this story is in her early 20s and not late 30s. Who knows..

[jjgitties]

Yeah, you are right. Not a hell of a lot compared to a 20 year old man, I guess.

 

I have been spending a lot of time thinking about this one and what you have been saying here. I think I might have to backtrack on that statement I made.

 

I dont know where it is that you live but I am in a major metropolitan city and a university city. Most 20 year old male do not look like dudes you see on TV. They are geeky, awkward, acne problems and some have serious hygiene issues. Maybe I do have something to offer that people her age dont have.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

I'm $ure you do.

[NuevoYorko]

Hah, notice how most of the negative comments are from women..

 

Yes, there are a lot of younger women who go through a phase of having crushes on older men. I have had a few of these types of relationships. They are usually very casual. Women at that age are experimenting with all kinds of men. It is fun to be part of their experiments .

 

Were you married with kids at home during your experiences?

 

I think the age difference is pretty much ridiculous, but consenting adults, etc. I am SMH at the marriage and kids manage to consistently be left out of this thread.

[chinadiary]

OK. Lets reverse things.

 

I'm a 48 year old, married woman with 2 young children. My marriage is miserable and I never spend any time with my kids. My husband is accusing me of being an absent parent and is very unhappy. I stay out of the house as much and as late as I can.

 

I'm taking a class and am friendly with a young guy in his very early 20s. He messages me sometimes about work.

 

I'm thinking, his messages must mean he's hot for me. I'm gonna ask people on a relationship advice site.

 

 

I'm offended and shocked when they tell me I'm deluded and to sort my life out.

 

 

 

 

 

IF this was a woman, everyone would be telling her she was menopausal and having a mid life crisis.

[BaileyB]

OK. Lets reverse things.

 

IF this was a woman, everyone would be telling her she was menopausal and having a mid life crisis.

 

It doesn't matter which way you look at it... Consenting adults, and all that... It looks pretty ridiculous either way.

[Imajerk17]

I'm curious why OP didn't mention unprompted that he was married That's a pretty big detail to *ahem* forget to mention!

 

That said I am also wondering if this young woman knows if OP is married.

 

If OP were single I'd say something about two consenting adults of legal age. But OP, I can't condone cheating on your wife and family, which is what it would be. Furthermore your situation w your family is a huge mess, and even if this young woman is aware of it, I do hope you'd be the adult here and not get involved w her, for EVERYONE's (your wife, kids, AND this (really) young woman who has NO idea what she would be getting involved with) sake.

Edited November 11, 2017 by Imajerk17

[jjgitties]

I'm curious why OP didn't mention unprompted that he was married That's a pretty big detail to *ahem* forget to mention!

 

That said I am also wondering if this young woman knows if OP is married.

 

If OP were single I'd say something about two consenting adults of legal age. But OP, I can't condone cheating on your wife and family, which is what it would be. Furthermore your situation w your family is a huge mess, and even if this young woman is aware of it, I do hope you'd be the adult here and not get involved w her, for EVERYONE's (your wife, kids, AND this (really) young woman who has NO idea what she would be getting involved with) sake.

 

Oh well. dont sweat it. after a few more odd texts from her, it seems the girl just might be a bit of a headcase. i am running for the hills.. and blocking

[KBob]

Oh well. dont sweat it. after a few more odd texts from her, it seems the girl just might be a bit of a headcase. i am running for the hills.. and blocking

 

Well, on to the next potential mistress then, I guess.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

Well, on to the next potential mistress then, I guess.

 

You took the words right out of my mouth.

[jjgitties]

You took the words right out of my mouth.

 

Meatloaf fan? You know you are ...

[jjgitties]

Well, on to the next potential mistress then, I guess.

 

the girl is married too. go figure?!

 

i actually think she had no romantic interests in me at all. she just wants to talk to someone older about (what seems to me) her marriage issues.

 

i couldn't make sense of her texts. i gave up. i am mentally incapable of giving any sort of advice to anyone as my own marriage is a **** hole.

Edited November 12, 2017 by jjgitties

[Blanco]

Uh, you do know that a mistress can be a single woman, right?