jjgitties Posted November 10, 2017 Posted November 10, 2017 Hi all, need some advice. So I am in my late 40s and I met a girl in her early 20s through a class. We seem to have been texting quite a bit via FB. I have been keeping the conversations very school related but I can't actually tell if she is interested or we are just school collegues. I am assuming its just school but I cant tell. I dont want to do anything stupid like ask her out for dinner and get laughed at -- but at the same time, i don't want to miss out on an opportunity to meet someone. Any tips on what I should be looking out for from a much younger person if she happens to be interested?
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted November 10, 2017 Posted November 10, 2017 Hi all, need some advice. So I am in my late 40s and I met a girl in her early 20s through a class. We seem to have been texting quite a bit via FB. I have been keeping the conversations very school related but I can't actually tell if she is interested or we are just school collegues. I am assuming its just school but I cant tell. I dont want to do anything stupid like ask her out for dinner and get laughed at -- but at the same time, i don't want to miss out on an opportunity to meet someone. Any tips on what I should be looking out for from a much younger person if she happens to be interested? Besides this class, what kinds of things do you think you'll have in common with this girl? Do you have children her age? 3
Author jjgitties Posted November 10, 2017 Author Posted November 10, 2017 Besides this class, what kinds of things do you think you'll have in common with this girl? Do you have children her age? No. I dont have kids her age. I don't know her that well, but so far, I like her taste in music and films thus far. The only other thing I know is, we do share similar ethnic and cultural background.
Author jjgitties Posted November 10, 2017 Author Posted November 10, 2017 Have you divorced your wife yet, OP? Unfortunately, no. And I am sure it will not go over very well if/when I have to spills the beans. But I am not the type of person that is capable of lying to someone I really like.
RecentChange Posted November 10, 2017 Posted November 10, 2017 What are you looking for? Something casual? The odds of you two being at compatible stages of life are pretty darn low - she is probably living like a young 20 something..... And well, you are old enough to be her father. But I have heard of girls having things for older men. Flirt with her, see how she reacts.
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted November 10, 2017 Posted November 10, 2017 Unfortunately, no. And I am sure it will not go over very well if/when I have to spills the beans. But I am not the type of person that is capable of lying to someone I really like. Spill the beans about what?
Author jjgitties Posted November 10, 2017 Author Posted November 10, 2017 Have you divorced your wife yet, OP? if you only knew how miserable the house i come home to is. a constantly pissed off and moody wife. always screaming at me and the kids. i spend my days at work as long as late as possible to offset having to come home to that and get accused of being an absent father.. its just an endless vicious circle and downward spiral that seems to lead to a bottomless pit.
RecentChange Posted November 10, 2017 Posted November 10, 2017 Oh wow I just saw you are MARRIED. OP - leave this young girl alone. The odds she would find a man twice her age attractive and dating material are slim. Add that you are married, with children and haven't even started to divorce process..... No woman in her right mind would want anything to do with this. Why don't you focus on getting your life in order, and forget about chasing this girl. 14
Author jjgitties Posted November 10, 2017 Author Posted November 10, 2017 Spill the beans about what? that I am married and have kids.
GemmaUK Posted November 10, 2017 Posted November 10, 2017 Is she heavily flirting with you or light flirting? - Which with you at your age she could assume is safe and you'd understand that you are much older and not a dating option for her.
Author jjgitties Posted November 10, 2017 Author Posted November 10, 2017 Oh wow I just saw you are MARRIED. OP - leave this young girl alone. The odds she would find a man twice her age attractive and dating material are slim. Add that you are married, with children and haven't even started to divorce process..... No woman in her right mind would want anything to do with this. Why don't you focus on getting your life in order, and forget about chasing this girl. yeah. thats what i think as well. btw.. i am not chasing her. its purely school stuff.
RecentChange Posted November 10, 2017 Posted November 10, 2017 Okay well you were contemplating chasing her.... Men very often misinterpret friendliness as interest. Believe me as an outgoing female I get it all the time. 6
GemmaUK Posted November 10, 2017 Posted November 10, 2017 that I am married and have kids. Oh good grief! Grow up fella!! 8
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted November 10, 2017 Posted November 10, 2017 that I am married and have kids. Just curious, what kind of class is this? And yes, if your old age alone doesn't do it, the fact you're married with kids probably will kill any attraction for this young woman.
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted November 10, 2017 Posted November 10, 2017 I'm having flashbacks of being a 20 year old girl, taking a summer public speaking class at the community college, and an older man in the class (in his 30s or 40s) chasing after me one day after class and asking me if I also felt what he felt.....that we had a "chemical" together. I was totally freaked out by him. 7
Blanco Posted November 10, 2017 Posted November 10, 2017 So basically you are asking us about having an affair? 2
chinadiary Posted November 10, 2017 Posted November 10, 2017 if you only knew how miserable the house i come home to is. I'd be miserable too if I was married to a man my age (you and I are a similar age) who is capable of considering an affair with a girl almost young enough to be his granddaughter. always screaming at me and the kids. i spend my days at work as long as late as possible to offset having to come home to that and get accused of being an absent father.. . So while your wife is doing ALL the rearing of YOUR children, you are instead considering having sex with a girl who is a similar age to your own children. I spend my days at work as long as late as possible to offset having to come home to that and get accused of being an absent father.. . You're not going home and staying out late. You ARE an absent father. She's 20ish. You are nearly 50. You are selfish and ignore your family. Tell me again what you have to offer a 20 year old? 12
Author jjgitties Posted November 10, 2017 Author Posted November 10, 2017 I'm having flashbacks of being a 20 year old girl, taking a summer public speaking class at the community college, and an older man in the class (in his 30s or 40s) chasing after me one day after class and asking me if I also felt what he felt.....that we had a "chemical" together. I was totally freaked out by him. yup. hence my hesitation. i always place myself in other peoples shoes. imagine if an 80 year old women came up to me and asked me out for dinner. what would I think of that?
Author jjgitties Posted November 10, 2017 Author Posted November 10, 2017 Tell me again what you have to offer a 20 year old? Yeah, you are right. Not a hell of a lot compared to a 20 year old man, I guess. 1
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted November 10, 2017 Posted November 10, 2017 yup. hence my hesitation. i always place myself in other peoples shoes. imagine if an 80 year old women came up to me and asked me out for dinner. what would I think of that? Instead of putting yourself in this young woman's shoes, put yourself in your wife's shoes. You are a married man.
Author jjgitties Posted November 10, 2017 Author Posted November 10, 2017 Just curious, what kind of class is this? And yes, if your old age alone doesn't do it, the fact you're married with kids probably will kill any attraction for this young woman. flemish art history.
chinadiary Posted November 10, 2017 Posted November 10, 2017 Instead of putting yourself in this young woman's shoes, put yourself in your wife's shoes. You are a married man. THIS. Work on your marriage. Be a better father. You get one shot. Sort it out. The girl ISN'T interested. That age difference is obscene. 2
SmartDude Posted November 10, 2017 Posted November 10, 2017 Hah, notice how most of the negative comments are from women.. Yes, there are a lot of younger women who go through a phase of having crushes on older men. I have had a few of these types of relationships. They are usually very casual. Women at that age are experimenting with all kinds of men. It is fun to be part of their experiments . Don't get too serious and possessive or she will run. But you can't be joe cool either. It is a delicate balance. But I don't know, late 40's seems to be kind of the cutoff for dating women in their 20's. And you usually need your own place if it is going to be a somewhat of a sugar-daddy/ mentor relationship. Young women can be "less than monogamous" at times, and that is the natural order of things. Could you deal with that? I love this dynamic with younger women. But then again I know that such arrangements are not meant to last, and that is just fine.
Scarlett.O'hara Posted November 10, 2017 Posted November 10, 2017 So you are basically on here asking for advice on how to start an affair with someone almost thirty years younger, while you are still living at home with your wife and children?? Unbelievable. You have no business bringing someone else into this messy situation. It is completely irresponsible and selfish, not to mention cowardly. I advise you to look at the OW/OM and infidelity forums to see the carnage that these situations cause in peoples lives. If that doesn't put things into perspective for you, nothing will. 4
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