Had a fantastic date, is this okay to send the following day?

[amazonrambo]

Update - As I was using my phone, she rang me but then rung off. I don't know if I rejected accidentally as I was tapping on the phone screen at the same time. I'm thinking she might have called me by accident as I was tapping on the "accept call" side of the screen.

 

Anyway I got a text very soon after from her saying "Is this another secret date activity? Any chance you could do Friday instead? Don't worry if not x"

 

I left it five or so minutes then decided to do what you guys said and ceased the opportunity. I called her.

 

She picked up and I said Friday is great with me but she asked who's this and I said who it was. She told me it said "unknown number" when I called so I mentioned it was probably something to do with my phone and I had it set to no caller ID. I mentioned about doing an escape room and she seemed excited. I mentioned meeting at 6 near the tram stop and she confirmed it was [name of tram stop] and agreed to it. She seemed upbeat and giggly on the phone. Then I said that I hope she's had a nice day and that I'm going to have to go and get a few jobs done, so we both said goodbye.

 

I'm guessing maybe she got another date offer on Saturday and shifted me to Friday, but that's a guess.

 

I apologise guys, sorry for being such a nuisance! I need to work on my overthinking.

Edited November 19, 2017 by amazonrambo

[kassy]

This close to Christmas there are lots of social events going on that aren't online dating! Don't assume she has another date. You are just making things up. You have no idea what she's doing, for all you know she is having dinner with her grandmother. The point being you don't know, so don't decide for no reason that it's something which will give you anxiety.

 

Well done on the call. If you can just stop the crazy overthinking I think this sounds very promising.

 

It's good that you come here to get it out though. You seem very sensible and a great guy. Just don't doubt yourself so much and you'll do just fine!

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

At the time I thought that was a little worrying, like she was trying to say the date wasn't going well but she said this in what felt like a teasing/joking tone. She laughed more than me the whole night. After she said that and I made her laugh and said "Well I just made you laugh then!" and she laughed and said "Oh I was laughing at you not with you". I felt like it was playful banter at the time.

 

Maybe she was testing my confidence to see if I would get offended? I showed my confidence by stopping her randomly and going for the kiss, maybe she wanted to make sure that wasn't all an act.

 

Women do not routinely "test" men. I don't know why men say this on here all the time!

 

Glad you called her and got something concrete set up for Friday night. Don't be weird about asking her what she's doing Saturday night! Hopefully she'll just tell you, but if not, let it go!

[amazonrambo]

This close to Christmas there are lots of social events going on that aren't online dating! Don't assume she has another date. You are just making things up. You have no idea what she's doing, for all you know she is having dinner with her grandmother. The point being you don't know, so don't decide for no reason that it's something which will give you anxiety.

 

Well done on the call. If you can just stop the crazy overthinking I think this sounds very promising.

 

It's good that you come here to get it out though. You seem very sensible and a great guy. Just don't doubt yourself so much and you'll do just fine!

 

Thanks. I know this forum is for discussing problems but sometimes I feel like I overdo it and annoy you all! I usually use this place to vent and avoid making mistakes by sending her the wrong thing, etc.

 

Glad I went with the call, my only worry is that I might have seemed eager, e.g. she took 9 hours to reply to the text and then I took about 10 minutes to call haha. She did seem happy and giggly, using a lot of “aww’s” and accepted the date so that’s fine.

[amazonrambo]

Women do not routinely "test" men. I don't know why men say this on here all the time!

 

Glad you called her and got something concrete set up for Friday night. Don't be weird about asking her what she's doing Saturday night! Hopefully she'll just tell you, but if not, let it go!

 

I know they’ll test for weakness, if a guy shows some form of it. She called me out for being sexist, be it in a joking way, I guess to see how confident I was and if it affected me. I also know some women will change their opinions about a subject to see if you follow them to please them, rather than holding your ground and sticking by your own opinion. Some purposely take a long time to text back to see if the guy will turn into a psycho, which I think is a great test to see if they’re going to be a controlling boyfriend in the future.

 

All that is understandable with someone you barely know, as I could be anyone.

 

Yeah, I’ll casually work it into the conversation and ask what she’s up to this weekend. She won’t admit she’ll have another date though and I don’t expect her to. Even I have a date with a different girl on Saturday, I won’t be telling her that. If she asks if I’m dating anyone else I’ll just say “I have room for one more” with a cheeky smile.

Edited November 20, 2017 by amazonrambo

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

I know they’ll test for weakness, if a guy shows some form of it. She called me out for being sexist, be it in a joking way, I guess to see how confident I was and if it affected me. I also know some women will change their opinions about a subject to see if you follow them to please them, rather than holding your ground and sticking by your own opinion. Some purposely take a long time to text back to see if the guy will turn into a psycho, which I think is a great test to see if they’re going to be a controlling boyfriend in the future.

 

All that is understandable with someone you barely know, as I could be anyone.

 

Yeah, I’ll casually work it into the conversation and ask what she’s up to this weekend. She won’t admit she’ll have another date though and I don’t expect her to. Even I have a date with a different girl on Saturday, I won’t be telling her that. If she asks if I’m dating anyone else I’ll just say “I have room for one more” with a cheeky smile.

 

You make a lot of assumptions about the motivation of women. And no, this is not a test. I'm just telling you.

[Imajerk17]

Hmmm. No wonder why you over-analyse so much. You view interactions with women as these difficult tests, whereas it isn't just like this. Did it ever occur to you that...

 

...if you and she truly had a good date, then you can text her about anything within reason the next day and she will respond? (I usually text her right after the date checking in to make sure she got in fine and telling her I had a really good time. Then I text her the next day to ask how her day is going.)

 

...And that she will work with you to find a good time for the second date--no need to free up your entire schedule.

 

...And if she says something you find objectionable (the "making me laugh less" comment comes to mind) the best way to handle it is to just play it back at her (and just view it as a dumb throw-away comment unless it shows to be a pattern with her).

 

...And yes sometimes people get busy and it takes them 9 hours to respond to a text.

 

Overall when a woman thinks she could like you, she tends to make it easy for you. I mean, of course they are evaluating you just as you should be her. But the best way to handle stuff is to not take it too seriously.

 

Some things for you to consider OP. MEanwhile it sounds that she likes you. Relax set up that second date and have fun!

 

I know they’ll test for weakness, if a guy shows some form of it. She called me out for being sexist, be it in a joking way, I guess to see how confident I was and if it affected me. I also know some women will change their opinions about a subject to see if you follow them to please them, rather than holding your ground and sticking by your own opinion. Some purposely take a long time to text back to see if the guy will turn into a psycho, which I think is a great test to see if they’re going to be a controlling boyfriend in the future.

 

All that is understandable with someone you barely know, as I could be anyone.

 

Yeah, I’ll casually work it into the conversation and ask what she’s up to this weekend. She won’t admit she’ll have another date though and I don’t expect her to. Even I have a date with a different girl on Saturday, I won’t be telling her that. If she asks if I’m dating anyone else I’ll just say “I have room for one more” with a cheeky smile.

Edited November 20, 2017 by Imajerk17

[olivetree]

I know they’ll test for weakness, if a guy shows some form of it. She called me out for being sexist, be it in a joking way, I guess to see how confident I was and if it affected me. I also know some women will change their opinions about a subject to see if you follow them to please them, rather than holding your ground and sticking by your own opinion. Some purposely take a long time to text back to see if the guy will turn into a psycho, which I think is a great test to see if they’re going to be a controlling boyfriend in the future.

 

All that is understandable with someone you barely know, as I could be anyone.

 

Yeah, I’ll casually work it into the conversation and ask what she’s up to this weekend. She won’t admit she’ll have another date though and I don’t expect her to. Even I have a date with a different girl on Saturday, I won’t be telling her that. If she asks if I’m dating anyone else I’ll just say “I have room for one more” with a cheeky smile.

 

I don't do this and I don't know any woman that does this either.

That's just weird.

 

Btw, you come off as if you plan your every move... from your smirks to your cheeky smiles.

I think you need to let things happen more naturally and live in the moment.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

I don't do this and I don't know any woman that does this either.

That's just weird.

 

Btw, you come off as if you plan your every move... from your smirks to your cheeky smiles.

I think you need to let things happen more naturally and live in the moment.

 

I agree, and I find it very off-putting and wonder if all men are so calculating.

[amazonrambo]

I don't do this and I don't know any woman that does this either.

That's just weird.

 

Btw, you come off as if you plan your every move... from your smirks to your cheeky smiles.

I think you need to let things happen more naturally and live in the moment.

 

I did let things happen naturally and live in the moment. I didn't plan to say those things and smirk/smile on script, it just happened. Touching each other was natural because we were both doing it, I didn't feel like I had to touch her at a certain time or place as it just happened naturally. I didn't plan to walk outside of bowling down the street to stop her and randomly kiss her, I did all that in the spur of the moment.. Even the "that's all you're getting for now" bit at the end. I don't follow a script when I date.

 

I don't know where I've come off as "planning it". All I've done is describe everything that happened on that date in my OP. Of course it's going to sound scripted if I've written it all down, but it's the only way to tell you every detail that happened.

Edited November 20, 2017 by amazonrambo

[amazonrambo]

I agree, and I find it very off-putting and wonder if all men are so calculating.

 

What makes you think I plan every move? I don't get how me cheekily smiling or smirking means that I was planning every move.. I didn't go out to say a certain line then fake a smile or plan what I was going to do before the date.. Everything I did on the date was all natural. I just acted accordingly to her actions. Is this a crime now?

[Highndry]

I agree, and I find it very off-putting and wonder if all men are so calculating.

 

Absolutely not. I am genuine and I would think most men are.

[olivetree]

I did let things happen naturally and live in the moment. I didn't plan to say those things and smirk/smile on script, it just happened. Touching each other was natural because we were both doing it, I didn't feel like I had to touch her at a certain time or place as it just happened naturally. I didn't plan to walk outside of bowling down the street to stop her and randomly kiss her, I did all that in the spur of the moment.. Even the "that's all you're getting for now" bit at the end. I don't follow a script when I date.

 

I don't know where I've come off as "planning it". All I've done is describe everything that happened on that date in my OP. Of course it's going to sound scripted if I've written it all down, but it's the only way to tell you every detail that happened.

 

It's jut a bit odd how you remember things like exactly the moments you smirk and pull away.

I don't remember things like that.

I might remember someone else's smile but not my own facial expressions in a play by play kind of way.

I thought I'd give you the benefit of the doubt that maybe that's your style of writing (story like), but then you said this:

 

If she asks if I’m dating anyone else I’ll just say “I have room for one more” with a cheeky smile.

 

You already have your actions planned, right down the type of smile lol.

 

I'm not trying to offend you.

I think you should plan what you're going to do and say less though.

I think you'll both have more fun that way.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

It's jut a bit odd how you remember things like exactly the moments you smirk and pull away.

I don't remember things like that.

I might remember someone else's smile but not my own facial expressions in a play by play kind of way.

I thought I'd give you the benefit of the doubt that maybe that's your style of writing (story like), but then you said this:

 

 

 

You already have your actions planned, right down the type of smile lol.

 

I'm not trying to offend you.

I think you should plan what you're going to do and say less though.

I think you'll both have more fun that way.

 

Totally agree. OP, you were doing the same thing with the last woman just 10 days ago, planning out a "cute/funny" text you were going to send the next day. I think what we are saying is just try to be more yourself, not some funny/"cheeky" version of yourself because you think that's what she will respond to. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/642273-i-m-guessing-rejection-feels-like-one-2.html

[amazonrambo]

I can see how it looks, but I do go into the dates as myself without some scripted line or action planned. I adjust to the situation and I do act myself, it happens naturally. I remember all the good things like smiling etc as I have a problem with depression, so my brain seems to be wired to keep a hold of the happy things that make me smile, laugh, etc. It’s why I remember it so well.

 

So, in person I don’t have that problem.

 

However, when texting I do. I seem to plan what to say and that comes across as scripted as I’m worried if I’ll say the wrong thing and if it gets taken the wrong way, they can easily ignore you so I tend to think things through a bit too much over text, like should I reply, shouldn’t I, and so on.

[Teknoe]

The overanalysis reminds me of me (until recently). Take it from me. It's just going to sap all the joy and drag you down.

 

Learn to let go, relax and be yourself. Enjoy it but live your life. If it's meant to be, it will flow naturally.

[amazonrambo]

The overanalysis reminds me of me (until recently). Take it from me. It's just going to sap all the joy and drag you down.

 

Learn to let go, relax and be yourself. Enjoy it but live your life. If it's meant to be, it will flow naturally.

 

Thank you. I guess it's contradictory that I seek advice on a girl's behaviour to make sure I don't mess things up, yet I do because I end up appearing different to her without me knowing which causes them to put a halt to things.

 

First date was great because I was relaxed and we had genuine fun. I felt so comfortable touching, kissing her, etc so I need to not worry now. As long as she doesn't give me excuses to go on dates then I have no reason to worry.

 

I've got a date with someone else the following day so best I have two dates on the go, might help with my problem!

[amazonrambo]

I sent her the text at 4pm “You’ll never guess what I’ve been up to this week! See you tomorrow x” and it’s now nearly 11pm with no reply.

 

We both agreed on the day, time and place four days ago. Do I just turn up if no reply? I don’t want to ask if we’re still on because it looks like a lack of confidence. My gut is telling me to turn up because I should be confident she’ll turn up to see me and that if she is interested she’ll remember our arranged plan. She originally asked over text if Friday was better and I replied with a phone call and we arranged it then last Sunday

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

I sent her the text at 4pm “You’ll never guess what I’ve been up to this week! See you tomorrow x” and it’s now nearly 11pm with no reply.

 

We both agreed on the day, time and place four days ago. Do I just turn up if no reply? I don’t want to ask if we’re still on because it looks like a lack of confidence. My gut is telling me to turn up because I should be confident she’ll turn up to see me and that if she is interested she’ll remember our arranged plan. She originally asked over text if Friday was better and I replied with a phone call and we arranged it then last Sunday

 

What have you been up to?

[StephenV]

I sent her the text at 4pm “You’ll never guess what I’ve been up to this week! See you tomorrow x” and it’s now nearly 11pm with no reply.

 

We both agreed on the day, time and place four days ago. Do I just turn up if no reply? I don’t want to ask if we’re still on because it looks like a lack of confidence. My gut is telling me to turn up because I should be confident she’ll turn up to see me and that if she is interested she’ll remember our arranged plan. She originally asked over text if Friday was better and I replied with a phone call and we arranged it then last Sunday

 

Jesus. Stop Googling 'texts to get her to fall for you!'. It's transparent. I wouldn't reply to that text, either.

 

Your style of dating is very Corey Wayne/Internet relationship guru. Why can't you just be yourself?

[olivetree]

That text sounds scripted.

Same with that other text you wanted to send another date about how unbelievable your weekend was that included broken hearts or chocolate ice cream or something.

I would cancel the date if I received that text lol.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

That text sounds scripted.

Same with that other text you wanted to send another date about how unbelievable your weekend was that included broken hearts or chocolate ice cream or something.

I would cancel the date if I received that text lol.

 

I guess in all fairness all of our texts are "scripted" since we have the luxury of thinking about what to say before hitting "send," but I agree with you 100% .

[Teknoe]

I sent her the text at 4pm “You’ll never guess what I’ve been up to this week! See you tomorrow x” and it’s now nearly 11pm with no reply.

 

We both agreed on the day, time and place four days ago. Do I just turn up if no reply? I don’t want to ask if we’re still on because it looks like a lack of confidence. My gut is telling me to turn up because I should be confident she’ll turn up to see me and that if she is interested she’ll remember our arranged plan. She originally asked over text if Friday was better and I replied with a phone call and we arranged it then last Sunday

 

My initial gut reaction is that is a poor text to have sent. No offense. I agree with the poster who said it comes off very Corey Wayne/game/Googling "Texts to make her fall for you."

 

It comes off as trying way too hard, and "teasing" her when you haven't quite gotten to that stage yet. It just feels a little out there. I believe this would have been better to send:

 

"Hey __, hope you're having a great Thanksgiving. I'm looking forward to our date tomorrow. Enjoy the rest of your Turkey Day :)"

 

Simple and doesn't fish for or require a reply. The way your text is worded was a bit forced/awkward -- it's no surprise you're currently squirming a bit wondering how come she hasn't texted me back yet? Either ask her a simple question that commands a reply or don't. Leaving things open ended is what drives yourself insane with over analysis. Keep it simple! I wouldn't have even mentioned that something crazy happen to me. To me that is an in-person share. Just wait for the date and then share with her.

 

I feel you're way in your head and simply trying too hard. I know you mean well, but lighten up a bit! At this rate, you're going to kill any potential attraction she has for you if you keep this up. Girls can feel and read when a guy is desperate. Keep it cool. Stay calm and in control. Girls want a guy they can feel safe and have fun with... not some guy that is overcompensating to force things. If it happens, it happens.

 

But what's done is done. Just try to relax from this point on.

 

You'll probably have to learn the hard way though, like most of us currently in happy relationships did. If this one doesn't work out it just means you weren't ready or/and she wasn't the right match. Have fun with the process and learn to enjoy it as it is. I wish you the best.

[Purepony]

Hmm ... based on what I’m reading I don’t think this is going real well

Women today are just odd

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

 

"Hey __, hope you're having a great Thanksgiving. I'm looking forward to our date tomorrow. Enjoy the rest of your Turkey Day :)"

 

 

He's not American, but good advice anyway about keeping it casual and not trying so hard to be "charming." Women see right through stuff like this.