Why do you think you're really single?

[William]

Moderator ~T did the cleanup but I'll weigh in as the policy guy....

 

If one feels they're single from lack of dating opportunities due to online dating, that's a topical response, along with other reasons, as examples.

 

Discussing the minutiae of online dating is not topical here. It is topical in threads specifically about a person's online dating experiences (start one in our Dating forum about your specific experience), or our consolidated thread on the topic if more general in content.

 

Please do not threadjack this thread. Thanks!

[Mysterio]

I don't know what it is. I just had dinner with my last GF. We are friends now. We are both having trouble finding people for LTR. She wants to have a kid. I don't. It feels like she can date more. When I try. The women are attached somehow.

 

What should we both do. I think that we both really have to let go of the hunt for love and live our lives. Let that special someone fall into our laps.

 

As I keep saying here. All my male friends that have someone special in their lives. They just basically fell into each others lap for the most part. There was no major courting or anything like that.

 

All my friends that are always trying to make an effort to find love. Its elusive at best. As hard as it is. I and my ex D. We really have to let go. When somoene is into us. They will let themselves know to us.

 

Its happend to me before. So I just have to wait. Or Unless I am in the pressence of a woman that likes me and is making that major effort, I also know from the get go that she is single and into me. Under that situaiton. I can try to make things happen by going out with her.

[No_Go]

You’re succumbing to peer pressure Mysterio.

 

What your friend *tell* you may very well NOT be the truth. They probably multi-dated for months to land on their ‘effortless’ relationships.

 

I don't know what it is. I just had dinner with my last GF. We are friends now. We are both having trouble finding people for LTR. She wants to have a kid. I don't. It feels like she can date more. When I try. The women are attached somehow.

 

What should we both do. I think that we both really have to let go of the hunt for love and live our lives. Let that special someone fall into our laps.

 

As I keep saying here. All my male friends that have someone special in their lives. They just basically fell into each others lap for the most part. There was no major courting or anything like that.

 

All my friends that are always trying to make an effort to find love. Its elusive at best. As hard as it is. I and my ex D. We really have to let go. When somoene is into us. They will let themselves know to us.

 

Its happend to me before. So I just have to wait. Or Unless I am in the pressence of a woman that likes me and is making that major effort, I also know from the get go that she is single and into me. Under that situaiton. I can try to make things happen by going out with her.

[Mysterio]

My friends are open with me and I saw the courtship with my eyes. So in my view. It really did fall into thier laps.

 

DT and CF. DT my male friend. His ex CF looked him up on Facebook and basically made a play for him and they now have 2 kids together.

 

MK and J. MK is a Chiropracter and his boss introduced him to J. I remeber MK leaving a message on his machine He said that He was sort of being set up with J due to his boss. He was looking forward to it. They are married and next yr will be 20 yrs together and married 18 and they have a 12 yr old girl and 14 yr old boy and they are rock solid.

 

So those are two examples. I want for myself a great love and we are insynch and open to marriage one day.

[Chilli]

l don't for the life of me get what all the talk is about games.

WTF are are all the games these days every body seems to talk about. ?

It's also on every second profile on this date site l just joined. l'm not here for games ra ra ra,

 

Bear in mind l've been out of this new singles world of games and crap that everyone seems to talk about , 23yrs .

 

There was very little bullship back in the day and people were generally fairly happy go lucky in all this stuff.

When you met someone you liked you just start seeing a bit of each other and if it grew from there it grew. If not you' part company.

 

Does the game thing all come from the date site world now or what ?

[heartbrokenlady]

l don't for the life of me get what all the talk is about games.

WTF are are all the games these days every body seems to talk about. ?

It's also on every second profile on this date site l just joined. l'm not here for games ra ra ra,

 

Bear in mind l've been out of this new singles world of games and crap that everyone seems to talk about , 23yrs .

 

There was very little bullship back in the day and people were generally fairly happy go lucky in all this stuff.

When you met someone you liked you just start seeing a bit of each other and if it grew from there it grew. If not you' part company.

 

Does the game thing all come from the date site world now or what ?

 

 

I think (from a woman's perspective) that OLD has made things a lot harder. A lot of men just want easy sex. OLD makes it easier. If one woman won't shag them, the next might. And there are thousands of women on OLD. Very easy to keep swiping, looking for the next easy lay.

 

I've tried to work out which are genuine guys and those that are dogs looking for sex. Not easy. The game seems to be for him to hide it and to persuade her he's genuine, then to try for sex in a range of ways.

 

I've only been on one old date. He said he was genuine. Seemed to be. Still tried it on.

 

Urgh. There are worse things than being single. OLD for one.

[Chilli]

Thanks for explaining that , getting some of the picture.

 

So is there anything a genuine guy can say on his page to put women he might wanna approach at ease with all that ?

 

You do get the feeling on it as a guy , women just don't trust you.

[heartbrokenlady]

Thanks for explaining that , getting some of the picture.

 

So is there anything a genuine guy can say on his page to put women he might wanna approach at ease with all that ?

 

You do get the feeling on it as a guy , women just don't trust you.

 

 

Be upfront. I am not looking for sex. Meet them within 2 or 3 days of messaging. Probably don't even try to kiss them the first date.

 

There are also a HUGE amount of fake profiles online. Scams. Tell her where you work. The neighborhood you live in. It will distinguish you from the fakes.

[Eternal Sunshine]

I think (from a woman's perspective) that OLD has made things a lot harder. A lot of men just want easy sex. OLD makes it easier. If one woman won't shag them, the next might. And there are thousands of women on OLD. Very easy to keep swiping, looking for the next easy lay.

 

I've tried to work out which are genuine guys and those that are dogs looking for sex. Not easy. The game seems to be for him to hide it and to persuade her he's genuine, then to try for sex in a range of ways.

 

I've only been on one old date. He said he was genuine. Seemed to be. Still tried it on.

 

Urgh. There are worse things than being single. OLD for one.

 

The game for women is that men are dishonest about wanting easy sex. They would lead you on to think they are after a relationship. They will say so, make long term future plans, plan elaborate dates and then ghost or fade once they get sex. Sometimes they come back for it few more times before completely disapearing. You don't even get a decency of a single "it's not working out" text.

[Mysterio]

When I was with my x in 2012. I did not have sex with her untill Week 7 or so. I was not even really thinking that as much.

 

I am way too wary of a oops pregnancy. I guess I am really different. I don't even think about sex as much in the start of the relationship. Kissing and making out yes.

 

I guess I don't really see or hear women so bold about their sex lives verbally to my ears. They seem like they want to keep it on the downlow. Guys on the other hand, can't shut up about it.

 

For me. I am more turned on the less work I have to do. One of my female friends is 20 yrs older than me and she is great. Thats the type of woman I would want. a Girl next door type thats playful and affectionate towards me, and I don't have much leg work to do with her.

[Chilli]

You get the feeling when you first message them they toss and turn about whether they can trust you or not to even answer.

lt's mainly just in that first step l feel that trust thing, but that's on;y natural anyway l suppose

 

The few l've bothered meeting so far soon find out when they meet me though.

 

Beats me why guys just lookin to screw round would even bother with date sites they don't usually look anything like their pics anyway and it's so much work.

lf l just wanted that l'd be out in bars or partying, see what your really getting and it's instant,plenty of real choices.

Edited December 22, 2017 by Chilli

[Chilli]

As for the question why we're single , well l haven't been single very long but l am fussy though.

There aren't many women l'd go for , mine are one in 10 million so,takes time.

Maybe never again now, who knows, l've been very lucky , maybe that's ran out.

 

Although hopin that ain't the case , not liken the single life much.

Edited December 22, 2017 by Chilli

[jjgitties]

When

For me. I am more turned on the less work I have to do. One of my female friends is 20 yrs older than me and she is great. Thats the type of woman I would want. a Girl next door type thats playful and affectionate towards me, and I don't have much leg work to do with her.

 

^^ You don't know that and you have no idea what shes like in a relationship. And also what the hell does the "girl next door type" even mean? Which door and which neighborhood are you living in? Women tent to be a lot more complicated than men.

 

Did you ever hear about the term "manic pixie dream girl"? They are fantasy manufactured characters created by a certain type of (usually male) writer that creates films for a specific male audience. Is that your "girl next door"? They don't exists. They are completely manufactured. Women are complicated, they want to feel special, sexy, gorgeous... they are not "next door" types.

 

If you were to analyze those characters as real people you would see a vegetable instead of a human. They are female characters that have no inner life or development what so ever. They purely exist for the development and propping up of the character building of the male protagonist is those stories. Humans are highly complex and moody individuals that are very hard to pigeon hole into a "type".

 

Funny true story, rumor is one of the kids in my kids school is supposedly "in love" with my kid.. shes such a sweet kid and i know her and her family for a while and quite well. She's always been quite a tom boy in that she is always playing with boys and athletic and running and climbing walls and you rarely see her hanging with the girl clique .. i hear shes all distraught because my kid (who is as clueless of a big dumb male as me) is showing zero reciprocal infatuation back towards her. The complex female mind shows up at a very young age. :-)

Edited December 22, 2017 by jjgitties

[hotpotato]

I spent my Friday night at Starbucks alone, and i was quite happy.

 

I usually go places early morning and late night. I went to the store a little later in the morning, and two men tried to holla at me. I think i could meet more men if i made little changes like that. I think if i asked men for their numbers, id be very successful.

 

Right now i do a bunch of things ive always wanted to.

 

Men holla at me most when i get really happy. Then i try to date them and end up miserable. I may need counseling or meds to date. Serious. I have mentally associated men and dating with bad things. I looked up this condition, and it usually afflicts young women and goes away with time. Its the opposite for me. Not everyone can just bounce back from having many bad experiences.

 

As i get older, the more i feel like i can live without being loved.

 

Being single is becoming more and more easy and fun as time goes on.

 

Im quirky. When im alone, i dont live on fear of being 'found out.'

[GuitarGuy7]

I think it's because i'm naturally introverted

Edited December 29, 2017 by GuitarGuy7

[ltjg45]

There is multiple reasons why I am single.

 

1. I am now in college. I got done with my 1st term this month and have my 2nd term in less than 2 weeks from now. With 4 classes (3 in my major profession) this term, I will be busy enough not to be able to date.

 

2. I am working overnights. Pretty hard to date when the best time to go out with someone, I am getting ready for work.

 

3. I am at a disadvantage here in Jacksonville, Florida. In this city, you basically need a car. I don't have one. I still have to get my Driver's License back first.

 

4. I am still a virgin at the age of 31. It is difficult being confident enough to attract women when I got little reason to be this way.

 

5. I am still living with my mother and brothers and is fighting to get out of there ASAP.

 

Lastly, I am a introvert and I still think logically. I don't pull the trigger when an opportunity comes up because I rarely in the frame of mind to successfully approach and ask a woman out while in the environment the opportunity appears at. Also, I suck at reading social clues.

[Mysterio]

When I go by my raw attributes. This is how I see myself.

 

5'9/Canadian Black Male. In fit shape. Not to skinny not to fat. I am 213 lbs. I should be a little more lean. More 180 lbs at best. I shave my head and keep a clean cut look. My age is 46. I have gotten as low as 24 and as high as 36. Most people think I am 34 for the most part.

 

I am soft spoken. Introspective/Inquiztive. Strive to do the right thing.

 

I am not too jokey or serious. I am in the middle. I dress well and treat people well.

 

I don't think I am typical black guy which is basically Hip Hop is everything. I love Rock and Roll/Heavy Metal/Jazz/Folk/Pop.

 

My physical looks. I see myself on the Cute side. People at work tease me and say I look more like a cross between Denzel and Damon Wayons/Richard Pryor.

 

I think that my personality is more on the careful side. So I am not just macking on chics right away when I see them. The Bar/nightclub scene is not my fortay.

 

I seem to do well with women, when I don't care and don't put energy into them. When I do the leg work. Nothing major happens. This has been consistant.

 

Like I might as well do more prayer and asking the universe to meet a special woman, than actually going out there to make it happen for the most part.

[carhill]

Why do you think you're really single?

 

Romance in the style of Pasternak dancing to the strains of the divine creations of Jarre and the balalaika is pretty much dead. So will I be. Ashes to ashes, dust to dust.

 

Great memories though. The gifts of life.

[Knight23]

If I had to do an honest evaluation of myself:

 

I'm pretty anti-social, and I generally prefer staying indoors when I'm not on the job. That's already a negative, since I'm not getting out much.

 

Physically, I'm assuming that I'm at least fairly attractive or average at best to some women, since they HAVE hit on me before without me having to make a move first. Or even indicate that I'm interested.

 

On the downside again, I tend to come off as mildly unfriendly without meaning to, which is a turnoff. I'm an awkward guy with below average social skills, so what can I say?...

 

Overall, my personality and confidence need a serious overhaul before I'm prepared to try for anything serious. But, I'm pretty okay with where I am right now.

 

Being single used to bother me so much, especially since folks I knew back in high school are already married with kids. Made me feel like I was moving too slow or something.

 

But...I've had time to think about it. And have come to the conclusion that I'm just too ill-fitted to be in a relationship right now. So, really, it's for the best.

[Purepony]

Because I’m bad to the bone hahaha

[Lamartine]

I'm single because:

 

I have trouble with self esteem and depression;

 

I'm attractive--maybe even pretty--but I have gained some weight since I experienced some fairly serious adversity last July;

 

I spent my twenties working ridiculous hours and bought into the fallacy that I could have it all. I couldn't, and the opportunity cost of my career was probably my having a family now at 36;

 

I live in the conservative south and get judged often for my past (an abortion and a divorce) by self righteous men;

 

I give too much. I am a people pleaser and love taking care of others. I'd love to meet a man who appreciates those qualities, but I find it leads to getting taken advantage of. My husband appreciated that I sacrificed for him, so I know it's possible; and

 

I think my education may be a little intimidating.

[Mysterio]

Some of us I think are single by default. I have yet to be in the pressence of a woman that is looking at me romantically/in my social circles and meeting me half way to explore a LTR romantic Relationship with me and its all about making time for each other.

 

Thats another reason why I am single. I don't think its best for me to always be on the hunt for a woman romantically. Its just draining on my soul. I really don't think I am missing much. If I want to be around a woman. I have half a dozen women friends to do that with.

 

A lot of us are just tired of the journey of seeking a mate. We want it, but our society says we have to go for it. Yet the journey is never a happy one, in the sense that you ask someone out. They respond positive. You go out and enjoy each others company and both parties strive for a connection. Even if there is no major romance sprouting. A lot of us here are venting on how hard it is. The one thing we have in common is that we are actually trying to seek it. Its not fun doing it. Our success rate is mediocre at best. May be we should give it a rest for a bit. When I think about all the times I have made a romantic connection. Its when I have not been trying to make a romantic connection.

 

 

 

Like I would have a better chance doing nothing than trying to do something. I don't know why that is. I am not socially awkward or don't know how to speak to someone. I am more cut and dry and don't put on a persona.

Edited January 4, 2018 by Mysterio

[Cookiesandough]

Why am I really single. Hmm. I suppose you mean opposed to the lie I tell myself about why I'm single, like men being intimidated by my success and intelligence.

 

 

I think a big part of it was being a late bloomer. I was a kissless virgin until my first serious BF at 25. It wasn't intentional. I was always just really awkward and c-blocking at every opportunity and those opportunities weren't that common anyway. I guess I'm am partly at fault. I didn't try enough to put myself out there. I preferred doing other things. But the time came that I decided I needed to experience dating. I still didn't want to, so I motivated myself by saying it could be fun to meet new people and learn about their lives. Except in doing that I discovered I didn't want to date them so much as just learn about them. Like stand behind a tempered glass womdpw and watch while professionals administered[completely safe]tests and let me see the results.

 

Basically, it's a real head-scratcher why I'm single!

Edited January 4, 2018 by Cookiesandough

[FilterCoffee]

I preferred doing other things. But the time came that I decided I needed to experience dating. I still didn't want to, so I motivated myself by saying it could be fun to meet new people and learn about their lives. Except in doing that I discovered I didn't want to date them so much as just learn about them. Like stand behind a tempered glass womdpw and watch while professionals administered[completely safe]tests and let me see the results.

 

It sounds like you’re single because you’re content being that way which is cool..

[littleblackheart]

I'm single because I prefer it to being in a relationship. I don't have the urge to be partnered up, I am extremely independent and I love looking after my kids fully.

 

I have a normal social life; I thought I was socially awkward when I was younger but I've grown to understand myself better in that I just don't see the point to social chit-chat, which isn't a bad thing. I don't always notice when I'm being chatted up, which can lead to embarassing situations.

 

I tend to speak my mind and I appreciate the same back.

My relationships with my family and my friends are based on genuinely reciprocal affection and care. My marriage was the only 'proper' relationship I've had - I promised myself I'd only ever have one LTR, and I'm sticking to it.

 

I see plenty of happy couples in my circle, but I don't envy any of them. The only thing I regret is not having a responsible co-parent to help with the kids, but I have great support so I can't really complain.

 

All on all, life as a single person is pretty sweet.