Why do you think you're really single?

[gone_girl]

My relationships have been disappointing so far. I don't feel ready to put energy into that yet and I don't quite trust myself.

[Mysterio]

My major thing with dating and being single is that I don't really feel that I am around a lot of single women.

 

Put it this way. No matter what social situation I am in. It feels like 90% of the women are taken. The 10 % that are single to me seem tricky to get together. Even if I don't push a romantic angle with them.

 

It keep coming to me that love for me, has to come organic and I can't be the driving force to get it.

[ZA Dater]

My major thing with dating and being single is that I don't really feel that I am around a lot of single women.

 

Put it this way. No matter what social situation I am in. It feels like 90% of the women are taken. The 10 % that are single to me seem tricky to get together. Even if I don't push a romantic angle with them.

 

It keep coming to me that love for me, has to come organic and I can't be the driving force to get it.

 

 

Absolutely. I find the exact same thing, single is basically abnormal, almost everyone I meet isn't single.

 

 

I also think that past a certain age, relationships, if they have been going for a while don't simply collapse.

[Fair]

For me. I won't play the game. If I am not treated well. Also. I don't feel like 80% of the women that I meet or interact with, would be a well match for me.

 

So thats my take. My personality and looks are above 80 in my mind. I am more the Good Guy/Hero, striving to do the right thing. I am not perfect.

 

There is a lot of game playing in dating. Thats what I see. If one is not careful you can get a kid out of it. I for one do not want a child brought into this world, with me and the mom on the outs and raising them that way.

 

I feel the same way as you do point for point. I'm introverted and selective... and can't understand all the reckless, craziness that constitutes dating today.

[Juha]

My major thing with dating and being single is that I don't really feel that I am around a lot of single women.

 

Put it this way. No matter what social situation I am in. It feels like 90% of the women are taken. The 10 % that are single to me seem tricky to get together. Even if I don't push a romantic angle with them.

 

It keep coming to me that love for me, has to come organic and I can't be the driving force to get it.

 

Ding! Ding! Ding! We have a winner!!!

 

Pretty much whenever I meet someone that I hit it off with or am really interested in they are always in a relationship or married.

 

When I am with my married/coupled friends they are not any good single women around..

 

It's like a barren desert out there trying to meet someone who is good...

[Mysterio]

Its not like there is 7 women in my case that are single, and the other 3 are attached out of 10 women that could be potential love interests.

 

I feel like most women are not that gung ho about single and living the high life. They just seem to me like they would sooner be in a mediocre relationship than be single and living up.

[Mysterio]

Rarely have I seen a woman that is attached, go out of there way to set up a guy that tried to get with them. Not going to happen Most women are not that way.

 

My last atempt was Aug 2017. The woman from the gym. I do keep in touch, but she is not going to be one of those women that I could see trying to set me up, with one of her female friends. I actually think she kind of likes me, but she is marrried with a child. He husband goes to the same gym as me and I like him as a person. So for me that ship has sailed. I am still playful with her, but I don't have any intentions of trying to get with her in any way. They would have to split before that.

 

I say if it was meant to be. We would be together.

 

A lot of our love thing we talk about here is trying to solve a mystery. We are all trying to solve the mystery of who to love and how to make it happen.

[Eternal Sunshine]

Because I never meet any single men in real life. I think OLD attracts mostly losers and I have had it. I am an introvert and a loner which doesn't help. Sans OLD, I have probably met less than 5 single men in the last 5 years. So finding someone where there is spark and mutual interest is next to impossible. I think past a certain age, there is barely any singles left.

 

I have given up at this point and feel kind of flat about being in a relationship anyway.

[JustGettingBy]

Too busy saving up money for a down payment to afford to go out.

[CptInsano]

Because I never meet any single men in real life. I think OLD attracts mostly losers and I have had it. I am an introvert and a loner which doesn't help. Sans OLD, I have probably met less than 5 single men in the last 5 years. So finding someone where there is spark and mutual interest is next to impossible. I think past a certain age, there is barely any singles left.

 

I have given up at this point and feel kind of flat about being in a relationship anyway.

 

I don't think that OLD attracts only losers, but the friends of mine who used OLD successfully didn't use it for very long. So yes, I do think that OLD respresents a certain filter or skewed view of the population.

 

I remember that you were looking for somebody in particular, somebody with an academic background and preferably still part of academia. I forget what the criteria were, I'm afraid. Meeting one man a year outside of OLD is simply not enough for a realistic chance of finding the right man meeting these criteria in the haptic world.

 

Being introverted makes it harder. I've tried to help some of my introverted friends, but to no avail. I wish I had some solid advice to give you, but neither sifting through a large number of OLD candidates nor forcing yourself to make RL contacts are probably all that appealing to you.

[ZA Dater]

You guys really need to focus on your networking a bit more. So you hit it off with someone, find out they are taken, then what? Give up? Forget you ever met them or something? Add them to social media instead. Don't be an orbiter but do keep in touch in some way. Relationships almost always end, and sometimes the best way to find someone good is just to be at the right place at the right time. Besides, even if that person is taken, they might have some friends that are single.

 

 

 

I used to think like that but the reality is if someone has moved in with someone the chances of that relationship falling apart of about as great as me winning the lottery.

 

 

So yes I think taken mean move on for the most part unless the friend part of it is worth hanging around for.

[ZA Dater]

Because I never meet any single men in real life. I think OLD attracts mostly losers and I have had it. I am an introvert and a loner which doesn't help. Sans OLD, I have probably met less than 5 single men in the last 5 years. So finding someone where there is spark and mutual interest is next to impossible. I think past a certain age, there is barely any singles left.

 

I have given up at this point and feel kind of flat about being in a relationship anyway.

 

 

 

I share a lot of this sentiment. Yes, there are nice people on OLD but the issue is they all want the same sort of person and if you are introverted they aren't going to want you. I do think past a certain age its does become extremely difficult, its an unspoken thing but past 30 the chances of finding someone really drop off substantially unless you are prepared to go for people with tons of baggage.

 

 

I can fully understand why guys simply chase one night stands.

[Blanco]

Shoot, if anything, I feel like living together only increases your chances of the relationship failing.

[Mysterio]

I have a friend that is doing the common law thing and he and his lady are doing well. They have two bio kids together and She has two big kids from her Ex, who she is not still leagally divorced from yet. They are on yr 4 going 5 in Feb 2018 and the bio kids they have are 2 -boy and girl-10 months.

[alpha__waves]

Because I never meet any single men in real life. I think OLD attracts mostly losers and I have had it..

 

Losers, eh? I feel like it must be the opposite on dating apps. There must be so many amazing guys that I'm relegated to the bottom of the proverbial stack.

[todreaminblue]

i am single because i am a contradiction....i am a celibate ex hooker with five adult children.....waiting till marriage to have sex......not because i don't want sex i struggle with celibacy......miss making love ..so that to me is a contradiction...

 

feeling also why should i expect any guy to wait but hoping that somewhere some guy has the same values and forgiving nature as i have.....wanting a guy who has my faith my beliefs my values that i have for myself now..... i get called out by guys....who expect sex from me....because they know my past......so theres another contradiction....

 

i guess the biggest test will come when i see my ex who i had an intense fifteen years with this xmas.....he has reminded me of what we had......that he wants to go back there.....i dont feel i can or even want to in my heart....im a different person now.....im a contradiction waiting for a lifetime of love and a promise kept.....deb

[Mysterio]

Here is my stance with sex for myself. I do not want to have sex unless she is my GF. Will I wait till marriage. Not really. If she wants to thats fine. It can be discussed.

[warp123]

Despite having a good physique im introvert and dont go out much. Im not really a talker.

 

I think i would date 300% more if i was extrovert.

[Eternal Sunshine]

Despite having a good physique im introvert and dont go out much. Im not really a talker.

 

I think i would date 300% more if i was extrovert.

 

Same here. I am bad at just chatting away and making people feel at ease.

 

I also go out maybe once a month, if that.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

Same here. I am bad at just chatting away and making people feel at ease.

 

I also go out maybe once a month, if that.

 

I can make people feel at ease very easily if we are one on one, so I've always done great at online dating.

 

A group of people I don't know, even a small group (like a small group fitness class) is a whole 'nother story. They all think I'm soooo quiet (and I guess I am), and that probably translates into "standoffish," but I find it very difficult to make "small talk." If there was a deep conversation going on, I could contribute, but the stuff that gets talked about is a lot I just don't really know how to "quip in" about!

 

Still waters run deep .

[William]

After deleting a few posts I'll remind everyone that the topic of this thread is your personal opinion of why you are single.

 

We have many threads discussing the difficulties of OLD so if you would like to discuss that I would appreciate it if you did so on one of those threads. ~T

[alpha__waves]

You miss the point by a mile. Point is, the ladies you are messaging online about possible serious, long-term relationships are ignoring you because they are too busy banging those guys I spoke of. That is at least 75% of the reason most regular guys looking for a relationship have little luck with OLD. Why should a woman talk with you when that great looking doctor is messaging her? Never mind that he loses interest after the foregone conclusion of 2nd date sex.

 

I'm not sure how you know what the ladies I'm messaging are looking for with their respective romantic lives. Nor can an speak for "regular guys" as I don't think I'm a "regular guy" to begin with (outside of my bowel moments, ha ha), that's looking for a "regular girl". Just a great looking industrial/product designer looking for a like-minded lady.

[SevenCity]

I don't think there is anything wrong with people (men or women, straight or otherwise) who are seeking some type of more causal relationship (one night stands, FWB, poly, whathaveyou)... IF they're upfront about their intentions. Basically, don't be a dirtbag about it, and let people know that you're only interested in something sexual. People don't generally like being jerked around and floated in limbo. Be respectful to your fellow human.

 

I'm just not looking for anything casual. I mean, I ̶l̶i̶k̶e̶ ̶s̶e̶x̶ looooooove sex, but I'm just not interested in wasting what little time I've got outside work, projects, and just living my life with someone that's not going to at least possibly be a fit to marry and be the mother of my future children. I'm also not that interested in chasing the Valtrex™ dragon.

 

It’s not as cut and dry as that unfortunately. I have little interest in casual sex and don’t have one night’s stands. I’ll start dating a women who seems like she could be LTR material and before too long I determine she is not.

 

People can keep up a facade for 3-6 months (the latter if you’re really good), but eventually the true person comes out. I’ve yet to find one of those that made me want to stay with them due to their actions.

 

That’s why I have to wonder if this is a product of OLD or the times changed in the 17ish years I didn’t date. Previously, you would click with a girl, go on a date then be gf/bf before too long. And it didn’t take long at all to find the next one and certainly not as long as it’s taken for me since my last LTR. Could also be that I’ve had what I want and refuse to settle for less. And I’m not talking about looks but attitude.

 

I like your approach but doesn’t seem to be something I could do. And it’s not only guys who want sex. Women want it just as much as evident by my past 1.5 years on OLD. Unfortunately, having sex with someone you don’t love grows tiresome. But it does pass the time.

[alpha__waves]

We have many threads discussing the difficulties of OLD so if you would like to discuss that I would appreciate it if you did so on one of those threads. ~T

 

Isn't online like the second or third most popular way of meeting SOs these days? I'd think it'd be pretty much impossible to divorce the state of being single from discussing online/app dating in 2017.

[alpha__waves]

It’s not as cut and dry as that unfortunately. I have little interest in casual sex and don’t have one night’s stands. I’ll start dating a women who seems like she could be LTR material and before too long I determine she is not.

 

People can keep up a facade for 3-6 months (the latter if you’re really good), but eventually the true person comes out. I’ve yet to find one of those that made me want to stay with them due to their actions.

 

That’s why I have to wonder if this is a product of OLD or the times changed in the 17ish years I didn’t date. Previously, you would click with a girl, go on a date then be gf/bf before too long. And it didn’t take long at all to find the next one and certainly not as long as it’s taken for me since my last LTR. Could also be that I’ve had what I want and refuse to settle for less. And I’m not talking about looks but attitude.

 

I like your approach but doesn’t seem to be something I could do. And it’s not only guys who want sex. Women want it just as much as evident by my past 1.5 years on OLD. Unfortunately, having sex with someone you don’t love grows tiresome. But it does pass the time.

 

You can date someone for ~6 months with an LTR in mind (the relationship with my last GF wasn't much longer than that before I decided is wasn't going to work out), I think that's fairly normal. I think we're talking more about how people present themselves on their profiles, and how cagey they are about their intentions early on.

 

The point is: When you feel a certain way (i.e. you're not in something with a relationship goal in mind anymore), it's only fair to communicate that to the other person and let them make a decision on it for themselves. Stringing people along is wrong. Agreed upon FWB's is fine. I was in an FWB with one of my exes for a while a few years ago while we both were frustrated and looking for somebody more right for us long term. No issues there. This is what the whole DTR (define the relationship) thing is about.

Edited December 18, 2017 by alpha__waves