heavenonearth Posted November 12, 2017 Share Posted November 12, 2017 So, we were suppose to get together yesterday but it didn't happen. He left in the morning for work and will be gone for a bit. So, we never got to have the "exclusive" talk. When he was at the airport, he mentioned some chicks were calling him "baby" and I joked did you tell them only I can call you that. He said he did and a female asked, "Then why isn't she here" I laughed it off. But damn, did he do this to let me know how wanted he is? At the lounge yesterday, one of the security guards/bouncers asked for my number. I bet if I told him, wonder what his reaction would be,lol. I am not the jealous type so I am gonna roll it off. I do like him.. But since we didn't have the talk, I feel I shouldn't put all my eggs in a basket just yet. I will wait for him to call me and see if it comes up. But I can say I don't think he is after sex soley. Since I was out, I was drinking and was in a sensual mood. I basically told him I wanted him aka sex and he didn't take the bait. Not, that it was a bait but most guys if you are sending sexual innuendos, would try to see how far it goes. I even sent him a sexy pic (not a nude) and he didn't get sexual. He said it was a sexy pic but he didn't try to push for more pics or get dirty. So, it seems he likes me for more than my physical? I would not want to date a guy who tells me that 'other chicks are calling him baby'... Yuck. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
lovephule Posted November 12, 2017 Share Posted November 12, 2017 But I can say I don't think he is after sex soley. Since I was out, I was drinking and was in a sensual mood. I basically told him I wanted him aka sex and he didn't take the bait. Not, that it was a bait but most guys if you are sending sexual innuendos, would try to see how far it goes. I even sent him a sexy pic (not a nude) and he didn't get sexual. He said it was a sexy pic but he didn't try to push for more pics or get dirty. So, it seems he likes me for more than my physical? Is this taking place after the "baby" comment and while he's out of town? Just looking for context. Link to post Share on other sites
newyorker11356 Posted November 13, 2017 Share Posted November 13, 2017 (edited) No. But I think on average men play more games than women. You can agree to disagree, but that's my opinion. I'm a guy, and I do think men play more games than women. However, in my experience, some women definitely play their own share of games. Edited November 13, 2017 by newyorker11356 Link to post Share on other sites
Author BlueIvy Posted November 13, 2017 Author Share Posted November 13, 2017 (edited) I would not want to date a guy who tells me that 'other chicks are calling him baby'... Yuck. Yeah, I don’t know why he told me that. But he said he told them only I can call him baby. Maybe he’s telling me to hint he has options or to see if I get jealous? I don’t know. Regardless, I’m dating to other guys. I was gonna put a stop to that possibly once we had the exclusive talk. But since we haven’t, I consider myself single. Also, not to be an arrogant prick but I’m considered very attractive so if he gets or if pocket I will drop him and on to the next. I was surprised he would even tell me this, but other than that, he’s been a gentleman. I’ve had guys try to make me jealous and it’s because they want me to want them or they are insecure. But for him, I already showed interest in him so I don’t know why... Is this taking place after the "baby" comment and while he's out of town? Just looking for context. This occurred before the baby comment. And while he was in town. I'm a guy, and I do think men play more games than women. However, in my experience, some women definitely play their own share of games. Yes, they do. Not to make excuses but I find women that play games do it because men do, and they probably have become more jaded. Edited November 13, 2017 by BlueIvy Link to post Share on other sites
newyorker11356 Posted November 13, 2017 Share Posted November 13, 2017 Yes, they do. Not to make excuses but I find women that play games do it because men do, and they probably have become more jaded. Eh, I'm sure that's true in some cases, but some women just get off on playing games. And if you want to flip it around, some guys play games because some women do. I had a woman do that to me once. It's a never-ending cycle that's just bad, and no one wins. Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted November 13, 2017 Share Posted November 13, 2017 Maybe he’s telling me to hint he has options or to see if I get jealous? I don’t know. I think he told you that because he wants to be exclusive, and through your vagueness and refusal to answer questions, you've basically told him no. And so he is passive-aggressively showing you that he doesn't like it. Kind of saying well if you don't want to be exclusive then I can see other women and not hide it so this is how I'm gonna act. And if you mention it he will say well we're not exclusive so you can't complain. I don't think he said it because he's a bad guy, he's just a bad communicator and doesn't know how to handle multi-dating, or rather how to handle someone who is multi-dating. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
heavenonearth Posted November 13, 2017 Share Posted November 13, 2017 I think he told you that because he wants to be exclusive, and through your vagueness and refusal to answer questions, you've basically told him no. And so he is passive-aggressively showing you that he doesn't like it. Kind of saying well if you don't want to be exclusive then I can see other women and not hide it so this is how I'm gonna act. And if you mention it he will say well we're not exclusive so you can't complain. I don't think he said it because he's a bad guy, he's just a bad communicator and doesn't know how to handle multi-dating, or rather how to handle someone who is multi-dating. IF this is the case, then both of them should probably grow up and talk about exclusivity like ADULTS, instead of playing these silly high school drama games. OP, ask him "Are we exclusive?" You will get your answer most definitely. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted November 13, 2017 Share Posted November 13, 2017 IF this is the case, then both of them should probably grow up and talk about exclusivity like ADULTS, instead of playing these silly high school drama games. OP, ask him "Are we exclusive?" You will get your answer most definitely. He already told her he wanted exclusivity at date 3, she was the one hemming and hawing and wanting to date other guys. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author BlueIvy Posted November 13, 2017 Author Share Posted November 13, 2017 I think he told you that because he wants to be exclusive, and through your vagueness and refusal to answer questions, you've basically told him no. And so he is passive-aggressively showing you that he doesn't like it. Kind of saying well if you don't want to be exclusive then I can see other women and not hide it so this is how I'm gonna act. And if you mention it he will say well we're not exclusive so you can't complain. I don't think he said it because he's a bad guy, he's just a bad communicator and doesn't know how to handle multi-dating, or rather how to handle someone who is multi-dating. I wasn't passive agressive. I didn't give a definite answer because IDK what i am signing up to. He said he wants me to be his girl but then he said exclusive, meaning not dating other people. So, IDK if he wants me to be his girlfriend or just date him only? Those are 2 different things. We were suppose to talk about in person but he is MIA until he is done with his work training. Also, I never told him I was dating. I only mentioned dating the Indian guy but said I ended it. So, he doesn't even know I am dating other guys. Seems he is just making the assumption... I texted him how "My boo aka him left me to leave the state" And he replied with a happy dancing gif. But then I said I am kidding. And he said oh you are kidding? So, I guess he liked that i called him my boo. I guess I am scared too of putting all my eggs into 1 basket aka him... IF this is the case, then both of them should probably grow up and talk about exclusivity like ADULTS, instead of playing these silly high school drama games. OP, ask him "Are we exclusive?" You will get your answer most definitely. Ok, I will bring it up. I ain't playing games. He already told her he wanted exclusivity at date 3, she was the one hemming and hawing and wanting to date other guys. I never told him I was dating other guys. I only mentioned the Indian guy, who I stopped dating like 2 weeks ago. Link to post Share on other sites
Author BlueIvy Posted November 13, 2017 Author Share Posted November 13, 2017 So, I texted him if he wanted to have the exclusive talk now or when he comes back in town? He said whenever I want to. And then you know what he said next, he asked if I wanna screw other guys before he comes back? WTF?? Link to post Share on other sites
thefooloftheyear Posted November 13, 2017 Share Posted November 13, 2017 (edited) So, I texted him if he wanted to have the exclusive talk now or when he comes back in town? He said whenever I want to. And then you know what he said next, he asked if I wanna screw other guys before he comes back? WTF?? I think you lost his trust with your ambivalence early on.., really.... I mean. it's entirely possible he is just insecure and wants constant affirmation that you aren't shopping him...I can't really say just based on what you have posted... Like some others have posted-and I agree......."Having the talk" isn't something a lot of people do(maybe its more something younger kids do??)....It's usually pretty well understood once you start dating someone that you don't continue to date others "just in case"... And if you really like him. what would be the difference if it's now or when he comes back???....By saying it the way you did, maybe he's thinking if he said "when I gets back" that would give you a clear conscious to do whatever you want til then....In other words, its awkward as hell...to me, anyway... Not sure where you go from here....sorry... TFY Edited November 13, 2017 by thefooloftheyear 2 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted November 13, 2017 Share Posted November 13, 2017 So, I texted him if he wanted to have the exclusive talk now or when he comes back in town? He said whenever I want to. And then you know what he said next, he asked if I wanna screw other guys before he comes back? WTF?? Enough is enough, no? You do not need to put up with that. Link to post Share on other sites
Author BlueIvy Posted November 13, 2017 Author Share Posted November 13, 2017 I think you lost his trust with your ambivalence early on.., really.... I mean. it's entirely possible he is just insecure and wants constant affirmation that you aren't shopping him...I can't really say just based on what you have posted... Like some others have posted-and I agree......."Having the talk" isn't something a lot of people do(maybe its more something younger kids do??)....It's usually pretty well understood once you start dating someone that you don't continue to date others "just in case"... And if you really like him. what would be the difference if it's now or when he comes back???....By saying it the way you did, maybe he's thinking if he said "when I gets back" that would give you a clear conscious to do whatever you want til then....In other words, its awkward as hell...to me, anyway... Not sure where you go from here....sorry... TFY Lost his trust how? I mean sorry but I cant agree to something I am not sure of. Does he want a girlfriend or exclusive dating? If he said girlfriend, I would say I wanna wait a little longer. If he said exclusive dating, I would say sure. There is no difference whether it's now or later. But if we are keeping in touch, we might as well say what we are right now instead of wasting time. I am not the type of girl that sleeps around. I haven't had sex in a long time so I can wait. I am not thirsty for dick. It's kinda insulting to me that he thinks I need dick so bad, and it's not like he said bang another guy, he said other guys. WTF. I don't know why he is insecure, he is good looking, tall and educated. We are gonna talk about it later via phone call. Enough is enough, no? You do not need to put up with that. Hmm, what are you thinking? I don't think he is trying to come off rude but it seems he is insecure. I like him though... Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted November 13, 2017 Share Posted November 13, 2017 Hmm, what are you thinking? I don't think he is trying to come off rude but it seems he is insecure. I like him though... You are making excuses for him. Of course it is rude and pretty nasty too. Be careful. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Kamille Posted November 13, 2017 Share Posted November 13, 2017 Sounds like a bad joke that didn't land to me. Link to post Share on other sites
thefooloftheyear Posted November 13, 2017 Share Posted November 13, 2017 Lost his trust how? I mean sorry but I cant agree to something I am not sure of. Does he want a girlfriend or exclusive dating? If he said girlfriend, I would say I wanna wait a little longer. If he said exclusive dating, I would say sure. There is no difference whether it's now or later. But if we are keeping in touch, we might as well say what we are right now instead of wasting time. I am not the type of girl that sleeps around. I haven't had sex in a long time so I can wait. I am not thirsty for dick. It's kinda insulting to me that he thinks I need dick so bad, and it's not like he said bang another guy, he said other guys. WTF. I don't know why he is insecure, he is good looking, tall and educated. We are gonna talk about it later via phone call. Hmm, what are you thinking? I don't think he is trying to come off rude but it seems he is insecure. I like him though... Look.....all I am saying is that he probably never had that conversation with a woman before....All those things you are saying, while I am sure are true, maybe he's just not reading it correctly... To him, he's probably scratching his head the same way you are....."like why is this woman taking about exclusivity.? Im already exclusive to her, so now I have to wait for her to decide its that time....like WTF??"" Like I said earlier in the thread....I wouldn't be in the same position he's in now...I'd have disappeared, the minute I found out you were still entertaining other offers...Not that it's not your right, I'd just choose not to participate in that type of thing... Hopefully you can work it out.. TFY 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author BlueIvy Posted November 13, 2017 Author Share Posted November 13, 2017 Sounds like a bad joke that didn't land to me. Maybe so? Still, out of line. Hopefully, when we talk on phone later, we clarify certain things. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Cookiesandough Posted November 13, 2017 Share Posted November 13, 2017 Sorry but I get an…… "off" feeling about this guy. That "joke", the whole women calling him "baby" at the airport thing, the perhaps love bombing, etc. also, the stuff you have said that means he is not after sex does not mean at all that he is after more than sex. Not saying ditch him or anything, that's up to you of course but I would be careful 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author BlueIvy Posted November 13, 2017 Author Share Posted November 13, 2017 Sorry but I get an…… "off" feeling about this guy. That "joke", the whole women calling him "baby" at the airport thing, the perhaps love bombing, etc. also, the stuff you have said that means he is not after sex does not mean at all that he is after more than sex. Not saying ditch him or anything, that's up to you of course but I would be careful Tell me what you think. You think he is running game? A player? I like this guy so my blinders might be shaky,lol. Link to post Share on other sites
Author BlueIvy Posted November 13, 2017 Author Share Posted November 13, 2017 Sounds like a bad joke that didn't land to me. You were right. He said it was a joke and apologized. Link to post Share on other sites
thefooloftheyear Posted November 13, 2017 Share Posted November 13, 2017 You were right. He said it was a joke and apologized. But here's the thing.....Saying something as a "joke" is a way of making a point in a non confrontational type of way.... Think about it... TFY 2 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted November 13, 2017 Share Posted November 13, 2017 Maybe so? Still, out of line. Hopefully, when we talk on phone later, we clarify certain things. Given his last message to you about you wanting to be free to sleep with others, I doubt you will hear from him again. Only a person who had no regard left for you would send such a crass message. While his wording was crass, his summary was fair. I still don't get why you hesitated when he's apparently much better than anyone else you're seeing. The only reason I can think of would be because you think you could still do better. A good rule for dating is: If you think you've found a good thing, grab it with both hands. If you find out you made a mistake, then release it and start over. Being a girlfriend is hardly a long term commitment. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted November 13, 2017 Share Posted November 13, 2017 But here's the thing.....Saying something as a "joke" is a way of making a point in a non confrontational type of way.... Think about it... TFY It is the favourite tactic of abusers too.. Say something nasty and mean that hits home, then claim it was only a "joke". 1 Link to post Share on other sites
thefooloftheyear Posted November 13, 2017 Share Posted November 13, 2017 (edited) It is the favourite tactic of abusers too.. Say something nasty and mean that hits home, then claim it was only a "joke". While none of this is anything any one of us knows for sure, I don't see anything in the thread that remotely suggests it(abuse/mean/nasty)...From what I can gather, he just seems insecure based on the fact that she is/was(?) shopping him...I can tell you that a lot of guys wont like that....Nor would most women if the roles were reversed.. I recall several times that the OP referred to the guy as a "gentleman" ...So either we all believe her, or you and some of the others, think she's getting duped...I dunno... TFY Edited November 13, 2017 by thefooloftheyear Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted November 13, 2017 Share Posted November 13, 2017 While none of this is anything any one of us knows for sure, I don't see anything in the thread that remotely suggests it(abuse/mean/nasty)...From what I can gather, he just seems insecure based on the fact that she is/was(?) shopping him...I can tell you that a lot of guys wont like that....Nor would most women if the roles were reversed.. I recall several times that the OP referred to the guy as a "gentleman" ...So either we all believe her, or you and some of the others, think she's getting duped...I dunno... TFY We do not actually know his motives, and I get the desire not to be "shopped", but guys who are toxic/abusers, will push the boundaries to see what a woman will put up with, and love-bombing is not uncommon with those guys either, they will be exactly who you want them to be... As Cookies says something is decidedly "off" about this guy. Link to post Share on other sites
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