This guy I met is too eager ?

[Fruitee]

Yea, I'm not surprise he responded like that. As I mention in my other post, I have a friend just like that. No matter how much I told him to stop doing girls favors but he wouldn't stop. He thinks eventually he'll win a girl over because they will realize how great of a guy he is. Poor bastard.

 

Well, good luck with your relationship. I hope he'll calm down on his own over time.

 

Well he isnt a great guy if he is doing stuff to win someone over... That is like the opposite of great guy.

[smackie9]

Well what does he expect? I have known him for only short period of time. He had been checking me out hence asking me out. And he told me I am totally different person off work than what I am at work. So he didnt even know me. He still dont. Because it is too early to share full life story or too little time has gone by to get to know someone.

 

Also I dont think his feelings would keep on growing like a snowball but at some point he will stable it out. Since all new shiny things become normal things at some point and he understands he dont need to do so much all the time. Or at least thats what Im hoping for.

 

 

IMO you shouldn't have to tell someone how to treat you, it should come naturally...you two are too different. I don't think it's fair to "mold" him to fit you, just because he has some qualities you are looking for...there is way more to it.

 

IMO you should have to tell someone how to treat you, it should come naturally.

He has pretty much all the qualities I wish to have in a man. But now I feel like he dont trust me unless he keeps buying me and serving me.

This right here say "incompatibility" you both have very different views on how to you handle/enjoy starting a relationship. He wants to woo you his way, showering you with attention, gifts, being all googly eyed, etc. You are the opposite.

 

Hoping for things to stabilize? I doubt it. He's going to feel resentment when you keep telling him he's doing too much of this, and you only want gifts at this time and on and on. Then he's gonna get turned off, because he will feel shot down.

Edited November 1, 2017 by smackie9

[Fruitee]

This right here say "incompatibility" you both have very different views on how to you handle/enjoy starting a relationship. He wants to woo you his way, showering you with attention, gifts, being all googly eyed, etc. You are the opposite.

 

Hoping for things to stabilize? I doubt it. He's going to feel resentment when you keep telling him he's doing too much of this, and you only want gifts at this time and on and on. Then he's gonna get turned off, because he will feel shot down.

 

I must disagree. We have a lot of stuff in common. I dont think that if one likes to shower other one with lavish gifts already in the beginning is such a fundamental difference that it wouldnt lead to relationship. As I have said before I dont mind stuff like in commited long term relationship. After two to three weeks it is just too much. Because there is no need for it. He should just be himself and let us get to know each other.

 

Also Im not the opposite. He told me he likes lasagne so I made him some. Its nice to do stuff for someone. But it would be different if I had taken him to the most expensive restaurant and asked the chef to prepare him lasagne. Catch my drift?

 

Im not trying to mold him. I am letting him be as he is. But imo I do have every right to say no as well. If he was pressuring me to have sex; you would agree with me. It is ok not to be ready for certain stuff. But be 100 % fine with it later on.

[GemmaUK]

I've skimmed this but to me this feels way OTT.

 

He could be love bombing you through obsession/insecurity.

 

I saw the post where it came across to you his tears would 'work'.

I've seen that look too - wtf - that is seriously screwed!

 

That is manipulation and though generous, so are excessive gifts.

 

This is also someone you work with. It could get nasty if you date him and things don't work out. Do you want to be the woman who the company directors need to walk out to her car each night? I've seen it happen.

 

I would be very wary of this and not too inclined to express too much if you talk either. Talking too much can give a manipulator buttons to press.

[kazen]

I just want to say he's a lucky guy because you're a very understanding person.

[Fruitee]

I've skimmed this but to me this feels way OTT.

 

He could be love bombing you through obsession/insecurity.

 

I saw the post where it came across to you his tears would 'work'.

I've seen that look too - wtf - that is seriously screwed!

 

That is manipulation and though generous, so are excessive gifts.

 

This is also someone you work with. It could get nasty if you date him and things don't work out. Do you want to be the woman who the company directors need to walk out to her car each night? I've seen it happen.

 

I would be very wary of this and not too inclined to express too much if you talk either. Talking too much can give a manipulator buttons to press.

 

Well ofc not. But I dont think he is dangerous or total psycho who would stalk me and what not. Also in our business it would mean he would never work again. I think he is smarter than that. He has kept his distance and been professional at work. I have told him that there are lines not to be crossed at work and if he does; the dating will stop there.

[Fruitee]

I just want to say he's a lucky guy because you're a very understanding person.

 

Thanks, I guess.

[GemmaUK]

Well ofc not. But I dont think he is dangerous or total psycho who would stalk me and what not. Also in our business it would mean he would never work again. I think he is smarter than that. He has kept his distance and been professional at work. I have told him that there are lines not to be crossed at work and if he does; the dating will stop there.

 

Then great, as long as he is listening and has been doing so there should be no issues short nor long term.

[Fruitee]

Then great, as long as he is listening and has been doing so there should be no issues short nor long term.

 

Well only time will tell.

[GemmaUK]

Well only time will tell.

 

Well, as long as he is listening now and cooling off with what you have been saying then it's not a 'time will tell' thing so much, shouldn't be long to figure out either way.

Make sure your gut is active, and listening more importantly.

Instincts are usually a pretty good indicator as long as you don't choose not to listen to them.

[Fruitee]

Well, as long as he is listening now and cooling off with what you have been saying then it's not a 'time will tell' thing so much, shouldn't be long to figure out either way.

Make sure your gut is active, and listening more importantly.

Instincts are usually a pretty good indicator as long as you don't choose not to listen to them.

 

Okay. You are right. He did listen to me now and understood when I explained to him all of this and how I am feeling.

[Williamjacob]

Okay. You are right. He did listen to me now and understood when I explained to him all of this and how I am feeling.

 

And... How did he take the news?

[Fruitee]

And... How did he take the news?

 

He agreed that we have been moving too fast. Said he is serious about me and wishes to continue dating me. Said he wants to take me out on a date; like in an official date instead of just having after work drinks or something like that "hanging out".

 

Also promised to cool it off little bit so we both have time to adjust to this new situation. he said he was swept off his feet so it was difficult for him to think straight and caused this so called over reaction. Because he finds me so amazing.

 

He also said it is difficult for him not to do things if he sees something that needs fixing etc. But in the future he will do favours etc for me only if I ask. I told him if we lived together it would be different. Then he can fix whatever he wants but now it is not his job. He agreed.

 

I think he took it well and understood me. I told him I wish to continue dating him but now my head cannot process all of this that is happening and its causing me stress and I need time to process.

[GemmaUK]

I'm glad he's listened but he needs to take you off that pedestal he has put you on.

[joseb]

I'm surprise nobody picked up on this.

You have split up with a long term boyfriend of one year, only a month ago, and you are already with this guy a couple of weeks?

 

Yes the guy is too clingy. But I don't think many people are ready to date just a couple of weeks after a serious relationship either.

[Gr8fuln2020]

I'm surprise nobody picked up on this.

You have split up with a long term boyfriend of one year, only a month ago, and you are already with this guy a couple of weeks?

 

Yes the guy is too clingy. But I don't think many people are ready to date just a couple of weeks after a serious relationship either.

 

Yup, saw this. Didn't want to mention the obvious as it seems she hoping for something new and seeking advice about how to keep her current interest at bay. Her seeking advice, I hope, is also to allow her to mend from her recent break-up.

 

I have seen plenty of people give advice to just jump in and distract themselves by dating others or finding some to occupy one's time. Let's just hope she eventually becomes FULLY ready and doesn't string this guy along.

[caveman621]

Some people are just like this & it can be annoying / smothering.

 

You can try telling him that you like him but his obsequiousness is off-putting but he might not be able to change. These doormat guys just don't always get why women walk all over them. They have to learn balance. Too much is almost as bad as not enough

 

obsequiousness! NICE!

[Highndry]

I'm surprise nobody picked up on this.

You have split up with a long term boyfriend of one year, only a month ago, and you are already with this guy a couple of weeks?

 

Yes the guy is too clingy. But I don't think many people are ready to date just a couple of weeks after a serious relationship either.

 

Some women check out of a relationship and start lining up the replacement well before it's officially over. When the breakup finally happens, the guy is stunned but she's already moved on.

 

That being said, I don't know what's right or wrong when it comes to reentering the dating world. Some people are shallow, and can hop from one relationship to the other seamlessly.

[Fruitee]

Some women check out of a relationship and start lining up the replacement well before it's officially over. When the breakup finally happens, the guy is stunned but she's already moved on.

 

That being said, I don't know what's right or wrong when it comes to reentering the dating world. Some people are shallow, and can hop from one relationship to the other seamlessly.

 

First of all I am not shallow. Second of all I didnt have anyone lined up. Third of all I was dumped. And finally I did know already months ago that he is going to leave me. So I had plenty of time to cry and feel sorry for myself. I was hanging on loose rope waiting for my neck to snap, so to say. The break up didnt come as a surprise to either one of us. We already broke up during summer but he wanted to get back together. This time I told him it is the last time he leaves me and if he does there is no return.

[Fruitee]

I'm surprise nobody picked up on this.

You have split up with a long term boyfriend of one year, only a month ago, and you are already with this guy a couple of weeks?

 

Yes the guy is too clingy. But I don't think many people are ready to date just a couple of weeks after a serious relationship either.

 

I dont consider one year relationship to be long term. But nevertheless my readyness is a totally different topic.

[Fruitee]

Yup, saw this. Didn't want to mention the obvious as it seems she hoping for something new and seeking advice about how to keep her current interest at bay. Her seeking advice, I hope, is also to allow her to mend from her recent break-up.

 

I have seen plenty of people give advice to just jump in and distract themselves by dating others or finding some to occupy one's time. Let's just hope she eventually becomes FULLY ready and doesn't string this guy along.

 

Im not stringing him along. Thats for sure. Also he is grown up who is able to make up his own mind based on what I have told him about me and my situation. He knows the risks.

[TheTraveler]

Im not stringing him along. Thats for sure. Also he is grown up who is able to make up his own mind based on what I have told him about me and my situation. He knows the risks.

 

There's not more to discuss. The guy is an eager beaver, you don't like it, and had a talk about it.

 

Let us know how it goes in a few weeks

[Highndry]

First of all I am not shallow. Second of all I didnt have anyone lined up. Third of all I was dumped. And finally I did know already months ago that he is going to leave me. So I had plenty of time to cry and feel sorry for myself. I was hanging on loose rope waiting for my neck to snap, so to say. The break up didnt come as a surprise to either one of us. We already broke up during summer but he wanted to get back together. This time I told him it is the last time he leaves me and if he does there is no return.

 

Notice I said "some women." I wasn't talking about you, I was speaking in general terms while responding to the other person's post.

[miggyme1]

I dont know anymore what is normal and whats not. My bf of 1 year left me little bit over 1 month ago. Not long after the break up I met this one guy at work.

 

He asked me out and I was bored and interested to see what he wanted to tell me so I went. We had good time. We talk or chat daily and have been dating now couple of weeks without anyone knowing.

 

But now he is like way too into me and doing all kinds of favours for me. It is almost like after couple of dates he is in love with me and pushing me to like him. It is making me back off. And Im starting to lose my interest.

 

I have told him to cool it off and it helped little.

 

But are guys in general this eager? Like if I say I wish I had chocolate he straight away gets up and goes to buy some for me.

 

He does a lot of things for me which I dont even ask for. And pays for everything.

 

He is true gentleman and I like him. He is stable and handsome. But how can I get him "off my back" without hurting our blossoming relationship.

 

 

First of all how old are you because that question i bolded leads me to believe you are still a teenager. im sorry.

 

Im also going to assume you guys havent had sex yet which could be a good or bad thing. It could be a good thing because it could make him even more crazy about or it could be bad because he could be eager because he really just wants to sleep with you and after he sleeps with you he will leave u alone. Some guys just love the chase, once we get what we want we outta there quicker than escaped inmate.

 

I know u not going to want to hear this but u might want to go pick up some condoms and let him bang and trust me u will have your answer. If he ends up being even crazier then u know he really likes you but could possibly be a serial killer.

[WhirlwindGuy]

I dont know anymore what is normal and whats not. My bf of 1 year left me little bit over 1 month ago. Not long after the break up I met this one guy at work.

 

He asked me out and I was bored and interested to see what he wanted to tell me so I went. We had good time. We talk or chat daily and have been dating now couple of weeks without anyone knowing.

 

But now he is like way too into me and doing all kinds of favours for me. It is almost like after couple of dates he is in love with me and pushing me to like him. It is making me back off. And Im starting to lose my interest.

 

I have told him to cool it off and it helped little.

 

But are guys in general this eager? Like if I say I wish I had chocolate he straight away gets up and goes to buy some for me.

 

He does a lot of things for me which I dont even ask for. And pays for everything.

 

He is true gentleman and I like him. He is stable and handsome. But how can I get him "off my back" without hurting our blossoming relationship.

 

I am like this, but i personally never saw the issue with it. If I like you, i make it a point to show it and treat you right. It is just how i was raised and how i act. If i don't like you, i tell you and move on. If you don't like it, perhaps he isn't the guy for you, or you aren't the girl for him.

 

I managed to find someone that liked it and we are now married and together for around 2 years. Everyone is different, and you aren't meant to like everyone. Perhaps you prefer someone to be a more standoffish...or perhaps you aren't really ready to date yet and make yourself available to someone who treats you well? Not trying to be offensive, but to me thats a sign you may not quite be over your break up.