SpecialJ Posted November 1, 2017 Share Posted November 1, 2017 No contact is supposed to be to focus on yourself and move on from the pain. No one can know how he'd respond. You may have to see this through on your own, but in my experience, a man this indecisive never came back to me for a happily ever after, just more ambivalent hooking up (though after much drama, I eventually managed a friendship with one). 2 Link to post Share on other sites
BC1980 Posted November 1, 2017 Share Posted November 1, 2017 What would be the effect of going completely cold turkey on it and using cold, hard, NC (as I have been over the past week) for someone as indecisive as him?. It would likely make him curious, but it wouldn't make him change his mind. In my experience, if someone is "confused" or indecisive, they feel relief if you leave. I don't think it's a mistake that he let you end it. I think he's actually glad you ended it. Going NC will likely reinforce that he doesn't want to be with you, which, to blunt, it usually does that anyway when someone doesn't want to be in the relationship. I would expect him to come poking around again at some point. Probably just to check in. I know it's not what you want to hear, but I think it's better to be truthful with people. When people are indecisive, we often see what we want to see. We conflate the good times and the times they seemed committed. We don't look at the bad. It's only after a lot of emotional distance that you can really see the relationship for what it actually was. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Vanity1 Posted November 1, 2017 Share Posted November 1, 2017 It reads....."Were done and I'm moving on." On that note...Your free for the weekend. Go have some fun and be good to yourself. Do not tell a broken hearted girl that lol. Link to post Share on other sites
SpecialJ Posted November 1, 2017 Share Posted November 1, 2017 This is a good read. https://markmanson.net/****-yes 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author TheOnlyOne73 Posted November 2, 2017 Author Share Posted November 2, 2017 It would likely make him curious, but it wouldn't make him change his mind. In my experience, if someone is "confused" or indecisive, they feel relief if you leave. I don't think it's a mistake that he let you end it. I think he's actually glad you ended it. Going NC will likely reinforce that he doesn't want to be with you, which, to blunt, it usually does that anyway when someone doesn't want to be in the relationship. I would expect him to come poking around again at some point. Probably just to check in. I know it's not what you want to hear, but I think it's better to be truthful with people. When people are indecisive, we often see what we want to see. We conflate the good times and the times they seemed committed. We don't look at the bad. It's only after a lot of emotional distance that you can really see the relationship for what it actually was. It isn't that it wasn't what I wanted to hear, that was what I was expecting to be honest. In the past, going NC has made him curious. In terms of what you are saying about indecision, during the last break-up he was indecisive too but came back 2 months later. I'm not saying this will happen again, but I don't think indecision always leads to relief when the other person leaves. If he comes poking about within the next few weeks then I'm not likely to reply. However, if it was further down the line I would be more inclined to give a brief reply. I think part of the problem is that during the previous break-up he didn't experience life without me properly because there was always some form of contact post break-up. At the moment I don't really have an option but to use cold hard NC because there's nothing to be gained from contacting him, and I have no intentions to change that. Link to post Share on other sites
Author TheOnlyOne73 Posted November 2, 2017 Author Share Posted November 2, 2017 (edited) Do not tell a broken hearted girl that lol. No, BarbedFenceRider is right. Reading what they put didn't affect me. Edited November 2, 2017 by TheOnlyOne73 Link to post Share on other sites
Author TheOnlyOne73 Posted November 8, 2017 Author Share Posted November 8, 2017 (edited) On day 13 of no contact and struggling a bit. Confused about why he told me not to delete his number and how he would never delete mine, if he had no intentions to contact me anyway (since he hasn't thus far). He told me 3 days before the break-up that he didn't want to be without me in his life. I understand if he wants to keep mine (that's his decision), but the fact he actually went as far as telling me what to do with his (despite being an ex and having no say in my life) makes me feel even more bewildered. I regret not asking him why he wanted me to keep it. Was it a hint to reach out to him in the future? Even so, he is assuming I would still want to reach out to him in the future which seems a bit egotistical. I asked my mother about this and she said that he may have suggested to keep each other's numbers so that if I ever needed help or an opinion on anything I could contact him. But why would I go to my ex of all people if I needed help with something?! In my opinion, if someone is sure they don't want to be with you and there is no hope there, they cut all ties because having accessible contact with each other only brings more pain and serves as a reminder of the relationship. I find it remarkable how he can happily sit there and have my number and still have me as a contact on WhatsApp (I know he hasn't blocked me), yet resist the temptation to talk, if he is as panicky and miserable as he claims he is. Apologies for over-analysing, but I'm a scientist so I can't help but analyse everything. Edited November 8, 2017 by TheOnlyOne73 Link to post Share on other sites
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