jjgitties Posted January 7, 2018 Share Posted January 7, 2018 Yeah OP, given the fact that you have determined that she is "neurotic" and/or her "mentally stability" is in question -- did it even cross you mind that she might do something that is in her "character" if you piss her off? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bradintx Posted January 7, 2018 Author Share Posted January 7, 2018 (edited) Zero chance she will tell. She texted me still wanting to be friends and still wanting to hang out. I told her to find an excuse not to come to a party we are having later and that being just friends was never going to happen. She said she hated losing me as I friend as she felt I was the best friend she has. She was mine as well at one time. Her dad had an affair that broke their family up and he got sick this week and no one cared much. Everyone hated him for it. She said she felt like she was looking at her future when she looked at her dad. I understand that but there is no way I can just be friends with her and not have old feelings to come up. I need complete NC and not friend texting. I was probably wrong but I made it very clear in a harsh manner that just being friends and hanging out was not going to work and by being mean and ugly about it I felt like it would decrease the chance of any further contact from her. I have no social media ties to her anymore and deleted and blocked her number. I’m trying. I’m not like in shambles or anything but it does suck and am hopeful I can just forget about her very soon. I still think about her as it’s fresh but hopefully I can get back to my old roots and find the things I used to enjoy like fishing fun again and have the desire to do so. Also this will allow me to focus on my wife and family and hopefully rekindle what we have lost due to my very dumb decision making. Edited January 10, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Paragraphs Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted January 7, 2018 Share Posted January 7, 2018 (edited) So is she friends with your wife on social media? You're having a party today that she was invited to? Edited January 10, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Redact full quote of immediately preceding post Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bradintx Posted January 7, 2018 Author Share Posted January 7, 2018 She is friends with my wife on social media. The party is in a few weeks. I just told her to make sure she found an excuse not to come. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bradintx Posted January 7, 2018 Author Share Posted January 7, 2018 (edited) Brad, I appreciate you being honest. There are people on here who are ugly and Judgemental. I was a wife who was cheated on many years ago. Now I’m on the other foot and it’s killing me inside. Some nights I pray just not to wake up because I’m so hurt. Thank you for telling your story. I hope one day I can wake up and not want to contact him, not cry, not hurt, not feel panicked inside, and to maybe be happy one day. I can tell you that I was all of those things at one time or another. I’m sorry you feel the way you do. Went through the same exact things. I think for me it has helped that I really wanted out. It’s weird how you really know that what you’re doing is not right yet it’s hard to find the strength to do the right thing. I know it should be easy and sounds easy enough to do but it isn’t. Like I’ve said before my biggest regret now is picking up the phone and texting her that first night. I wish I had a donover and never did that. I did what I did though and I own it. But im having a bit of a hard time today. I know it will go away eventually and look forward to when it does. What’s the big deal? I guess I’m missing something Edited January 10, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Merge Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bradintx Posted January 10, 2018 Author Share Posted January 10, 2018 (edited) [] This has been easier than I thought it would be in terms of thoughts and feelings for the OW. It’s not nearly as difficult as I was anticipating it would be. It may be shock it may be something else I don’t know. I may have different feelings tomorrow or next week I don’t know. I think reading and preparing myself for this helped. I’m ready to move on become the old me again. I liked him much better. Edited January 10, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Response to deleted posts redacted 1 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted January 10, 2018 Share Posted January 10, 2018 (edited) Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned Three years is a long time. []If she is a neurotic as you say, she is a loose cannon. Be careful, this could all blow up on you big time Edited January 10, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Inflammatory content redacted and member moderated 1 Link to post Share on other sites
wmacbride Posted January 10, 2018 Share Posted January 10, 2018 (edited) Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned Three years is a long time. []If she is a neurotic as you say, she is a loose cannon. Be careful, this could all blow up on you big time true enough. even a "good" affair ending with an unstable ow/om can lead to trouble. all these years later, i can attest to that. The ow in our situation still pops her head in to try and stir the pot from time to time...and this is after a very brief affair... Edited January 10, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Quote edited Link to post Share on other sites
William Posted January 10, 2018 Share Posted January 10, 2018 Be aware moderation is watching this thread and has a list of the usual suspects and we're getting ready to do our spring cleanup. I'd suggest either finding another forum to vent the bile on or suck it up and post to the topic within our guidelines. Once you're gone, you'll never be welcomed back. This also applies to members who defend the thread starter. None of this is welcomed at LoveShack.org. We do welcome adults who choose to follow our guidelines of discussion. Thanks! Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted January 10, 2018 Share Posted January 10, 2018 She is friends with my wife on social media. The party is in a few weeks. I just told her to make sure she found an excuse not to come. Don't you think your wife might notice that you've unfriended and blocked this woman eventually, and wonder why? I'm glad you've made the decisions you have and are finding it easier than you thought, but it doesn't really seem like you believe that there's still a likelihood of this eventually coming out.... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bradintx Posted January 10, 2018 Author Share Posted January 10, 2018 No I’m not worried about Facebook stuff. No one will notice except the OW. I’m not worried about her being vengeful or anything like that. She’s not That unstable at all and again she has way too much to lose to risk saying anything to anyone about it. It’s over and done and don’t think she will try to contact me again or say anything to anyone about it. OW isn’t wired that way. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bradintx Posted January 27, 2018 Author Share Posted January 27, 2018 So she contacted my wife one night telling her how beautiful she looked. I heard about it and texted ow why she was texting her. We started texting again and now she wants to continue our deal and still wants to see me. Haven’t yet. Still in limbo. Link to post Share on other sites
treehugger12 Posted January 27, 2018 Share Posted January 27, 2018 So she contacted my wife one night telling her how beautiful she looked. I heard about it and texted ow why she was texting her. We started texting again and now she wants to continue our deal and still wants to see me. Haven’t yet. Still in limbo. For the love of God, don’t do it! I’ve followed your thread. She knows the right vein to reach your heart. You know this! Move forward with healing, don’t look back. I myself need to do the same with my situation. I get it and know how how difficult it can be, it’s a viscous cycle. Stay strong... Link to post Share on other sites
Cullenbohannon Posted January 27, 2018 Share Posted January 27, 2018 She contacted your wife? (Bunny boiler) Do you really think it is a coincidence that your wife brings this "trivial" information up to you?. (Of course you do) She knows (or suspects) I will bet that if you stop all communication, she will contact your wife again. Your "stable" AP has forced herself into your family life. Huge red flag. You are going to get caught, and soon. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted January 27, 2018 Share Posted January 27, 2018 Your "stable" AP has forced herself into your family life. Huge red flag. You are going to get caught, and soon. Yeah....this turn of events does not surprise me. OP has way too much faith that the OW isn't going to blow this all up.... I don't understand why he trusts her so much. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted January 27, 2018 Share Posted January 27, 2018 So she contacted my wife one night telling her how beautiful she looked. I heard about it and texted ow why she was texting her. We started texting again and now she wants to continue our deal and still wants to see me. Haven’t yet. Still in limbo. Look man, in case you haven't figured it out affairs are addictions. You are an addict. You get around the source in any way you get relapse. You're only way out is complete and total no contact. OW is in the same boat. Keep it up and two families get blown up. Actually they already have they just don't know it yet. It's coming!!!! Probably when you least expect it. Nosy neighbor sees you there. Spouse looks at a phone bill, etc. You obviously have no control over yourself and can't stop. I think in your future you'll wish you had but....... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Summer08 Posted January 29, 2018 Share Posted January 29, 2018 Look man, in case you haven't figured it out affairs are addictions. You are an addict. You get around the source in any way you get relapse. I agree with you Marc. Affairs are addictions. They are nothing but fantasy outlets that people play with because at first it seems harmless. It starts with friendly flirting. Perhaps married men and women should never friendly flirt. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bradintx Posted January 29, 2018 Author Share Posted January 29, 2018 It’s not unusual for them to text each other. We are all friends as bad as that sounds. Taking it one day at a time and I truly get the consequences. I’ve read all sorts of stories and tales to know that it will end badly. I know what I need to do. Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted January 29, 2018 Share Posted January 29, 2018 It’s not unusual for them to text each other. We are all friends as bad as that sounds. Taking it one day at a time and I truly get the consequences. I’ve read all sorts of stories and tales to know that it will end badly. I know what I need to do. The effects of such a thing cut deep and are long lasting. My mom was telling me yesterday about a bad dream she had about my dad and his affair partner, who was her very good friend. My dad's been dead for 11 years. Link to post Share on other sites
wmacbride Posted January 29, 2018 Share Posted January 29, 2018 Both you and our ow are in for a nasty surprise. If, and when, your bs finds out, she will have been betrayed by both her spouse and friend. That is just plain cruel. She may well become extremely angry at both of you ( not to mention heartbroken) and you will both face a lot of fallout. That is, of course if your ow is mentally stable. If she isn't, this turn really bad really fast, and could well go beyond feelings being hurt. Quite frankly, I don't understand how you can possibly expose your wife/fmaily to this sort of risk. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
wmacbride Posted January 29, 2018 Share Posted January 29, 2018 The effects of such a thing cut deep and are long lasting. My mom was telling me yesterday about a bad dream she had about my dad and his affair partner, who was her very good friend. My dad's been dead for 11 years. He could end up like us...an ow who still pops her head up a decade after the affair was over. This is after a really crappy aftermath where she even tried to draw our children, who were every young at the time, into the whole mess. Link to post Share on other sites
Summer08 Posted January 29, 2018 Share Posted January 29, 2018 Both you and our ow are in for a nasty surprise. If, and when, your bs finds out, she will have been betrayed by both her spouse and friend. That is just plain cruel. She may well become extremely angry at both of you ( not to mention heartbroken) and you will both face a lot of fallout. I agree. The wife will find out and she'll be both angry and hurt which is a bad mix. If she finds out during PMS...IDK. This situation is so very bad. Link to post Share on other sites
Yosemite Posted January 30, 2018 Share Posted January 30, 2018 It’s not unusual for them to text each other. We are all friends as bad as that sounds. Taking it one day at a time and I truly get the consequences. I’ve read all sorts of stories and tales to know that it will end badly. I know what I need to do. If it’s not unusual for them to text, how did you find out about that particular text? If your wife brought it up to you, that’s a sign that she’s getting suspicious. If you asked your wife who she was texting and she told you it was the OW, you better hope your acting skills are amazing because I’m willing to bet you had a panicked look on your face for a second or two. If they’re friends and text all the time, that text should’ve been just another text and not a reason for you to contact the OW. Sounds like you were looking for any excuse to talk to her so that you could fall back into the affair. Did the OW end up attending your party? Are you texting the OW when you're at work? Are you using a burner phone? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bradintx Posted January 30, 2018 Author Share Posted January 30, 2018 W showed me he message because she was mad at ow for something entirely non related. No suspicion. No burner phone. We text all the time from morning till bed time when we can. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bradintx Posted January 30, 2018 Author Share Posted January 30, 2018 The party is this Sunday and they will be there along with several others. Link to post Share on other sites
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