It feels like my soul has been ripped apart

[Beachead]

I'm right there with you guys. Went on facebook last night after having it deactivated for 4 months. Saw my exes profile picture. It had recently been updated to a picture of her and her ex. Their relationship status was changed to "In a relationship" with eachothers names.

 

I stared at it for a long while. It broke my heart.

[chinadiary]

I'm right there with you guys. Went on facebook last night after having it deactivated for 4 months. Saw my exes profile picture. It had recently been updated to a picture of her and her ex. Their relationship status was changed to "In a relationship" with eachothers names.

 

I stared at it for a long while. It broke my heart.

 

 

 

So hard! How are you doing now? I don't understand how people can toy with other people's feelings. I had a guy after ms. I could have used him for comfort, but it didn't even occur to me. It's wrong!

[toomanyquestions123]

Your thread is so emotionally heartbreaking. I can relate to a lot of feelings going in there. Did he give you a proper closure? I mean are you convinced why you broke up ? or is it vague ?

Edited November 23, 2017 by toomanyquestions123

[toomanyquestions123]

AND keep posting in here, i also have a diary here on loveshack, i uncontrollably still counting the months now not the days. Thats because i know the day when we broke up. It gets better though. I feel way better than before. The first 2 months are the hardest. Let the grief go out of your system. Cry, be sad, it is okay. PLUS living alone and doing stuff byurself really helps. Keep urself busy when alone, cook some new meals, read new books, watch new movies, discover ur own city alone and go to daily events. TRAVEL SOLO, or with your friends. Get closer to your family, work out and learn a new language, focus on your career and maybe seek a new degree. All of this helps trust me... GOODLUCK

[Darkchan]

I'm right there with you guys. Went on facebook last night after having it deactivated for 4 months. Saw my exes profile picture. It had recently been updated to a picture of her and her ex. Their relationship status was changed to "In a relationship" with eachothers names.

 

I stared at it for a long while. It broke my heart.

 

You really stayed strong for 4 months! I'm sorry for you! I can't even imagine how hurt you must be now, and I wish I don't have to experience the same thing. I'm not even sure how I would cope if I saw that. How are you coping?

 

I wish my brain would accept its over and that we are having no contact. I know it would still hurt, but at least the hope would be gone.

 

I think the rose was a nice thing. Even if he didn't care, you honoured your own feelings.

 

You'll make someone a lovely devoted wife one day.

 

I wish the same thing too, it's hard to accept. The brain keep playing pranks and doing scenarios were we would get back togheter.

 

Thank you! At the moment I don't really feel like I would ever meet someone else, I can't imagine it at all. But hopefully in not a too far off time I will look back at this and just shrug and move on with my life.

[Darkchan]

Your thread is so emotionally heartbreaking. I can relate to a lot of feelings going in there. Did he give you a proper closure? I mean are you convinced why you broke up ? or is it vague ?

 

No, I don't understand anything. He broke up with me all of a sudden one evening 5 weeks ago. Told me he doesn't love me anymore and feel unhappy in life. He told me that he is sorry and that I will always mean a lot for him. Then he just left me in the apartment. I started packing my things, I felt so emotinally broken for everything that had happen the past month. With him starting to smoke and being distant, not cuddle or even give me a hug.

 

I didn't get a chance to say anything that night when he broke up with me either. We haven't spoken since and I haven't even heard from him.

 

I haven't reached out except for leaving a rose on the doorstep 3 weeks after he dumped me. I got no response from that either.

 

So no explanation, no closure. He dumped me last year same time but then he came back 4 days after. He dumped me again this spring for a coullpe of hours then came back. Now this is the 3rd time he dumpes me, but haven't heard anything from him and I think that night was the last time I saw him, it makes me so sad....

 

AND keep posting in here, i also have a diary here on loveshack, i uncontrollably still counting the months now not the days. Thats because i know the day when we broke up. It gets better though. I feel way better than before. The first 2 months are the hardest. Let the grief go out of your system. Cry, be sad, it is okay. PLUS living alone and doing stuff byurself really helps. Keep urself busy when alone, cook some new meals, read new books, watch new movies, discover ur own city alone and go to daily events. TRAVEL SOLO, or with your friends. Get closer to your family, work out and learn a new language, focus on your career and maybe seek a new degree. All of this helps trust me... GOODLUCK

 

I'm glad you doing better! And thanks for the reply! It gives me some motivation to keep going. To stop counting months, weeks and days are really hard. I will remember the day of the weeks he broke up with me and even if I stopped counting the days now, I still count the weeks. It's just nothing I can change as I know it in the back of my head and I think that is quite natural.

 

I'm focusing a lot on my career and working but also social activites with friends that I never really had time to hang out with. Also made some new friends. So A lot of things are happning that probably wouldn't if I would still be in a relationship. I'm connecting with more people.

I'm also now managing two full time jobs, which regretably is kinda biting me in the back now.... I had to cut down on hours to sleep to keep up with it and I'm also writing some online articles for a magazine. It's super exciting! I also feel that perhaps I was a little too keen on being so occupied that it might have become a bit too much. Especially since I planned a weekend travel for 4 wekeends in a row now. I'm doing everything according to the book in moving on and working on myself and for myself. Keeping myself occupised with new experiences, friends, familym travel and imporving my career.BUT! regardless of all of these things, I still miss him a lot, to just have someone to talk to and share my experiences with. I'm used to talk to him about my everyday life and have him to share his, no matter how small or big it is. I think that is what I miss the most, to have to share and experience life with him. We have the same occupation, share the same hobbies, we both have had quite a succesful career boost this year. Everything I do and experience, I wish I could tell him and enjoy accomplishments and life together.

[Darkchan]

I'm at work and here I am. I'm not feeling very well sincethis morning. I had a nightmare that shaked me up quite a bit, especially since it was so fresh inmy memory when i woke up that I really thought it was real. I dreamt that I met him by accident at another company in the lunch room. We both had started a new work and he talked and I somehow ended up at his place, he gave me a hug and told me that he never liked me but will always be there for me. He then left.....

 

Well this is pretty similar to what happen during the actual break up, he told me he never liked me and left the apartment we both lived at (which is his place, since he rents it from his company) and then left the apartment for me to pack my stuff. I feel horrible and have spurs of anxiey, strong ones that are almost as strong as the beginning of the BU, it had gotten a bit better for the last past week but it just hit me hard this morning and once again I have the urge to talk to him. 5 and a half week today since bu and nc....

 

Quoting myself from another thread were I wrote earlier today since I felt a bit under the cloud again today.

 

Seeing as I felt quite horrible and missed him a lot I went to check his profile on facebook. Yes I know, I shouldn't but I did. I saw that he made a new friend, a female one that we have no mutal contacts with nor anyone he is friends knows her (atleast accoring to facebook.) So well ofc my brain went highwire. This girl is from accross the atlantic ocean, she looks pretty, she doesn't work in the same industry and I saw a picture from the same city me and my ex live in, I can only assume that she is here for some reason. So yes, I assume he met someone new he has interesst in.

 

I know from all other posts and threads I read here on LS that I shouldn't care or speculate and it has nothing to do with me anymore. It never occured to me that he would perhaps move on so fast and meet someone new or even have one night stands etc. My ex had been singel for 4 years and he told me that he woulnd't do one nights stands and was very selective in people he would date (at least he told me this). So he finding another one now and starting dating feels so out of character for him. Then again he changed a lot, as people who read my previous posts already are aware of. He changed into a complete different person so it is possible after all.... Did I mean so little to him, is he really over me that fast? I thought diffrent of him, that he just had a hard time and was in a difficult part of his life. Am I fooling myself, perhaps this is just who he is and that other person he showed me, the person I fell in love with was just a lie.

[Highndry]

Quoting myself from another thread were I wrote earlier today since I felt a bit under the cloud again today.

 

Seeing as I felt quite horrible and missed him a lot I went to check his profile on facebook. Yes I know, I shouldn't but I did. I saw that he made a new friend, a female one that we have no mutal contacts with nor anyone he is friends knows her (atleast accoring to facebook.) So well ofc my brain went highwire. This girl is from accross the atlantic ocean, she looks pretty, she doesn't work in the same industry and I saw a picture from the same city me and my ex live in, I can only assume that she is here for some reason. So yes, I assume he met someone new he has interesst in.

 

I know from all other posts and threads I read here on LS that I shouldn't care or speculate and it has nothing to do with me anymore. It never occured to me that he would perhaps move on so fast and meet someone new or even have one night stands etc. My ex had been singel for 4 years and he told me that he woulnd't do one nights stands and was very selective in people he would date (at least he told me this). So he finding another one now and starting dating feels so out of character for him. Then again he changed a lot, as people who read my previous posts already are aware of. He changed into a complete different person so it is possible after all.... Did I mean so little to him, is he really over me that fast? I thought diffrent of him, that he just had a hard time and was in a difficult part of his life. Am I fooling myself, perhaps this is just who he is and that other person he showed me, the person I fell in love with was just a lie.

 

The answer is yes, that is why he dumped you. All dumpers have decided that they can do better. Darkchan, you are torturing yourself right now. It would be best for you to stop visiting his social media, going by his house, etc. It's not helping you at all. I'm sorry you're having such a hard time, I know how painful breakups are, I'm going through it right now.

[Darkchan]

The answer is yes, that is why he dumped you. All dumpers have decided that they can do better. Darkchan, you are torturing yourself right now. It would be best for you to stop visiting his social media, going by his house, etc. It's not helping you at all. I'm sorry you're having such a hard time, I know how painful breakups are, I'm going through it right now.

 

It's in the middle of the night and I called a helpline for people dealing with stress and anxiety, decided that it's time to get some therapeutic help. I didn't seek and consueling during my time when I burned out a year ago, I'm still not fully okay from that time. Now also dealing with being dumped is tearing me apart. I felt scared of seeking help from a psychiatrist or therapuet, but I finally called. They are going to give me a call on monday so I can make an appointment. I think I did the right thing, but I also feel like people going to think I'm a mental case for talking to a therapeut

[Beachead]

You really stayed strong for 4 months! I'm sorry for you! I can't even imagine how hurt you must be now, and I wish I don't have to experience the same thing. I'm not even sure how I would cope if I saw that. How are you coping?

 

 

 

I wish the same thing too, it's hard to accept. The brain keep playing pranks and doing scenarios were we would get back togheter.

 

Thank you! At the moment I don't really feel like I would ever meet someone else, I can't imagine it at all. But hopefully in not a too far off time I will look back at this and just shrug and move on with my life.

 

I'm not doing well folks. Been having dreams the past 2 nights. As soon as I wake up, chest pain and heaviness take over. And yes, I cry.

 

I only did it because my therapist advised me to. Otherwise I wouldn't have. There is some positive in this; a silver lining. I lost hope. I always found losing hope was the hardest part overcoming a breakup. That means, this is the hardest it'll ever be for me. I've also found once I reached this point, moving on always became easier. Maybe it'll be the same for this.

Edited November 23, 2017 by Beachead

[Highndry]

It's in the middle of the night and I called a helpline for people dealing with stress and anxiety, decided that it's time to get some therapeutic help. I didn't seek and consueling during my time when I burned out a year ago, I'm still not fully okay from that time. Now also dealing with being dumped is tearing me apart. I felt scared of seeking help from a psychiatrist or therapuet, but I finally called. They are going to give me a call on monday so I can make an appointment. I think I did the right thing, but I also feel like people going to think I'm a mental case for talking to a therapeut

 

Nobody has to know that you are talking to a therapist. There's no shame in it even if they did know. You're simply taking control of your life and staying out in front of your mental health so that you don't become unhealthy from the pain that this other person inflicted. You are going to be fine, Darkchan, you can beat this. We all can.

[Beachead]

So hard! How are you doing now? I don't understand how people can toy with other people's feelings. I had a guy after ms. I could have used him for comfort, but it didn't even occur to me. It's wrong!

 

It's hard. I know I'll suffer for long time but it can be thought of..chapter closed. No more hope. No more wondering. No more thinking what could have been if only either of us did this or that or said something different. If we were meant to be together, she would have been with me here and not in that photo.

 

It is wrong. I never use anyone like this to heal myself. I do it alone and seek very limited help from friends so not to burn them out.

 

And DarkChan, no shame in talking to a therapist. I decided to do the same. First time in my life too. It's nobody's business and nobody needs to know. As HighnDry said, it shows you are serious about taking care of yourself. All in good time, i believe you will see the day you feel better about everything.

Edited November 24, 2017 by Beachead

[toomanyquestions123]

there is no shame of going to a therapist !!! I started going after 5 months of the breakup. I thought i dont want this breakup to affect me mentally. I wanted to stay mentally healthy. A breakup is something really hard to deal with, thats why its called a heartbreak; It literally breaks your heart. I have a session this monday, it would be my second. My therapist told me he will help me get the closure that i didnt have. Of course you can go, actually i picked a male therapist because i can hear a point of view from a male side. He even diagnosed my ex and said i dodged a bullet hehe

[chinadiary]

I've thought about therapy but I literally can't afford it right now. It's why I prowl these forums so much atm because otherwise, I've got no one to talk to about it. It's been long enough for friends to think I should be over it. But it's going to take me much longer, a year at least I think.

[chinadiary]

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/143917-how-do-i-unpick-soul-mate-my-soul

 

 

 

Guys, I found this old thread. I found it helpful.

 

What is also helpful is that I'm not alone in feeling this heartbreak. Thank you for being here. X O X

[Darkchan]

Nobody has to know that you are talking to a therapist. There's no shame in it even if they did know. You're simply taking control of your life and staying out in front of your mental health so that you don't become unhealthy from the pain that this other person inflicted. You are going to be fine, Darkchan, you can beat this. We all can.

 

Thanks Highndry, I will give it a shot and probably keep it to myself for the time being and see how it is going to a therapist. I don't want to continue feeling like this, it pain me everyday and ruins a lot of things for me

 

It's hard. I know I'll suffer for long time but it can be thought of..chapter closed. No more hope. No more wondering. No more thinking what could have been if only either of us did this or that or said something different. If we were meant to be together, she would have been with me here and not in that photo.

 

It is wrong. I never use anyone like this to heal myself. I do it alone and seek very limited help from friends so not to burn them out.

 

And DarkChan, no shame in talking to a therapist. I decided to do the same. First time in my life too. It's nobody's business and nobody needs to know. As HighnDry said, it shows you are serious about taking care of yourself. All in good time, i believe you will see the day you feel better about everything.

 

I feel you...I still have a hard time with it being a chaper closed though. I hope that perhaps the therapist will help me out in getting to that point. So I can move on and not feel like I lost the love of my life. I can't understand how quickly some seem to move on or how they can use a rebound to move on.

 

there is no shame of going to a therapist !!! I started going after 5 months of the breakup. I thought i dont want this breakup to affect me mentally. I wanted to stay mentally healthy. A breakup is something really hard to deal with, thats why its called a heartbreak; It literally breaks your heart. I have a session this monday, it would be my second. My therapist told me he will help me get the closure that i didnt have. Of course you can go, actually i picked a male therapist because i can hear a point of view from a male side. He even diagnosed my ex and said i dodged a bullet hehe

 

I also want to stay mentally healty and enjoy life rather than being stuck in this hell. It has broken my heart, something I never experienced before with my other relationships. It's awful and horrible in every single way.

 

I hope it goes well with the closure for you, keep me posted. I'm curious about how you will feel and if you actually will feel that it's enough getting a closure from the therapist instead.

[chinadiary]

So, I've been in touch with my ex a bit today. He has an ongoing back problem that I suspect may be something more sinister (haven't ever said that to him).

 

We're in different countries (thankfully) or by now, I'd be going to him, because he's in a very bad way. While I don't think I owe him, his daughter, who he allowed to split us up (his weakness I know), has left him alone for 2 weeks AND is leaving him totally alone over Christmas.

 

He's an old guy and I feel very bad for him. Yes, because I love him, but also because he's a human and is suffering.

 

But like I said. Thankfully, I'm not able to go to him. I wouldn't wish this on anyone. And I only very very briefly let the word karma flit through my mind, and instantly dismissed it.

[toomanyquestions123]

I also want to stay mentally healty and enjoy life rather than being stuck in this hell. It has broken my heart, something I never experienced before with my other relationships. It's awful and horrible in every single way.

 

I hope it goes well with the closure for you, keep me posted. I'm curious about how you will feel and if you actually will feel that it's enough getting a closure from the therapist instead.

 

 

I went to my therapist today, he is really a good one, he used the EDMR therapy, he kept asking me questions that would take me to a closure. He convinced me that what i am thinking about or longing to is just the idea of him. That i was unhappy most of the time with him and that he is pretty not much a normal person and that i did nothing wrong. I cried at the end of the session but i felt relieved. It is good to think about how bad he was with you during the relationship, did he treat you well all the time ? did he make u happy or u were miserable with him ? was he a sane person?

[Darkchan]

So, I've been in touch with my ex a bit today. He has an ongoing back problem that I suspect may be something more sinister (haven't ever said that to him).

 

We're in different countries (thankfully) or by now, I'd be going to him, because he's in a very bad way. While I don't think I owe him, his daughter, who he allowed to split us up (his weakness I know), has left him alone for 2 weeks AND is leaving him totally alone over Christmas.

 

He's an old guy and I feel very bad for him. Yes, because I love him, but also because he's a human and is suffering.

 

But like I said. Thankfully, I'm not able to go to him. I wouldn't wish this on anyone. And I only very very briefly let the word karma flit through my mind, and instantly dismissed it.

 

You have a very gentle heart! It is for the best that you can't go, so you can heal and I know it's hard. We want to be there for the ones we love even if it might break our heart and that is becasue we care. It's like a curse I feel sometimes, especialy since it makes it harder to let go. Keep on being strong!

[chinadiary]

You have a very gentle heart! It is for the best that you can't go, so you can heal and I know it's hard. We want to be there for the ones we love even if it might break our heart and that is becasue we care. It's like a curse I feel sometimes, especialy since it makes it harder to let go. Keep on being strong!

 

 

 

I think I've let go of the idea of us having a future together. But I still miss and want him.

 

How is your therapy going Darkchan?

[Darkchan]

I went to my therapist today, he is really a good one, he used the EDMR therapy, he kept asking me questions that would take me to a closure. He convinced me that what i am thinking about or longing to is just the idea of him. That i was unhappy most of the time with him and that he is pretty not much a normal person and that i did nothing wrong. I cried at the end of the session but i felt relieved. It is good to think about how bad he was with you during the relationship, did he treat you well all the time ? did he make u happy or u were miserable with him ? was he a sane person?

 

That seem very promising! How many sessions will you have? I hope you feel like you got a closure from the therapist now when it's been a few days after the previous session. I think all those questions are good to ask, some of them hurt a lot, so I can understand that you started crying at the end of the session.

If I ask myself those question I can say no he did not treat me well all time. He did have his moments when he did and some were he completely ignored me. I made me happy but also very unhappy, it feels like it was back and forth the whole time. He is sane, I think. He is probably going through a rought moment in life himself. So not sure what to conclude from the answers to the questions.

[Darkchan]

I think I've let go of the idea of us having a future together. But I still miss and want him.

 

How is your therapy going Darkchan?

 

Same here, I wish for the same.

 

I haven't started yet, I have an appointment start of next week. They called today and gave me a time slot. So finger's crossed that it will help in some way.

[chinadiary]

Same here, I wish for the same.

 

I haven't started yet, I have an appointment start of next week. They called today and gave me a time slot. So finger's crossed that it will help in some way.

 

 

I hope so too. Anything that helps is worth doing. The problem I find is that some things help temporarily, but at home alone, or in bed, I'm alone and I start thinking, missing, wanting again.

[Darkchan]

I hope so too. Anything that helps is worth doing. The problem I find is that some things help temporarily, but at home alone, or in bed, I'm alone and I start thinking, missing, wanting again.

 

You have friends you can speak to over phone when you feel that when you are alone. I call some friens through skype every evening. In the beginning we spoke a lot about how I was feeling and the break up, but now I tend to avoid that subject and we just hang out to distract myself. I find that it help with the empty lonely feeling I feel every evening, it help but it's not completely gone, at least the time passes.

 

I've thought about therapy but I literally can't afford it right now. It's why I prowl these forums so much atm because otherwise, I've got no one to talk to about it. It's been long enough for friends to think I should be over it. But it's going to take me much longer, a year at least I think.

 

You have any insurance that might help to cover the costs?

[chinadiary]

You have friends you can speak to over phone when you feel that when you are alone. I call some friens through skype every evening. In the beginning we spoke a lot about how I was feeling and the break up, but now I tend to avoid that subject and we just hang out to distract myself. I find that it help with the empty lonely feeling I feel every evening, it help but it's not completely gone, at least the time passes.

 

 

 

You have any insurance that might help to cover the costs?

 

 

No. Plus I'm living overseas now and finding an English speaking therapist would be hard too.