Approched my gym crush

[Tiga]

So update...

 

He came to the gym I was on the smith machine because the squat rack was taken (it's right next to the smith machine). Anyway I had to go use the restroom so I left. When I came back the person that was using the squat rack was gone and he ( I'll call him John), John, was using the squat rack. I giggled inside. He was squatting heavy, at least for me it was heavy. He was squatting like 335 or so... & I was thinking damn!

 

So I kind of glance at him and now we are see each other because we are right next to each other. I do my thing on the smith machine and when I am done he looks at me and waves as he is putting weights on. I smiles back.

 

Anyway we knock out a few sets, then we make eye contact again and he starts taking of his headphones, so I take mine off....

 

The convo went like this:

 

John: doing legs today huh?

Me: yea, lightish today

Me: I wish I can squat as much as you

John: I used to squat more but don't want to get injured

Me: for sure, rather be safe than sorry

John: But you look great, your legs they look strong...not in a weird way

Me: Thanks, I'm trying to get on your level

 

In the meantime someone does something stupid in the gym and drops weights, & we both look over and I am like omg I hope he is ok

 

John: Where do you live

Me: like 4 minute away..such and such street name

John: oh ok, I live blah blah, you know where that is

Me: oh yea, that is kind of far

John: it's only a mile

Me: lol well with traffic it takes a little longer

John: what are you doing today

Me: nothing much, relaxing, there is a special even in the city so trying to stay away from it

John: yea me and my friends are probably just drinking

Me: yea I don't do much, basically the gym is my second home

John: smiling at me

Me: well I don't want to distract you from your workout

John: oh no you are fine

Me: Where is that shirt from

John: Oh idk its old

Me: It looks familiar

John: Maybe you saw me wear it before

Me: Maybe

John: ok well I guess i'll get back to squatting

Me: ok good luck

 

We both do out reps, he leaves and goes to another area after his squats

I stick around and later I go to a stretching area and he is laving and waves by at me, I wave back

 

ughhhhhhhhh, I guess he is testing the waters and he is SHY, just like me

LOL

[planb1973]

Somebody needs to slap John!

 

You are giving him all the clear, and I mean crystal clear, signals. And all John has to say is "Want to go out"

 

Seriously WTF John!!!

[FilterCoffee]

Gay possibly? I don’t know any straight guy who wouldn’t escalate with a girl he likes, especially when she has given him so many hints.

[Cersei]

I know it is not easy but when he said "what are you doing today" you should have said "got time to grab a coffee after?" I dunno, maybe easier said than done.

 

But yeah he had an open door to ask you and didn't, but it seems lIke there is hope.

 

Best of luck!

[smackie9]

No John doesn't see any signals from you so he didn't bother. Man alive do you not know how to flirt? Like "wow that sounds fun, where are you guys going?"

 

That has to be the most boring conversation going. There was a ton of opportunity to insert some flirty comments. He gave you a compliments, he hinted he liked being around you, and even mentioned going out and doing something and all you could respond with "yea I don't do much, basically the gym is my second home" That says, I have no life, I am boring, and I find things boring, I am a downer.

 

John: Where do you live

Me: like 4 minute away..such and such street name

John: oh ok, I live blah blah, you know where that is

Me: oh yea, that is kind of far (negative)

John: it's only a mile (trying to be positive)

Me: lol well with traffic it takes a little longer (negative)

John: what are you doing today (Conversation going nowhere, changes subject)

Me: nothing much, relaxing, there is a special even in the city so trying to stay away from it (negative again)

John: yea me and my friends are probably just drinking (trying to be positive about it)

Me: yea I don't do much, basically the gym is my second home (negative, downer)

John: smiling at me (Trying to make things light)

Me: well I don't want to distract you from your workout (putting on the brakes, pushing him away)

John: oh no you are fine (hinting he does like you and wants to talk to you more)

Me: Where is that shirt from (random and meaningless)

John: Oh idk its old (confused why the conversation went to this)

Me: It looks familiar

John: Maybe you saw me wear it before

Me: Maybe

John: ok well I guess i'll get back to squatting (he's thinking, well she doesn't seem very interested)

Me: ok good luck

 

Sorry but if you don't give him signals that you like him and want to go out with him, he's not going to do anything. There are a lot of guys out there, shy or not, that don't invest in anything with a girl unless she give him some indication she is really into him.

Edited October 8, 2017 by smackie9

[Cookiesandough]

Somebody needs to slap John!

 

You are giving him all the clear, and I mean crystal clear, signals. And all John has to say is "Want to go out"

 

Seriously WTF John!!!

 

John is probably a loveshacker.

[Tiga]

Somebody needs to slap John!

 

You are giving him all the clear, and I mean crystal clear, signals. And all John has to say is "Want to go out"

 

Seriously WTF John!!!

 

I thought I did ok in the conversation. I mean for god sakes, I walked up to him the day before. I kept talking to him and complimenting him on how strong he is because he was lifting heavy. I told him I had nothing planned later that day. I mean seriously.

 

I guess it is a learning experience.

 

I never had to flirt with guys, guys usually just come up to me and chat a little and ask for my number (this is outside the gym).

 

We will see, I will be patient. Maybe he is still unsure if I like him.

[Tiga]

No John doesn't see any signals from you so he didn't bother. Man alive do you not know how to flirt? Like "wow that sounds fun, where are you guys going?"

 

That has to be the most boring conversation going. There was a ton of opportunity to insert some flirty comments. He gave you a compliments, he hinted he liked being around you, and even mentioned going out and doing something and all you could respond with "yea I don't do much, basically the gym is my second home" That says, I have no life, I am boring, and I find things boring, I am a downer.

 

John: Where do you live

Me: like 4 minute away..such and such street name

John: oh ok, I live blah blah, you know where that is

Me: oh yea, that is kind of far (negative)

John: it's only a mile (trying to be positive)

Me: lol well with traffic it takes a little longer (negative)

John: what are you doing today (Conversation going nowhere, changes subject)

Me: nothing much, relaxing, there is a special even in the city so trying to stay away from it (negative again)

John: yea me and my friends are probably just drinking (trying to be positive about it)

Me: yea I don't do much, basically the gym is my second home (negative, downer)

John: smiling at me (Trying to make things light)

Me: well I don't want to distract you from your workout (putting on the brakes, pushing him away)

John: oh no you are fine (hinting he does like you and wants to talk to you more)

Me: Where is that shirt from (random and meaningless)

John: Oh idk its old (confused why the conversation went to this)

Me: It looks familiar

John: Maybe you saw me wear it before

Me: Maybe

John: ok well I guess i'll get back to squatting (he's thinking, well she doesn't seem very interested)

Me: ok good luck

 

Sorry but if you don't give him signals that you like him and want to go out with him, he's not going to do anything. There are a lot of guys out there, shy or not, that don't invest in anything with a girl unless she give him some indication she is really into him.

 

 

I thought I complimented him on his squats. I just did not want to throw myself at him. I mean I approached him first and introduced myself. I truly feel like he is super nervous. He kept smiling and kind of looking at me and looking to the side and making like small swagging movements. I think he is just super nervous that I might turn him down.

 

He sees that I don't talk to anyone else in the gym, so if I'm talking to him obviously I like him. Also why would I introduce myself to him if I did not like him. Maybe he just doesn't have the balls, maybe he think I am out of his league plus I am older by 3 years.

[newmoon]

if he's a gym regular maybe some people have seen him around with other men/women? at this point i'd really pull it back and find out what his status is. you could be setting yourself up for disappointment. the fact that he really isn't reciprocating interest or conversation doesn't necessarily mean he's shy/nervous, it could mean he isn't interested for another reason, like a bf/gf already.

[Tiga]

if he's a gym regular maybe some people have seen him around with other men/women? at this point i'd really pull it back and find out what his status is. you could be setting yourself up for disappointment. the fact that he really isn't reciprocating interest or conversation doesn't necessarily mean he's shy/nervous, it could mean he isn't interested for another reason, like a bf/gf already.

 

I looked him up on FB. He has no pics with a girl, only his dog & guy friends.

 

So he is single, I am assuming.

[smackie9]

I thought I complimented him on his squats. I just did not want to throw myself at him. I mean I approached him first and introduced myself. I truly feel like he is super nervous. He kept smiling and kind of looking at me and looking to the side and making like small swagging movements. I think he is just super nervous that I might turn him down.

 

He sees that I don't talk to anyone else in the gym, so if I'm talking to him obviously I like him. Also why would I introduce myself to him if I did not like him. Maybe he just doesn't have the balls, maybe he think I am out of his league plus I am older by 3 years.

I never said to throw yourself at him....just be warmer, friendlier, smile lots, giggle shyly, give him a touch on the arm as you laugh, be a little cheeky/witty in the conversation....that's subtle enough without being cray cray.

 

Complimenting him on his squats is gym talk, not flirting or showing romantic interest. I'm sure he's hear it from other people he works out with or talks to.

 

Just because you talk to him, means jack crap. I am married and will strike up a conversation with a guy, that's doesn't mean I want to date him.

Edited October 8, 2017 by smackie9

[Tiga]

I never said to throw yourself at him....just be warmer, friendlier, smile lots, giggle shyly, give him a touch on the arm as you laugh, be a little cheeky/witty in the conversation....that's subtle enough without being cray cray.

 

Complimenting him on his squats is gym talk, not flirting or showing romantic interest. I'm sure he's hear it from other people he works out with or talks to.

 

Just because you talk to him, means jack crap. I am married and will strike up a conversation with a guy, that's doesn't mean I want to date him.

 

 

I was smiling the entire time, I guess I just got to give him some real compliments. Hoping for the best tomorrow.

[guest569]

If you're not comfortable flirting or giving compliments that's fine I agree you shouldn't be too eager.. but I agree with smackie that your conversation could have been better. Keep it light, friendly, funny, open..

[Tiga]

If you're not comfortable flirting or giving compliments that's fine I agree you shouldn't be too eager.. but I agree with smackie that your conversation could have been better. Keep it light, friendly, funny, open..

 

Yea, you guys are right. I just have been out of the loop for a while and flirting is difficult. I have never dated that much anyway and was in a relationship for 6 years prior to this. So yea my flirting skills suck.

 

But I will try my best, at the end of the day I have nothing to lose. I will update you guys. Thanks so much for the advice. Any flirting advice is greatly appreciated lol. I just don't want to sound to desperate, kind of lightly as you and smackie mentioned.

[BikerAccnt]

It sounds to me like he's getting turned on by something you're doing in your workout. The up-and-down movements (like, on a bike) emulate sex for men. They're ALWAYS thinking about sex, especially the young ones. I bet it's even more of a turn-on for him that you're NOT EVEN TRYING to get his attention, you're pursuing something else altogether (a healthy body).

 

Bless his heart. So sweet, how he was nervous talking to you. I would let him make the next move. You're calm, cool, collected - happy and busy and on a mission (working out) that has nothing to do with him. If you see him and your eyes meet, smile and wave - and keep going about your business.

 

Good luck and I hope this turns into A Fine Romance!!!

 

Eh, I've been going to the gym for over 30 years, even when I was in my 20's, I was never "turned on" by someone working out in the gym. Sure I might have thought they were attractive, but thinking the up and down movements on a spinning bike were reminiscent of sex? Never. LOL, I hope there aren't too many men at the gym that think like that. It's no wonder women stay away from gyms, and that's a shame. A good gym can provide a workout you just can't get from a home setup.

[BikerAccnt]

Gay possibly? I don’t know any straight guy who wouldn’t escalate with a girl he likes, especially when she has given him so many hints.

 

Unless he already has a girlfriend, or is married.

[kortz]

Yea, you guys are right. I just have been out of the loop for a while and flirting is difficult. I have never dated that much anyway and was in a relationship for 6 years prior to this. So yea my flirting skills suck.

 

But I will try my best, at the end of the day I have nothing to lose. I will update you guys. Thanks so much for the advice. Any flirting advice is greatly appreciated lol. I just don't want to sound to desperate, kind of lightly as you and smackie mentioned.

 

I disagree with what others are saying and how you should have done things. YOU approached him...frankly that takes a lot of courage and you shouldn't have to be throwing yourself at him and being all flirty for him to take some initiative.

 

Maybe he is trying to play it a bit cool and feel you out a bit before asking you out in which case, continue to speak with him and build up a rapport but you ultimately want him to take the initiative and ask you out. You're there to work out not flirt with guys, so if he likes what he see's then he needs to man up and ask without you having to go out of your way to convince him too.

 

Another reason could be he's not interested in you romantically although he has complimented you so he clearly likes what he sees.

[CptInsano]

Eh, I've been going to the gym for over 30 years, even when I was in my 20's, I was never "turned on" by someone working out in the gym. Sure I might have thought they were attractive, but thinking the up and down movements on a spinning bike were reminiscent of sex? Never. LOL, I hope there aren't too many men at the gym that think like that. It's no wonder women stay away from gyms, and that's a shame. A good gym can provide a workout you just can't get from a home setup.

 

Same here, the gym never did it for me. Would I notice an attractive woman? Sure, but I wouldn't get aroused, just like I don't by watching a woman simply walking down the street. About 90% of the time I would have been too wrapped up in the workout to even notice, meaning that I'm pretty focused when working out hard.

[Tiga]

I disagree with what others are saying and how you should have done things. YOU approached him...frankly that takes a lot of courage and you shouldn't have to be throwing yourself at him and being all flirty for him to take some initiative.

 

Maybe he is trying to play it a bit cool and feel you out a bit before asking you out in which case, continue to speak with him and build up a rapport but you ultimately want him to take the initiative and ask you out. You're there to work out not flirt with guys, so if he likes what he see's then he needs to man up and ask without you having to go out of your way to convince him too.

 

Another reason could be he's not interested in you romantically although he has complimented you so he clearly likes what he sees.

 

See that is how I see it as well. The gym is not a place where you pick up dates and flirt. In 10 years of me working out for at least 5-6 times a week at a gym this is the first time I had a conversation (flirtatious) with a guy in that way. It's usually are you using this machine and etc. and that's it. No specific reason behind it and no flirting. Short one word answers.

 

I honestly feel like yes he is a little shy, but he is taking it slowly. Maybe his intentions are really good, and doesn't want to come off a to desperate. I feel like he is testing the waters and trying to get to know me a little more each conversation we have. That is the vibe I am getting and perceiving. Additionally, I think he wants to feel more comfortable and I truly feel like he definitely is attracted to me. I do think he is single as well. There is not way he would be that nice/complimenting if he was in a relationship and is not interested.

 

I will update this thread when he makes new moves. I will keep my cool, I shouldn't rush anything. It all will unfold the way it is supposed to. It won't be as fun if he made the move right away. This is probably better.

[Springsummer]

See that is how I see it as well. The gym is not a place where you pick up dates and flirt.

 

Gym is not? where else is?

 

but, honestly, I have never had a conversation with a guy in the gyms either. I go 2-4 times a week.

 

I am thinking if I should upgrade to a more expensive gym(by much farther), maybe that will helps?

[joseb]

I kinda agree wirh smackie. That conversation was a bit painful. Talking about squats, that's not really a compliment. Or flirty.

Then you said you were avoiding an event (implies you are not much fun) and then said you just go to the gym and home (not much life).

 

Kudos though for approaching. Try to be a bit lighter next time you guys talk.

 

And of course it also possible that he is gay/taken/not interested too.

[Tiga]

I haven't seen him in the gym this week, then I see him today. I was using a machine and he walked by me and looked. Waved his hand while walking and making eye contact. I smiled and said "Hi". We both had headphones in. That was that. & I kind of lost him in the gym so didint even bother looking for him to try and start a convo. Idk I still like him but maybe I am tired of waiting for him to ask for my number.

 

But I do feel like maybe he is unsure of how I feel so he won't.

 

Got to find a good opportunity to talk to him, the gym we go to is packed and loud and everyone is nosey.

 

Ahhhh

[joseb]

Just an observation, I normally take headphones on at the gym as a massive "don't bother me I'm working out" sign.

 

I don't even think most women are listening to anything.

[Eternal Sunshine]

Your conversation (on both sides) was really flat. If I had similar conversation with a guy I would conclude that we don't have much in common and don't have the coversational spark. I would personally lose all interest but then mental attraction is more important to me than physical.

[Tiga]

I agree, it sucked. I wish it went better but it did not. I feel like I gave him a terrible vibe. It is really hard to feel comftorable and flirt again, with someone other then a guy I spent 6 years with. I want to but I just don't know what to say, and I really like the guy so he makes me nervous to the point where I literally feel like my hands are shaking a bit.

LOL & it doesn't help that he is the same way.

 

I am usually a confident person, but idk maybe I am judging myself too much buy overthinking everything.

 

I will talk to him next time I see him and try my best to have a normal human conversation. Ughhh