Cant say "Why Bother Dating" but is it really worth the bother?

[hotpotato]

Ive had pressure from guys ranging from being irate (guy invited ne over to a movie then got mad bc i actually wanted to watch the movie) from assault to minor physical altercations. Yes, a fight. Cookie, youre very lucky to have met guys who respected your wishes.

 

Part of the problem is the coded language. For some reason,many guys cant be honest abt their intentions. Sure, a woman may invite a man for a movie and want sex, but that wonan is not a physical threat to him if he says no. She cannot hold him and force him to have sex.

 

I realized, as much as i tried to not stereotype men, if hes trying to get you alone, hes trying to have sex. He also thinks you understand that when he says watch a movie/talk/come over and he will cook, he really means have sex. Everytime ive tried to give a man the benefit of a doubt, its always been the same, even in places like fitting rooms "why dont you try this on?", his office after hours to 'talk,' a closet at work, you get the picture.

 

So i have a new rule, never be alone with a man at all if i dont want sex.

 

I guess bc of what i have gone through,

 

"Just go out and meet a bunch of men"

 

To me it sounds crazy and dangerous. For a lot of men it may be fun bc hes out there searching for sex. A lot of women are justifiably more afraid of being physically hurt. I know the advice is meant to be helpful, but guys who say that are not taking into account the danger aspect.

 

Thats one reason why its just easier for me to be single. Ive been through so much just trying to meet one potential boyfriend. I dont have friends and family who can introduce to me to a lot of quality men. I would have to go and meet total strangers.

 

Maybe its a cop out, but i like not being stalked, assaulted, etc. Its easier to be single. I guess i could go out, meet a bunch of men, go through what ive been through all over again just for one boyfriend. Is it worth it though?

[hotpotato]

I think this is at the center of your issue with dating. There's a lot of guys out there who are thinking about more than just sex on a first date. So, I would suggest that you pay attention to any sexual innuendo that comes out of a guy BEFORE you date them. Call off a date if it looks like a guy is looking to get laid from ground zero; it's usually pretty easy to spot them as they'll pour on the sexual innuendo in the form of flirting". And, cut a date short if a guy weasels his way in and starts becoming a bit physically aggressive or suggestive.

 

But ive had one guy, maybe, who didnt ask for sex on the first date. Maybe 2? One of them i did date for a little.

 

Its usually on the date when the 'come over for movie' starts.

 

It would be easier to eliminate them if they are super sexual before the first date. Now on craigslist they are, but i wasnt looking for a bf or date. I found a motorcycle pal, and i went through many disgusting emails. That was a JOB.

 

There are men out there who will pretend they actually like you for the sex. Going through it all gets irritating.

[OatsAndHall]

Ive had pressure from guys ranging from being irate (guy invited ne over to a movie then got mad bc i actually wanted to watch the movie) from assault to minor physical altercations. Yes, a fight. Cookie, youre very lucky to have met guys who respected your wishes.

 

Part of the problem is the coded language. For some reason,many guys cant be honest abt their intentions. Sure, a woman may invite a man for a movie and want sex, but that wonan is not a physical threat to him if he says no. She cannot hold him and force him to have sex.

 

I realized, as much as i tried to not stereotype men, if hes trying to get you alone, hes trying to have sex. He also thinks you understand that when he says watch a movie/talk/come over and he will cook, he really means have sex. Everytime ive tried to give a man the benefit of a doubt, its always been the same, even in places like fitting rooms "why dont you try this on?", his office after hours to 'talk,' a closet at work, you get the picture.

 

So i have a new rule, never be alone with a man at all if i dont want sex.

 

I guess bc of what i have gone through,

 

"Just go out and meet a bunch of men"

 

To me it sounds crazy and dangerous. For a lot of men it may be fun bc hes out there searching for sex. A lot of women are justifiably more afraid of being physically hurt. I know the advice is meant to be helpful, but guys who say that are not taking into account the danger aspect.

 

Thats one reason why its just easier for me to be single. Ive been through so much just trying to meet one potential boyfriend. I dont have friends and family who can introduce to me to a lot of quality men. I would have to go and meet total strangers.

 

Maybe its a cop out, but i like not being stalked, assaulted, etc. Its easier to be single. I guess i could go out, meet a bunch of men, go through what ive been through all over again just for one boyfriend. Is it worth it though?

 

Never go over to a guy's place to "watch a movie" unless you are comfortable with them. Dates should always be in a public place to start off with and then progress to a private setting when things start to solidify. Any guy that asks you over to "watch a movie" when you've first met is looking to get laid, period. Basically, tell any guy that asks for this on the first or second date to f- off because they're trying to get into your pants.

 

Here's the general steps I take when dating:

 

1. We go out on a coffee date to see if there's anything between us. If that date goes well, I either try to schedule a second on another day or move right into dinner or the movie theater.

 

2. The second, third and fourth dates are always something public; another round of coffee, dinner, a movie, a walk in a park, etc..

 

3. I will invite a woman over to my place and cook for them on a fifth date. Now, I only invite them over for dinner, I don't suggest a movie. If they suggest a movie afterward, then we watch a movie. If they want to do something else, we do something else. Or, they just go home.

 

Throughout this whole process I am affectionate; holding hands, hugging, kissing, etc.. BUT, I let them lead the way when it comes to sex.

[hotpotato]

Never go over to a guy's place to "watch a movie" unless you are comfortable with them. Dates should always be in a public place to start off with and then progress to a private setting when things start to solidify. Any guy that asks you over to "watch a movie" when you've first met is looking to get laid, period. Basically, tell any guy that asks for this on the first or second date to f- off because they're trying to get into your pants.

 

Here's the general steps I take when dating:

 

1. We go out on a coffee date to see if there's anything between us. If that date goes well, I either try to schedule a second on another day or move right into dinner or the movie theater.

 

2. The second, third and fourth dates are always something public; another round of coffee, dinner, a movie, a walk in a park, etc..

 

3. I will invite a woman over to my place and cook for them on a fifth date. Now, I only invite them over for dinner, I don't suggest a movie. If they suggest a movie afterward, then we watch a movie. If they want to do something else, we do something else. Or, they just go home.

 

Throughout this whole process I am affectionate; holding hands, hugging, kissing, etc.. BUT, I let them lead the way when it comes to sex.

 

But then ive hone through 40 men to meet one guy who doesnt try for sex on the first or second date. Im not exaggerating either. I used to date a lot, and guys who dont try asap are like a rarity.

[Cookiesandough]

But ive had one guy, maybe, who didnt ask for sex on the first date. Maybe 2? One of them i did date for a little.

 

Its usually on the date when the 'come over for movie' starts.

 

It would be easier to eliminate them if they are super sexual before the first date. Now on craigslist they are, but i wasnt looking for a bf or date. I found a motorcycle pal, and i went through many disgusting emails. That was a JOB.

 

There are men out there who will pretend they actually like you for the sex. Going through it all gets irritating.

That's scary, hotpotato. I am just shocked at the sexual advances a lot of women encounter day to day and have to get out of...No wonder dating is not even fun.

 

I think most guys in the platonic section of craigslist who are M4W are for something sexual. I read some of the personals just out of curiosity one day and this guy was asking for female buddy to go see movies with and it he wouldn't try anything. I'm not so sure. I had to wonder why he needed a FEMALE to go watch movies with. I guess I just see craigslist as being a little seedy which may or may not be a fair assessment because Ive had no experience with it. Is it the same on other online dating sites?

 

When a guy asked you on a first date at his home and you say that you'd like to get to know him more first what does he say? And once you trust him and come to his place, he will probably try to kiss you or escalate sexually first I am assuming. After you tell them they're moving too fast what happens? Or do they just flat out ask for sex?

 

I get what you mean by coded language. The bad apples ruin the whole bunch because house is an fun venue. There's a TV you can watch anything on and a video game console, usually. No money needs to be spent. It's intimate and comfortable for the person who lives there at least. But entitled men who can't control their urges around women they find attractive ruin it

 

 

The last 2 times I went to a guys house, the first one made dinner and we watched movies and at the end I made a comment about a kiss and he told me he's waits for exclusivity before he kisses and asked me on another 'date'? The next one I actually had to kiss first and we walked his dogs, got high on his porch, and listened to music.

Edited October 18, 2017 by Cookiesandough

[hotpotato]

That's scary, hotpotato. I am just shocked at the sexual advances a lot of women encounter day to day and have to get out of...No wonder dating is not even fun.

 

I think most guys in the platonic section of craigslist who are M4W are for something sexual. I read some of the personals just out of curiosity one day and this guy was asking for female buddy to go see movies with and it he wouldn't try anything. I'm not so sure. I had to wonder why he needed a FEMALE to go watch movies with. I guess I just see craigslist as being a little seedy which may or may not be a fair assessment because Ive had no experience with it. Is it the same on other online dating sites?

 

When a guy asked you on a first date at his home and you say that you'd like to get to know him more first what does he say? And once you trust him and come to his place, he will probably try to kiss you or escalate sexually first I am assuming. After you tell them they're moving too fast what happens? Or do they just flat out ask for sex?

 

I get what you mean by coded language. The bad apples ruin the whole bunch because house is an fun venue. There's a TV you can watch anything on and a video game console, usually. No money needs to be spent. It's intimate and comfortable for the person who lives there at least. But entitled men who can't control their urges around women they find attractive ruin it

 

 

The last 2 times I went to a guys house, the first one made dinner and we watched movies and at the end I made a comment about a kiss and he told me he's waits for exclusivity before he kisses and asked me on another 'date'? The next one I actually had to kiss first and we walked his dogs, got high on his porch, and listened to music.

 

Most guys will take me on a date then try for sex aka waste of time. Id rather a man flat out ask for sex beforehand. I couldve been on a date with someone who actually wanted to date.

 

I think i blocked out a lot of my dating experiences lol

I dont go over to mens houses anymore unless im up for it. Now what catches me off guard is guys trying to have sex in random places. Thats why i say i try not to be alone with a man at all.

 

One guy i knew for 15min tried to get me into a fitting room to have sex(why dont you try that on?). He said he thought he was annoying me, but thought i wanted to have random and bare sex with him? I had no idea it would escalate like that. This guy said he wanted to work out with me, take me out, but he disappeared afterwards.

 

One guy who took me on a coffee date asked me to come visit him at his workplace to talk. He wanted to be sexual at his job. I didnt want to, and he wasnt mean about it. Later he said he had a fantasy abt having sex at work.

 

I figured out how to call tgeir bluff. There are guys wholl pretend they like me and ask to come over. Ill say, Great, can we see a show at the casino? Usually theyll get quiet until they want you to come over. This can go on for weeks with more persistent guys.

 

I dont do mass dating anymore. In fact, i may go a year or two without going on the date. Sometimes i want PEACE.

Edited October 18, 2017 by hotpotato

[Cookiesandough]

That fitting room situation was creepy. JEEZ. And yes I completely agree. Whether staving off sexual advances or not, i find dating really exhausting. Ive gone years and years stretches and didn't really miss it and currently on pause too

[Cobra_X]

I think most guys in the platonic section of craigslist who are M4W are for something sexual. I read some of the personals just out of curiosity one day and this guy was asking for female buddy to go see movies with and it he wouldn't try anything. I'm not so sure. I had to wonder why he needed a FEMALE to go watch movies with.

 

Cookies... Why are you trolling through the platonic personals section of craigslist???

 

I once invited a girl significantly younger to my place to play Diablo. She accepted and we ate pizza and played until 4am. I never even considered making a move. I helped with some O-Chem homework 2 weeks after that. She graduated from college in May. When my company has a job opening I will help her new BF get a job with me. Platonic friendships happen.

 

Check out Ladder Theory.

 

Most guys will take me on a date then try for sex aka waste of time. Id rather a man flat out ask for sex beforehand. I couldve been on a date with someone who actually wanted to date.

 

I dont do mass dating anymore. In fact, i may go a year or two without going on the date. Sometimes i want PEACE.

 

Do you have tattoos?

[hotpotato]

I have 0 tats.

[Cobra_X]

I have 0 tats.

 

I don't get it. You seem to be a douche magnet. Do these guys have anything in common that might be attracting you to them?

 

I doubt you go on a date with a regular guy and somehow by spending 2 hours with you he morphs into a sex fiend. It's more probable that you are attracted to some characteristic that sex fiends have in common.

[Mysterio]

My dating expriance is this.

 

1989-age 18. PMc worked at my work at McDonalds. I was going to set her up with my buddy CP. It turned out that she had a thing for me. We went out for 4 months. I broke up with her because she kept being a nag and starting fights with me. She said I had to put up with her because she was imature. Even at that young age I had sense of self and walked away.

 

1990-age 19. Met TK in School. I needed some credits and it was a very strong connection. Lasted 6 months. Till this day. I have never had a connection like that. We were into the same music and got along great. I ended it, because the physical affection started slipping on her end.

 

1995- Age 24. Met CS at a Subway. Got her a job at my work. She was single, but still hung up on her BF. Went out for maybe 2 months before I put an end to it. I just said lets b friends as she was still hung up on the ex. I just let the whole relationship go. I was a bit depressed from that point. Never have been the same, as now I take love and dating serriously or I don't have the freewheeling side to me anymore.

 

1997. Age 26. DS. mild flirtation. I could have explored it more, but she said something to me to turn me off. Something like I can't believe I have been with my BF for 2 yrs and have not cheated on him. I walked after that.

 

2000 Age 29 TM. I was in a sport and one of the women I liked. We did our activity together. I found out that she was married. She took a liking to me. We got involved. I broke it off. It was one of the most toxic relationships I have ever had. She is the only one where there is no contact. Blocked her on FBook. She divorced her Ex and has been with several other guys. Thats one I would never go back to.

 

2003- age 32. NF- a frinds with benifit that I just slipped into because I was a bit flirtatious with her. Its more her into me. I cut it off after 3 months or so. I just did not want her as my GF.

 

2003- age 32. JO. She was in my buddhist chant group. I invited her to a Riverboat Funk cruise. She told me that night she had a crush on me. We lasted 4 months. Our head space was just to far apart.

 

2006-age 35. J. Met her though Lava Life date siite. We had good chemistry I thought. She said that she was looking for someone educated. Even though she was living at home and I was the one with the Car/Condo and full time job. That lasted 2 months from start to finish. I just let it go.

 

2012 age 41-DD. Me in June and broke up in Nov. She wanted kids. I have remained friends with her.

 

2013. Age 42. AK. She worked at a diner at my work. Went out and had a great Date. Never went anywhere.

 

2015. Age 44 T. Met her on E-harmony. Talked for month. Met in real life. She was separated. The Date was low key. Said in a E-mail a couple of days later. She did not think we had anything in common. I don't know what she think is the x factor. I thought it was very confusing for me that she is sparated in dating and that the Divorce had yet to be started. She had 2 kids. So I let it go.

 

2017. Age 46. No major prospects. I did look into two women. One from the gym that is 40, but she is married with one child. The other is married as well she is 31.

 

All in all there were some women inbetween. Those were the main ones that stuck out.

 

At 46. For me its tiring going out to date and set everything up. I am more letting the women come to me. I don't need to do this work and trying to disect everything. Sometimes I feel like Perhaps I should just let the women come to me and let things be chill on the romantic front.

Edited October 19, 2017 by Mysterio

[Mysterio]

I actually really feel that prayer to the universe and letting a special lady find me. Is the only way things will work out in the end.

 

My Efforts for some reason don't work as well.

[Eternal Sunshine]

Maybe for some of us, we just enjoy being alone too much? Even when I think back to my happiest relationship, I constantly looked forward to any alone time I could get. It was always a struggle of how to get that time without pissing the guy off. If I am seeing someone and have to spend weekends with him, I feel like I am cheated out of having any time off "work".

 

I rarely get sick, can go years without having so much as a cold. When I am in a relationship, it's one illness after the other, from food poising to flu. Even my body is rebelling against being in a relationship.

 

I just wish being single was more of a "norm". I have to deal with feeling like an outcast everywhere I go.

[hotpotato]

I don't get it. You seem to be a douche magnet. Do these guys have anything in common that might be attracting you to them?

 

I doubt you go on a date with a regular guy and somehow by spending 2 hours with you he morphs into a sex fiend. It's more probable that you are attracted to some characteristic that sex fiends have in common.

 

Characteristsics like? Ive dated many different kinds of guys.

 

Even if i did have tats, it would not be intelligent to assume im a certain why sexually. That would be presumptuous on his part.

[hotpotato]

Maybe for some of us, we just enjoy being alone too much? Even when I think back to my happiest relationship, I constantly looked forward to any alone time I could get. It was always a struggle of how to get that time without pissing the guy off. If I am seeing someone and have to spend weekends with him, I feel like I am cheated out of having any time off "work".

 

I rarely get sick, can go years without having so much as a cold. When I am in a relationship, it's one illness after the other, from food poising to flu. Even my body is rebelling against being in a relationship.

 

I just wish being single was more of a "norm". I have to deal with feeling like an outcast everywhere I go.

 

Thanks for the honest post.

 

I do wonder what i would be getting out of a relationship? As i get older, thats becoming less clear. Ive grown so independent, most guys cant add anything to it, nor are most men trying to add anything to my life. Apparently, i have a different idea of what datiing is for...

 

The last guy i dated said i had my own life and he felt like he was in the way.

 

My best hope was to get married early to a school sweetheart. I wouldnt havr had so many bad experiences, and i wouldnt have become accustomed to being alone.

 

I like being alone. I have my books, my journal, and my dog, and im good. I ho to the movies, bookstore, out to eat by myself. I get used to not having to entertain someone.

 

I used to think if i net someone i really liked, i could snap out of it. Im.not sure abt that anymore. Its so easy to go back to my natural state. Its peaceful, too.

[Cobra_X]

Maybe for some of us, we just enjoy being alone too much? Even when I think back to my happiest relationship, I constantly looked forward to any alone time I could get. It was always a struggle of how to get that time without pissing the guy off. If I am seeing someone and have to spend weekends with him, I feel like I am cheated out of having any time off "work".

I rarely get sick, can go years without having so much as a cold. When I am in a relationship, it's one illness after the other, from food poising to flu. Even my body is rebelling against being in a relationship.

I just wish being single was more of a "norm". I have to deal with feeling like an outcast everywhere I go.

 

I have this issue sometimes too. I require lots of alone time.

 

In my experience though... the person your with makes a huge difference.

 

Characteristsics like? Ive dated many different kinds of guys.

Even if i did have tats, it would not be intelligent to assume im a certain why sexually. That would be presumptuous on his part.

 

There is nothing wrong in particular with tats, however I have seen studies and can verify personally, that women who have visible tattoos are seen as "easy sex". They did this study last year in France. They put a large fake tattoo on this woman and sent her to the beach. Then interviewed each man after he approached her. They did the same with the girl and no tattoo. They then showed a group of men pictures of women with and without tattoos.

 

The results are kind of amazing. Women with large visible tattoos are seen by the majority of men as more promiscuous, and more willing to accept forceful sexual advances. It did not matter if the man had tattoos himself, in fact that group was even more aggressive. Not that any of this applies to you.

 

Still, you have to be selecting for sexually aggressive men somehow. Maybe the other guys have traits that turn you off, like being indecisive? It would be fascinating to study!

[OatsAndHall]

But then ive hone through 40 men to meet one guy who doesnt try for sex on the first or second date. Im not exaggerating either. I used to date a lot, and guys who dont try asap are like a rarity.

 

Trust me when I say that there are plenty of guys out there that aren't trying to get laid quickly. I work with three different guys who are dating consistently right now and only one of them is looking to hook up early on. And, he is also honest about it with women about it too; he tells them that he isn't looking for a committed relationship right on his profile.

 

I think this just comes down to paying attention to red-flags early on and recognizing those guys looking for sex early on. Just don't bother to set up a date with them if they're being sexually provocative in text early on. A guy can flirt via text without being physical about it. Be careful of those guys who use "teenage language" like "hot" or "sexy" in their early texts too. I know it seems harmless but that is kind of immature and suggestive. And, a dude that asks for pics continually after you've met the first time is probably thinking with the "other head".

 

And, again, I would completely blow off any guy that asks you to come his place within the first two-three dates; he is just looking to get into your pants. I would say that it's risky behavior to take a guy up on that kind of offer as some of them are flat-out predators.

 

You can thin the herd pretty quickly by just being analytical when it comes to the initial communication. And, by also establishing boundaries early. Any guy that's looking for sex will disappear in a hurry if you ask to meet in a public place during those first few dates. Hell, many of them won't even bother if you shoot them down on a "movie night".

 

And, I would also suggest being upfront about sex from the very start. Tell the guy that you're attracted to them (stroke the ego a bit) but make it clear that you want to move slowly. This will send dudes packing as well.

[HiCrunchy]

My dating expriance is this.

 

1989-age 18. PMc worked at my work at McDonalds. I was going to set her up with my buddy CP. It turned out that she had a thing for me. We went out for 4 months. I broke up with her because she kept being a nag and starting fights with me. She said I had to put up with her because she was imature. Even at that young age I had sense of self and walked away.

 

1990-age 19. Met TK in School. I needed some credits and it was a very strong connection. Lasted 6 months. Till this day. I have never had a connection like that. We were into the same music and got along great. I ended it, because the physical affection started slipping on her end.

 

1995- Age 24. Met CS at a Subway. Got her a job at my work. She was single, but still hung up on her BF. Went out for maybe 2 months before I put an end to it. I just said lets b friends as she was still hung up on the ex. I just let the whole relationship go. I was a bit depressed from that point. Never have been the same, as now I take love and dating serriously or I don't have the freewheeling side to me anymore.

 

1997. Age 26. DS. mild flirtation. I could have explored it more, but she said something to me to turn me off. Something like I can't believe I have been with my BF for 2 yrs and have not cheated on him. I walked after that.

 

2000 Age 29 TM. I was in a sport and one of the women I liked. We did our activity together. I found out that she was married. She took a liking to me. We got involved. I broke it off. It was one of the most toxic relationships I have ever had. She is the only one where there is no contact. Blocked her on FBook. She divorced her Ex and has been with several other guys. Thats one I would never go back to.

 

2003- age 32. NF- a frinds with benifit that I just slipped into because I was a bit flirtatious with her. Its more her into me. I cut it off after 3 months or so. I just did not want her as my GF.

 

2003- age 32. JO. She was in my buddhist chant group. I invited her to a Riverboat Funk cruise. She told me that night she had a crush on me. We lasted 4 months. Our head space was just to far apart.

 

2006-age 35. J. Met her though Lava Life date siite. We had good chemistry I thought. She said that she was looking for someone educated. Even though she was living at home and I was the one with the Car/Condo and full time job. That lasted 2 months from start to finish. I just let it go.

 

2012 age 41-DD. Me in June and broke up in Nov. She wanted kids. I have remained friends with her.

 

2013. Age 42. AK. She worked at a diner at my work. Went out and had a great Date. Never went anywhere.

 

2015. Age 44 T. Met her on E-harmony. Talked for month. Met in real life. She was separated. The Date was low key. Said in a E-mail a couple of days later. She did not think we had anything in common. I don't know what she think is the x factor. I thought it was very confusing for me that she is sparated in dating and that the Divorce had yet to be started. She had 2 kids. So I let it go.

 

2017. Age 46. No major prospects. I did look into two women. One from the gym that is 40, but she is married with one child. The other is married as well she is 31.

 

All in all there were some women inbetween. Those were the main ones that stuck out.

 

At 46. For me its tiring going out to date and set everything up. I am more letting the women come to me. I don't need to do this work and trying to disect everything. Sometimes I feel like Perhaps I should just let the women come to me and let things be chill on the romantic front.

 

Something seems off as it seems you have broken off every single relationship u have been in (some rightfully so since they were toxic).

Have you ever thought that u might have some sort of avoidant attachment that won’t let you solidify relationships for longer than a few months? Maybe it’s u?

[No_Go]

I rarely get sick, can go years without having so much as a cold. When I am in a relationship, it's one illness after the other, from food poising to flu.

 

Yes! I have the same reaction. I wonder if it is emotional thing or an immune response to their microflora, but when I'm in a relationship I get sick much more frequently.

 

Maybe for some of us, we just enjoy being alone too much? Even when I think back to my happiest relationship, I constantly looked forward to any alone time I could get. It was always a struggle of how to get that time without pissing the guy off. If I am seeing someone and have to spend weekends with him, I feel like I am cheated out of having any time off "work".

 

I rarely get sick, can go years without having so much as a cold. When I am in a relationship, it's one illness after the other, from food poising to flu. Even my body is rebelling against being in a relationship.

 

I just wish being single was more of a "norm". I have to deal with feeling like an outcast everywhere I go.

[hotpotato]

Trust me when I say that there are plenty of guys out there that aren't trying to get laid quickly. I work with three different guys who are dating consistently right now and only one of them is looking to hook up early on. And, he is also honest about it with women about it too; he tells them that he isn't looking for a committed relationship right on his profile.

 

I think this just comes down to paying attention to red-flags early on and recognizing those guys looking for sex early on. Just don't bother to set up a date with them if they're being sexually provocative in text early on. A guy can flirt via text without being physical about it. Be careful of those guys who use "teenage language" like "hot" or "sexy" in their early texts too. I know it seems harmless but that is kind of immature and suggestive. And, a dude that asks for pics continually after you've met the first time is probably thinking with the "other head".

 

And, again, I would completely blow off any guy that asks you to come his place within the first two-three dates; he is just looking to get into your pants. I would say that it's risky behavior to take a guy up on that kind of offer as some of them are flat-out predators.

 

You can thin the herd pretty quickly by just being analytical when it comes to the initial communication. And, by also establishing boundaries early. Any guy that's looking for sex will disappear in a hurry if you ask to meet in a public place during those first few dates. Hell, many of them won't even bother if you shoot them down on a "movie night".

 

And, I would also suggest being upfront about sex from the very start. Tell the guy that you're attracted to them (stroke the ego a bit) but make it clear that you want to move slowly. This will send dudes packing as well.

 

Ive met 3 guys over the past 12 years who didnt want sex right away-one is paralyzed from the chest down, one was celibate and really religious, and one was a guy i dated for a little bit.

 

They dont all leave if you say no. There are those who will linger for awhile and pretend they like you. Not every guy will automatically go away.

 

The problem with blowing off guys who ask for sex early is that more or less every man does this. Its very rare for a man not to.

 

Trying to figure out what guy wants sex, what guy wants commitment is basically a job. Its,easier to stay home and be single (and safe), to be honest.

[hotpotato]

I have this issue sometimes too. I require lots of alone time.

 

In my experience though... the person your with makes a huge difference.

 

 

 

There is nothing wrong in particular with tats, however I have seen studies and can verify personally, that women who have visible tattoos are seen as "easy sex". They did this study last year in France. They put a large fake tattoo on this woman and sent her to the beach. Then interviewed each man after he approached her. They did the same with the girl and no tattoo. They then showed a group of men pictures of women with and without tattoos.

 

The results are kind of amazing. Women with large visible tattoos are seen by the majority of men as more promiscuous, and more willing to accept forceful sexual advances. It did not matter if the man had tattoos himself, in fact that group was even more aggressive. Not that any of this applies to you.

 

Still, you have to be selecting for sexually aggressive men somehow. Maybe the other guys have traits that turn you off, like being indecisive? It would be fascinating to study!

 

Sounds like these guys should look up "cognitive biases." Just bc they imagine something, doesnt make it true.

 

I dont select them if they come up to me. It doesnt how i dress or how i act. They dont seem sexually aggressive in their pof profiles, when i did use pof. In fact, i stayed away from guys with overtly sexual profiles.

[Mysterio]

As far as me breaking things off. With the women in 1989/90. I was missing some credit in school and graduated when I was 20. I was way more concearnd about School than maintaining a GF.

 

I could be avoidant. I don't think so. Otherwise I would stay single and be happy about it.

 

I really think its more that I need a woman that is really into me and shows that to m from the get go. Lots of affection and conversation. I don't really need more than that.

 

I am not forcing myself on anyone. Friendship as well. Mind you I am a different person now.

[OatsAndHall]

 

The problem with blowing off guys who ask for sex early is that more or less every man does this. Its very rare for a man not to.

 

 

No.. This is a gross over-generalization and exaggeration. Yes, there are guys out there that are looking to get laid early but there are just as many that are perfectly willing to take it slowly.

 

I don't know what kind of approach you are taking to dating but you need to re-examine it if you've been running into these guys, every single date, for twelve years.

[Eternal Sunshine]

I rarely get sick, can go years without having so much as a cold. When I am in a relationship, it's one illness after the other, from food poising to flu.

 

Yes! I have the same reaction. I wonder if it is emotional thing or an immune response to their microflora, but when I'm in a relationship I get sick much more frequently.

 

Probably a bit of both. The ex that I lived with, he was the type that wanted to be together constantly. I never had space to be alone and we worked the same hours. I would often stay up late, after he falls a sleep just to get some space. That meant I was constantly sleep deprived (still had to get up early for work). Talking to him didn't help, he saw a relationship as "being together 24/7" and refused to consider anything else. Generally my experience with men was that I am expected to about 99% of the compromising or it doesn't work.

 

When that relationship ended, I felt like I have just been released from prison

[Cobra_X]

Probably a bit of both. The ex that I lived with, he was the type that wanted to be together constantly. I never had space to be alone and we worked the same hours. I would often stay up late, after he falls a sleep just to get some space. That meant I was constantly sleep deprived (still had to get up early for work). Talking to him didn't help, he saw a relationship as "being together 24/7" and refused to consider anything else. Generally my experience with men was that I am expected to about 99% of the compromising or it doesn't work.

When that relationship ended, I felt like I have just been released from prison

 

Holy Sh*t... that sounds like hell.

 

You know that love languages book? Some people need loads of time together to feel loved. I think that is incompatible with me. Probably you too.