What is the best method for finding out?

[preraph]

Check his credit card bill and see if he maybe flew her in. I will tell you that it is very common for guys on business trips to be partying and cheating. Lots of times, depending if they're the client someone is trying to get in good with, people will actually provide women. I would say it's fairly common. But check his credit cards bills.

[d0nnivain]

I think he's just some random woman he met who seemed fun in the moment. No cheating. Just send her a friend request. She'll probably bow out of both your lives.

[Cally1975]

Just to add to this. I hate to be over jealous etc. But about a year into our dating relationship he friended this girl he worked with. He was her boss so made it even more inappropriate. We both had our own houses but had keys to each others houses.

So one weekend when i was staying with him I went to his house to get his laundry done and clean the house for him I had used his laptop to do some work related things. Well, I noticed his e-mail was left open. I seen on the screen where he sent quite a few e-mails to himself. I clicked on one and it was a picture he sent to himself from a text. It was like 5 to 10 pictures this girl sent him. It wasn't nudes or anything. But one picture was provacative in a Halloween costume.

This really bothered me! So later that night when he was sleeping I snooped in his phone because I heard his phone go off at like 12 in the morning. It was her and she simply said Hi what you doing? Well, in snooping I seen he had been texting with her quite a bit. And sending pictures of himself to. Like out of the ordinary pictures, him in a stocking hat sticking his tongue out with his tongue ring in. He never wears a tongue ring as he was management.

I seen messages where they were going to meet up and hang out but it never happened. She was also in a relationship and was nervous about it.

I confronted him. He apologized and said he never did anything sexual. I told him regardless it's inappropriate. We worked past it and I did forgive him.

But as hard as we try and forgive and then forget. Well, I guess the forget is always there. So yes he has shown before in my heart that he is capable of possibly cheating. That was like 7 years ago when that happened.

[Cally1975]

Just an update...

I did confront him by phone as he is still away. I told him I seen on my news feed that he became friends with someone who was visiting the same town he is in. He said I am not friends with that person. He told me he had no idea what I was talking about. Then when i went and looked he wasn't any longer friends with her.

So I told him well sorry if that's jumping to conclusions. I seen on my feed that you became friends with someone traveling to your same location. Then seen where you searched for her using your phone. To have a husband traveling in a town where nobody knows you, drinking, and a hotel room at your finger tips it bothered me.

His response was......Nothing like that would happen. So I don't have to worry about that.

[d0nnivain]

He thought she was fun in the moment; then thought better of it in the light of day.

 

Do remain vigilant but power down for now.

[Steve51]

You would have hated being my wife. I spent about 90 days traveling on business 90% was overseas where I could cheat with confidence that my wife would never find out. Yet I did not. I travelled with women who wanted to have sex with me Wives who got lonely after two months overseas and drank too much. Instead I went to my room and called my wife every night. I traveled with women that were fun to hang out with without any problem.

 

These days it seems that friending someone on Facebook mean a lot. I friend anyone who asks. I have even friended old girlfriends and my ex fiancé. I would not think a married man would friend someone he is having sex with. They would just email or talk on the phone to make it more private.

 

In the absence of any other information, give him the benefit of the doubt. I have always felt that if you love someone, let them go. If they come back they are yours, if not, they were never yours to begin with. If he is going to cheat, whether your worry about it or not, it will happen. Friending someone is well below blowing a kiss on the sexual list.

Edited September 21, 2017 by Steve51

[Cally1975]

That is awesome you sound like a very stand up guy!!!

I am going to give the benefit of doubt but remain alert.

To me it was more of maybe a drunk moment in friending her. ( I know how hubby gets when drinking, not good) But then realized it after he woke up and deleted it.

I am hoping it was nothing more. The thing that's bothering me is how he lied right away. Saying I am not friends with that person. Yes, he was. And I have no idea who this person is. Well, how did you know her name to search her.

[Imajerk17]

You know, committed relationships became so. much. better. since the advent of Social Media. Said NO ONE EVER.

 

You were right to call your husband out on it OP. I am glad that he deleted her off of his FB in the meanwhile.

 

 

That is awesome you sound like a very stand up guy!!!

I am going to give the benefit of doubt but remain alert.

To me it was more of maybe a drunk moment in friending her. ( I know how hubby gets when drinking, not good) But then realized it after he woke up and deleted it.

I am hoping it was nothing more. The thing that's bothering me is how he lied right away. Saying I am not friends with that person. Yes, he was. And I have no idea who this person is. Well, how did you know her name to search her.

[Cally1975]

I have this gut feeling my husband isn't being faithful. Let me list some reasons...

1. He uses his debit card for EVERYTHING. Lately he pulls out cash. Like 300.00 last week. Plus uses his debit card for everything else. When asked why he pulls cash out and then uses debit card for everything he flipped out and refused to answer. Flat out refused. It seemed odd to me for a married man to have a spending budget of like 500.00 a week.

2. He guards his cell phone at all times. Bathroom, shower, sleeping it goes under his pillow. If he is in the middle of charging his phone and goes out to do yardwork he unplugs it and plugs it in the outside outlet in plain sight. If he is ever showing me something on his phone and I hold it to look closer he stands right over me

3. He changed all passwords to his phone, e-mail etc.

4. He travels out of town a lot this past 6 months and the phone calls home have been less.

5. He never seems to want to go do things together this past 6 months. It's like he just wants to stay home.

6. When asked why he seems so crabby all the time he says he is in a funk and don't know why.

 

My one and only thing I can get into is his facebook. He had signed into his from my phone before. Last week he was out of town at a company meeting for an over night trip. Some gut feeling told me to look at his facebook. I think because I knew he was drinking. Well, he was searching this girl's name. This girl lives 3 states over but was visiting the same town my husband was in that same night. I knew that from a post she made. Then I seen he became friend with her. I confronted him on it amd he denied it like I was crazy!! He said I am not friends with that person. I have no idea who that person is. I would never search for her I don't even know her.

He has done things before that has made me question his honesty with me. But he is VERY confrontational and denies everything or brushes it off like I am crazy.

How can you concretely find out proof? When he hides his phone. Won't answer financial questions. And makes you feel as if your crazy.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

Do you have access to the online banking? Debit purchases show up there...

 

Charging your phone on an outside outlet is a bit much. Never heard of doing that.

 

Guarding the phone is a really big red flag, as it suddenly taking out large amounts of cash. Could be an affair, gambling, or drugs....???

[Cally1975]

Do you have access to the online banking? Debit purchases show up there...

 

Charging your phone on an outside outlet is a bit much. Never heard of doing that.

 

Guarding the phone is a really big red flag, as it suddenly taking out large amounts of cash. Could be an affair, gambling, or drugs....???

 

Yes, we do get bank statements. He uses debit for food, gas, a trip to the store etc. So he uses it for everything. But then takes out 300.00 a week on top.of that. It just seems odd considering he works out of town all week until the weekend. He buys groceries for the week for dinner and eats lunch out daily. I was just curious why so much cash and then use debit for everything else.

Gambling could be a possibility as it has been in the past a few times.But there isn't any casinos where he is working.

Drugs I wouldn't suspect at all. He would lose his whole career and his work is known for random drug tests.

[whichwayisup]

Hire a PI. Then lay low and pretend all is good. Once you get information on him possibly cheating then confront him with evidence so he can't deny it.

[Marc878]

Check your phone bill and get a voice activated recorder. Minimal cost and you can Velcro it under the front seat of his car seat.

 

You got some red flags here.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

Yes, we do get bank statements. He uses debit for food, gas, a trip to the store etc. So he uses it for everything. But then takes out 300.00 a week on top.of that. It just seems odd considering he works out of town all week until the weekend. He buys groceries for the week for dinner and eats lunch out daily. I was just curious why so much cash and then use debit for everything else.

Gambling could be a possibility as it has been in the past a few times.But there isn't any casinos where he is working.

Drugs I wouldn't suspect at all. He would lose his whole career and his work is known for random drug tests.

 

Yeah, that cash is very suspect . And frankly, if you are sharing a banking account, you have ever right to question it.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

And makes you feel as if your crazy.

 

Oh, and P.S. Cheaters are very, very, very good at this. You are not crazy.

[Cally1975]

Check your phone bill and get a voice activated recorder. Minimal cost and you can Velcro it under the front seat of his car seat.

 

You got some red flags here.

 

The thing that really stinks is we changed to a no contract cell phone company. So there is no possible way that I know of to see his phone activity. I have never heard of a voice activated recorder. I will have to check into that.

[Cally1975]

Hire a PI. Then lay low and pretend all is good. Once you get information on him possibly cheating then confront him with evidence so he can't deny it.

 

I may have to do that. The hard thing will be finding one where he is working out of town. It's like 5 hours from home.

[Cally1975]

Oh, and P.S. Cheaters are very, very, very good at this. You are not crazy.

 

Yeah I am learning that. I think that's why my gut feeling is so strong. To tell me he never searched for that girl. He erased his searches and unfriended her after i confronted him.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

Yeah I am learning that. I think that's why my gut feeling is so strong. To tell me he never searched for that girl. He erased his searches and unfriended her after i confronted him.

 

Right. You are NOT imagining it. I can't tell you how many times my ex told me I didn't remember something correctly or he "never said that," etc. I literally just rolled my eyes thinking about it lol!

[40somethingGuy]

I have this gut feeling my husband isn't being faithful. Let me list some reasons...

1. He uses his debit card for EVERYTHING. Lately he pulls out cash. Like 300.00 last week. Plus uses his debit card for everything else. When asked why he pulls cash out and then uses debit card for everything he flipped out and refused to answer. Flat out refused. It seemed odd to me for a married man to have a spending budget of like 500.00 a week.

2. He guards his cell phone at all times. Bathroom, shower, sleeping it goes under his pillow. If he is in the middle of charging his phone and goes out to do yardwork he unplugs it and plugs it in the outside outlet in plain sight. If he is ever showing me something on his phone and I hold it to look closer he stands right over me

3. He changed all passwords to his phone, e-mail etc.

4. He travels out of town a lot this past 6 months and the phone calls home have been less.

5. He never seems to want to go do things together this past 6 months. It's like he just wants to stay home.

6. When asked why he seems so crabby all the time he says he is in a funk and don't know why.

 

My one and only thing I can get into is his facebook. He had signed into his from my phone before. Last week he was out of town at a company meeting for an over night trip. Some gut feeling told me to look at his facebook. I think because I knew he was drinking. Well, he was searching this girl's name. This girl lives 3 states over but was visiting the same town my husband was in that same night. I knew that from a post she made. Then I seen he became friend with her. I confronted him on it amd he denied it like I was crazy!! He said I am not friends with that person. I have no idea who that person is. I would never search for her I don't even know her.

He has done things before that has made me question his honesty with me. But he is VERY confrontational and denies everything or brushes it off like I am crazy.

How can you concretely find out proof? When he hides his phone. Won't answer financial questions. And makes you feel as if your crazy.

 

Go online and look at the phone records- voice and text. No one that isn't cheating has a death grip on their phone like that. He is at best in an EA and possibly a PA when that girl came to town. When my WW was in that mode I saw her open it from the other room when she didn't take note of where I was and opened it later on her when I had the chance. Don't be weak here. If you have to grab it when he is in the shower and run then do it. By the way, if you have to have a secret code on your phone then you are cheating. Period. If you gotta have it on you like a body part you are cheating. It never ever fails. He just doesn't think you can figure that out. The smoking gun is in the phone. All you need to do is look at the phone records and you will have your answer.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

Go online and look at the phone records- voice and text. No one that isn't cheating has a death grip on their phone like that. He is at best in an EA and possibly a PA when that girl came to town. When my WW was in that mode I saw her open it from the other room when she didn't take note of where I was and opened it later on her when I had the chance. Don't be weak here. If you have to grab it when he is in the shower and run then do it. By the way, if you have to have a secret code on your phone then you are cheating. Period. If you gotta have it on you like a body part you are cheating. It never ever fails. He just doesn't think you can figure that out. The smoking gun is in the phone. All you need to do is look at the phone records and you will have your answer.

 

False. I'm single, but I will always have a code on my phone since I have a banking app on my phone, my email always "open," etc. Yes, my bank app requires a pin, but I'm still extra cautious since personal info can be accessed on my phone.

[Marc878]

The thing that really stinks is we changed to a no contract cell phone company. So there is no possible way that I know of to see his phone activity. I have never heard of a voice activated recorder. I will have to check into that.

 

Best Buy, Walmart. Sony has a good dependable one. Get good batteries.

 

Look them up online. Read the operating instructions as some have a beep that you need to turn off, etc.

[40somethingGuy]

I may have to do that. The hard thing will be finding one where he is working out of town. It's like 5 hours from home.

 

Did he change to a no contract phone carrier? Really, all you have to do is tell him to open up and hand over his phone or you will divorce him and take him to the cleaner. If you are that important to him he will do that. Don't buy the 'privacy' BS. His conduct is not one where he gets that privilege.

[40somethingGuy]

False. I'm single, but I will always have a code on my phone since I have a banking app on my phone, my email always "open," etc. Yes, my bank app requires a pin, but I'm still ext

 

ra cautious since personal info can be accessed on my phone.

 

Secret code meaning you have to hide from your spouse. We all have codes on our phone but I know my spouses and she knows mine. I stand by what I said.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

Secret code meaning you have to hide from your spouse. We all have codes on our phone but I know my spouses and she knows mine. I stand by what I said.

 

Ah ok. Well, I will agree with that .