Why Does She Act Like This?

[d0nnivain]

Isn’t it possible that she is just doing this all for the attention? I mean why else wouldn’t she have given up by now. She also keeps pestering me to know if I live alone.

 

 

This is way too much effort if she just wanted attention. Attention is way easier to come by.

 

 

She's asking if you live alone to judge if there will an opportunity for privacy if you had invited her inside.

 

 

If you don't want to date her, stop engaging with her. If you do want to date her, invite her over already.

[mischalove]

Isn’t it possible that she is just doing this all for the attention? I mean why else wouldn’t she have given up by now. She also keeps pestering me to know if I live alone.

 

She is too good for you. She is upfront, you are a coward.

[rkc2]

This is way too much effort if she just wanted attention. Attention is way easier to come by.

 

 

She's asking if you live alone to judge if there will an opportunity for privacy if you had invited her inside.

 

 

If you don't want to date her, stop engaging with her. If you do want to date her, invite her over already.

 

Little update to the convo.

 

Me: I live at home with my parents. What are your couple of questions

Her: I want to move out but I also don’t believe in apartments because I don’t just wanna throw my money away. I want to maybe buy a duplex.

Me: Okay and this involves me how so?

Her: Well I was gonna ask you things if you said you lived alone. But you don’t so. It doesn’t.

Her: Also do you have any siblings?

Me: what things were you gonna ask me?

 

 

Is her moving out just an excuse? Why does she wanna know if I have siblings? I haven’t gotten a reply to my last text.

[Yosemite]

You come across as really paranoid in your posts OP. Why are you so reluctant to give out basic information about yourself? Are you a spy or something? How will it hurt your life if this girl knows that you live with your parents or have a sister/brother? She’s making conversation or trying to get to know you better. What’s the problem with that?

 

I think you two are a perfect fit for one another. Her pursuit of you is over the top and she doesn’t seem to mind when you’re rude and dismissive. You see no problem with hiding your emotions and letting her chase you. You’ll probably end up with three kids together.

[Sara1989]

Little update to the convo.

 

Me: I live at home with my parents. What are your couple of questions

Her: I want to move out but I also don’t believe in apartments because I don’t just wanna throw my money away. I want to maybe buy a duplex.

Me: Okay and this involves me how so?

Her: Well I was gonna ask you things if you said you lived alone. But you don’t so. It doesn’t.

Her: Also do you have any siblings?

Me: what things were you gonna ask me?

 

 

Is her moving out just an excuse? Why does she wanna know if I have siblings? I haven’t gotten a reply to my last text.

 

Serious question, do you have a learning disability?

[rkc2]

Serious question, do you have a learning disability?

 

No. Why do you ask that?

[rkc2]

Serious question, do you have a learning disability?

 

Anyone care to explain what this exactly means?

[rkc2]

So this is the latest update

 

Me: what are you doing Friday night

Her: uh not sure. Why what’s up

Me: let’s go to a game

Her: how about you come out with me and my friends

Me: where are you going?

Her: not sure yet. But would you be down?

 

If she was really interested in me, wouldn’t she just hang out with me one on one like past times? I’ve never met her friends before so it could be awkward. Especially if it’s just girls.

[act00]

Where you live, family structure, siblings, what you do for a living, childhood memories, past fun times in high school, where you grew up, other experiences...all of these are NORMAL questions in growing a relationship. So she asked if you have siblings. There is no ulterior motive here. It's simply her trying to get to KNOW you.

 

The appropriate answer would be, "I have 1 older sister. Do you have siblings?" (I'm an only child, whatever your sibling situation is). Conversation flows from there.

 

Frankly, I'm surprised she's still sniffing after you. "What does it matter?" "Far away from you?" Are you kidding??

 

You feel you're better than her, and thus your behavior. You can stomp on those who are insignificant, right? Toy with them? Bat them around? Make them WORK for their time with you and bask in your glow?

 

You start off by saying you want her under your tree. You become aloof, again, so when she asks you if you still want that, what do you do? You back off and make her take the lead...you tell me first what you want, and "what does it matter?" You created this situation of insecurity in her...fix it.

 

There's a reason she doesn't want to do one-on-one and is prioritizing her friends. She has no idea where your head is at, you've been mean and aloof, and maybe she's trying to keep you around to see what might transpire while not giving up her regular life because you are all over the place.

 

I wouldn't even be bothering with you anymore. Until you start exhibiting some genuine interest, which I doubt you will since you feel you are better than her, this is going to go nowhere.

[rkc2]

So we went as a large group to a football game yesterday. We tailgated for 4 hours and for the most part we kept our distance of each other. Once in a while we’d bump into each but we definitely were not all over each other. We did take a couple of pictures together. She did come stand next to me a couple times though.

 

Anyway we had seats by ourselves so we eventually branched off from the group and she had trouble finding me at first because I got a phone call that I had to take care of. Once she found me she acted annoyed with me which I asked her what was wrong and she said “I’m fine”. After a little while I finally got it out of her and said she said “it’s because nothing is ever gonna happen”. I assume she means between the two of us?

 

The game went smoothly. She swung her hip at me once to make bodily contact.

After the game, I drove her to her car and within 5 minutes of dropping her off I got a a text that read

 

Her: If you want to hangout later, maybe watch some Christmas movies or something. Let me know.

Me: I would but I’m honestly exhausted

Her: Okay. See you at work

Me: Nevermind. Let’s hang out

Her: I’m in bed lol. Wanna hangout tomorrow?

Her Tomorrow? Movies at home?

[Grey40]

So we went as a large group to a football game yesterday. We tailgated for 4 hours and for the most part we kept our distance of each other. Once in a while we’d bump into each but we definitely were not all over each other. We did take a couple of pictures together. She did come stand next to me a couple times though.

 

Anyway we had seats by ourselves so we eventually branched off from the group and she had trouble finding me at first because I got a phone call that I had to take care of. Once she found me she acted annoyed with me which I asked her what was wrong and she said “I’m fine”. After a little while I finally got it out of her and said she said “it’s because nothing is ever gonna happen”. I assume she means between the two of us?

 

The game went smoothly. She swung her hip at me once to make bodily contact.

After the game, I drove her to her car and within 5 minutes of dropping her off I got a a text that read

 

Her: If you want to hangout later, maybe watch some Christmas movies or something. Let me know.

Me: I would but I’m honestly exhausted

Her: Okay. See you at work

Me: Nevermind. Let’s hang out

Her: I’m in bed lol. Wanna hangout tomorrow?

Her Tomorrow? Movies at home?

 

Dude, can you really not see the signals? This girl basically told you straight up that she wants you. This is the most blatant and clear signals or signs a girl will ever give you. Do you like her? Do you want to hang out with her and hook up? If so, you are screwing up beyond belief man. You’re “honestly exhausted?” Come on man. No guy is too exhausted to hook up with a girl they’re super attracted to. Then even after you mess up she’s still willing to let you come over tomorrow. This girl is begging you to come over and bang her, just man up and do it already.

[LoverOfDance]

@grey40 Are you serious? I know that when men say come over, they're usually hoping for sex but when a woman says come over and hang out, you should not be going there expecting to get laid. You should be going there expecting to hang out.

 

Please don't expect that women and men think the same way. Listen to our words and watch our actions. Do not make assumptions.

[stillafool]

Anybody else have any input?

 

Yeah, it's starting to sound like sexual harassment. Leave her alone or if she continues go to HR.

[rkc2]

Dude, can you really not see the signals? This girl basically told you straight up that she wants you. This is the most blatant and clear signals or signs a girl will ever give you. Do you like her? Do you want to hang out with her and hook up? If so, you are screwing up beyond belief man. You’re “honestly exhausted?” Come on man. No guy is too exhausted to hook up with a girl they’re super attracted to. Then even after you mess up she’s still willing to let you come over tomorrow. This girl is begging you to come over and bang her, just man up and do it already.

 

I was pretty tired. I don’t just wanna bang her and that’s what I immediately thought of when she played the whole movie thing. She knows or at least I think she knows I’m not the type to just hook up with a girl. So why she is insisting on it is beyond me.

[ChatroomHero]

After reading most of the posts all I can say is if she is interested, I can't imagine her being into you much longer unless she has serious self esteem issues. Dating you seems like it would be on par with going to the dentist if the dentist was kind of an aloof jerk.

 

 

Like someone else said, from what you posted it does seem like maybe you think she is beneath you or you feel you can do better. Maybe that is why you are afraid show interest and actually do anything.

[rkc2]

After reading most of the posts all I can say is if she is interested, I can't imagine her being into you much longer unless she has serious self esteem issues. Dating you seems like it would be on par with going to the dentist if the dentist was kind of an aloof jerk.

 

 

Like someone else said, from what you posted it does seem like maybe you think she is beneath you or you feel you can do better. Maybe that is why you are afraid show interest and actually do anything.

 

That’s just how I am. I know a lot people in here probably have a very sour opinion of me considering how I have treated her up until this point but I am young and I don’t have that much LTR experience. Only 2 relationships that lasted 2 years each. I guess I have started to develop feelings for her and I just wanna take things slow.

[act00]

So we went as a large group to a football game yesterday. We tailgated for 4 hours and for the most part we kept our distance of each other. Once in a while we’d bump into each but we definitely were not all over each other. We did take a couple of pictures together. She did come stand next to me a couple times though.

 

Anyway we had seats by ourselves so we eventually branched off from the group and she had trouble finding me at first because I got a phone call that I had to take care of. Once she found me she acted annoyed with me which I asked her what was wrong and she said “I’m fine”. After a little while I finally got it out of her and said she said “it’s because nothing is ever gonna happen”. I assume she means between the two of us?

 

The game went smoothly. She swung her hip at me once to make bodily contact.

After the game, I drove her to her car and within 5 minutes of dropping her off I got a a text that read

 

Her: If you want to hangout later, maybe watch some Christmas movies or something. Let me know.

Me: I would but I’m honestly exhausted

Her: Okay. See you at work

Me: Nevermind. Let’s hang out

Her: I’m in bed lol. Wanna hangout tomorrow?

Her Tomorrow? Movies at home?

 

Are you serious?? Honestly, what the hell is your problem?! You're too tired? She expressed her frustration with you and "not going anywhere," she threw herself at you yet again, and you totally blew her off...yet again, and were cold towards her.

 

At this point I don't know which one I want to bop on the back of the head more, you or her. I don't know how much more "come hither" this girl can get, and it may not be a sex thing, but she really seems to want to know you more and have more with you...and you keep stomping all over her. Every step along the way, you push her back, and at this point, if you're into her, you have some hoops to jump through.

[ChatroomHero]

That’s just how I am. I know a lot people in here probably have a very sour opinion of me considering how I have treated her up until this point but I am young and I don’t have that much LTR experience. Only 2 relationships that lasted 2 years each. I guess I have started to develop feelings for her and I just wanna take things slow.

 

It's good you see what posters are saying they see I think. That way you can address it. Be direct and go for what you want. If you like her, treat her like someone you like, show interest and engage with her. Don't beg her for specific signals or clarification, have confidence that she has shown a lot of interest and ask for the sale so to speak. Be easy to talk to and be around, it's OK to show interest.

 

If you are on the fence or not sure you are interested, don't lead her on. It's about as simple as that. The way you seem to be handling it will come across poorly and drive her away eventually.

[Grey40]

I was pretty tired. I don’t just wanna bang her and that’s what I immediately thought of when she played the whole movie thing. She knows or at least I think she knows I’m not the type to just hook up with a girl. So why she is insisting on it is beyond me.

 

You didn't have to go over and bang, hook up or anything, but you could have at least went there and showed that you're interested. She's not necessarily inviting you over for sex, because girls don't always think that way...but girls know that inviting someone to their house is a hard thing for any guy to turn down, because the chances for physical escalation in that scenario are much higher than going somewhere in public. Most guys would jump at that opportunity.

 

You're asking whether she's interested and trust me, she's INSANELY interested. Girls don't just come out and be that straightforward unless they are really into you. You're basically showing not a single ounce of interest, you're lucky she's still even attempting at this point.

 

You're not taking things slow right now, you're not even taking it at ALL! Hang out with her one on one, get to know her for christ sakes.

 

And when you ask her out don't text "What are you up to on Friday?" Plan an actual activity, day and time and ask her if she wants to do that with you. Be specific, take action.

Edited December 19, 2017 by Grey40

[rkc2]

Since I turned her down regarding watching Xmas movies I invited her to go on a mini road trip last night with my friends and I. I did not have to do this but I figured I would include her because it’s the right thing to do. We sat next to each other and on the way there she posted a picture to Instagram of us together at the game with the caption “thankful for you”.

 

On the way back she rested her head on my Shoulder two separate times which I failed to do anything about except allow her to do.

 

After we got back and my friends and I were parting ways. She came up to my car and asked if I wanted to hangout. I told her I have to work in the morning (it was almost 11, I have to be up at 5:15am). She was clearly upset and annoyed by this so as she was walking away to her car I yelled to her that I wasn’t blowing her off. No response as she got into her car. I hope this might clear things up regarding how unrealistic she can be at times.

 

She also called me today and let it ring once before hanging up. Didn’t even have a chance to answer it. Highly doubt she accidentally called me either.

[LoverOfDance]

OP:

 

When I was with my bf, I stayed over at his place until 12am when I knew I had to be up at 3:30am to get ready for work. I liked him a lot and didn't care if I had to lose a few hours of sleep to be with him a little longer. I felt it was worth it. Just saying :-)

[act00]

OP:

 

When I was with my bf, I stayed over at his place until 12am when I knew I had to be up at 3:30am to get ready for work. I liked him a lot and didn't care if I had to lose a few hours of sleep to be with him a little longer. I felt it was worth it. Just saying :-)

 

Everyone does that from time to time, but this is not sustainable long-term, and I don't know that it's sustainable now. There's no way I would do it, but I also would not be going on a road trip that got me home at 11 or 12 at night with early work...not happening.

 

With this, maybe there's some disconnect going on in that the OP can do this "friends thing" until super late, but not a "girlfriend thing" until super late, and I can certainly understand feeling rather rejected. The OP is consistently pushing this young lady away, and he is definitely inconsistent.

 

Why oh why OP, when she put her head on your shoulder, didn't you put her arm around her or play with her hair or touch her? Encourage that bond and reciprocate in a small way?

[rkc2]

Can I text her and say. “ you’re more than welcome to rest your head on my shoulder anytime”? I feel like that would make her realize that I recognized it and like it. Or is that too corny and weird? I honestly didn’t even think about throwing my arm around her until I got home that night and replayed the whole night in my head. I’m really trying here or at least I think I am.

 

Or I could say I’m thankful for her as well because of the picture she posted

Edited December 20, 2017 by rkc2

[LoverOfDance]

OP:

 

I think you should text her. If I liked you, I wouldn't think it was weird. I'd be happy you did.

[rkc2]

I hung out Saturday night with her and her friends. When we got back I said goodbye to her, gave her a hug, and walked back to my car when she said “that’s it?” It was 3am and I wanted to go home. As I’m driving home I get a text that reads “kiss me” followed by “what’s the worst that could happen?” a few minutes later. I never responded except to make sure she got home safe.

She then texted me the following morning.

 

 

She wished me a merry christmas on Christmas morning and I actually left for vacation on Xmas day and she texted me telling me to let her know when I landed so she knew I was safe.

 

The thing that I left out regarding this whole ordeal is up until about 3 1/2 weeks ago she had a BF. Since she expressed interest in me I kept reminding her that she had one and that her pursuit or whatever you wanna call it of me was inapproiate. She agreed but claimed that she wasn’t sure how to break up with him. I think she felt like the only way I was gonna make a move is if she actually broke up with him? I’m not sure. This hopefully will clear up why I have been a douche towards her because the truth is I actually do like her but I see how she acted towards me when she had BF and I feel like she would probably do the same to me.