GoldenR Posted September 10, 2017 Share Posted September 10, 2017 I think you should focus your energy on busting your husband. You described common cheater behaviors in him. Bust him, divorce him and find someone worthy of your affection. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
1966Seahorse Posted September 10, 2017 Share Posted September 10, 2017 .... I seriously ... and I mean seriously ... suggest you look up one of the posters on LS called "Overtaxed" and read ALL of his threads and posts ... you will see EXACTLY what is going on here in your (potential) AP's head ... ... I really do hope you come to your senses. xxx 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author mickeyd Posted September 10, 2017 Author Share Posted September 10, 2017 And the self destruction begins (as well as the destruction of a second family).... You sound very immature. You shouldn't be married. An if you're hellbent on cheating, why not do it with a single guy? Plenty of them out there that love having a married gf... GoldenR I don't understand how I am self destructing. And also I am not destroying another family. He needs to take responsibility for his actions he is a grown adult. I am not responsible for his actions. Why make me feel guilty for his family? I know nothing of their situation. Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted September 10, 2017 Share Posted September 10, 2017 GoldenR I don't understand how I am self destructing. And also I am not destroying another family. He needs to take responsibility for his actions he is a grown adult. I am not responsible for his actions. Why make me feel guilty for his family? I know nothing of their situation. Does he have kids? Link to post Share on other sites
GoldenR Posted September 10, 2017 Share Posted September 10, 2017 GoldenR I don't understand how I am self destructing. And also I am not destroying another family. He needs to take responsibility for his actions he is a grown adult. I am not responsible for his actions. Why make me feel guilty for his family? I know nothing of their situation. Go thru the stories on here. Find me one story that's filled with rainbows and unicorns. It doesn't exist. You are responsible for you making the decision to have sex with a married man. You can shut him down. In fact, I'll throw out a challenge.... You think this guy is so special, then why not shut him down completely and firmly. And watch how quickly he'll move on to his next target. You're just another sexual conquest to him. That's it. And if you actually go thru with it, and this is the time that he gets found out by his W, resulting in a broken family, then yes, you are just as responsible for his family breaking up as he is. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
pumpkinpie1 Posted September 10, 2017 Share Posted September 10, 2017 GoldenR I don't understand how I am self destructing. And also I am not destroying another family. He needs to take responsibility for his actions he is a grown adult. I am not responsible for his actions. Why make me feel guilty for his family? I know nothing of their situation. This is cheater speak 101 here and it's exactly what I told myself when my affair was beginning. You are rationalizing this because you're angry at your husband. Yes, you will be HELPING him to destroy his own family, along with yours, if you engage in an affair with him. You absolutely SHOULD feel guilty for helping to destroy another family. It's basic human decency. Do unto others.. I have not shared my own OW story yet but I can barely live with myself thinking about the fact that I have helped someone destroy another person. I met with his wife face to face. When you watch someone fall apart in front of you as a result of something you participated in, it's really difficult not to feel guilty about it. I am disgusted by myself. I can barely look in the mirror. When I actually can sleep, all I see is the devastated look on her face. You are clearly very angry at your husband but you don't need to participate in the destruction of another family to get back at him. As another poster said, why not focus on busting him for his own affair if he's having one? Or work on your marriage? Or just file for divorce? Then you can find a nice, SINGLE man who loves you and treats you as you deserve to be treated. If your best friends husband was cheating on her..would you befriend the OW? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted September 10, 2017 Share Posted September 10, 2017 Please read my previous posts. My husband is the selfish one - he pays me no attention, secretly texts and spends no time with his kids. My kids and I have a wonderful relationship. However, I have put them first for the past 7 years. I need something in my life too right? Daddy is NOT a good role model to our kids and I have been the devoted wife putting up with s**t long enough. He should of paid more attention to me and appreciated me. Then you start divorce proceedings, prepare for being a single mother and making sure your children are taken care of and are the priority. You don't meet selfishness and immaturity with like behavior. All that does is put you in the same "category" as he is in. If it were me, I would want to be on the high-road. He's not thinking about his family, his children. You need to counter that by being a stable influence and source of support for your children. Let me tell you this, if you engage in a cheating scenario and it comes to divorce, you want to be the one in the partnership who has demonstrated that you are the more focused and stable partner so that the court system will find you to be the more suitable custody parent . . . if you demonstrate the same kind of behavior as your husband, you are both at risk of child protective services ursurping your rights. That is not a risk I would want to take! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
2much4 Posted September 10, 2017 Share Posted September 10, 2017 I suggest you read through some of the stories in the OW/infidelity section. Take a few days to do this. Let it sink in. Then ask yourself if you really want to put yourself through this, or if you actually value your own happiness. You mentionned you have a good relationship with your kids. Don't screw it up. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author mickeyd Posted September 10, 2017 Author Share Posted September 10, 2017 Does he have kids? Yes he has - 2. Link to post Share on other sites
Author mickeyd Posted September 10, 2017 Author Share Posted September 10, 2017 Go thru the stories on here. Find me one story that's filled with rainbows and unicorns. It doesn't exist. You are responsible for you making the decision to have sex with a married man. You can shut him down. In fact, I'll throw out a challenge.... You think this guy is so special, then why not shut him down completely and firmly. And watch how quickly he'll move on to his next target. You're just another sexual conquest to him. That's it. And if you actually go thru with it, and this is the time that he gets found out by his W, resulting in a broken family, then yes, you are just as responsible for his family breaking up as he is. GoldenR how do I shut him down? He's my boss. Right now he is giving me good feedback on my work - and yes I actually work hard and do a good job. What happens to that if I reject him? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
GoldenR Posted September 10, 2017 Share Posted September 10, 2017 GoldenR how do I shut him down? He's my boss. Right now he is giving me good feedback on my work - and yes I actually work hard and do a good job. What happens to that if I reject him? This is.....wow.... So to get good feedback on your job, you have to be open to heavy flirting and touching? And then what? It escalates and you have to be open to groping, making out? And then what, sex? If you're telling me that you have to accept and then reciprocate your boss's sexual advances in order to be a favored employee, then I'll tell you that you need to look for another job. Link to post Share on other sites
SerenaAnna Posted September 10, 2017 Share Posted September 10, 2017 You mentioned that you found your boss attractive from the interview? Why on earth did you take the job?! You need to leave that company ASAP. In the meantime if your boss is only giving you positive feedback because you allow the flirting, etc then you need to report it to HR immediately. I have a friend who was in a very similar situation. She had an affair with her married boss and they are both now divorced and made a mess of their lives. People used to look up to her, but not anymore. Her reputation is ruined and the guilt she carries is overwhelming. All because of a little bit of "innocent" flirting. Well there's nothing innocent about it. It's downright dangerous. You play with fire until it burns out of control. First, stop accepting this behavior from your boss and stop reciprocating it! Second, try to save your marriage. If that's not possible, get divorced, always put your kids first, spend some time alone to improve yourself, THEN start dating, SINGLE MEN ONLY! This sort of situation really upsets me because I see how it destroyed my friend, her ex, and their families and friends. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
pumpkinpie1 Posted September 11, 2017 Share Posted September 11, 2017 GoldenR how do I shut him down? He's my boss. Right now he is giving me good feedback on my work - and yes I actually work hard and do a good job. What happens to that if I reject him? So..your feedback at work should be based on whether or not you bang your boss? Are you afraid that your feedback will be bad if you don't sleep with him? Are you really that bad at your job? If that's the case, this job is clearly not right for you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted September 11, 2017 Share Posted September 11, 2017 GoldenR how do I shut him down? He's my boss. Right now he is giving me good feedback on my work - and yes I actually work hard and do a good job. What happens to that if I reject him? Well, hopefully nothing would change. And if it does, have you heard of sexual harassment laws? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
DKT3 Posted September 11, 2017 Share Posted September 11, 2017 This is.....wow.... So to get good feedback on your job, you have to be open to heavy flirting and touching? And then what? It escalates and you have to be open to groping, making out? And then what, sex? If you're telling me that you have to accept and then reciprocate your boss's sexual advances in order to be a favored employee, then I'll tell you that you need to look for another job. I don't buy it..it seems OP will blame anything to deflect personal responsibility. As mentioned, she found him attractive right away and likely acted accordingly. Link to post Share on other sites
Author mickeyd Posted September 11, 2017 Author Share Posted September 11, 2017 I don't buy it..it seems OP will blame anything to deflect personal responsibility. As mentioned, she found him attractive right away and likely acted accordingly. I'm not deflecting responsibility. Besides I find many men attractive but I've never acted on it. That's got nothing to do with it. Link to post Share on other sites
usa1ah Posted September 11, 2017 Share Posted September 11, 2017 Sorry I don't understand your acronyms! OM, EA, PA? Also, he is the one touching me yet you say I allowed him to touch me? What am Supposed to do? This also has nothing to do with my children I keep them well away from my work life. But thank you for the advice. Also, I don't get how people just assume he is only after sex?? Am I that naive? Yes you are that naive. What do you think is going through his mind when you allow him to touch you. She is easier then I thought. I wonder how many others she cheated with. How long did it take them to get her pants off. These and many other thoughts. None of which are flattering to you. Link to post Share on other sites
usa1ah Posted September 11, 2017 Share Posted September 11, 2017 It's not my fault if my boss is the way he is. He is the one that started this. Like I've said previously I've had coworkers in the past try and hit on me. I just haven't responded to them.... this time is different. So you are willing to destroy another family to scratch your itch? You are a piece of work. Just because you are unhappy in your marriage you are willing to destroy another wife's marriage. Divorce your husband and find a single guy. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
usa1ah Posted September 11, 2017 Share Posted September 11, 2017 Please read my previous posts. My husband is the selfish one - he pays me no attention, secretly texts and spends no time with his kids. My kids and I have a wonderful relationship. However, I have put them first for the past 7 years. I need something in my life too right? Daddy is NOT a good role model to our kids and I have been the devoted wife putting up with s**t long enough. He should of paid more attention to me and appreciated me. I can understand why your husband acts the way he does by this post. He has had to put up with knowing you don't give a damn about him for 7 years. Link to post Share on other sites
usa1ah Posted September 11, 2017 Share Posted September 11, 2017 GoldenR how do I shut him down? He's my boss. Right now he is giving me good feedback on my work - and yes I actually work hard and do a good job. What happens to that if I reject him? You keep yourself respect for starters. Do you really want your good reviews to be because of a possible fling with you? Just say you are starting to get uncomfortable with the touching. Link to post Share on other sites
Author mickeyd Posted September 11, 2017 Author Share Posted September 11, 2017 I can understand why your husband acts the way he does by this post. He has had to put up with knowing you don't give a damn about him for 7 years. Just because I put my kids first does not mean I don't give a damn about my husband! He should be happy that I am such a good mother but no, all he has cared about is himself. Link to post Share on other sites
Author mickeyd Posted September 11, 2017 Author Share Posted September 11, 2017 Ok so I went to work today and he touched me twice on the shoulder. I didn't know what to do. I still don't know whether he is just being friendly and if I say something I will just look stupid? Do you think he is escalating things? Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted September 11, 2017 Share Posted September 11, 2017 Ok so I went to work today and he touched me twice on the shoulder. I didn't know what to do. I still don't know whether he is just being friendly and if I say something I will just look stupid? Do you think he is escalating things? Impossible to say. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
knabe Posted September 11, 2017 Share Posted September 11, 2017 I asked on page one about your character. Have you thought about the kind of person you want to be? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
road Posted September 11, 2017 Share Posted September 11, 2017 GoldenR I don't understand how I am self destructing. And also I am not destroying another family. He needs to take responsibility for his actions he is a grown adult. I am not responsible for his actions. Why make me feel guilty for his family? I know nothing of their situation. You are in a get away car, behind the wheel Your partner is in the bank, it's a hold up He shoots an kills a person committing the crime You and him both get convicted of not just the bank robbery You both also get convicted of the second charge of murder. Why? You assisted in the crime Your logic is so child like, uneducated, immature, immoral, in other words so wrong, so bad, so defective. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts