Crush on married boss and think the feeling is mutual

[road]

Sorry I don't understand your acronyms! OM, EA, PA?

Also, he is the one touching me yet you say I allowed him to touch me? What am

Supposed to do? This also has nothing to do with my children

I keep them well away from my work life.

But thank you for the advice. Also, I don't get how people

just assume he is only after sex?? Am I that naive?

 

OM other man AKA AP affair partner

 

Emotional Affair

 

Physical Affair

 

You have allowed him to touch you, and

 

You have allowed the touching to escalate

 

Report the boss to human resources, HR for

sexual harassment

 

You not shutting down the OM is you allowing

the OM to continually escalate this PA until

he has you in bed

 

Your affair discovered by your BH, and

 

Your BH filing for divorce, and

 

You ask how is my affair going to affect

my kids

 

You're unbelievable when you deny any

wrong doing or that the OM is trying to nail

you

 

You must live in Egypt, the land of DENIAL

[mickeyd]

OM other man AKA AP affair partner

 

Emotional Affair

 

Physical Affair

 

You have allowed him to touch you, and

 

You have allowed the touching to escalate

 

Report the boss to human resources, HR for

sexual harassment

 

You not shutting down the OM is you allowing

the OM to continually escalate this PA until

he has you in bed

 

Your affair discovered by your BH, and

 

Your BH filing for divorce, and

 

You ask how is my affair going to affect

my kids

 

You're unbelievable when you deny any

wrong doing or that the OM is trying to nail

you

 

You must live in Egypt, the land of DENIAL

 

I am actually not denying anything. That's why I posted originally.

I wasn't sure if he was just being "friendly" or if this is something

men do in the workplace to get you in bed. Obviously from people's

comments it's the latter. I really don't know what to do to stop

it now. I honestly don't want to get anyone in trouble.

[Zahara]

Sorry I don't understand your acronyms! OM, EA, PA?

Also, he is the one touching me yet you say I allowed him to touch me? What am

Supposed to do? This also has nothing to do with my children

I keep them well away from my work life.

But thank you for the advice. Also, I don't get how people

just assume he is only after sex?? Am I that naive?

 

You are an adult. You should be setting a boundary. If another male colleague that you weren't attracted to started touching you, I'd bet you'd speak up. The reason why you chose not to with this one is because you like the attention. So don't play the helpless card.

 

He's a predator. He's grooming you. He's seeing how far he can go with you. And since you've shown him that you're receptive to his advances and attention, he will slowly take it a step further because he knows you have poor boundaries. That in itself has already shown him that you're weak and can be easily manipulated. He knows you're an easy target.

 

You're incredible short sighted and in some regard selfish to think that entangling yourself with another man will have no bearing on your children. Read my initial post on this thread. These things never end well. I've been on LS long enough to see the pain of the aftermath.

 

You're giddy from the attention. That's all going to be very short lived. Once you get entangled, the pain of getting out will be too much and the guilt of hurting your family will eat at you. It's not worth it. Cheating is never a solution to fixing an unhappy marriage.

Edited September 9, 2017 by Zahara

[GoldenR]

I think it's obvious to all of us where this EA is headed (yes, OP, you are actively in an EA).

 

You say that your children come first no matter what. But once the non-stop texting starts, the sneaking off to the other room or into the locked bathroom to text your OM starts, I want you to remember what you said about your kids. Once you're sneaking around town, "staying late at work" , going out of town supposedly for work, once all this starts, and based on the tone of your posts, this is exactly where you're headed, I want you to ask yourself if you're still putting your kids first. You'll try to rationalize it that you're still a good mom, you still love your kids more than anything, but deep down you will know, that this affair is taking so much time away from them. And they will notice it too. They'll start detaching from you and bonding more with your H. This will anger you, you'll want to know why your kids are turning on you. And again, deep down, you will know why. But you won't stop. You won't. Not until your family is destroyed. And maybe not even then, bc you should have a right to make yourself happy, to do something for you for once, right?

 

When all of this is happening, I want you to remember telling us here that you always put your kids first. And then ask yourself if that's still true.

Edited September 9, 2017 by GoldenR

[mickeyd]

I think it's obvious to all of us where this EA is headed (yes, OP, you are actively in an EA).

 

You say that your children come first no matter what. But once the non-stop texting starts, the sneaking off to the other room or into the locked bathroom to text your OM starts, I want you to remember what you said about your kids. Once you're sneaking around town, "staying late at work" , going out of town supposedly for work, once all this starts, and based on the tone of your posts, this is exactly where you're headed, I want you to ask yourself if you're still putting your kids first. You'll try to rationalize it that you're still a good mom, you still love your kids more than anything, but deep down you will know, that this affair is taking so much time away from them. And they will notice it too. They'll start detaching from you and bonding more with your H. This will anger you, you'll want to know why your kids are turning on you. And again, deep down, you will know why. But you won't stop. You won't. Not until your family is destroyed. And maybe not even then, bc you should have a right to make yourself happy, to do something for you for once, right?

 

When all of this is happening, I want you to remember telling us here that you always put your kids first. And then ask yourself if that's still true.

 

Ok just to get some things straight. My husband pays me no attention, works late and secretly texts - I wouldn't be surprised if he is having an affair. He is emotionally detached, spends no time with his kids and only thinks about himself. I do everything for my kids and have a very close relationship with them - they are my priority. But yeah you are right - I think I have a right to make myself happy for once. Yeah I get it my boss may just want sex but who says I wanted anything more? And I do feel bad for his wife but that's his decision right? I hear a lot of double standards from your responses on this.

[smackie9]

Ok just to get some things straight. My husband pays me no attention, works late and secretly texts - I wouldn't be surprised if he is having an affair. He is emotionally detached, spends no time with his kids and only thinks about himself. I do everything for my kids and have a very close relationship with them - they are my priority. But yeah you are right - I think I have a right to make myself happy for once. Yeah I get it my boss may just want sex but who says I wanted anything more? And I do feel bad for his wife but that's his decision right? I hear a lot of double standards from your responses on this.

OK so why not have a serious conversation with your husband about the sorry state of your marriage and suggest you both stay together for the kids sake but have an open marriage. I know plenty of people who chose this type of arrangement. This would solve all your problems. Just set some ground rules and have at'er.

 

Oh and believe me, your kids know something is wrong with your marriage...if you two get divorced it won't be a surprise to them.

Edited September 9, 2017 by smackie9

[GoldenR]

And the self destruction begins (as well as the destruction of a second family)....

 

You sound very immature. You shouldn't be married. An if you're hellbent on cheating, why not do it with a single guy? Plenty of them out there that love having a married gf...

[GoldenR]

If your H spends no time with the kids, and you pretty much plan on doing the same, where does that leave the kids?

Edited September 9, 2017 by GoldenR

[mickeyd]

And the self destruction begins (as well as the destruction of a second family)....

 

You sound very immature. You shouldn't be married. An if you're hellbent on cheating, why not do it with a single guy? Plenty of them out there that love having a married gf...

 

It's not my fault if my boss is the way he is. He is the one that started this. Like I've said previously I've had coworkers in the past try and hit on me. I just haven't responded to them.... this time is different.

[mickeyd]

If your H spends no time with the kids, and you pretty much plan on doing the same, where does that leave the kids?

 

I work part time. I spend plenty of time with them and that won't change

[DKT3]

Like I said before, she isn't hearing anything... nothing we can do here. This woman is so delusional she doesn't see how this will impact her kid..

 

Good luck with your affair, I'm sure it will end so wonderfully blessed.

[GoldenR]

I work part time. I spend plenty of time with them and that won't change

 

Unless you're planning on bringing them with you on your meet ups, it'll change.

[mickeyd]

Thanks everyone for your replies. I don't understand why you are all so harsh on me. My situation may not be more than just flirting and that doesn't bother me. I am not desperate for him and even if anything happens I don't know what I would do - just depends on how I am feeling at the time. Anyway, we are having team drinks after work this week so I will try and keep my distance from him.

[GoldenR]

No one is trying to be harsh. But do you know how many times ppl have started threads on here with almost three exact same subject as you. And then they act on their feelings and cheat, and then regret it so much? Many of them wind up losing everything: husband, family,job, house, car. The results of an A are never positive, they're always devastating.

[pumpkinpie1]

Thanks everyone for your replies. I don't understand why you are all so harsh on me. My situation may not be more than just flirting and that doesn't bother me. I am not desperate for him and even if anything happens I don't know what I would do - just depends on how I am feeling at the time. Anyway, we are having team drinks after work this week so I will try and keep my distance from him.

 

People are being harsh on you because you seem way too open to having an affair with your married boss, which being married yourself..

 

If you move forward with this you will ruin multiple lives. Including your own. Pull your head out of your butt.

 

I just got out of an affair and it has ruined my life. Please get yourself out of this mindset ASAP.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

He's your boss, so that is where any discussion of a relationship, illicit or not, ends. Period. You sound like an otherwise smart woman, so use your brain .

[BruceWayne21]

I have a crush on my married boss and think the feeling is mutual. I too am married and we both have children. I have only been working with him for 3 months now. I work part time and at least once a fortnight he wants me to work late with him. He winks at me, at first he used to touch my arm now he is touching my shoulder. He is extremely nice to me and never gets upset. Every time we have meetings together he gets really close to me and several times his leg has touched mine - not sure if it is on purpose. Is he flirting with me? What do I make of the situation?

 

Strange, I didn't see you asking when you should inform your husband you are into another man. Why not? Is the most important thing here whether or not some dingus is flirting with you? Just get a divorce now, your hubby deserves better and you deserve exactly the type of man who would be married and behave this way.

 

Enjoy each other, no doubt your children also will not care about you two timing daddy, this is about you

[mickeyd]

Strange, I didn't see you asking when you should inform your husband you are into another man. Why not? Is the most important thing here whether or not some dingus is flirting with you? Just get a divorce now, your hubby deserves better and you deserve exactly the type of man who would be married and behave this way.

 

Enjoy each other, no doubt your children also will not care about you two timing daddy, this is about you

 

Please read my previous posts. My husband is the selfish one - he pays me no attention, secretly texts and spends no time with his kids. My kids and I have a wonderful relationship. However, I have put them first for the past 7 years. I need something in my life too right? Daddy is NOT a good role model to our kids and I have been the devoted wife putting up with s**t long enough. He should of paid more attention to me and appreciated me.

[DKT3]

Please read my previous posts. My husband is the selfish one - he pays me no attention, secretly texts and spends no time with his kids. My kids and I have a wonderful relationship. However, I have put them first for the past 7 years. I need something in my life too right? Daddy is NOT a good role model to our kids and I have been the devoted wife putting up with s**t long enough. He should of paid more attention to me and appreciated me.

 

So, the logical answer is to involve another man, who is clearly no better than your husband since he is willing to mess around with you, being a MARRIED woman.

 

Listen, your not some high school girl. You are an adult with adult responsibilities. The mature way to handle this is inform your husband of your issues within the marriage and him. Commit to fixing them, if the two of you are unable or unwilling then you end the Marriage.

 

Screwing around with a married man only complicates things.

 

My guess from experience is that you are not the awesome wife and mother you believe yourself to be. If you were, you wouldn't be entertaining this at all.

[pumpkinpie1]

Please read my previous posts. My husband is the selfish one - he pays me no attention, secretly texts and spends no time with his kids. My kids and I have a wonderful relationship. However, I have put them first for the past 7 years. I need something in my life too right? Daddy is NOT a good role model to our kids and I have been the devoted wife putting up with s**t long enough. He should of paid more attention to me and appreciated me.

 

But why take your anger out on someone else's wife? Why not either work on your marriage or divorce your neglectful husband instead of deliberately helping someone to hurt an innocent third party? If your husband is a bad father then why do you continue to expose your children to him?

 

Misery loves company, yes..but is it truly necessary for you to participate in making his wife miserable just because you are miserable?

 

I am in no position to judge..I recently exited an affair of my own. And my thought process was very similar to yours. All I can say is..it didn't help me feel better. I feel disgusted by my actions, and I am much more miserable than I was before. I am honestly trying to figure out why I am still alive at this point.

 

Please use me as a cautionary tale. Please. Don't make my mistakes.

 

What would you tell your children if they were in an unhappy marriage? Would you encourage them to have a clandestine affair behind their spouses back? Is that something that would make you proud of them?

 

Would you be proud of yourself for cheating? Is that the example you want to set for your kids?

Edited September 10, 2017 by pumpkinpie1

[pumpkinpie1]

Please read my previous posts. My husband is the selfish one - he pays me no attention, secretly texts and spends no time with his kids. My kids and I have a wonderful relationship. However, I have put them first for the past 7 years. I need something in my life too right? Daddy is NOT a good role model to our kids and I have been the devoted wife putting up with s**t long enough. He should of paid more attention to me and appreciated me.

 

Double post, sorry.

 

Mickey, EVERYTHING about an affair is selfish, from ALL angles. Just because your husband is selfish doesn't mean you can't ALSO be selfish. Two wrongs do not make a right. Your husband may suck, but don't let him turn you into a cheater. Don't let HIS bad behavior convince you to compromise YOUR morals. You can still do the RIGHT thing.

 

I am seriously contemplating suicide as a result of my affair. That alone should tell you a lot about how horrible they are.

[mickeyd]

Double post, sorry.

 

Mickey, EVERYTHING about an affair is selfish, from ALL angles. Just because your husband is selfish doesn't mean you can't ALSO be selfish. Two wrongs do not make a right. Your husband may suck, but don't let him turn you into a cheater. Don't let HIS bad behavior convince you to compromise YOUR morals. You can still do the RIGHT thing.

 

I am seriously contemplating suicide as a result of my affair. That alone should tell you a lot about how horrible they are.

 

Thanks pumpkinpie. I am sorry to hear that. This is not something I would ever have thought of doing. I usually think with my head and do the right thing but this guy is making me crazy.

[mickeyd]

Like I said before, she isn't hearing anything... nothing we can do here. This woman is so delusional she doesn't see how this will impact her kid..

 

Good luck with your affair, I'm sure it will end so wonderfully blessed.

 

There is actually no affair. It is only flirting at this stage. I am confused don't know what I am doing.

[road]

Please read my previous posts. My husband is the selfish one - he pays me no attention, secretly texts and spends no time with his kids. My kids and I have a wonderful relationship. However, I have put them first for the past 7 years. I need something in my life too right? Daddy is NOT a good role model to our kids and I have been the devoted wife putting up with s**t long enough. He should of paid more attention to me and appreciated me.

 

Please read

 

AND

 

Comprehend our posts for there is no justification

for an affair.

 

Not even a bad marriage.

 

Nothing, no way, no how, no where, zero.

 

You would be better served asking how to make

your marriage better. After a real attempt and

you are not happy then divorce your BH.

 

As to being a ROLE MODEL. A WW banging her

OM is a great role model?

 

According to you this is the way to be for a role

model. Great way to teach your kids how to have

healthy relationships.

[road]

There is actually no affair. It is only flirting at this stage. I am confused don't know what I am doing.

 

Just flirting?

 

Do you not remember telling how the talk is

getting more intimate, how the physical touching

is getting more intimate?

 

Time to have the talk with your BH.

 

Tell him how his neglect has made you start to

think about divorce and having an affair. That

you do not want these things. Do you BH?

Then we have to both make changes on how to

recover our marriage.

 

First step is for you to leave your job.