My girlfriend breaks up with me all the time!

[Buriall]

Same thing happened to me about 3 or 4 times breaking up and getting back together...Now i know where all these little fights came from, she made me believe i was the cause just to break up with me to try out a possible other guy, which i found out later i took her back with open arms even than i thought i could make this work..

 

She started putting me down, calling me ridiculous pet names and i asked her to stop she turned it around and said "i dont like the tone of your voice" i got in defensive mode..Now i understand how it all works with this type of person.

 

I find out she has sexual feelings towards this male friend of hers, so i sit her down and try to talk to her..if thats the case let me go im fine with breaking up,told her id rather be slapped with truth then kissed with a lie. Told her im not putting you in a situation where you pick him or me. Didnt give her ultimatium. Out of nowhere with rage she said "IF I WERE TO PICK HIM OR YOU ID PICK HIM" stupid me i shouldve got up and leave right there and than.

 

She discarded me like a piece of garbage and i meant nothing to her..Its been a 1.5 months of hell for me..But i see her true colours now, shes evil i feel sorry formyself..

[Buriall]

Same thing happened to me about 3 or 4 times breaking up and getting back together...Now i know where all these little fights came from, she made me believe i was the cause just to break up with me to try out a possible other guy, which i found out later i took her back with open arms even than i thought i could make this work..

 

She started putting me down, calling me ridiculous pet names and i asked her to stop she turned it around and said "i dont like the tone of your voice" i got in defensive mode..Now i understand how it all works with this type of person.

 

I find out she has sexual feelings towards this male friend of hers, so i sit her down and try to talk to her..if thats the case let me go im fine with breaking up,told her id rather be slapped with truth then kissed with a lie. Told her im not putting you in a situation where you pick him or me. Didnt give her ultimatium. Out of nowhere with rage she said "IF I WERE TO PICK HIM OR YOU ID PICK HIM" stupid me i shouldve got up and leave right there and than.

 

She discarded me like a piece of garbage and i meant nothing to her..Its been a 1.5 months of hell for me..But i see her true colours now, shes evil i feel sorry formyself..

 

 

 

I also find out she has chliymidia, she never told me about this..I find out she's literally stalking this one guy on fb literally everyday, i confronted her all she said " i dont know why i looked him up" "he doesn't even live in the same city with us" " i could remove him if you want" she said i said no i believe you..what a fool am i

 

I wonder what else is there that i do not know..it ****ing suckssss

[Jchav123]

I wonder what else is there that i do not know..it ****ing suckssss

 

I learned a long time ago with a BPD relationship, more and more information almost always makes you feel worse and worse.

 

Example 1:

The more I pressed her to open up the more dramatic things got. Almost always negative things that I was or was not doing. No matter what I was always at fault and responsible for ALL of her emotions. I had never been treated like that before.

 

Example 2:

I made the mistake of going through my ex's phone while she was sleeping over at my place one night. **** move I know but I KNEW she was lying to me about something. turned out she was doing sugar baby crap on the side like selling her time and body making extra cash while we were broken up. I should have just never talked to her again but confronted her and got her to stop.

 

Example 3:

I ended up getting back together with her then like an ******* I suspected at some point she was lying to me again, again I got into her phone since her passwords are so easy to guess and found out she slept with 2 guys within a week of each other after like 3 weeks of us being back together. I tossed her out into the rain that night and...again took her back a month later.

 

Example 4:

Then I got super paranoid and started tracking her car via GPS. I needed to know every where she was at all times. If she was on the phone saying she was going to the store I would know if she was lying. Sometimes she was. I had to step back and take a hard look at myself after that. The GPS thing ended up getting lost on the road somewhere about a month after I started and I didn't bother anymore. I got so obsessed and fell into a deep dark place for a while.

 

Probably the most unhealthy mental state I have ever been in. In these situations knowledge is dangerous.

[zi11]

I learned a long time ago with a BPD relationship, more and more information almost always makes you feel worse and worse.

 

Example 1:

The more I pressed her to open up the more dramatic things got. Almost always negative things that I was or was not doing. No matter what I was always at fault and responsible for ALL of her emotions. I had never been treated like that before.

 

Example 2:

I made the mistake of going through my ex's phone while she was sleeping over at my place one night. **** move I know but I KNEW she was lying to me about something. turned out she was doing sugar baby crap on the side like selling her time and body making extra cash while we were broken up. I should have just never talked to her again but confronted her and got her to stop.

 

Example 3:

I ended up getting back together with her then like an ******* I suspected at some point she was lying to me again, again I got into her phone since her passwords are so easy to guess and found out she slept with 2 guys within a week of each other after like 3 weeks of us being back together. I tossed her out into the rain that night and...again took her back a month later.

 

Example 4:

Then I got super paranoid and started tracking her car via GPS. I needed to know every where she was at all times. If she was on the phone saying she was going to the store I would know if she was lying. Sometimes she was. I had to step back and take a hard look at myself after that. The GPS thing ended up getting lost on the road somewhere about a month after I started and I didn't bother anymore. I got so obsessed and fell into a deep dark place for a while.

 

Probably the most unhealthy mental state I have ever been in. In these situations knowledge is dangerous.

 

Jchav123,

 

I totally understand every word you said. Particularly the part about not trusting her, questioning her whereabouts. These girls are so TOXIC! As a matter of fact, I've went through some other reviews regarding BDP girls, and each guy that was in a relationship with a BPD girl ended up feeling like a garbage. The thing is you have to able to spot these signs in the very beginning. I was blinded by love cause I've truly cared about her and I loved with all my heart. I will just point one extremely sick situation that happened an year ago. She wanted to come to place and see how my mother was doing. But after I got back from the hospital, my mothers condition at way home got worse and I had to practically carry my mother in my arms to my bed. She had a minor coma due to lack of oxygen. The lunatic ex gf came to my house, and since this happened, she couldn't see my mother cause she was resting in the other room with my father besidds her. I went in the living room to make some tea, and she started grabing me like a crazy b***** and kissing me. I mean really???? Two minutes later she wanted to have sex with me on the couch??? I've said you should probably go home cause look where I am? Observe my situation and you want to make out?? This an extremely bizzare situation but I had to mention it in order to see that BPD girls are insconsidarable.

I will never forgive my self for the three years I've lost with my ex. She sucked out everything good from me and now I feel like and heartless empty baloon. These girls are mean and pure evil. For the guys and girls out there, PLEASE get out of a relationship with a BPD right now! It will never gonna work. You cannot solve their insecurities and demons that they are projecting on you nor you can fix them. Naha. They are not capable of loving and they will destroy your life. You'll end up miserable and knowing that you gave everything you got, all your love and support, but in return all you got is drama and no future. I just can't imagine how my life would be if I ever got married to her.

To sum up, the healing process is hard and you gotta hang in there. All you need is time. Never EVER contact her again. Ever when you feel a bit desperate, go for a run or do some cycling or hiking. These thing are helping me a lot to regain my confidence and get on my feet again. Remember, stay strong and keep your head up!

[Buriall]

I learned a long time ago with a BPD relationship, more and more information almost always makes you feel worse and worse.

 

Example 1:

The more I pressed her to open up the more dramatic things got. Almost always negative things that I was or was not doing. No matter what I was always at fault and responsible for ALL of her emotions. I had never been treated like that before.

 

Example 2:

I made the mistake of going through my ex's phone while she was sleeping over at my place one night. **** move I know but I KNEW she was lying to me about something. turned out she was doing sugar baby crap on the side like selling her time and body making extra cash while we were broken up. I should have just never talked to her again but confronted her and got her to stop.

 

Example 3:

I ended up getting back together with her then like an ******* I suspected at some point she was lying to me again, again I got into her phone since her passwords are so easy to guess and found out she slept with 2 guys within a week of each other after like 3 weeks of us being back together. I tossed her out into the rain that night and...again took her back a month later.

 

Example 4:

Then I got super paranoid and started tracking her car via GPS. I needed to know every where she was at all times. If she was on the phone saying she was going to the store I would know if she was lying. Sometimes she was. I had to step back and take a hard look at myself after that. The GPS thing ended up getting lost on the road somewhere about a month after I started and I didn't bother anymore. I got so obsessed and fell into a deep dark place for a while.

 

Probably the most unhealthy mental state I have ever been in. In these situations knowledge is dangerous.

 

 

I understand you. It's so hard to make it work once the trust is gone. My ex put a passcode on her phone lol that's when she's gave me the idea I'm doing some sh*t you probably shouldn't see.

 

Another give away was she was always on that ****ing phone. One day I told her, let's make a bet you can't last one hr without that thing she didn't accept. Constantly looking for attention. Makes me really wonder why I stayed and accepted these acts. Never again

[Jchav123]

My ex put a passcode on her phone lol that's when she's gave me the idea I'm doing some sh*t you probably shouldn't see.

 

That's what originally pushed me into the bad tailspin. Sure people lock their phone all the time its normal but she went from practically saying "go get my phone and log into my bank account for me" and being that trusting to not even letting me touch her phone and passcoding it. I think at that point it would still be too paranoid sounding to ask what is going on but that is defiantly a "heads up moment" to start paying much closer attention to someones actions.

[Buriall]

That's what originally pushed me into the bad tailspin. Sure people lock their phone all the time its normal but she went from practically saying "go get my phone and log into my bank account for me" and being that trusting to not even letting me touch her phone and passcoding it. I think at that point it would still be too paranoid sounding to ask what is going on but that is defiantly a "heads up moment" to start paying much closer attention to someones actions.

 

 

 

What I dont get is why stay with somebody if your heart isnt in it? why all these mind ****ing games? do they want to see yourself self destruct? dont they want to see you happy? again it all makes sense these people are just incapable of feeling true empathy. They are so selfish that nothing matters as long as they are getting their fix, even if it means destroying others in order to achieve it.

 

I could never do this, dont get me wrong i made mistakes too. I wasn't that person, thats who i became and im working towards bettering myself. I always wanted to communicate and work things out. But she seemed to agree with me only to disagree later on. Problems we talked through didn't get resolved, she always went back and used that sh*t against me. Comments like "you always" "you never" i lost my ****ing mind, i got depressed and started drinking to avoid pain. Id find myself arguing with her while im driving or at work. My thoughts were completely consumed by her that i couldn't think for myself..

[Buriall]

I remember the day before she discarded me. She said " i wanna look forward to doing somethings" mind you we always did sh*t together camping, getting together with friends, going out to restaurants, movies etc you name it ****ing done em all. I stopped stroking her ego, she became bored with me and lost interest i wasn't fun anymore so to the trash i went..

 

this is somebody who just cant sit still, always looking for that next thing. I became so exhausted i couldn't keep up anymore and why do i have to keep up the pace to satisfy you?

[Jchav123]

What I dont get is why stay with somebody if your heart isnt in it? why all these mind ****ing games?

 

If she's a genuine BPD type then she probably truly cared for you. But the problem is it doesn't last long. In her mind she goes back and forth fighting you and herself about how you're amazing then in the next moment you're nothing. My exGF did the same thing. She really did care and love for me because she would do the most amazing things for me and I didn't even ask. But Something I did or said would trigger her and I would be her worst enemy.

 

 

I remember the day before she discarded me. She said " i wanna look forward to doing somethings" mind you we always did sh*t together camping, getting together with friends, going out to restaurants, movies etc you name it ****ing done em all. I stopped stroking her ego, she became bored with me and lost interest i wasn't fun anymore so to the trash i went..

 

this is somebody who just cant sit still, always looking for that next thing. I became so exhausted i couldn't keep up anymore and why do i have to keep up the pace to satisfy you?

 

You pretty much hit the nail on the head. She realized either she couldn't control you anymore, or you didn't respond the way she wanted and got bored. I wouldn't be surprised if you hear from her again.

 

In my case I spent a lot of this year pushing her away when she wanted to be my gf after breakup because I was just so emotional exhausted. She started panicking saying she cant see life without me and even mentioned she thought about killing herself. I heard about this after the fact. She even told me she was moving overseas several times because of her job (Usually when we were broken up probably to illicit a response out of me). That still hasn't come to pass. She finally moved onto someone new who is apparently the most perfect guy she ever met (Knight in shining armor) and I haven't heard from her in 2 weeks.

 

It's going to hurt for people like us for months, maybe a year or more but the best example I have found online so far is withdrawing off of an amazing mind drug that gives you a euphoria like nothing else. going cold turkey will mess with you for a long time but being on the drug will probably be far far worse for you.

 

“If you can't fly then run, if you can't run then walk, if you can't walk then crawl, but whatever you do you have to keep moving forward.”

 

― Martin Luther King Jr.

[Buriall]

If she's a genuine BPD type then she probably truly cared for you. But the problem is it doesn't last long. In her mind she goes back and forth fighting you and herself about how you're amazing then in the next moment you're nothing. My exGF did the same thing. She really did care and love for me because she would do the most amazing things for me and I didn't even ask. But Something I did or said would trigger her and I would be her worst enemy.

 

 

 

 

You pretty much hit the nail on the head. She realized either she couldn't control you anymore, or you didn't respond the way she wanted and got bored. I wouldn't be surprised if you hear from her again.

 

In my case I spent a lot of this year pushing her away when she wanted to be my gf after breakup because I was just so emotional exhausted. She started panicking saying she cant see life without me and even mentioned she thought about killing herself. I heard about this after the fact. She even told me she was moving overseas several times because of her job (Usually when we were broken up probably to illicit a response out of me). That still hasn't come to pass. She finally moved onto someone new who is apparently the most perfect guy she ever met (Knight in shining armor) and I haven't heard from her in 2 weeks.

 

It's going to hurt for people like us for months, maybe a year or more but the best example I have found online so far is withdrawing off of an amazing mind drug that gives you a euphoria like nothing else. going cold turkey will mess with you for a long time but being on the drug will probably be far far worse for you.

 

“If you can't fly then run, if you can't run then walk, if you can't walk then crawl, but whatever you do you have to keep moving forward.”

 

― Martin Luther King Jr.

 

 

I doubt I ll hear from her maybe not now anyway. Break up was pretty messy. As I have done things I shouldn't have. Saw her on tinder I wouldn't be surprised if she's in a new relationship.

 

I'm thinking maybe I was a rebound, when I met her she had broken up with her ex bf of 3 years. I think she used the guy to buy a house together and once her goal was accomplished he was tossed as well.

 

The point I'm making out of all of this, this is a person who's got a mentality of me me me and me. No matter what she has nothing will ever satisfy her evil soul.

[zi11]

Hey guys,

 

Two months have passed since I last spoke to my ex. I went NC after I broke up with her. Blocked her from every single communication channel.

The past two months, I was concentrating solely on myself. I've finally managed to complete my doctoral dissertation and in the mean time I've also found another job. I've decided to be alone for a while since I'm not able to love anyone at this moment.

However, the moment I thought that I was finally free my ex started to contact me again. Just as you guys said in the previous posts that BPD individuals tend to come back after a while which is 100% true. She send me a text via different number in order to give me condolences for my mother which passed away a year ago at the same day. I didn't respond anything and I've blocked that number as well.

Today, she went to visit my father at work and she gave him a sealed letter that was written for me. Why the hell did she do that??? I do not want to my father to worry, especially now when he’s devastated emotionally and can’t catch a break since my mother passed away.

She wrote me a 5 page handwritten letter saying she was sorry for everything. She was sorry for being rude to me, insulting my looks, insulting my hair, etc etc etc…. She wrote that now that she lost me, she figured out that she cannot live without me. Previously when we talked about kids and family, she wanted to wait like 5-6 years. In the letter she wrote that she finally realized that she wants family now – two kids – which she will never have with me. She wrote that she is seeking my face in each alley, she trying to hear my voice in each song, knowing that I’ll never get back with her. Also she copy-paste a really sad poem in the letter…………. Please don’t judge me when I say this. I’m firm on my decision and I’ll never get back with her. But when I read the letter I kind of a felt sorry for her, but I shouldn’t be right? She made my life miserable. I think I’ll never have another relationship anymore.

Why do you guys think that she keeps texting me when she clearly knows that I don’t love her anymore? She is just making things harder for me. One strange thing I’ve noticed in all her ignored messages. She actually never said, not a single time, I LOVE or I MISS YOU. I’ve finally started to get my sh**t together, and she starts to text me again. Should I move to another city or leave the country?

[Zahara]

Please don’t judge me when I say this. I’m firm on my decision and I’ll never get back with her. But when I read the letter I kind of a felt sorry for her, but I shouldn’t be right? She made my life miserable. I think I’ll never have another relationship anymore.

 

You're an empathetic person and when you see someone hurting, it is natural for you to feel sorry for them, eventhough they hurt you. There's nothing wrong with that as long as you do not react on those feelings and revisit that person.

 

Why do you guys think that she keeps texting me when she clearly knows that I don’t love her anymore? She is just making things harder for me. One strange thing I’ve noticed in all her ignored messages. She actually never said, not a single time, I LOVE or I MISS YOU. I’ve finally started to get my sh**t together, and she starts to text me again. Should I move to another city or leave the country?

 

People like your ex are not thinking about how you feel, what you feel, if you feel -- they're consumed by how they feel. She's reaching out because she's hoping she can hit the reset button and have you in her control again. It's not about loving or missing, it's about control and having their needs met.

 

Keep ignoring her. At some point she'll either get the message or she'll move on to her next opportunity.

[Been]

Got one of those. She TYPED a 4 page letter explaining everything. Said she was soooo sorry for treating like she did. The time apart made her "realize" how much she missed me and wanted to MARRY me.

Told me in the letter how she would NEVER let me down again

Of course like you I felt sorry for her. And truth be told I ate up.

We got back togeather. Everything was magical at first. Even set a wedding date. Lasted about 2 months. Then she did the EXACT something she had done previous. Became distant. Always critical of me. Started cheating.

The reason why yours is doing it to you is because at the end of the day the only person she cares about is HERSELF. Once she snares you again she will revert back to her old ways. You went NC and stuck by your guns. Her EGO was devastated by that. Your just a trophy she is trying to acquire so she can stroke her ego. Thats all it is.

[Downtown]

Zi, thanks for giving us an update! Am glad to hear that you completed your doctoral dissertation and have remained NC from your exGF.

 

Why do you guys think that she keeps texting me when she clearly knows that I don’t love her anymore?

No, Zi, she doesn't know that. If she is a BPDer as you believe, she is so emotionally immature that she never developed a strong sense of "object constancy." That is, she never learned that most other people remain essentially the same in attitude and views from day to day -- even when they may temporarily be in a bad mood.

 

Instead, a BPDer feels very strongly that a loved one can become a totally different person tomorrow -- or that she will learn that her current perception of you will turn out to be completely wrong. Because a BPDer is unstable, she doesn't have a stable perception of your intentions. As we discussed last month, a BPDer -- like a young child -- can flip in seconds from splitting you white to splitting you black. And, several months later, she can flip back again just as quickly. The result is that a BPDer may believe you are capable of suddenly loving her again.

[zi11]

Got one of those. She TYPED a 4 page letter explaining everything. Said she was soooo sorry for treating like she did. The time apart made her "realize" how much she missed me and wanted to MARRY me.

Told me in the letter how she would NEVER let me down again

Of course like you I felt sorry for her. And truth be told I ate up.

We got back togeather. Everything was magical at first. Even set a wedding date. Lasted about 2 months. Then she did the EXACT something she had done previous. Became distant. Always critical of me. Started cheating.

The reason why yours is doing it to you is because at the end of the day the only person she cares about is HERSELF. Once she snares you again she will revert back to her old ways. You went NC and stuck by your guns. Her EGO was devastated by that. Your just a trophy she is trying to acquire so she can stroke her ego. Thats all it is.

 

Hi Been,

 

Thank you so much for your response. Your move to forgive her and gave her another shot was very nobel, cause everybody deserves a second chance right? But in my case, she broke up with me like 7-8 times and eventually we managed to make up again. Through these multiple breaks up, I was suffering a lot, cause I'm not a child. I'm grown up person. The reason why we managed to ended up together after every break up is me cause I really loved her. But as soon as I've realized that these breaks ups are never ending cycle, I have withdrawn myself from her completely cause its impossible to have healthy relationship with such a person or to get marry with her. No way. Anyhow, what happened with you two guys? Did you blocked her completely from your life the last time she failed to fulfill her 'false' promises? Did she tried to contact you again? How did you managed to move on with your life?

[Been]

I'm going to be honest with you. It wasn't noble at all to give her a second chance- it was STUPID.

Anyone that cheats on you doesn't deserve your time or any chances. And cheating doesn't have to be physical either- talking to the opposite sex without your SO others knowledge is a form of cheating.

But I never had any concrete proof other then her behaviour and she would play on that- she would blame the break ups on me being insecure and that being the cause of our break up.

So the last time we got together I kinda was more aware of things.

Keep in mind we work different schedules and we work at the same place.

So we get back together. She's great at first showering me with affection and wanting to set a date to get MARRIED. Then she wants me to move in because things will be different this time so I agree but in secret I don't give up my place I rent. So I "move" in with her.

But for some reason my gut is telling me something isn't right. And this time I pay attention to it.

Like I said we work different schedules. When I'm coming to work she's leaving work so we see each other. So I go to work and end up leaving early without telling her.

So I text her and ask her how's her night going and such. She replies she's getting ready to go to bed- except she isn't because I'm in the driveway of where we live and her car isn't there. I play along with it.

Next day I start moving my things out and she acts stunned but I don't mention what I know- I feel at this point there isn't a need to let her explain anything.

So I get all my stuff back into my place and sit her down and tell her I can't do this anymore. She doesn't say much.

And the next day she starts texting me about how much she "cares" about me and such. I tell her I have no room in my life for her and stop texting me.

[Been]

I can't block her fully from my life because we work at the same place. But I don't acknowledge her in any way.

I would say maybe 3 days latter we ran into each other by accident at a bar- and yes she was with her new boyfriend. Everyone at the bar seemed to stop in anticipation of what might happen but she and her boyfriend left as soon as she realized I was there.

And to be honest I wouldn't have done anything- she isn't worth it.

And yes the bartender came up and basically told me everything. Funny thing is NOBODY outside of her and me knew we had gotten back togeather. And that's when I also realized that we never went anywhere in town togeather and that was by design on her part. When I wanted to go get a drink In town she would always want to stay in and spend time togeather lol.

So I decided in order to heal and not have to hear about her or see her other then work I needed to do something more constructive with my time. So I decided to go to the gym and thats what I did. I worked out so much I was too tired to think about what she did or to even care about it anymore. I'd set weekly goals at the gym to either meet or exceed them.

I used the anger/resentment to propel me in a positive way.

[Highndry]

I feel for you. I am honestly questioning how many of these women there are in the world because I have had the misfortune of getting tangled up with two. One was too many. The thing is they are cunning, and it's not always clear right away.

 

I am no doctor so I cannot be assured of what it is my ex was afflicted with because she would never open up to me about anything of that nature, only saying "I know I act crazy sometimes," but when I read about BPD she seems to have all the traits. I am emotionally drained from the past 2 years.

 

I cannot recall how many times she threatened to leave, oftentimes overreacting to rather benign situations, but I am familiar with the repeated breakups and it's no way to live. While I wish I hadn't, I fell in love with her so the pain of losing her is real, but I will not whatsoever miss that rollercoaster ride she put me on. I actually resent her for it. Good luck to you. Just know there are other men in the same boat.

[Been]

I wouldn't say they are anymore cunning then the average person.

I think really the difference is they have the ability to LIE and not be bothered by it in the least. Add to the fact the speed of the relationship so as your not thinking just trying to catch up they are a lot of red flags that arise that you either outright ignore or your too busy trying to get a handle on things.

Once you take yourself out of the situation and your able to think more clearly a lot of things begin to make more sense and your able to see her/him for what they really were: a manipulator.

[lolablue17]

I have just read the whole thread... WOW!

 

I am not the best advisor on that because I'm attracted the most to exactly that kind of women. That is the reason i had been played before several times, because I always came back together with these girls over and over again, it was stronger than me :-)

 

You are much better than I was in the past. You can look at this as a constant test for you, and a constant reminder for you to be stable and keep on your own preferences in life. I think you're doing a great job. Don't be hard on her. She is a poor and miserable girl, mostly imature, and she's mostly honest with her feelings. She isn't for you but she isn't the devil.

 

Good luck

[Jchav123]

I think I might be the minority here. My exGF shows BPD tendencies strongly but at some point she really did stop contacting me. Granted its only been 3 months or so but I was the one that broke NC the last few times. However in my experience I am glad I did because she continually proves herself to be untrustworthy as a girlfriend and for me it's kind of like a stern reminder (especially when I am feeling it hard) that she is no good for me.

[trustyourself]

I think I might be the minority here. My exGF shows BPD tendencies strongly but at some point she really did stop contacting me. Granted its only been 3 months or so but I was the one that broke NC the last few times. However in my experience I am glad I did because she continually proves herself to be untrustworthy as a girlfriend and for me it's kind of like a stern reminder (especially when I am feeling it hard) that she is no good for me.

 

I am at 3 Months NC too. Possible BPD'er, but who knows? I assume she has moved on to someone else, which is good. The previous NC was not truly NC as she would text me about once a month. This is different, as I have not heard a peep, but it is good, as it is allowing me to move on and heal.

 

My main concern is that I will hear from her eventually, once she gets bored or breaks up with someone. Judging on everything that I know of her, it seems like her MO.

 

I also recognize now that she is not a good person for me, and I deserve way better. There is less pain now. More like resentment when I think of her. Which I still do quite a bit. (Stupid Brain)

 

Hang in there Jchav and OP. I have realized true NC is the only way to go! I am going to spend this winter working on my fitness goals and getting in to the best shape of my life, and then putting myself back on the market I am a catch, and I cant wait to find someone who recognizes what I have to offer!

[Been]

Oh she will contact you trust me on that. Right now more then likely she is "occupied" with the latest person in her life.

If and when it either settles down or they break up she will contact you.

That's why I always stress don't even acknowledge them in any way because they are looking for that crack to slip through.

I think the longest my ex went was 7 months and bam all of the sudden she's at my door unannounced.

The more time you don't have any communication with them the better for your healing.

[worldpeace]

Your thread title caught my attention and I'm learning a lot about BP.

 

What I perceive to be little comments that don't mean much, turn into huge conflicts that blow up quickly because I'm not able to set boundaries and I feed into it... I'm constantly begging for her forgiveness and reminding her that I love her and that I can do better.

 

Sadly, much of what I'm reading suggests that it's not possible to make a relationship with a BP'er work. I don't understand why not though. Sure she may take more work to make her feel loved, but when she does feel loved she is the most affectionate, loving, caring person I've ever known. I feel it's only a matter of learning how to communicate well and trying to keep the 'love' phase on as long as possible. If you can learn to not feed into the fight and set boundaries, I feel like it might be worth it to hang in there and try to make it work.

 

I'm in a position where I'm finding myself to be in the 'rage' phase possibly more than the 'love'. We broke up again, and I chased her. She was downright cruel. I didn't feel like she could possibly love me anymore because of the things that came out of her mouth. I finally started accepting it was over and stopped hounding her. She came back. Maybe all I needed to do was give her space to begin with? Then again, I've lost count at how many times this has happened. Each one feels like a traumatic event in my life at the time.

 

I'm lost because I'd hard to imagine my life without her. We both agree we have an amazing connection and it would suck to just drop it. I know she's a great person at heart. Knowing about this disease almost makes me have more understanding that it's not her fault and she deserves to be loved and cared for just like anyone.

 

To sum up what I'm trying to say:

Why aren't there more resources on 'how to love a bpd'er'?

Edited October 14, 2017 by worldpeace

[Been]

I don't know if this is a good example or not.

You know those people who buy those exotic pets that in reality shouldn't be pets because of the potential danger?

Well a BP is like that. Just like those people who care for and love those exotic pets sooner or latter those pets turn on them because its in their NATURE. No matter how much love that owner gives the exotic pet that animal has a better chance of turning on the owner then say a normal pet.

People with BP are just programmed different. And you can know the signs but you aren't going to change how they are.