single, bald and feeling lost

[Sunlight72]

Hi despairingbutttrying,

 

I've had physical traits that I felt set me back attractiveness wise most all my life.

 

I'm 45 now, and the last 10 years have seen the most success I've had with dating. This is the time period I've also been losing more of my hair faster.

 

So - I also have days where I feel insufficient, unattractive, etc. What I have learned though, is that I cannot see accurately how women see me. I am not a valid judge of what women see when they meet me.

 

It's not your job to EVALUATE the attractiveness of your best self. It is your job to BE your best self. Please read that again.

 

You will meet women who find you attractive. In fact, you have been meeting women who find you attractive, but you weren't ready to do anything about it because you were too concerned with your self-worth.

 

The real question is - will you be ready to act positively when you meet the next attractive woman who has a passing interest in you? You have to prime your own pump to be generally in a good position to act positively on this next meeting, not knowing when it will happen - which means as often as you can be positive and primed, you should be.

 

You sound hung up on women's looks in valuing their opinion (when you talk about hot women not being with what you consider dumpy guys). I think you've spent too much time looking at pictures on the computer/TV/movies/from a removed distance. And what business is it of yours anyway? What the hell do you care what man an unavailable woman is with?

 

Your job is to be ready to be a strong, respectable, fun man for a woman you find attractive to spend her time with. That is something you Can do. Practice it, live it.

 

Womens', and mens' attractiveness in the Real World is not the same (at all) as the attractiveness of their photos online. Not At All. It's pretty amazing. Stop looking at and judging people's appearance from a distance. Start meeting people (men and women) and being friendly. You'll get MUCH BETTER and IMMEDIATE results.

 

Best Wishes,

Sunlight

Edited September 25, 2017 by Sunlight72

[HiCrunchy]

ALSO op have you thought about saving money to get a hair transplant surgery? Unless u r against body modification, I could see that as a solution to your problem

[despairingbuttrying]

I have looked into getting a transplant but these are super expensive and furthermore, you require the right amount of donor hair from the back and sides of your head.

[MyOphelia]

I definitely agree that it would benefit you to stop reading those magazines and those articles which really are just there to try and sell you a service or a product. It's just as bad as the magazines marketed to us women to remind us how incomplete, unattractive and unappealing we are unless we look like >>insert name of actress<< with XYZ body type and buy ABC cosmetics and the same mascara as Evan Rachel Wood and wear the perfume Charlize Theron advertises as if that's all going to make us a total package.

 

The truth really does boil down to how you carry yourself. Different people have different values and ideals. If you find a woman where hair is important to her, you and she will both be anxious and miserable IF you manage to hook up. However, if you hook up with a woman who has a priority on other features and characteristics, you've got this one made, totally, and will be able to fall back on it. If you dated someone superficial when you were younger who freaked out when you lost your hair, you'd know the basis of your relationship was nothing but fodder and falsehoods.

 

Yes there needs to be physical attraction, or ideally there does. But I've also had relationships where there wasn't an initial attraction, but as we spent time together, I got hooked. Please do not underestimate the importance of all those other characteristics we women place a value on.