single, bald and feeling lost

[despairingbuttrying]

As many comments have said now, sure confidence matters but watch this please (from the UK) about how girls feel about bald guys -

 

[]

 

Notice how the best looking women all said NO...

Edited August 19, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
url removed ~6

[KBob]

You should group that video in with any videos purporting a flat Earth theory.

[shoplocal]

As many comments have said now, sure confidence matters but watch this please (from the UK) about how girls feel about bald guys -

 

[]

 

Notice how the best looking women all said NO...

 

It's hard to feel bad for you when you insist upon basing a woman's value on her appearance. By your math, you're about 34 - haven't you learned by now that (a) everyone - that includes you and your future partner(s) has at least one great feature, and (b) there's more to relationships than appearance?

 

Not saying you shouldn't be attracted to your partner, but it sounds more like you're looking for hot women to smash than anything else. There are plenty of very attractive women with men of all different appearances, but those dudes seem to treat their partners like people, and not just a pretty face. Perhaps you could work on this ability, and then your baldness wouldn't matter.

Edited August 19, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
url removed ~6

[elaine567]

As many comments have said now, sure confidence matters but watch this please (from the UK) about how girls feel about bald guys -

 

[]

 

Notice how the best looking women all said NO...

 

I watched it and there was a whole mix of answers and not all the "hot" women said no.

Most of the women said that confidence and personality trumped looks anyway.

YOU took the video and only saw what you wanted to see.

 

YOU say you are a good looking and you have a great head shape, but the only difference really between the bald you and the buzzcut you is that you know you are bald.

When looked at objectively that is ridiculous, but you are grieving the loss of your hair and that will just take time.

Edited August 19, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
url removed ~6

[GemmaUK]

Personally, I love the bald look - actually it's my preference.

 

Insecurity would be a turn off though. I've dated insecure men and it was never a fun time.

 

Sure, my issue is more to do with confidence and overall perspective because if I did meet the right person then this anxiety would disappear.

I don't think it would disappear. Insecurity doesn't just disappear when you get into a relationship.

 

Not having a job though - maybe you should be focusing on getting your ducks in a row. getting a job and making taking up some new hobbies would certainly help in terms of your overall confidence.

[despairingbuttrying]

You should group that video in with any videos purporting a flat Earth theory.

 

So the women in that video weren't real were they giving real opinions?

[despairingbuttrying]

It's hard to feel bad for you when you insist upon basing a woman's value on her appearance. By your math, you're about 34 - haven't you learned by now that (a) everyone - that includes you and your future partner(s) has at least one great feature, and (b) there's more to relationships than appearance?

 

Not saying you shouldn't be attracted to your partner, but it sounds more like you're looking for hot women to smash than anything else. There are plenty of very attractive women with men of all different appearances, but those dudes seem to treat their partners like people, and not just a pretty face. Perhaps you could work on this ability, and then your baldness wouldn't matter.

 

Of course there is more to life than appearance but we are all judged initially to some extent by our appearance, women more than men sure but if there are plenty of women who do not like bald guys to begin with they're not going to fancy them period, no matter how decent, funny or confident they are. That's my point. It is a fact that women are 5 times more likely to contact men with hair than without hair []

 

So where you got this impression that I'm only looking for hot women to smash I have no idea. I'm just saying that I rarely see bald guys with very attractive women in the same way you hardly see women with men shorter than them.

Edited August 19, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
url removed ~6

[despairingbuttrying]

I watched it and there was a whole mix of answers and not all the "hot" women said no.

Most of the women said that confidence and personality trumped looks anyway.

YOU took the video and only saw what you wanted to see.

 

 

I said I USED to be good looking but now, I only look ok with a shaved, bald head.

 

YOU say you are a good looking and you have a great head shape, but the only difference really between the bald you and the buzzcut you is that you know you are bald.

 

Read this back again. You do realise a buzzcut involves HAIR right? Being bald means NO HAIR? So I know I'm bald BECAUSE I AM BALD. I have zero hair. So there is a difference. One involves hair and the other doesn't

 

You are a woman so you would not understand what it's like to lose your hair.

[despairingbuttrying]

Personally, I love the bald look - actually it's my preference.

 

Insecurity would be a turn off though. I've dated insecure men and it was never a fun time.

 

 

I don't think it would disappear. Insecurity doesn't just disappear when you get into a relationship.

 

Not having a job though - maybe you should be focusing on getting your ducks in a row. getting a job and making taking up some new hobbies would certainly help in terms of your overall confidence.

 

I meant the insecurity involving my baldness would no longer be much of an issue if I meet a woman who I can settle down with. If she accepts me as I am then all good. I don't have to impress anyone else.

However, I do agree with your other comments.

[elaine567]

Read this back again. You do realise a buzzcut involves HAIR right? Being bald means NO HAIR? So I know I'm bald BECAUSE I AM BALD. I have zero hair. So there is a difference. One involves hair and the other doesn't

 

OK but if you were balding with a buzzcut, then was it not obvious you were balding anyway?

If you were losing hair from 26, then what really was the buzzcut hiding? I guess women have been noticing your "baldness" almost from day one.

 

Women who really like hair, like hair.

They are not often turned on by guys with buzzcuts or buzzcuts hiding baldness or receding hairlines or frank baldness.

No-one is fooled by a buzzcut.

[despairingbuttrying]

OK but if you were balding with a buzzcut, then was it not obvious you were balding anyway?

If you were losing hair from 26, then what really was the buzzcut hiding? I guess women have been noticing your "baldness" almost from day one.

 

Women who really like hair, like hair.

They are not often turned on by guys with buzzcuts or buzzcuts hiding baldness or receding hairlines or frank baldness.

No-one is fooled by a buzzcut.

 

I see your point however when I had a buzzcut because I still had enough hair at the front and some on my crown, it blended in alot better with my dark skin. I looked better. That's why I have considered a FUE transplant to have that hair back.

[elaine567]

I see your point however when I had a buzzcut because I still had enough hair at the front and some on my crown, it blended in alot better with my dark skin. I looked better. That's why I have considered a FUE transplant to have that hair back.

 

If the hair loss is bothering you and it is impacting on your confidence and you know what the procedure entails and you have the money then do your research, find a good clinic and get it done.

[despairingbuttrying]

Do you know of people who never got married and have always been single but desperately wanted to?

 

So those were SINGLE but NOT by choice but rather because they could not meet a potential partner and essentially lived a life of emotional torture and anguish? So not including priests, nuns, non-sexual ppl etc.

 

I'm talking about men and women who are more or less "on the shelf" as it were, like in their 60s/70s? (Of course it is never too late to some extent, but...you know what I mean).

[basil67]

Yeah, sure there are people like this. It would be particularly common among those who have a social skill disorder.

[CptInsano]

Yeah, sure there are people like this. It would be particularly common among those who have a social skill disorder.

 

Either that, or those who have a self-image that is vastly out of sync with who they really are.

[Cookiesandough]

How desperate? I'd imagine most people who "desperately" wanted to get married could find someone by 70. Sounds awful, though.

[elaine567]

I think some of them have been hurt badly and never really recovered.

They never found "the one" again.

[despairingbuttrying]

I think some of them have been hurt badly and never really recovered.

They never found "the one" again.

 

Yes this is the kind of person I mean. Sure, there are those who are ultra shy or have some social disorder maybe but then I think the real sadness are those who seem fairly sound and "normal" as it were but simply are un-lucky. Maybe they've been hurt so bad that they cannot recover from a broken heart or they never end up finding that connection with someone.

 

I guess for many singles, the older you get, the more you do worry whether this could happen to you. Perhaps some of them end up compromising and go for someone not in their league just not to be lonely but I know I could never do that.

[basil67]

Yes this is the kind of person I mean. Sure, there are those who are ultra shy or have some social disorder maybe but then I think the real sadness are those who seem fairly sound and "normal" as it were but simply are un-lucky. Maybe they've been hurt so bad that they cannot recover from a broken heart or they never end up finding that connection with someone.

 

Yeah...nah. I'm not seeing this fit in the category of 'normal'.

 

Being successful in life and love largely depends on having skills of resilience. Bad stuff happens to all of us and the ability to bounce back (after the requisite navel gazing stage) is crucial to future success.

 

5% of life is what happens to us. 95% is how we react to it. Reacting poorly to that 5% isn't bad luck, it's bad management.

[Mysterio]

I guess if I really wanted to. I could have had a child with my Ex and have an out of wedlock child. Or gotten married to her.

 

Today. Although we are still friends. She is suffering from a stress disorder and can be very dour, so I have to cheer her up. I am bald, but I shave it all off as I like that look better.

 

Anyways sometimes we don't have to always get everything at once. So my sugestion is to embrace the baldness and don't worry about when or how you will end up in love. I think half the problem is us. We put way to much pressure on ourselves to hook up. I don't know anyone who is single for life anyways.

[despairingbuttrying]

I guess if I really wanted to. I could have had a child with my Ex and have an out of wedlock child. Or gotten married to her.

 

Today. Although we are still friends. She is suffering from a stress disorder and can be very dour, so I have to cheer her up. I am bald, but I shave it all off as I like that look better.

 

Anyways sometimes we don't have to always get everything at once. So my sugestion is to embrace the baldness and don't worry about when or how you will end up in love. I think half the problem is us. We put way to much pressure on ourselves to hook up. I don't know anyone who is single for life anyways.

 

That's right I think it's only natural to feel that pressure especially when friends around you are getting together. That alone can be disheartening. Moreover though, it's only natural for us to want to have a relationship and experience love. Life is hard enough but far more so when you have to battle it alone with no-one to share your life with.

 

I have no issue with spending my time alone at the moment because I have this glimmer of hope that eventually I'll meet someone but as the years have passed and I'm still in the same situation, I do begin to wonder whether it will happen. At 34 it's by no means too late but still it does not get easier as one ages. I'm fighting self pity and these dark, despairing thoughts in the meantime on a daily basis. It's worse at night time.

[Mysterio]

I beleivein being methodical. If you can. Be so. I would say everyone should be open to ascribing this model.

 

Date for one year. No living together untill uear two. No bio kids so its portection all the way. Year 3 break up or Marry if thats what you want.

 

At age 46. I think a Child free relationship would work best. If she has one kid. I may be able to handle that. Not 4 kids.

[mysisterhatesme]

I know you hate to hear this, but it will happen when it's supposed to happen... whatever that means. Perhaps it won't happen. We can't have everything in this world. Some of us get married, have 4 kids, live in big mansions and live happily ever after. Some don't get married. Some get married and can't have kids. Some get married 3x. Some get married and their spouses die. There are no guarantees in life.

 

Your hair is not an issue. If a woman loves you, she won't care about your hair. How many bald men are married, many. Your hair is not the issue, you are not the issue.

 

You need to live life on life's terms... I know you hate that saying so do I. ... but it's true. Put yourself out there and if a woman bites, she does... if it doesn't happen, oh well. We can't win them all.

 

Live your life!!!!!

 

Your light will go out one day on this earth... make the best of it... even without hair.

 

(p.s., I could really care a less if a man had hair or not, the most important thing about him was who he was... certainly not the hair on his head. <3)

[Mysterio]

If you want the truth. I think that most women would rather their men just be clean shaven with the bald head. Not Balding where you have strands. So think Bruce willis and less Jason Alexander- George from Seinfeld.

 

Life is ever dynamic. No ones life goes exactly as planned. My friends parents have the ideal relationship, but they had to burry a daughter. My friend MO and his wife M. They don't want kids, they have structured their lives to travel a couple of times a year and are well to do. Yet they had to bury their parents pertty much back to back several years ago.. Only the Mother in Law on the MO's wife side is alive and she just turned 70 or so.

 

When I go to see friends. Be they married or not. I don't get the pangs of loneliness. It does not phase me that way. My thing is more the frustration of dating that gets to me. It feels artificial. Its like some sort of a contest to see if you can spark romantic interest and for the guy, its a labour. Its usually the woman in the power position. Not even mutual interest. Also. When I do go on a date. I am very chill. I don't start off with super sexual inuendos or heavy touching at all.

 

Being here on a regular basis. If I had to impart some advice. I think the best thing is to indulge in social and recreational activities. Be well dressed and groomed , be upbeat if possible and let whoever just find us and charm us into a romantic relationship. We have our past to use as to who is good/bad for us.

 

I think that the collective mentality of the Love Shackers here are that we want the best for ourselves and want more of a smooth ride for the most part.

 

For me. Single/Widowed/Divorced with out kids is the best situation for me. As I am 46/childless. Most likely she will be younger than me. by 6 to 7 yrs. She will be the one to put us together. For some reason. When I am the driving force. It never works. I don't know what it is with me. All the women that like me Make it know and make the effort with me. So I might as well just start letting it be that way.

 

Even though I have been single since Nov 2012. It does not mean that I won't meet anyone. I just wish our society was not so over the top with all the dating stuff and did not make us all feel like we are missing something, while we are single.

 

There is duality. For me. The difference between being single and attached is this. Single. You can do what you want and don't have to consult anyone. Attached, you have access to physical affection and companionship ideally.

[Sweetfish]

Can't imagine where Steve Buscemi would be if he thought he wasn't good looking enough to be an actor.

Edited August 26, 2017 by Sweetfish