Making a Relationship "LONG TERM"

[DancerEngineer]

I also enjoyed the part where she knew he would pay for her swing dancing, so the cost wasn't even a concern.

 

I told her I would cover her lessons in the past even before we started dating. This was at the time I asked her to be my girlfriend and smothered her. Then i backed off after. So I guess it was a given. IDK, maybe she feels I am already her boyfriend and that is why she is paying already. I freaking don't know.

it already feels like we are in a relationship, but i have never heard those words from her that told me, "you are my boyfriend."

[DancerEngineer]

What kind if a person would "invite" someone to dinner knowing fully she can't even pay for herself? OP is not just a free handyman, but an ATM to her. OP: Does she ever express how bad she feels for you to cover her cost all the time?

 

After I took her out to that fancy dinner, she told me, "After I get a better job, I'll take you out to a really good dinner."

[clia]

What? lol its smart. So I can see her emotions and it helps me unerstand why she acts due to emotions.

 

If I found out a guy who I had been dating for a month was tracking my period on his phone, I would be completely creeped out. That's all I'm saying. And it's honestly so offensive and rude when a guy points to PMS as a sign of why a woman might be emotional.

 

Like I said in my last text. I never responded to any of her text. I let it sit and didn't answer her call till i went to bed and simply said good night. Ignored everything she said after I made the date for today, and got off the phone. Then she sent me a bunch of hearts after my good night text. I haven't spoken to her since.

 

Please. You had like six posts on here asking what you should say in response to her text and analyzing how to respond. She simply beat you to it and called you before you could respond. But okay. You didn't respond.

[DancerEngineer]

And no!!!! LOLOL!

Ok There is a lot of confusion.

 

Ok first 5 hour bed room session happened in her room when her parents weren't there.

Second 5 hour bedroom session happened again in her room when her parents Weren't there.

 

Third time we went down town and got fancy dinner, and a hotel room and had sex. That is when she told me she loved me in the bathtub.

 

Then this past Friday I spent the night at her house. We fell asleep in her room cuddling in her bed watching a movie, but I had to set an alarm at like 5am in the morning to move to the guest room so the parents didn't think I was sleeping in her room at night. It is their house and we have to respect their rules, but she wanted me to spend the night in her room the entire night. The parents would only let me spend the night there as long as I spend the night in the guest room. Not her room.

[DancerEngineer]

If I found out a guy who I had been dating for a month was tracking my period on his phone, I would be completely creeped out. That's all I'm saying. And it's honestly so offensive and rude when a guy points to PMS as a sign of why a woman might be emotional.

 

 

LOL But I am using it to my advantage. Girls emotion go up and down. I want to be prepared. So if she is snappy at me and PMSing, I will know not to take it offensive. This helps a guy a lot. Don't take it offensively. I thought it was a good idea and it has helped me understand her emotions instead of getting insecure over her emotions.

[DancerEngineer]

 

Please. You had like six posts on here asking what you should say in response to her text and analyzing how to respond. She simply beat you to it and called you before you could respond. But okay. You didn't respond.

 

And I made the date and hung up. Then she started texting me and tried calling me, but i didn't date contact her back! LOL it felt good, but made me anxious at the same time. The best feeling was when I simply texted her good night to her text so I wasn't "ignoring" her but just being busy, and she sends me a bunch of hearts text. Now I have like 5 hours till I pick her up for class, lets hope she doesn't cancel on me till then! LOL

[DancerEngineer]

So assuming I pick her up and take her to swing lessons, i will also be taking her out for dinner tonight. Because why not turn it into a better date.

 

Thoughts and advice on how i should take things from here on out? I don't feel that bringing up the relationship talk is a good thing unless she is in a super happy mood. I know she has been PMSing lately. Sorry to offend the girls in here.

[JuneL]

LOL But I am using it to my advantage. Girls emotion go up and down. I want to be prepared. So if she is snappy at me and PMSing, I will know not to take it offensive. This helps a guy a lot. Don't take it offensively. I thought it was a good idea and it has helped me understand her emotions instead of getting insecure over her emotions.

 

Wow, I am completely speechless. I hope you don't make such nonsense statements at the workplace or in public. But I now understand why you can be so easily manipulated by this woman, if that's your understanding of female emotions.

[JuneL]

So assuming I pick her up and take her to swing lessons, i will also be taking her out for dinner tonight. Because why not turn it into a better date.

 

Thoughts and advice on how i should take things from here on out? I don't feel that bringing up the relationship talk is a good thing unless she is in a super happy mood. I know she has been PMSing lately. Sorry to offend the girls in here.

 

It's clear that we are all losing steam here (to various degrees). I feel that I've already given you all my feedback. Please accept my best wishes, despite your offensive nonsense on female emotions!

 

p.s. And what did Einstein say again?

[DancerEngineer]

Wow, I am completely speechless. I hope you don't make such nonsense statements at the workplace or in public. But I now understand why you can be so easily manipulated by this woman, if that's your understanding of female emotions.

 

Just drop it. I'm a male engineer. We think like this and we use tools whatever we can use to our advantage. Forget I brought it up.

[DancerEngineer]

It's clear that we are all losing steam here (to various degrees). I feel that I've already given you all my feedback. Please accept my best wishes, despite your offensive nonsense on female emotions!

 

p.s. And what did Einstein say again?

What? lol Please lets just drop it.

[Versacehottie]

LOL But I am using it to my advantage. Girls emotion go up and down. I want to be prepared. So if she is snappy at me and PMSing, I will know not to take it offensive. This helps a guy a lot. Don't take it offensively. I thought it was a good idea and it has helped me understand her emotions instead of getting insecure over her emotions.

 

It's weird. Period.

[DancerEngineer]

It's clear that we are all losing steam here (to various degrees). I feel that I've already given you all my feedback. Please accept my best wishes, despite your offensive nonsense on female emotions!

 

p.s. And what did Einstein say again?

 

Also, I think you are taking it the wrong way. I'm under the impression girls needs and desired fluctuate with their cycles. Wouldn't you want a guy in your life who would know your needs at the time you need them and be there for you at the right times. Maybe I need to know when she is ovulating to prevent an unwanted kid. Maybe she is PMSing right before her period, and this will notify me so I can be prepared and know how to help her in the right way. This isn't just all some crazy spying trick.

This is also so I can be the right guy for her too. Male engineers think differently. We use tools and logic. We struggle at emotions.

I think you are viewing this completely different than how I am viewing it. But I think this is a touchy subject with women, so lets drop it. I am simply trying to be the best I can for her. I think she deserves the best of me.

 

Einstein said a lot of stuff. LOL Not sure which quote you are referring too.

[DancerEngineer]

It's weird. Period.

 

Noted* And this will be dropped for now on. Pretend I never brought it up. but see above for further explanation. Thanks for telling me it is a "weird" topic. LOL

[DancerEngineer]

But to change the subject and get away from the "weird" topic.

 

it looks like I am still taking her to swing, and I summarized the confusion in the previous post about why I had to go to the guest room. We had sex the week before in the hotel where she told me she loved me. I had to go to the guest room because its her parents house and I am not allowed to fall asleep in her room, but she wanted me to fall asleep in her room. We just fell asleep and set an alarm for 5am so the parents wouldn't catch us sleeping in the same bed. We never had sex in her house. That is disrespectful to her parents.

 

A question i have now is that I am a people pleaser. I know I should get into this habit. I love taking care of people. She is currently borrowing a book and has told me that she wants to keep the book and the book would help her and her career a lot. I told her noted. I never said I would buy it for her. Is it wrong to buy her this book because it helps her with her career?

 

After taking her to her first swing lesson(hoping she likes it) and dinner tonight, what should be my main focus. Just keep making dates and stop the texting?

[DancerEngineer]

Well ****! She just text me and said, "hey i'm not sure I will be able to dance tonight. I just got sick."

I am assuming it is because she is nervous about the class and thinks she wont like the type of dance. She likes Latin better.

 

No idea what to say.

[DancerEngineer]

I called to find out what was up. She said She drank way too much and threw up last night and is very hung over. I told her " that's ok. Well I'm still going just let me know when you are free and feel better, i have to go." Then i hung up and I'm going alone. Guess alcohol means more to her than me. Bloody hell.

[JuneL]

Hi OP:

 

The quoted text below is pretty much a concise summary of your situation with this woman; so there isn't really much else I need to repeat at this point.

 

Her canceling on you may actually be good – It saves you from going to her house to help her set up the studio tomorrow; it also saves you from a possible relationship talk.

 

There is another thing which may be helpful to you when you start dating again. I read from some posters on here that they have hired a dating coach (I'm not sure if they provide real-time coaching though). You might want to consider hiring one in the future...

 

ALL THE BEST!

 

p.s. The Einstein quote is regarding doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results ;-)

 

 

Indeed, OP's first post has omitted some really important details. With more information being unraveled over the past few days, I think we've more or less reached the following dynamic consensus accordingly (though they are all related):

 

first, be less passive/more macho --> next, set firm boundaries/don't act desperate --> finally, THIS WOMAN IS NO PRIZE!!!

[DancerEngineer]

Hi OP:

 

The quoted text below is pretty much a concise summary of your situation with this woman; so there isn't really much else I need to repeat at this point.

 

Her canceling on you may actually be good – It saves you from going to her house to help her set up the studio tomorrow; it also saves you from a possible relationship talk.

 

There is another thing which may be helpful to you when you start dating again. I read from some posters on here that they have hired a dating coach (I'm not sure if they provide real-time coaching though). You might want to consider hiring one in the future...

 

ALL THE BEST!

 

p.s. The Einstein quote is regarding doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results ;-)

 

What you mean start dating again? She didn't reject me. Just just isn't into this swing. I get it. But now I have to figure how to control here on out. I still went to class and I brought another friend along with me.

She text me during class and said, "hope you are having fun."

Maybe she feels bad. And I know she really was hung over. So yeah, from here on out, not sure what to do. Just be more firm in what I want I guess?

[DancerEngineer]

So when she contacts me or calls me again, just be firm in setting the next date and if she doesn't make plans, tell her I have to go because I'm busy and tell her to get back to me when she finds out, right?

[JuneL]

Forgot to add: Don't let your occupation define you as a person

[DancerEngineer]

Forgot to add: Don't let your occupation define you as a person

 

Got! Wont do!

[Bastile]

While it's true that there is a cyclical element to a woman's sexuality, I think you are using PMS as rationalizations and excuses for her behaviour.

 

So when she contacts me or calls me again, just be firm in setting the next date and if she doesn't make plans, tell her I have to go because I'm busy and tell her to get back to me when she finds out, right?

 

This woman flakes on every plan you try to make. So make them with someone else instead. You can do much better than this.

 

When she contacts you, turn up, get some lovin, and get gone. No more building cages for her pets, cleaning her patio, or whatever else.

[clia]

So when she contacts me or calls me again, just be firm in setting the next date and if she doesn't make plans, tell her I have to go because I'm busy and tell her to get back to me when she finds out, right?

 

At best, she is lukewarm about you. It was pretty clear she never had any intention of going with you to dance class. If she was really interested in you, there is no way she would've gotten so drunk that she couldn't make it the following evening. Or she would've sucked it up through the hangover and went so she could see you. You just are not a priority to her.

 

I stand by my previous advice: Stop asking her out and start dating other people. If you want to see her occasionally when she calls, fine. But pull back. Frankly, you are far, far more invested in this than she is, and you are ignoring the blazing red flags and seeing only what you want to see. Like I said, I expect she is dating and/or talking to other men.

 

You would be a fool to help her with her patio tonight after she cancelled on you. Do yourself a favor and make plans to go out with your friends tonight instead.

[JuneL]

She didn't reject me.

 

ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

 

You should have long demoted her to be someone to hang out and make out with when you have too much time to spare and before you meet a girlfriend.

 

From now on, don't initiate anything with her, ever; accept her last minute impulsive suggestion only if you have nothing better to do, and only if the suggestion doesn't involve spending time at her parents house (so you can avoid helping her with stuff and meeting her parents and her pet, and avoid getting too personal with her more generally). When going to dinner, choose some cheap restaurants. Tell her not to be needy and clingy when she blows up your phone again. Do not buy her stuff, ever. This is how you treat someone who got wasted and who flakes on you over and over.

 

Slowly ghost her when you meet a potential romantic prospect.

Edited June 16, 2017 by JuneL