Why do I get a sense that a lot of women feel I'm beneath them?

[NJ123]

I don't make much money myself, but then again, I have very little focus on dating as I work to change that. I have known women who fit the gold-digger bill, and sure, it's not pleasant to watch some women go gaga over what a man can do for them financially.

 

But at the same time, I won't throw shade at a woman in her late twenties or older for not wanting to live like a struggling college student with no light at the end of that tunnel.

 

I never said there's nothing I can't work on. I know there's things I have to fix. But it's just some double standards really suck. It's just human nature for people not to care about something that doesn't affect them personally.

[ZA Dater]

That's not the same thing at all. Physical appearance & health should be way more important in a match than someone's job. The first thing you see about someone is obviously their appearance. It's just not a fair comparison.

 

Just so you can feel better about what you think to be true. Money alone isn't going to buy you a date but it will buy you a good time of that I am certain because its easier to impress people. Like it or not personality regrettably doesn't impress people, I grew up thinking it did and believe that for most of my 20's.

 

 

A lot about dating is built on the ability to impress and how you do that or don't do that. Me, I never bothered to try impress anyone because I simply don't feel the need, guess how many good dates I have had, very few.

[NJ123]

You don't get to decide someone else's preferences. They do.

 

And as I state again it's because of the double standard. A lot of good looking women want guys to have really good jobs while they don't have to have one themselves. It's probably men's fault partially though since they allow it to happen that way.

[Blanco]

I never said there's nothing I can't work on. I know there's things I have to fix. But it's just some double standards really suck. It's just human nature for people not to care about something that doesn't affect them personally.

 

Sure, double standards suck. And they sucked a year ago when you were making near carbon-copy posts like the ones in this thread. And I promise that in the interim between those threads and this one, millions of average looking dudes who make maybe 40k a year were able to hook up with a good looking woman.

 

You make yourself out to be this victim of circumstance, when in reality, it seems like you're content to fixate on what you cannot change while ignoring the things you can change.

[ZA Dater]

You don't get to decide someone else's preferences. They do.

 

Or do glossy magazines really decide what preferences ladies should have or what men should be? How about what your friends think you need?

[MidwestUSA]

NJ, since you mentioned health, how's your burning head issue? IIRC, you vowed to get to the bottom of that, as you felt it was holding your back.

 

Any luck?

[Blanco]

Man, maybe you guys just live on different planets than I do, because I know plenty of good looking women who are in long-term relationships or married to guys who are OK looking and have stable, yet unspectacular jobs.

[ZA Dater]

Sure, double standards suck. And they sucked a year ago when you were making near carbon-copy posts like the ones in this thread. And I promise that in the interim between those threads and this one, millions of average looking dudes who make maybe 40k a year were able to hook up with a good looking woman.

 

You make yourself out to be this victim of circumstance, when in reality, it seems like you're content to fixate on what you cannot change while ignoring the things you can change.

 

 

Everyone walking this earth is a victim of circumstance to a lesser or greater degree.

 

 

Change is good but what of change for change sake? Or change to be someone you don't want to be because everyone else tells you, that you need to be that person to date? How can that change be construed as positive.

[NJ123]

Sure, double standards suck. And they sucked a year ago when you were making near carbon-copy posts like the ones in this thread. And I promise that in the interim between those threads and this one, millions of average looking dudes who make maybe 40k a year were able to hook up with a good looking woman.

 

You make yourself out to be this victim of circumstance, when in reality, it seems like you're content to fixate on what you cannot change while ignoring the things you can change.

 

To sum it up is that in terms of dating is that I don't want it to come down to my job for how successful I am. But the way things are structured it just seems that's the case for most men unless they're like in the top tier of looks & charisma. But I can't imagine how many men only won a woman over due to how much they make. How they are able to live with that though is what I don't get.

[ZA Dater]

Man, maybe you guys just live on different planets than I do, because I know plenty of good looking women who are in long-term relationships or married to guys who are OK looking and have stable, yet unspectacular jobs.

 

Everyone's good looking is very different but perhaps yes you are right but its rare in my own set of circumstances where there is someone good looking who is better looking than their partner.

 

 

Like begets like.

[NJ123]

NJ, since you mentioned health, how's your burning head issue? IIRC, you vowed to get to the bottom of that, as you felt it was holding your back.

 

Any luck?

 

It's still there but I've seen some improvement. I've also been going to the gym regularly again 3 to 4x a week. And am in a bit better shape & put on some muscle. I want to try to put on more weight/muscle as the months go by though.

 

That stuff you told me to take awhile back unfortunately never did anything at all though to help. I've been wearing my night guard for the issue & it seems it keeps the muscles relaxed a bit more but the issue never fully goes away.

[Bastile]

And as I state again it's because of the double standard. A lot of good looking women want guys to have really good jobs while they don't have to have one themselves. It's probably men's fault partially though since they allow it to happen that way.

 

Stop the moaning. It's getting to mgtow levels.

 

You say you're a 7 in looks. I'd say I'm around the same.

 

Then you will likely have women below that making moves on you occasionally.

 

Ah, but that's not good enough! You want hot girls.

 

Girls around your "league" will mostly wait for you to make the move. But you don't want to do that.... it's too scary. What to do?

 

You think, "I know! I'll go online. Rejection won't be such a problem that way!"

 

But, millions of other men have the same exact idea. Millions of other men everywhere that are afraid to talk to women, all spamming a girl's inbox.

 

So, do you join the rabble scrabbling around for some attention on POF or whatever? Or do you understand where you have gone wrong by going back to the source?

 

Here's a hint, if you want to stand out, be a man that makes the move in real life. Find whatever dominant part there is in your nature, and cultivate it. It's there somewhere... and that is a greater value than looks, money, status, or anything else you'd care to moan about.

[Blanco]

Everyone walking this earth is a victim of circumstance to a lesser or greater degree.

 

 

Change is good but what of change for change sake? Or change to be someone you don't want to be because everyone else tells you, that you need to be that person to date? How can that change be construed as positive.

 

I think authenticity is crucial and it's important for one's peace of mind that they remain true to themselves.

 

If the OP is comfortable and content living at home and working a retail job, then he should do so. But he must do so with the understanding that the arrangement is a deal-breaker for many women of a certain age.

 

In the end it's not their place to tell him to change his ways if that is his preferred lifestyle, but by the same token, it is not his place to tell them to change their ways/preferences.

[Blanco]

To sum it up is that in terms of dating is that I don't want it to come down to my job for how successful I am. But the way things are structured it just seems that's the case for most men unless they're like in the top tier of looks & charisma. But I can't imagine how many men only won a woman over due to how much they make. How they are able to live with that though is what I don't get.

 

That is their cross to bear, not yours. Again, I suggest you focus less on how other men are able to cope and come to terms with situations that really have no application to your own life.

 

I will again point out that there is a wide gap between making lots of money and working a dead-end job with a low pay ceiling and little to no room for upward mobility.

[NJ123]

Stop the moaning. It's getting to mgtow levels.

 

You say you're a 7 in looks. I'd say I'm around the same.

 

Then you will likely have women below that making moves on you occasionally.

 

Ah, but that's not good enough! You want hot girls.

 

Girls around your "league" will mostly wait for you to make the move. But you don't want to do that.... it's too scary. What to do?

 

You think, "I know! I'll go online. Rejection won't be such a problem that way!"

 

But, millions of other men have the same exact idea. Millions of other men everywhere that are afraid to talk to women, all spamming a girl's inbox.

 

So, do you join the rabble scrabbling around for some attention on POF or whatever? Or do you understand where you have gone wrong by going back to the source?

 

Here's a hint, if you want to stand out, be a man that makes the move in real life. Find whatever dominant part there is in your nature, and cultivate it. It's there somewhere... and that is a greater value than looks, money, status, or anything else you'd care to moan about.

 

How is it wrong for me to like to be with someone on my own level of looks? I'm not expecting to be with a supermodel just someone looks matched with me. And I don't know where I'm approaching women. I never see anyone anywhere I'm at approach at all. Everyone just seems to want to be left alone since I never see anyone interacting with one another wherever I'm at outside of people they know already.

[NJ123]

That is their cross to bear, not yours. Again, I suggest you focus less on how other men are able to cope and come to terms with situations that really have no application to your own life.

 

I will again point out that there is a wide gap between making lots of money and working a dead-end job with a low pay ceiling and little to no room for upward mobility.

 

True, I agree I can't be bothered with what other people's problems are. It's just all the horror stories I hear make me a bit jaded as well as paranoid that it'll happen to me.

 

So what type of job do women expect a guy to have then? Just one that he can support himself on regardless of how much money he makes?

[MidwestUSA]

It's still there but I've seen some improvement. I've also been going to the gym regularly again 3 to 4x a week. And am in a bit better shape & put on some muscle. I want to try to put on more weight/muscle as the months go by though.

 

That stuff you told me to take awhile back unfortunately never did anything at all though to help. I've been wearing my night guard for the issue & it seems it keeps the muscles relaxed a bit more but the issue never fully goes away.

 

Well, that's sorta good news. I can tell you it's your TMJ, nothing sinus related at all. Keep up with the night guard, and get those neck muscles massaged out, because it's a bitch to keep under control.

[Els]

Not sure why you're bringing up luxury cars when that's not even relevant to anything in your situation. There's a pretty big spectrum between accepting a guy who can't even pay his own rent, and requiring a guy who drives a Lamborghini. Most decent women fall in the middle of that spectrum.

[Bastile]

How is it wrong for me to like to be with someone on my own level of looks? I'm not expecting to be with a supermodel just someone looks matched with me. And I don't know where I'm approaching women. I never see anyone anywhere I'm at approach at all. Everyone just seems to want to be left alone since I never see anyone interacting with one another wherever I'm at outside of people they know already.

 

You understand that most women are submissive, yeah? Yet you expect them to hit on you, take your number, take you out on a date, probably initiate the sex too... oh and they have to be hot girls.

 

It's bizarre.

 

Just go and chat some up, for goodness sake

 

Be positive about it. The attitude displayed here is very counter-productive.

[GemmaUK]

Women want men who take responsibility for themselves.

 

One really simple example - if you don't like your job, get a different one - what is stopping you from doing at least that?

 

When I haven't enjoyed my jobs over the years it's exactly what I have done - why can't I expect the same from a guy?

It' s up to me to take responsibility for my work life and happiness in it.

Why isn't it the same for you NJ?

[telemakus]

I don't understand why it's any worse to be attracted to a guy because of his job than it is for you to be attracted to a woman for how she looks.

[ZA Dater]

Women want men who take responsibility for themselves.

 

One really simple example - if you don't like your job, get a different one - what is stopping you from doing at least that?

 

When I haven't enjoyed my jobs over the years it's exactly what I have done - why can't I expect the same from a guy?

It' s up to me to take responsibility for my work life and happiness in it.

Why isn't it the same for you NJ?

 

I think there is a lot of truth to this. Ultimately we all need to accept some responsibility for where we find ourselves in life, yes, there a certain things beyond ones control but equally there also comes a time when you need to rationalise things.

 

 

Everyone wants someone they like but truthfully how many actually ever end up with getting that? I'd wager the vast majority settle for people they don't really like because they represent the best of what they could get up to that point.

 

 

There are choices, continue ripping yourself up, make changes, decide you are content, lower your standards, pay or simply just accept you cannot get what you want and move on with life.

 

 

As they say the choice is yours.

[ZA Dater]

I don't understand why it's any worse to be attracted to a guy because of his job than it is for you to be attracted to a woman for how she looks.

 

It isn't. But it is when the sole reason for liking a person is their job or their looks.

[telemakus]

It isn't. But it is when the sole reason for liking a person is their job or their looks.

 

You've just contradicted yourself.

[ZA Dater]

You've just contradicted yourself.

 

On purpose to illustrate the ridiculous standard whereby people are not judged on personality first.