What a mess Im in.. .

[Transitions12]

Well, if you haven't figured out by now he is calling because he wants to be serviced, not much else anyone can say.

 

By the way, you still have an innocent clueless husband out there that ain't much in the thought process here and what you risk by not ending this once and for all. Confessing and making it real for yourself takes away the option.

 

Horny guys that have a female in your state don't give up easily. Expect more of the same and since you have to talk on the phone at work you say he will get to you.

 

That you rinse and repeat.

 

Theres nothing to say except I came here to find support about NC. Thank you though.

[SoulStorm]

His persistence has nothing to do with you being such an amazing woman. As a matter of fact his true opinion of you may be far less than you think. I wouldn't take his calls to be anything but insults because all they scream is "easy lay"

 

A few phone calls, a few texts or I show up and wham bam she's mine.

 

Be smarter than that. Be better than that. have more respect for yourself than that. Even if your husband is an addict..he still doesn't deserve his wife to be someone else's side piece.

 

Think about all that every time he contacts you. You are being disrespected and each ding or ring on your phone shows just how much so

[Overtaxed]

His persistence has nothing to do with you being such an amazing woman. As a matter of fact his true opinion of you may be far less than you think. I wouldn't take his calls to be anything but insults because all they scream is "easy lay"

 

A few phone calls, a few texts or I show up and wham bam she's mine.

 

Be smarter than that. Be better than that. have more respect for yourself than that. Even if your husband is an addict..he still doesn't deserve his wife to be someone else's side piece.

 

Think about all that every time he contacts you. You are being disrespected and each ding or ring on your phone shows just how much so

 

Exactly. Respect yourself, because a guy like this surely isn't going to. The only reason to take his calls if you want the "easy lay", because, I can promise you, that's what he's calling for. Tell him "no more sex/intimacy" and see how fast the calls stop (when he knows your serious).

[Transitions12]

Exactly. Respect yourself, because a guy like this surely isn't going to. The only reason to take his calls if you want the "easy lay", because, I can promise you, that's what he's calling for. Tell him "no more sex/intimacy" and see how fast the calls stop (when he knows your serious).

 

I dont know why this was moved, it was a seperate topic than the last, even though it tied in.

 

Yes i know, he thinks that, he is basically now started calling me childish, and a liar, etc. Hes not used to me NOT answering.

[Transitions12]

His persistence has nothing to do with you being such an amazing woman. As a matter of fact his true opinion of you may be far less than you think. I wouldn't take his calls to be anything but insults because all they scream is "easy lay"

 

A few phone calls, a few texts or I show up and wham bam she's mine.

 

Be smarter than that. Be better than that. have more respect for yourself than that. Even if your husband is an addict..he still doesn't deserve his wife to be someone else's side piece.

 

Think about all that every time he contacts you. You are being disrespected and each ding or ring on your phone shows just how much so

Thank you, im holding strong.

[SoulStorm]

I dont know why this was moved, it was a seperate topic than the last, even though it tied in.

 

Yes i know, he thinks that, he is basically now started calling me childish, and a liar, etc. Hes not used to me NOT answering.

 

Yep..the more you ignore him you will see exactly what kind of guy he is. He is not different than any other jerk, He's just a jerk with a different approach

[SoulStorm]

Thank you, im holding strong.

 

Good for you. Keep holding strong. The longer you go with NC you win..if you contact him..he wins

[jjgitties]

Hi, I read your story and the posts.

 

It's a very sad story. Your marriage and family life sound like a very unhappy place. I can't even begin to imagine what you are/were going through when you started the Affair with the other younger man.

 

It sounds like you were vulnerable and this younger man at the gym approached you, befriended you and the relationship became sexual a little after that. I don't judge you for having an affair. You need comfort and affection in your life, (everyone does!) and the relationship with the OM sort of filled that need to an extent.

 

Here is what I can add. Try to use this time of NC to do some soul searching. Try to find out what you really want in your life for yourself. Do you want to find affection, love and emotional connection with someone? Do you want to find it in your existing marriage from your husband? Do you think it's even possible? Do you want to find it from another man?

 

In both cases, maintaining a purely sexual relationship with a man on the side is preventing you from finding that love, affection and true emotional connection from another person. Even if the opportunity arises, the existing sexual relationship and the lies you would need to tell to hide it would undermine it. This is reason enough to maintain NC and start rebuilding your life for yourself. Good luck.

[Transitions12]

Hi, I read your story and the posts.

 

It's a very sad story. Your marriage and family life sound like a very unhappy place. I can't even begin to imagine what you are/were going through when you started the Affair with the other younger man.

 

It sounds like you were vulnerable and this younger man at the gym approached you, befriended you and the relationship became sexual a little after that. I don't judge you for having an affair. You need comfort and affection in your life, (everyone does!) and the relationship with the OM sort of filled that need to an extent.

 

Here is what I can add. Try to use this time of NC to do some soul searching. Try to find out what you really want in your life for yourself. Do you want to find affection, love and emotional connection with someone? Do you want to find it in your existing marriage from your husband? Do you think it's even possible? Do you want to find it from another man?

 

In both cases, maintaining a purely sexual relationship with a man on the side is preventing you from finding that love, affection and true emotional connection from another person. Even if the opportunity arises, the existing sexual relationship and the lies you would need to tell to hide it would undermine it. This is reason enough to maintain NC and start rebuilding your life for yourself. Good luck.

 

Thank you so so much.

Your words ring so true. I have been soul searching lately...trying to get myself to a better place. The wounds run so deep in me for many many things/reasons.

 

I saw a picture his brother posted last night from a graduation dinner that his nephew had ...and it was him and his girlfriend with his arm around her.

 

He was smiling so big.

I wanted to punch his face through the screen. His brother actually is his half brother and I was friends with his brother long before I knew him, I actually didnt know they were brothers until this year when I saw a tagged post. So now I have unfollowed the brother as well.

[Chi townD]

Thank you so so much.

Your words ring so true. I have been soul searching lately...trying to get myself to a better place. The wounds run so deep in me for many many things/reasons.

 

I saw a picture his brother posted last night from a graduation dinner that his nephew had ...and it was him and his girlfriend with his arm around her.

 

He was smiling so big.

I wanted to punch his face through the screen. His brother actually is his half brother and I was friends with his brother long before I knew him, I actually didnt know they were brothers until this year when I saw a tagged post. So now I have unfollowed the brother as well.

 

So, are you now starting to realize that you were nothing more than a bootycall for him?That you meant nothing to him. Are you seeing that his life goes on happily unfettered while your marriage and your life is holding on by a thread?

 

So, you need to do some soul searching. You need to decide if your marriage is worth fixing. But, there's a lot of damage and I still say your husband knows something is up. He may not know exactly what it is, but he knows something is off. I strongly urge you to seek out individual counseling for yourself and suggest marriage counseling.

 

I said it before, the truth always has a way of finding the light. Be mindful of that because if you don't tell him and he finds out by other means, all the hard work you just put forth in fixing things goes right out the window.

[Transitions12]

So, are you now starting to realize that you were nothing more than a bootycall for him?That you meant nothing to him. Are you seeing that his life goes on happily unfettered while your marriage and your life is holding on by a thread?

 

So, you need to do some soul searching. You need to decide if your marriage is worth fixing. But, there's a lot of damage and I still say your husband knows something is up. He may not know exactly what it is, but he knows something is off. I strongly urge you to seek out individual counseling for yourself and suggest marriage counseling.

 

I said it before, the truth always has a way of finding the light. Be mindful of that because if you don't tell him and he finds out by other means, all the hard work you just put forth in fixing things goes right out the window.

 

First of all,my life isnt hanging on by a thread...LOL

Im not pining over AP, its just weird not being able to contact him occasionally. I mean, we didnt talk really for a year,and we only hooked up twice since then. Not the end of the world.

My H does not know anything about the A , he wont more than likely because hes so self absorbed . I do need to soul search and I have told my H on many many occasions I dont know if I can stay married to him, he knows how I feel. He just says ok, well if you decided to leave we will work it out.

 

Im focusing on myself actually. I have started working out more, and im going to start back in school again. My kids start school this year, H is getting a new job , so hopefully things changing will help. I still have not contacted him, and he has stopped contacting me.

[MickeyBill]

 

I saw a picture his brother posted last night from a graduation dinner that his nephew had ...and it was him and his girlfriend with his arm around her.

 

He was smiling so big.

I wanted to punch his face through the screen. .

 

Why did you want to punch his face, because he seemed happy with his girlfriend or what? Maybe he is not upset about losing you? Shouldn't that help you get over him?

[Transitions12]

Why did you want to punch his face, because he seemed happy with his girlfriend or what? Maybe he is not upset about losing you? Shouldn't that help you get over him?

No of course he's not upset about losing me....all I was to him was booty.

Punch him in the face bc he's such a piece of crap in many ways, and I just had the affair fog lifted and realised it. Angry at myself more for always choosing men that are worthless.

[MickeyBill]

No of course he's not upset about losing me....all I was to him was booty.

Punch him in the face bc he's such a piece of crap in many ways, and I just had the affair fog lifted and realised it. Angry at myself more for always choosing men that are worthless.

 

If you are not doing any therapy your last sentence is a great place to start. Both men and women have types that we are attracted to, sometimes that type is destructive (BTDT) so finding out the why we do what we do is a good first step. I found out and was able make a change in who I got involved with, so far it has helped a lot. Hang in there.

[Mr. Lucky]

Angry at myself more for always choosing men that are worthless.

 

This is what stands out in your thread.

 

You've picked two guys. One has buried himself in a pill bottle. The other is sleeping with you in the grass infield at the local track when his GF is in the ER.

 

Neither is a healthy choice or path taken by someone who thinks she deserves good things in life. In fact, both are intentionally degrading and self-destructive. So it's not enough to just go NC with him, you have to address the broken pieces inside that led you to these poor decisions.

 

It's one thing to cut him off. You need to fix the process that might lead you to future "hims". Hope you get the help you need...

 

Mr. Lucky

[Jersey born raised]

What makes you think your husband does not care if you leave? What causes you to believe your adultery means nothing to him? Does he really mean it or is it protective camouflage?

 

What cause this lack of concern? What caused him to give up on the woman he married? I did for many reasons. For years if she asked for a divorce I would have shrugged and say ok, what ever. Yet her adultery wounded me as nothing in my life has. Just at some point I felt shut out and kept out. Yet I loved her and married her.

[Transitions12]

What makes you think your husband does not care if you leave? What causes you to believe your adultery means nothing to him? Does he really mean it or is it protective camouflage?

 

What cause this lack of concern? What caused him to give up on the woman he married? I did for many reasons. For years if she asked for a divorce I would have shrugged and say ok, what ever. Yet her adultery wounded me as nothing in my life has. Just at some point I felt shut out and kept out. Yet I loved her and married her.

It's a long story .I would have to go back to before I met him, how i met him, and what got me to this place . When Iget access to private messages I will message you the long long story if you wish

[Sparta]

OP why don't you post it for all of us to see.?

[jjgitties]

OP. this is a long thread, a lot of people posted their thoughts. let us know how it worked out. i think everyone deep down is holding out for the real true love in their life. a great many settle for something in between reality and fantasy. if you did/do find the real thing, please post so we know what the chances and odds are.

 

best of luck to you.

[Transitions12]

What makes you think your husband does not care if you leave? What causes you to believe your adultery means nothing to him? Does he really mean it or is it protective camouflage?

 

What cause this lack of concern? What caused him to give up on the woman he married? I did for many reasons. For years if she asked for a divorce I would have shrugged and say ok, what ever. Yet her adultery wounded me as nothing in my life has. Just at some point I felt shut out and kept out. Yet I loved her and married her.[/QUOT

 

My husband is absorbed in himself . He does not care to spend too much time with me. He does not ask me how i am. He doesn't care when I'm needing something or someone. My son from an abusive marriage was kidnapped and taken to another country when he was 5. He is 13 now. I met my drug addict husband during the initial shock of my son being taken . He was good to me. I had been abused profusely since i was 19. Hewas the first man I ever met that was nice to me. He was going to church and was not using at the time.i latched onto him. The 3rd man i had ever slept with since I was 18. I worshipped him. He was kind . We were in church and wanted to have sex so I married him within 6 months of meeting him. I got pregnant 2 montha later. He wanted kids, I did not want more. , but gotpregant bc I loved him and he wanted a child. I was 35 at that point and wanted to hurry up and get a,baby over with before I got old. I got pregnant with twins. Had bed rest, got a rare heart disease after and died . I was told i would need a heart transplant . I was fitted with a portable diffibulator and sent home and the day I was released , but husband was too high to drive me home and passed out all night. Thank God we had help with babies. He could not be counted on. The years went by , I healed miraculously. ..constantly taking care of twins and dealing with a pilled out husband . Also, his ex wife who he was married to for one year who was a coke head and slept around on him, was still in the picture. My husband brought up her baby for a year after birth and so hecalled herhis baby mama basically. She would threaten him all the time with not ever being able to see the kid, who was 7 when we got together. He did whatever she said, at the cost of me. She could call me names,he never stood up for me. Shed walk right in our house like it was hers with no care, He wouldn't say anything to her. I begged him for the first 4 years of us being together to please pick my side, etc. He wouldn't and it made me angry on top of all the other issues. My health, his health,etc.