2 months of NC

[marische]

Of course, it's far easier to have sex with someone you've already slept with than to try to find someone new. Typical relationship behavior for men, not just an A.

 

We are not even in the same country until June and he knows that because of business related matters. Maybe he just want to find out if I am angry and if it is over but I am going to keep with no contact.

[marische]

I don't understand why you think it's odd. You told him not to contact you, so he isn't. But, bc it's an affair, he's hooked on the sex and ego boosts. So he's​ trying the back door. He wants you to see his name, pic, posts so that you miss him and invite him back into your life.

 

To give you a reference point, I've been out of the affair for 8 months, and my xMM still checks the one social media account I've had to leave public a few times a month. This is pretty typical affair behavior.

 

I didn't tell him not to contact me. I just stopped talking to him blocked his cell# and his office # so he cant reach me on my cell.

[marische]

 

[]

 

He is either getting poor sex or no sex or not the type of sex he wants at home, or he just wants "extra" or variety, so he looks around for some woman who can give him that.

Yes he may enjoy the closeness and the affection too, but as you found out when you challenged his wife's place in his life, you were immediately pushed aside (literally) and binned.

Yes, you can claim the NC was your idea but you just narrowly beat him to the chase. You left all your social media avenues open, but he ignored you for 2 months...

He essentially shut you down and now he is probably getting a bit horny again, so is trying to get you back on board.

 

I know it is not nice to hear, but affairs are usually not particularly nice.

 

Elaine,

Affairs arent very nice I agree. I am not claiming that I am better than his wife. This is the first time I have an affair. I love my husband, and my family but I love my "lover" too, he is very special to me. I miss talking to him.

Edited May 12, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Edited quote ~6

[FoundMyStrength]

I didn't tell him not to contact me. I just stopped talking to him blocked his cell# and his office # so he cant reach me on my cell.

 

You're playing semantics. Ghosting someone and then blocking their phone numbers sends a pretty clear message of "I don't want to talk with you, please don't contact me.". Try doing that to a friend and see how quickly they get in touch to ask why you're acting like you don't want anything to do with them anymore.

 

My point still holds. He is putting out breadcrumbs and hoping you'll bite.

[ztmymmy]

deleted post

 

You are a great wife but you have no concern for your husband... ok.

 

Your husband loves you and is blind to your faults, but that doesn't make you a great wife either.

 

Are you in an open marriage?If you are lying and hiding things from your husband, that is not great.

 

 

deleted post

Edited May 12, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Redacted quote of deleted posts ~6

[marische]

You are a great wife but you have no concern for your husband... ok.

Your husband loves you and is blind to your faults, but that doesn't make you a great wife either.

Are you in an open marriage?If you are lying and hiding things from your husband, that is not great.

 

I'm a great wife for several reasons,

1.) My husband is happy with me

2.)We have great intimacy

3.) We have a beautiful family I am a very good mother

4.) I helped him and his family supporting them when they had financial problems before marriage

5.) I helped my husband overcome his addiction to prescription drugs 4 years ago

6.) I empower my husband

7.) I am kind to him, to his family and to his friends... Just for the record I had many opportunities to cheat before, or to leave him but I stood by him.

 

I want to live this experience now, MM asked me a few times if I want to divorce and be with him but I was evasive and didn't answer... Now I miss him but I don't think he acted properly.

Edited May 12, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
paragraphs and removed bold ~6

[Overtaxed]

I'm a great wife for several reasons,

1.) My husband is happy with me

2.)We have great intimacy

3.) We have a beautiful family I am a very good mother

4.) I helped him and his family supporting them when they had financial problems before marriage

5.) I helped my husband overcome his addiction to prescription drugs 4 years ago

6.) I empower my husband

7.) I am kind to him, to his family and to his friends... Just for the record I had many opportunities to cheat before, or to leave him but I stood by him.

 

I want to live this experience now, MM asked me a few times if I want to divorce and be with him but I was evasive and didn't answer... Now I miss him but I don't think he acted properly.

 

 

And you think your husband would see it that way? Here's a hint, from a BM, he won't. This action will color all of that black for him; he wants you, above all else, to be faithful to him. You are not being a great wife when your in an A, full stop. You probably can't see what you're doing to him, but, when he finds out, you will. And you'll quickly realize why all these justifications don't matter one bit as you watch him fall apart hearing what you did.

 

And, just for the record, every woman in the world has "many opportunities to cheat". That's not something to be proud of, that's what you're supposed to do as a married woman.

 

Finally, no, he did not "act properly". Which is about as big an understatement as I can possibly think for the actions you two took together. Kind of like saying I was "careless" when I beat the heck out of a guy as a younger man. No, I was out of control monster, as are you and your AP. Your destroying other people's lives for a few kind words and moments of physical intimacy. I hope it's worth it, because, if you read the stories of women who go down this road, at the end of it (when it blows up or your AP moves on), you will likely look back and say exactly what they did "What was I thinking, that was a terrible mistake".

Edited May 12, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Edited quote ~6

[lostgirl87]

I'm a great wife for several reasons,

1.) My husband is happy with me

2.)We have great intimacy

3.) We have a beautiful family I am a very good mother

4.) I helped him and his family supporting them when they had financial problems before marriage

5.) I helped my husband overcome his addiction to prescription drugs 4 years ago

6.) I empower my husband

7.) I am kind to him, to his family and to his friends... Just for the record I had many opportunities to cheat before, or to leave him but I stood by him.

 

I want to live this experience now, MM asked me a few times if I want to divorce and be with him but I was evasive and didn't answer... Now I miss him but I don't think he acted properly.

 

No judgment and I don't mean to be ugly but how can you say you're a good wife if you are cheating on your husband? For 3 years.

 

He's happy with the version of you that he knows. If he knew about the affair, I promise you all the other stuff wouldn't matter.

 

Part of being a wife, large part, is being faithful. Let go of MM/OM and be the good wife your husband thinks he has and that you can be.

Edited May 12, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Fixed quote ~6

[jah526]

For the record, mine is over, I stopped it, and I've learned my lesson. I was speaking hypothetically. One of the reasons I stopped it (other than the obvious) is because I knew he didn't care about me, although I really wanted to believe otherwise. I am trying to stay strong but hearing things like that all men only want women for one thing is disheartening.

[ztmymmy]

I'm a great wife for several reasons, 1.) My husband is happy with me 2.)We have great intimacy 3.) We have a beautiful family I am a very good mother

 

1.Maybe he is.Or maybe he is hiding his unhappiness and suspicions the way you hide your affair from him.

 

2.If you have great sex and everything else is as great as you say it is, why have an affair?

 

3.You don't have to be a wife to be a great mother.

 

 

4.) I helped him and his family supporting them when they had financial problems before marriage 5.) I helped my husband overcome his addiction to prescription drugs 4 years ago 6.) I empower my husband 7.) I am kind to him, to his family and to his friends... Just for the record I had many opportunities to cheat before, or to leave him but I stood by him. I want to live this experience now, MM asked me a few times if I want to divorce and be with him but I was evasive and didn't answer... Now I miss him but I don't think he acted properly.

 

"I stood by him. I want to live this experience now"

 

So because of everything you did for your husband and family previously, now you are entitled to an affair.

 

If you feel resentment towards your H because he never repaid you, it needs to be addressed in the proper fashion.

Edited May 10, 2017 by ztmymmy

[William]

Classic stuff here. Move the goalposts and then zero in for the attack....

 

I'll have a few more beers and then move the goalposts back to where they belong.

 

In the meantime:

I never called him again., he never attempted to contact me as well. I dont know what to think.

 

If having more content to add regarding promoting further NC and/or analyzing the subsequent lack of contact, feel free. If other, move on. Thanks!

[marische]

After no contact since March OM broke no contact with nasty letter, the subject was business related but it was incredibly bitter.

I am not sure and I cant understand the behavior... It wasnt to push me away because I dont talk to him, recently he sent me a few friendship requests on social media which I did not decline or accept... I am confused any insight?

[d0nnivain]

He didn't break NC. You did. NC is a behavior you control. If you wanted to be NC, when the e-mail came in you should have just deleted it, not read it. Better yet, he should be blocked form your system.

 

 

What he did & why are no longer your concern. He's irrelevant. He's an EX. It has to be like he doesn't even exist.

[Friskyone4u]

After no contact since March OM broke no contact with nasty letter, the subject was business related but it was incredibly bitter.

I am not sure and I cant understand the behavior... It wasnt to push me away because I dont talk to him, recently he sent me a few friendship requests on social media which I did not decline or accept... I am confused any insight?

 

You still don't get it. You didn't respond to the social media requests which are cordial, so now he tries to provoke you into a response by pissing you off.

 

The question was just asked by another poster. Why isn't he blocked on everything. The answer is you want the option of starting the affair again. You know what to do. You just don't want to.

[lostgirl87]

It was to get a reaction out of you and make you think about him and to hurt you. He's mad that his pathetic attempts (if we can even call them that) to contact you didn't work. He's lashing out and either wants you to respond to this email so y'all can start talking again OR to ignore you/hurt you as payback for ghosting him and not responding to the social media requests.

 

Either way, this doesn't mean he misses you bc he loves you and cares for you. If he did, he'd make his intentions clear. Your best bet is to continue NC and move on! Focus on you and your family. He's already made his family his focus.

[marische]

He didn't break NC. You did. NC is a behavior you control. If you wanted to be NC, when the e-mail came in you should have just deleted it, not read it. Better yet, he should be blocked form your system.

 

 

What he did & why are no longer your concern. He's irrelevant. He's an EX. It has to be like he doesn't even exist.

 

It was business related. I didnt contacted him, my secretary mailed him a letter and he responded to me.

[marische]

You still don't get it. You didn't respond to the social media requests which are cordial, so now he tries to provoke you into a response by pissing you off.

 

The question was just asked by another poster. Why isn't he blocked on everything. The answer is you want the option of starting the affair again. You know what to do. You just don't want to.

 

It was business related, not personal.

[d0nnivain]

It was business related. I didnt contacted him, my secretary mailed him a letter and he responded to me.

 

If it was business related, is your business now concluded? If not, can you get a colleague to take over his account? If it was business, there was no need for a tone.

[FoundMyStrength]

It seems pretty straightforward. Whenever a person has their loved one/liked one/plaything taken away, they get frustrated and upset. Think of your xMM like a toddler. You told him he can't have the candy bar, and now he's rolling around in the checkout aisle throwing a fit. You didn't reply when he threw out social media breadcrumbs, so now he's bawling at the top of his lungs trying to get your attention. It likely was a blow to his ego to lose you, no matter what level of feelings he has for you.

 

Who knows if it's to get you back, get an ego boost, or get revenge. I think xMM motives are hard to pin down. The real question is what you want from the situation. That should dictate your response (or lack thereof).

[marische]

If it was business related, is your business now concluded? If not, can you get a colleague to take over his account? If it was business, there was no need for a tone.

 

No, business is not concluded we have additional 9 years contract working on the same project but we don't need to talk its not necessary. I am starting a new project in september and we were suppose to work together but I didnt contacted him or invited him.

[marische]

It was to get a reaction out of you and make you think about him and to hurt you. He's mad that his pathetic attempts (if we can even call them that) to contact you didn't work. He's lashing out and either wants you to respond to this email so y'all can start talking again OR to ignore you/hurt you as payback for ghosting him and not responding to the social media requests.

 

Either way, this doesn't mean he misses you bc he loves you and cares for you. If he did, he'd make his intentions clear. Your best bet is to continue NC and move on! Focus on you and your family. He's already made his family his focus.

 

Unfortunatelly he got a reaction because I answered with evidence that his arguments were wrong. When I realized the whole thing would become a "tennis match" argument I decided to call a business partner to follow up on the matter. I was very hurt by his words.

Edited May 13, 2017 by marische

[marische]

It seems pretty straightforward. Whenever a person has their loved one/liked one/plaything taken away, they get frustrated and upset. Think of your xMM like a toddler. You told him he can't have the candy bar, and now he's rolling around in the checkout aisle throwing a fit. You didn't reply when he threw out social media breadcrumbs, so now he's bawling at the top of his lungs trying to get your attention. It likely was a blow to his ego to lose you, no matter what level of feelings he has for you.

 

Who knows if it's to get you back, get an ego boost, or get revenge. I think xMM motives are hard to pin down. The real question is what you want from the situation. That should dictate your response (or lack thereof).

 

What an interesting insight. Thanks for your reply. I am not sure of what to do.

[deadsoul]

Unfortunatelly he got a reaction because I answered with evidence that his arguments were wrong. When I realized the whole thing would become a "tennis match" argument I decided to call a business partner to follow up on the matter. I was very hurt by his words.

 

maybe in the future, have the business partner follow up anything retaining to him and you stay NC... He wants to hurt you. Now are you going to let him?

[marische]

maybe in the future, have the business partner follow up anything retaining to him and you stay NC... He wants to hurt you. Now are you going to let him?

 

I don't understand why does he want to hurt me.

[FoundMyStrength]

My guess is that he wants to hurt you for one of the following: (a) he cares and you hurt him by leaving and his instinct is to hurt you back; or (b) he's one of the @sshole MM for whom it's all about control, and now that you have a little bit, hes angry and wants to get it back.

 

My xMM did this when I first cut contact. His email back to me started with a paragraph where it was clear he just wanted to hurt me. Comparing me to an addiction, calling me an indulgence, describing me as a bit of fun that had been overshadowed by guilt, and making sure I knew he had reconnected emotionally with his wife and was happy. It was quite the paragraph. I imagine I hurt him and messed up his plans of having a long distance mistress, and he wanted to make sure I walked away with a big ole slap mark on my face. Why? I dunno. Cruelty?

 

Seriously, though, f@ck your MM and mine and all the rest of them. Personally, I think we all escape a worse fate. Being their wife.