Ex Keeps Contacting Me, Why??

[AlexM123]

Stop leaving yourself vulnerable to these acts of manipulation: Block her.

 

I've blocked her on everything besides her phone number. Everything else was fairly easy because at least there was a way of communication. Geez blocking her number I feel would tear me apart. I'd have to basically realize the hard way it's over for good.

 

So was this basically another ego boost thing for her??

Edited May 6, 2017 by AlexM123
Added a question

[BC1980]

I've blocked her on everything besides her phone number. Everything else was fairly easy because at least there was a way of communication. Geez blocking her number I feel would tear me apart. I'd have to basically realize the hard way it's over for good.

 

So was this basically another ego boost thing for her??

 

And because she can. I don't think she thinks about it that deeply or gets torn up about it.

[Blanco]

I've blocked her on everything besides her phone number. Everything else was fairly easy because at least there was a way of communication. Geez blocking her number I feel would tear me apart. I'd have to basically realize the hard way it's over for good.

 

So was this basically another ego boost thing for her??

 

Blocking someone on "everything but the phone" is sort of like securing your house and leaving the front door wide open.

 

I agree with BC here: She just wants to know you're still on the leash. Doesn't mean anything more than that, and certainly not what you'd like it to mean.

[dumbass2]

I've blocked her on everything besides her phone number. Everything else was fairly easy because at least there was a way of communication. Geez blocking her number I feel would tear me apart. I'd have to basically realize the hard way it's over for good.

 

So was this basically another ego boost thing for her??

 

You'd be torn up about it because of how you feel about her, but her? Not so much. I think she'll be fine, not that you really should care. It should be more about you and what's best for you at this point.

[AlexM123]

I get what you're all saying just it's hard to just give up on the possibility of meeting one day. If I were to block her that would pretty much put the nail in the coffin. But at the same time her playing games has no place in my life. UGHH why does she have to make this so difficult??

[Blanco]

She isn't the one making this difficult.

[BC1980]

I get what you're all saying just it's hard to just give up on the possibility of meeting one day. If I were to block her that would pretty much put the nail in the coffin. But at the same time her playing games has no place in my life. UGHH why does she have to make this so difficult??

 

But think about it. Even if you did meet, is it likely anything would come if it? It doesn't seem like it, but it's easy to get caught up in the fantasy. Living in a fantasy world is a way to keep us from reality. We keep the door open because we want to feed the fantasy. We've all done it to some extent, which is why we know it's pointless. I saw a book on Amazon called "The Dreamer and the Fantasy Relationship." It was geared towards people that get caught up in questionable online or long distance relationships. It had a lot of good reviews.

[dumbass2]

I get what you're all saying just it's hard to just give up on the possibility of meeting one day. If I were to block her that would pretty much put the nail in the coffin. But at the same time her playing games has no place in my life. UGHH why does she have to make this so difficult??

 

You still may meet someday, but it's best if it's way down the road so you can get over this relationship and the emotions from it. We all have faced a breakup and that's because that relationship didn't work for at least one of the people involved, so emotions from that need to die.

[AlexM123]

Well that's the hard part, like I've said before she immediately told me if I lived there she'd be dating me not her current guy. So that means if we were to meet there'd be a really great chance of us dating right? If she would tell me she never wants to date then I'd be able to block her but she leaves me hope.

 

I just wanna know how she's actually feeling towards me instead of these little games. I'll admit I definitely fantasize us meeting and think everything would be perfect when we could be total opposites. The mystery of her kinda keeps me hooked if that makes any sense.

[Blanco]

I'm sorry, but you're deluding yourself over a girl you've never met who doesn't even live in your country.

[AlexM123]

Been a while since I've been on here and updated. I used to have to come on LS 20 times a day or else I'd go crazy! I've definitely been improving almost everyday it feels like. I was the biggest wreck you could be when the breakup first happened and now I haven't gotten depressed or cried in awhile!

 

Really the only issue left is (still) when I'm not working or at the gym she's on my mind a lot. Like right now lol. Yesterday I thought about getting into reading books again hoping that would take my mind off of her. Anybody else have positive experiences with reading to distract yourself?

[Redhead14]

It's not about her inability to keep NC, it's about your ability to keep NC. What if she does it this time? You don't respond in any way, shape or form. Easy. You take control over the situation!

 

Why does she do it? She does it because you're enabling her. Stop doing that. Why does she do it? Because, she wants "training wheels" while she is trying to find a new partner. Basically, she needs an emotional tampon.

[jamili]

If there is any chance of reconciliation from breakups, im convinced they only happen YEARS down the line if you both happen to run into each other again. You both probably have to essentially forget the other existed for it to work. That's how over it you both need to be. If one of you still has old feelings from that previous relationship, i dont see reconciliation happening. Seems weird, but thats the way it seems to work in the instances ive heard about.

 

Just live your life, do your best to forget about her, and if it's in the Universe's plan for you then maybe several years from now you will run into each other randomly.

[BC1980]

Been a while since I've been on here and updated. I used to have to come on LS 20 times a day or else I'd go crazy! I've definitely been improving almost everyday it feels like. I was the biggest wreck you could be when the breakup first happened and now I haven't gotten depressed or cried in awhile!

 

Really the only issue left is (still) when I'm not working or at the gym she's on my mind a lot. Like right now lol. Yesterday I thought about getting into reading books again hoping that would take my mind off of her. Anybody else have positive experiences with reading to distract yourself?

 

Sure. I read all the time. Reading is a great way to escape reality for a bit. Exercise is also a great tool to escape your thoughts and de-stress. I highly recommend both. Writing too if that's your thing.

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[AlexM123]

It's not about her inability to keep NC, it's about your ability to keep NC. What if she does it this time? You don't respond in any way, shape or form. Easy. You take control over the situation!

 

Why does she do it? She does it because you're enabling her. Stop doing that. Why does she do it? Because, she wants "training wheels" while she is trying to find a new partner. Basically, she needs an emotional tampon.

 

Insightful post thanks! If I could I would definitely go back in time and go NC the day she broke up with me. Eh I really have no clue what I'd do if she contacts me again, I don't really ever think about that and it's been a month since she last has. Of course as of now I'd ignore but it's harder to ignore when it actually happens.

 

If there is any chance of reconciliation from breakups, im convinced they only happen YEARS down the line if you both happen to run into each other again. You both probably have to essentially forget the other existed for it to work. That's how over it you both need to be. If one of you still has old feelings from that previous relationship, i dont see reconciliation happening. Seems weird, but thats the way it seems to work in the instances ive heard about.

 

Just live your life, do your best to forget about her, and if it's in the Universe's plan for you then maybe several years from now you will run into each other randomly.

 

This seems about right. I've imagined many times if were to get back together it'd be years away out of nowhere. Although we live in different countries so I highly doubt we'd run into each other lol.

 

Sure. I read all the time. Reading is a great way to escape reality for a bit. Exercise is also a great tool to escape your thoughts and de-stress. I highly recommend both. Writing too if that's your thing.

Save

 

Oh exercise is definitely a great tool. It's probably been the #1 thing that's helped me through this. Have lost about 15lbs and my self esteem is a lot higher which I needed after being dumped for someone else. Feel like I waste too much time and reading sound great to me. Can take my mind off things and learn at the same time!

[AlexM123]

Thought I'd vent this little frustration out a little.

 

Everything has been much better since my last post except for one little issue. I was just watching tv a few minutes ago and out of nowhere the thought of her and this new guy having sex and him basically "stealing" her from me. My self esteem has gone up a lot from the gym and having a better life but boy this thing ruins my whole mood instantly. I'm sure it's my dumb pride and ego but don't know how to stop these thoughts from popping up.

 

It's pretty much the only thing I have left to solve before she becomes just another stranger. Maybe just need more time.

[AlexM123]

Hello again everyone! It’s been ages since I’ve been here feels a little weird haha. Doubt anyone remembers my situation but it’s been a weird one. After a few months of working out/making new friends I actually went on dates with a few different girls. Life was going amazing and rarely thought about my ex. I decided to move to California 3 weeks ago and it’s been pretty downhill from there.

 

Went from rarely ever thinking about her to her being on my mind all the time. It got so bad last night I got a little drunk and texted her for the first time in like 4-5 months. I thought I was ready to text but boy was I wrong. We’ve just had boring text conversations but all the emotions from the breakup and relationship are hitting me hard. This is the first time I’ve gotten emotional and cried about a girl since the breakup. Not sure what to do now tbh. All my progress just went down the drain.

 

Needed to vent all that out last 24 hours have been extremely rough on me. Thanks everyone

[BC1980]

Hello again everyone! It’s been ages since I’ve been here feels a little weird haha. Doubt anyone remembers my situation but it’s been a weird one. After a few months of working out/making new friends I actually went on dates with a few different girls. Life was going amazing and rarely thought about my ex. I decided to move to California 3 weeks ago and it’s been pretty downhill from there.

 

Went from rarely ever thinking about her to her being on my mind all the time. It got so bad last night I got a little drunk and texted her for the first time in like 4-5 months. I thought I was ready to text but boy was I wrong. We’ve just had boring text conversations but all the emotions from the breakup and relationship are hitting me hard. This is the first time I’ve gotten emotional and cried about a girl since the breakup. Not sure what to do now tbh. All my progress just went down the drain.

 

Needed to vent all that out last 24 hours have been extremely rough on me. Thanks everyone

 

Big changes can trigger emotions. Moving probably triggered something. Sometimes, you're okay for months, and then you backslide. But you'll be able to move on quicker this time. All your progress is not lost.

[OutKast100]

Ok dude i just read your whole thread and I have some comments and suggestions for you.

 

First of all, I read some comment you wrote where you said that you wanted to do NC and then in a few weeks when you are over her that you would hit her up and try to be friends. I personally think that you need 2-3 years until you trully do not want to be with her again (lets say 5 years to be safe). I'm talking about not a single communication with her whatsoever. Do not message this girl again.

 

Think about this for a minute, if she really were to message you back and say "i want to be with you, take me back" then would you even want her back given her horrible personality?? Look at the way she writes you its like shes saying "i know you want me back hahahaha i got you on my leash little doggy now jump for me when i command". She does not sound like a nice person at all and you can definately do better than her.

 

You wrote that you are worried that you will not find another girl as attractive as her, then later on you write that you are sad that you walked by a girl who looks like her. Did this point not hit you or something? You just found someone as attractive as her! You should have been happy and started talking to her, not much to lose there. You wrote that you're in better shape so have some confidence in yourself now.

 

You said that if you were to see her in person that it would not be for some years anyways so that should give you even more reason to avoid this chick. Being in a long distance relationship for many years sucks, especially with this girl who does not love you. She is just using you for her boredom, you wrote this yourself. That is horrible man and you really need to remind yourself of this when you miss her, she does not love you and does not care about your feelings whatsoever.

 

Dont message her again, there is absolutely no point in doing it at all. If she messages you then have some satisfaction that she caved in to you and your power went up a little higher, don't respond to her and see if she will message you back again. If she does then you will feel even better and maybe she will get desperate for your attention and the roles will be reversed. If she does not message you then good, it will be easier for you to move on and will show you that she does not have any interest in you. It is a win-win situation for you if you do not write her back. It will actually turn her on more to see you ignore her instead of caving in and replying to her.

 

Dont think about her looks as a regret of not being with her, think about her awful personality and all the negative things which she said to you. Don't think about the guys she is seeing, she chose other guys over you so you should not worry about what she is doing. You have not even met this girl in person, let that sink in. You could end up meeting her in person and be turned off and have it be something you did not even expect to be. She is not in love with you and is not even a good freind to you. Stay away from her.

 

I do not see a single situation where she can write you something that would warrant a reply from you. Ok how about this, if she writes you "Hey, i am really sorry for the way I have been treating you, you do not deserve this treatment and I regret my actions towards you. I really want us to be together. By the way I just moved to California so we can meet up if you would like." then sure you can consider it. But thats not going to happen of course so be realistic, you need to move on man please do not look back. I am sure that in 10 years you will look back at this stage of your life and laugh.

 

You lasted a couple of months with no contact so you can do this. You wrote earlier that you would rather erase her from your memory than be with her so you really need to stick to it. This girl is no good for you, block her everywhere and move on. I would say that you not block her and just ignore her and laugh at her attempts to get your attention but by reading your posts I think you would cave in to responding to her. Block her and move on man.

[Brokennotbeaten]

I met a girl online. Same story. Though I'm 26M and she's 22F. Painted a picture perfect fantasy. Met her in person and a huge red flag appeared.

 

It's easy to paint someone online as perfect because you do not see the flaws.

 

As people said here, it's leash pulling. You are plan B. Also with her attitude and saying the "distance doesn't work" do you trust her enough that she wouldn't be cheating? Out of sight out of mind. Long distance relationships are very difficult to work. You need to have Time, Money, and Commitment. No matter how hard you try, she doesn't have the commitment and that's something she can only change.

 

I am sorry. I know it's very, very difficult to hear. But block her and erase her. It gets MUCH easier when you don't know anything about her. Besides, with LDR where you haven't met or haven't met more than once, you have no idea how they are in real life. They may seem perfect in an online persona, but then you learn red flags when you meet in the flesh. My ex has PTSD and I became a trigger. That's how easy it is to hide stuff online.

 

i fully agree. I was/am in a similar situation. In my case exGF never contacted me for holiday or birthday greetings. Suddenly, I get multiple texts out of the blue. I've come to realize that I have always been her backup plan. Ivpaid her cell phone, taxidermy(Yes.. True) and rent in the past. Since I lost my job there definitely has been less contact. Now, she contacts me. It's likely she is in between guys again. I'm staying strong... I'm not a yoyo. you should go the same and learn from my mistakes.. It's the heart breakS not the money that hurt me the most. Don't respondto her. You'll see that she will get the hint and let you go on with your life.

[AlexM123]

Thanks for the replies everyone just got to seem them now but wished I would’ve saw them earlier. Post from outkast was pretty much spot on.

 

We’ve been texting back and forth casual texts and somehow I’m almost as bad as I was during the breakup. She hasn’t been flirting but has randomly sent me selfies and seems to like how I’m improved over the times. She’s pretty much on my mind constantly and feels like I’m staring at my phone waiting for her to text back. Really don’t know how she got me to be like this again but it sucks. I really feel like a chump.

 

Not sure what to do now but I’ve gotten over it before so not trying to be negative at this time.

[Zahara]

Really don’t know how she got me to be like this again but it sucks. I really feel like a chump.

 

It was your responsibility to protect yourself, not hers.

[AlexM123]

It was your responsibility to protect yourself, not hers.

 

I understand that, maybe I’m blaming her too much instead of myself. Really thought I’d be able to handle us talking again though tbh.

[BC1980]

I understand that, maybe I’m blaming her too much instead of myself. Really thought I’d be able to handle us talking again though tbh.

 

You can't manage talking to her at this point. It's like someone who can't manage alcohol. They have to completely abstain from it. That sounds extreme, but it's the same concept. My best friend can't manage alcohol, and I can't mange myself around brownies. We all have things we can't manage in life, and we all try to test the fires now and again. We think we've had enough time and space that we can manage it. I know my examples sound silly, but it makes sense when you think of it that way. That's the basic principle.

 

Most people can't manage talking to a ex consistently, which is why people don't do it. I can't think of any ex I'd want to talk to on a consistent basis because our shared history would make it hard to manage. That's why people defriend exes on social media. They know they cant' manage being apprised of their ex's life. You tested the fires and figured out first hand that you can't handle talking to her. At least you know. Experience is the best teacher. Just don't make it a habit.

[BC1980]

It was your responsibility to protect yourself, not hers.

 

Yes. It's your responsibility. I've heard it called taking protective measures. For example, block her phone number. Don't expose yourself to her contact because you aren't strong enough, at this point, to resist. You put yourself in a situation where have to resist the temptation, and there are only so many times you can resist temptation before you give in. It's likely you will give in at some point, so minimize your exposure to her.