Author SevenCity Posted March 4, 2017 Author Share Posted March 4, 2017 Yeah, she wants to find out more about you to see if YOU ARE REAL.To be honest, I have not had any problems receiving or giving out my last name. No stalkers yet. :-) Never a problem of any sort. I know the ladies want it to find out more about me and I them. I also talk about what I do and where, if asked. Why hide and be elusive if you are working towards an honest relationship? You've been dating a girl for a month. You don't know her name AND you're still looking? Does your gf know? Since when did going out on 4 dates make a girl your gf? I didn't say we were exclusive, I said we were dating as in we have been out on dates. And yes, I haven't had any problems either. I also haven't crashed my car but I still wear a seatbelt. Chances are low but when she asked where I went to school, what I do for a living, and my last name a red flag went up for me. It was a barrage of questions which appeared to be building up info on me. She could have just been paranoid but it left a bad taste in my mouth. Link to post Share on other sites
viatori patuit Posted March 4, 2017 Share Posted March 4, 2017 When I was dating I would give my name regularly. I found psychotic women tended to be far more unpredictable anyway. I have had stalkers and other crazy experiences but I chalk that up to the human condition. Good luck on the date. I would be a lot more worried they were not what the profile had listed. Face only pictures invariably ended poorly for me. Link to post Share on other sites
Author SevenCity Posted March 4, 2017 Author Share Posted March 4, 2017 I guess she's never dealt with an online stalker before. I have and I'd never give my last name to a stranger without meeting and vetting them in person first. I'm curious what her reaction would have been if I asked the question? I bet she would have freaked out. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author SevenCity Posted March 4, 2017 Author Share Posted March 4, 2017 Okay that is fair to you. I would definitely only start asking as we get closer to a date and he has my number, not when we are still on the site. I also don't give my number out easily, so at that point I usually have a pretty good vibe. But then mistakes are always made, like with the sex offender. We did meet in public, we also spent time talking and texting on phone, and our date included kissing. I was very hurt when I found out and felt stupid because I didn't do my homework. In some cases it is "more than just an hour" cause for me it includes scheduling my time, childcare, potential cost for childcare, etc. It is a fine line cause you can be damned if you do and damned if you don't. I guess another test to see if you are compatible or not. That's fair enough, though in my state you can get that label by using a hooker; in some states for urinating in public which I don't believe is the same as molesting a child or raping someone. I don't like to waste time either but I've never googled a woman prior to meeting. I've never done it afterwards but my sister did for a couple just to see what they looked like. Truth will come out eventually and I'm not in the habit of investing time prior to a date. As mentioned they have a low probability of success. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
KBob Posted March 4, 2017 Share Posted March 4, 2017 I would never give my last name to someone I have not seen a couple of times. I would also never ask someone to give me their last name. I live alone and don't want anyone showing up at my door or follow me around. If you google my full name you got my home address, my work and work address. I am not interested in being looked up on FB, my FB is private. I don't want random strangers to view my daughter, my family and closest friends. Once I had 1 meeting with a computer nerd and with my first name only and the little bit of information I gave him about my work he was able to locate me and he showed up at my office the following morning with roses. He completely freaked me out. It was a total invasion of my private life. I understand your concerns about not wanting people to look into your private life, especially with children involved. I still think it's valid to do a search on the internet; I've done it a lot, simply to verify identity. And the reason I started doing that is because of a man named Mark Twitchell that showed up on the news in my home city years back. Google him and you'll see what I'm talking about. I know some people take it WAY too far with looking into someone, but everyone in the OLD'ing world needs to be safe about who they're meeting. Link to post Share on other sites
Author SevenCity Posted March 4, 2017 Author Share Posted March 4, 2017 When I was dating I would give my name regularly. I found psychotic women tended to be far more unpredictable anyway. I have had stalkers and other crazy experiences but I chalk that up to the human condition. Good luck on the date. I would be a lot more worried they were not what the profile had listed. Face only pictures invariably ended poorly for me. Ha ha - amen to that Date won't be happening- probably saved myself from the inevitability of the face only pics Link to post Share on other sites
Tressugar Posted March 4, 2017 Share Posted March 4, 2017 The info that's posted online about ppl are outdated, incorrect or at best falsified. My ex went on an online smear campaign to destroy my reputation. I'm thankful many see right through the lies, but to those who don't know me would not know any better. Who knows why ppl want to know such intimate details when, you're right the likely hood of never seeing each other again is quite high. With all the identity thefts my name is my person business, my brand and no one else's. Link to post Share on other sites
Tressugar Posted March 4, 2017 Share Posted March 4, 2017 And what's up with the face pics?! Face pics are safe. I'm tired of men ogling and harassing me for 20 body pics. Where's all my pictures going?! That's when I found out someone had built a shrine of me. Never again! If you don't want to meet a person just because they won't send you a body pic, then be prepared to stay single. Meet them in person. Anyone can crop themselves to look like anything they want. Link to post Share on other sites
Author SevenCity Posted March 4, 2017 Author Share Posted March 4, 2017 And what's up with the face pics?! Face pics are safe. I'm tired of men ogling and harassing me for 20 body pics. Where's all my pictures going?! That's when I found out someone had built a shrine of me. Never again! If you don't want to meet a person just because they won't send you a body pic, then be prepared to stay single. Meet them in person. Anyone can crop themselves to look like anything they want. The danger of a face only pic is the body can be significantly larger than you would expect. I'm not a stalker nor do I ogle. I just like to see what I'm getting into. Unfortunately when the body isn't shown it's often because they are hiding something. That said, I've met girls who had old photos or flattering angles. Now I'm just taking chances and I've been disappointed for the most part. Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted March 4, 2017 Share Posted March 4, 2017 I'm curious what her reaction would have been if I asked the question? I bet she would have freaked out. Exactly. Pop Link to post Share on other sites
NuevoYorko Posted March 4, 2017 Share Posted March 4, 2017 What I've learned from your thread is that many people expect to have a person's last name before meeting, and many don't. You find it concerning, and clearly it bothers you enough to start a thread about it. This indicates to me that you shouldn't go out with this particular girl. More important to me is why you think she might be a gold digger? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
heavenonearth Posted March 4, 2017 Share Posted March 4, 2017 I won't meet anyone who won't give me a last name. Had a few give me fake names. If u can't verify who they really are - no date. The first thing you learn when you meet someone is their name. If someone is hiding it it's a huge red flag. Why won't you share your name? THAT is sketchy. Man, I just don't know what kind of people everyone on this site has been dating. Never went out with a 'fake' named person, never met anyone on a dating website who ended up being someone else. Link to post Share on other sites
LookAtThisPOst Posted March 5, 2017 Share Posted March 5, 2017 I always offered my last name when I was OLDing. I did it because I wanted her to feel as comfortable as possible when we met. Why not set her up for success? I wouldn't. I know of a female friend that had to turn down men because they were asking for her last name. He**, she wont' even give her phone # before a date. Just her policy. Link to post Share on other sites
bluefeather Posted March 5, 2017 Share Posted March 5, 2017 Came back to say that a similar situation happened to me. Met a girl online and we'd been chatting for a few days. She told me her first name and gave me her number (I didn't ask for either.) After that, I gave her mine. She then asked for my last name, politely btw. At that point I gave it to her, and asked hers, which she gave to me. This is a time I felt comfortable giving that information. 1. We had been chatting enough to where I felt comfortable with her. and 2. She offered her first name and phone number. Link to post Share on other sites
VeveCakes Posted March 5, 2017 Share Posted March 5, 2017 You're suggesting that he tells a lie that will make him less attractive to many women? What woman would be mad about that lie when it is purely to protect his house and dog? Like really, it's something you can clarify after a few dates and explain you don't have a room mate you just use that as a cover so you don't get robbed. Anyone who bails over that needs to lighten up. I never EVER tell people I live alone. A local girl here ended up tortured and dead because she told a man she lived alone. Link to post Share on other sites
VeveCakes Posted March 5, 2017 Share Posted March 5, 2017 Man, I just don't know what kind of people everyone on this site has been dating. Never went out with a 'fake' named person, never met anyone on a dating website who ended up being someone else. Maybe you don't know you did Btw this is nothing. I'm actually starting a blog about all the messed up stuff I am experiencing with OLD 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Shining One Posted March 5, 2017 Share Posted March 5, 2017 What woman would be mad about that lie when it is purely to protect his house and dog? Like really, it's something you can clarify after a few dates and explain you don't have a room mate you just use that as a cover so you don't get robbed. Anyone who bails over that needs to lighten up.The content of the lie is less attractive. Women almost always find men who live by themselves more attractive than men who live with roommates. Link to post Share on other sites
VeveCakes Posted March 5, 2017 Share Posted March 5, 2017 The content of the lie is less attractive. Women almost always find men who live by themselves more attractive than men who live with roommates. Really? Even if they own the home? Never made a difference to me. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
mushroomlol Posted March 5, 2017 Share Posted March 5, 2017 But when you are dating aren't you curious about the other person's information? Like what he does for a living? His family, his last name etc. I just can't imagine going out with a guy for a few times yet know nothing about him. Especially last name. For me if I don't know that information he is still a stranger. Maybe I am too naive. But I do have guys before that wouldn't care that much about where I work or what my last name is. And it becomes sketchy if they won't offer that even if I asked given we went on dates 5+ times. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
NuevoYorko Posted March 6, 2017 Share Posted March 6, 2017 The content of the lie is less attractive. Women almost always find men who live by themselves more attractive than men who live with roommates. I guess you'll have to find the balance between terror of potential female stalkers, and trying to appear attractive to them by letting them know you live alone. Tough one. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
PrettyEmily77 Posted March 6, 2017 Share Posted March 6, 2017 But when you are dating aren't you curious about the other person's information? Like what he does for a living? His family, his last name etc. I just can't imagine going out with a guy for a few times yet know nothing about him. Especially last name. For me if I don't know that information he is still a stranger. Maybe I am too naive. It's totally understandable to want to know all sorts of info once you've met and decided you wanted to pursue things further, common sense even, and no doubt before the advent of the Internet and social media people were less concerned about giving their last names without a problem. What I don't get so much is why some feel like they have a God-given right to know everything, and therefore form an opinion (perhaps erroneous) based on Internet sleuthing on a complete stranger before they even meet? Does knowing someone's last name before you meet them make them any less of a stranger? Link to post Share on other sites
Author SevenCity Posted March 6, 2017 Author Share Posted March 6, 2017 But when you are dating aren't you curious about the other person's information? Like what he does for a living? His family, his last name etc. I just can't imagine going out with a guy for a few times yet know nothing about him. Especially last name. For me if I don't know that information he is still a stranger. Maybe I am too naive. But I do have guys before that wouldn't care that much about where I work or what my last name is. And it becomes sketchy if they won't offer that even if I asked given we went on dates 5+ times. I would, and have, shared my info on a date or after a few. Asking for it before we met or spoke is what threw me. I wasn't sure she was a woman. All I had was a picture and some messages. If I spoke with her first I would feel differently as I could confirm it wasn't some ex con dude. I'm less nervous about a female stalker and more concerned it could have been a scammer. I doubt anything would have gone wrong, but you never know. Link to post Share on other sites
Author SevenCity Posted March 6, 2017 Author Share Posted March 6, 2017 Really? Even if they own the home? Never made a difference to me. At my age, having a roommate is not exactly a panty wetter. Link to post Share on other sites
VeveCakes Posted March 6, 2017 Share Posted March 6, 2017 At my age, having a roommate is not exactly a panty wetter. Lol how old? I guess it depends if you rent rooms out or share a place? I have a room mate I rent a room to. Do guys find this unattractive? I'm 32 and own the home. Link to post Share on other sites
Author SevenCity Posted March 9, 2017 Author Share Posted March 9, 2017 Lol how old? I guess it depends if you rent rooms out or share a place? I have a room mate I rent a room to. Do guys find this unattractive? I'm 32 and own the home. 45. Guys don't care about things like this. It might make us question whether or not you would be a good LTR partner but it won't turn a guy off. I have a friend who's 39 and lives with her mother and doesn't work. It didn't stop her from getting tons of dates nor landing a good guy who wants to buy a house and get married. Men overlook a lot when it comes to women. Few guys will call living at home a deal breaker if they find her attractive. Link to post Share on other sites
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