So this girl on Bumble asked for my last name...

[bluefeather]

Both sides of this situation have reason to be cautious.

 

Did you get her number? I wouldn't feel comfortable giving my first and last name to someone over the internet. But I would do it over the phone if we had a good conversation because I can read them much better through speech.

[PrettyEmily77]

I wouldn't give my last name to someone I've just met in a bar - I don't know how OLD rolls but I personally see it no differently to meeting a random person at a bar.

 

A couple of texts or phone calls (or whatever people do to make actual initial contact from OLD) do not warrant me giving my full identity to a complete stranger until real life meetup and the intention to pursue things further so yeah, I see your point on this one, SevenCity.

[Ieris]

I'm ok with whatever they don't want to share and understand the need to protect themselves. However, I also reserve the right to keep my personal information to myself until I confirm someone is real.

 

Exactly! it works both ways. I understand women want to protect themselves but men need to be wary as well. There is always the odd Crazy around so you wouldn't want them to get that kind of information.

 

My friend had a Crazy wait for him at his work place, next to his car (he had a picture of it on his Facebook). He went on one date with her and he wasn't really interested but she wouldn't take no for an answer.

[SevenCity]

Both sides of this situation have reason to be cautious.

 

Did you get her number? I wouldn't feel comfortable giving my first and last name to someone over the internet. But I would do it over the phone if we had a good conversation because I can read them much better through speech.

 

Not yet - even talking to her on the phone I would be more inclined to give it to her.

 

I asked for her phone number and got "What's your last name"

[SevenCity]

I wouldn't give my last name to someone I've just met in a bar - I don't know how OLD rolls but I personally see it no differently to meeting a random person at a bar.

 

A couple of texts or phone calls (or whatever people do to make actual initial contact from OLD) do not warrant me giving my full identity to a complete stranger until real life meetup and the intention to pursue things further so yeah, I see your point on this one, SevenCity.

 

Exactly where I'm coming from. It freaked me out to see how much info is online about me. I have an alarm system but I also would be likely 1/2 hour away from home with my little dog at home alone.

 

I may be paranoid, but "she" could set me up for a date then have someone jack my house or dog.

 

Exactly! it works both ways. I understand women want to protect themselves but men need to be wary as well. There is always the odd Crazy around so you wouldn't want them to get that kind of information.

 

My friend had a Crazy wait for him at his work place, next to his car (he had a picture of it on his Facebook). He went on one date with her and he wasn't really interested but she wouldn't take no for an answer.

 

I'm a little less worried about a female stalker but it is a concern. Who knows? Fatal attraction? Could happen

[mushroomlol]

I wouldn't give my name online. Yet I will tell that in person.

 

For me I just don't feel comfortable putting that name in my phone without a last name lol. And it will also feel like talking to some random person. Plus, even if I don't know your last name, there will still be tons of way for me to find out.

[VeveCakes]

Exactly where I'm coming from. It freaked me out to see how much info is online about me. I have an alarm system but I also would be likely 1/2 hour away from home with my little dog at home alone.

 

I may be paranoid, but "she" could set me up for a date then have someone jack my house or dog.

 

I'm a little less worried about a female stalker but it is a concern. Who knows? Fatal attraction? Could happen

 

You say women should feel safe meeting in public then you post this? You don't feel safe giving your info, so hopefully you can understand her side now.

 

Btw you can avoid this by telling someone you have a room mate who is home often.

[selinaluv]

Not yet - even talking to her on the phone I would be more inclined to give it to her.

 

I asked for her phone number and got "What's your last name"

 

Okay that is fair to you. I would definitely only start asking as we get closer to a date and he has my number, not when we are still on the site. I also don't give my number out easily, so at that point I usually have a pretty good vibe.

 

But then mistakes are always made, like with the sex offender. We did meet in public, we also spent time talking and texting on phone, and our date included kissing. I was very hurt when I found out and felt stupid because I didn't do my homework.

 

In some cases it is "more than just an hour" cause for me it includes scheduling my time, childcare, potential cost for childcare, etc. It is a fine line cause you can be damned if you do and damned if you don't.

 

I guess another test to see if you are compatible or not.

[Gaeta]

I would never give my last name to someone I have not seen a couple of times. I would also never ask someone to give me their last name. I live alone and don't want anyone showing up at my door or follow me around.

 

If you google my full name you got my home address, my work and work address. I am not interested in being looked up on FB, my FB is private. I don't want random strangers to view my daughter, my family and closest friends.

 

Once I had 1 meeting with a computer nerd and with my first name only and the little bit of information I gave him about my work he was able to locate me and he showed up at my office the following morning with roses. He completely freaked me out. It was a total invasion of my private life.

[selinaluv]

I matched with this girl on Bumble. We traded messages back and forth and she asked where I live, where I went to school (we are decades past college) and what I do for a living. Seemed pretty normal (though could be a gold digger).

 

Also adding that I studied journalism and work in communications. We are taught the ins and outs of doing research.

 

Unfortunately based on this information you provided her and with your photos, if she put her mind to it or was a catfish, she could easily find you without your last name.

 

It is easier than you think if someone knows the ins and outs. Sadly the internet tells way too much.

[Shining One]

Btw you can avoid this by telling someone you have a room mate who is home often.

You're suggesting that he tells a lie that will make him less attractive to many women?

[Gr8fuln2020]

I matched with this girl on Bumble. We traded messages back and forth and she asked where I live, where I went to school (we are decades past college) and what I do for a living. Seemed pretty normal (though could be a gold digger).

 

I asked her out for a drink and she said yes for next week / end as she was just getting over a cold.

 

I asked for her number to work out the details and she responded with "What's your last name?".

 

My catfish meter pinged at that point. Up until now she didn't send up any red flags (was not particularly hot, knew the area well, no broken English) but did seem to have a lot of questions about me.

 

I politely told her I don't share my full name until I meet in person and confirm they are real.

 

I suppose she could be trying to find out if I'm married / ex con, but I think sharing a last name is a bit much (I don't even know the last name of the girl I've been dating for a month....I should probably ask lol).

 

So what's your take? Paranoid girl or catfish?

 

I should say I really don't care if it works out (only face pics so could be hiding something) but I am curious as this is the first time I've ever been asked for my last name. Maybe I'm paranoid but I feel like that is too much info to give to a stranger.

 

Yeah, she wants to find out more about you to see if YOU ARE REAL.To be honest, I have not had any problems receiving or giving out my last name. No stalkers yet. :-) Never a problem of any sort. I know the ladies want it to find out more about me and I them. I also talk about what I do and where, if asked. Why hide and be elusive if you are working towards an honest relationship?

 

You've been dating a girl for a month. You don't know her name AND you're still looking? Does your gf know?

Edited March 3, 2017 by simpleNfit

[dumbass2]

That's the point. Don't want people to know who you really are? Women want to feel safe meeting a man. Think about it.

 

I don't know why all your addresses and family would come up. Nothing like that comes up for me.

 

There are paid sites you can use to look up information on someone (relatives, numbers, addresses). I did that one time with Spokeo and half the information was incorrect. A lot of it was right, but if you don't know someone that well, the incorrect information can be a relationship or potential relationship killer when you get into criminal background. I never paid enough to see a criminal history or marriage history, but from what I've read it appears that there is the potential for quite a few errors, especially with a more common name.

[PrettyEmily77]

Yeah, she wants to find out more about you to see if YOU ARE REAL.

 

Wouldn't actually meeting solve that particular mystery, though?

[bluefeather]

Btw you can avoid this by telling someone you have a room mate who is home often.

 

That's lying and no way to start a relationship.

 

I asked for her phone number and got "What's your last name"

 

That would be enough to turn me off and walk. There's a right way and a wrong way to talk to people, even through text, and responding to your question with a personal question like that without explanation is rude.

 

"Hey, sorry but I wouldn't feel comfortable going much further unless I knew your last name. It's just something I'd like to ask for to make me feel more comfortable with talking to people online." That's communication.

 

Not "What's your last name"

 

Not worth the trouble for me. If she wants to be paranoid, she has the right, and I would respect that, but would not be interested anymore because of the way she speaks.

[OatsAndHall]

Such is the world of OLD... I would give them my last name but they're not going to find much about me unless they really do some thorough digging or pay for a background check. None of my social media accounts have my full name attached to them so they won't get anything there.

 

I will say, I have found this to be a double standard in the world of OLD. I understand that many women have run into some lunatics out there but I have had women get spooky with me and cut off conversation for FAR less than asking for a last name. I used to meet a lot of nurses via OLD and I asked chatted with one for about three days. In the space of a conversation, I asked a woman what department she worked in (she'd already told me which hospital..) and she stated that she wasn't comfortable sharing that information with me..

[Cookiesandough]

I had a guy ask me mine like the 4th time we met. It hadn't slipped out, but I wasn't hiding it. I asked him if he was going to google me with it and he said yes. I didn't find it creepy because some trust had been established but if a stranger I had not before except online it would have been. Because you know that's what they're doing. They can find your address, place of employment, so much other stuff through online databases. They can always give you a fake name. There are scammers, stalkers,psychos out there so I don't get why a person can't wait for that until you meet face to face in public and can get a feel for them.

[Gaeta]

We don't need someone's pedegree to have a coffee with them. We don't need to check them up either as we don't even know if we will like them enough to see them again.

 

Every day we come across strangers in the metro, bus, grocery stores, shopping mall, and whatsnot. We don't need to know any of them pedigree to deal with them. Heck! each day I am squeezed between men in the metro. I am closer to them than I'll ever be with a man on a first date and I don't ask them their pedigree.

[Cookiesandough]

The only exception I could see where it is okay is if this person intends to go right over on the first 'date' and you're up for it. But a lot of somewhat unstable people to that in the first place.

[SevenCity]

We don't need someone's pedegree to have a coffee with them. We don't need to check them up either as we don't even know if we will like them enough to see them again.

 

Every day we come across strangers in the metro, bus, grocery stores, shopping mall, and whatsnot. We don't need to know any of them pedigree to deal with them. Heck! each day I am squeezed between men in the metro. I am closer to them than I'll ever be with a man on a first date and I don't ask them their pedigree.

 

That is my feeling as well.

 

This one sent me a message then unmatched me so I couldn't read it.

 

A woman who would do that is not a good match anyway. If she explained her concern I might have waivered but her solution was to unmatch so shows she wasn't that into it.

 

And to Angel Eyes, this is why I multidate. Women bolt for many reasons (some I don't agree with) so I hedge my bets.

[OatsAndHall]

We don't need someone's pedegree to have a coffee with them. We don't need to check them up either as we don't even know if we will like them enough to see them again.

 

Every day we come across strangers in the metro, bus, grocery stores, shopping mall, and whatsnot. We don't need to know any of them pedigree to deal with them. Heck! each day I am squeezed between men in the metro. I am closer to them than I'll ever be with a man on a first date and I don't ask them their pedigree.

 

I have never asked for a woman's last name before a first date and I wouldn't. However, I do understand people that do because I had an extremely bad experience via OLD.

 

I had dated a woman for a few weeks and I called it off with her because she kept showing up at my place drunk late at night. I ended up calling the police on her twice as she tried to get into my place. I found out later that she had was already going to court within the next few months because she had done the same thing to her ex husband and was facing serious charges. I looked her up on the internet after that and the police report and charges were staring me in the face.

 

It's a conundrum for me as I am a very private person but, at the same time, I know why people are spooky.

[mortensorchid]

In general, when I have OLDed in the past (and who knows, in the future) I don't give out my last name to others until I would at least meet them face to face. It just never comes up 95% of the time. I've also removed my cell phone number from my Facebook profile because I had a psycho situation with someone who I stood up (had a bad feeling). And there have been times that I went out on a few internet dates here and there with the same guy twice, but they never told me their last names. And I never gave them my last name either.

 

90% of the time with internet dating it never goes anywhere. Maybe this woman is inexperienced with it. I remember the first time I did it and I asked the very first person I met for an internet date for their last name, and he gave it to me. I've since learned otherwise.

[Tressugar]

To date, I don't give out my first name as my name is extremely unique and law enforcement has suggested to me to never release my personal details esp after my multiple stalking experiences.

 

I agree don't release any specific info until you know who you're dealing with.

[Popsicle]

I guess she's never dealt with an online stalker before. I have and I'd never give my last name to a stranger without meeting and vetting them in person first.

[SevenCity]

You say women should feel safe meeting in public then you post this? You don't feel safe giving your info, so hopefully you can understand her side now.

 

Btw you can avoid this by telling someone you have a room mate who is home often.

 

And I stand by it. Public is public. Once someone has my home address things change.

 

As I mentioned when I googled my full name and town (first name and town were already in the profile) you got my home address, plus my families names, and my ex wife's name. The only thing wrong was it listed me two years younger.

 

So, asking for my last name as akin to asking for my home address.

 

Meanwhile, if we meet in a public place we don't have any PII. I went to dinner tonight and there were strangers all around me. I felt safe, my date felt safe. No one knows where anyone lives.