AnneP Posted February 11, 2017 Share Posted February 11, 2017 Woke up and thought about you, ZH. I hope you didn't get busted. Hoping she doesn't have an iPhone. The first thing I would do if my phone was stolen or lost would be to use an iPad or computer to remotely lock my phone. Link to post Share on other sites
lolablue17 Posted February 11, 2017 Share Posted February 11, 2017 Woke up and thought about you, ZH. I hope you didn't get busted. Hoping she doesn't have an iPhone. The first thing I would do if my phone was stolen or lost would be to use an iPad or computer to remotely lock my phone. I think that these kind of actions have no place in any relationship. ZH knows it by himself, telling us that he's feeling low for doing that. Everything is too fresh to him, he is very confused and eager to get some certainty at this point. This action is unnecessary. Even if he didn't find anything, it won't calm him down because she might have deleted everything. I don't judge him for that, he felt he needs to do "something". I hope he will get back to his senses. ZH, remember your own words of not taking hasty decisions. There isn't any decision you want to take today, that can't wait till tommorow, and that rule takes for every decision in your case. consult with friends, this forum, and think 3 times before doing anything. Try to never find yourself in a place where you need to perform James Bond style actions in your life. No one deserve that. Link to post Share on other sites
Sparta Posted February 11, 2017 Share Posted February 11, 2017 Woke up and thought about you, ZH. I hope you didn't get busted. Hoping she doesn't have an iPhone. The first thing I would do if my phone was stolen or lost would be to use an iPad or computer to remotely lock my phone. Good morning AnneP hopefully he gets her phone opens it up with her finger gets all the information he needs (or lack of info) has it sent to his email or whatever he chooses all the while she's passed out. Then put it back where she usually puts it at night. Then waits to confront her if that's what he chooses to do. That did not cross my mind that's something, She could do that. She does have an iPhone. She can remote lock it or she could even Erase the damn iPhone from a remote location if you choose to. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Overtaxed Posted February 11, 2017 Share Posted February 11, 2017 Good morning AnneP hopefully he gets her phone opens it up with her finger gets all the information he needs (or lack of info) has it sent to his email or whatever he chooses all the while she's passed out. Then put it back where she usually puts it at night. Then waits to confront her if that's what he chooses to do. That did not cross my mind that's something, She could do that. She does have an iPhone. She can remote lock it or she could even Erase the damn iPhone from a remote location if you choose to. If you get into the phone, immediately place it into airplane mode and hop off WiFi. Change the password (if you can) and have a camera ready to take pictures of the TXT messages in case you can't delete them. Forward any incriminating e-mails to yourself from that phone so you have copies of all of it. Connect the phone to a computer and dump all the photos, they will have date/time stamps that you can figure out later. Sadly, yes, I was just through this and it's what you need to do if you intend to get and keep the physical evidence. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author zombiehead Posted February 11, 2017 Author Share Posted February 11, 2017 Got in her phone, red flags were correct. Sexting with at minimum 8 men. Nearly.300 nude pics, dic pics, dic videos. Really bad. I need to crash now. I will post more later. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Overtaxed Posted February 11, 2017 Share Posted February 11, 2017 Got in her phone, red flags were correct. Sexting with at minimum 8 men. Nearly.300 nude pics, dic pics, dic videos. Really bad. I need to crash now. I will post more later. So sorry man. The truth, while it hurts like he**, is the only thing that brings me peace in this process, I hope the same is true for you. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Jersey born raised Posted February 11, 2017 Share Posted February 11, 2017 There is a poster from a awhile back soulhurt who went though the same thing. His wife used a fitness app and had taken up running. I think it was myfitness or something like that. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Jersey born raised Posted February 11, 2017 Share Posted February 11, 2017 In that posters case he is sure, except in one case there was no PA. His wife lost 30 or 40 pounds and was eating up to kibbles. Also was into 50 shades. Link to post Share on other sites
lolablue17 Posted February 11, 2017 Share Posted February 11, 2017 You need to crash now, so go ahead and crash, but after that you need to think, please read me carefully: You might tend to act according to the things you think you know, out of the evidence you got. Many times, the real truth is different, most of the times much more comprehensive than you can imagine. Your head is busy with the texting and dick pics, but she may have slept with some of them, and worse, she may have never slept with these guys from the internet, but is sleeping with a guy that lives near by, while sexting with others around the globe. If you ask me (who is familiar with thousands of stories), I believe that the comprehensive truth is far beyond your imagination. I believe that the internet thrill is a new thing for her, but she's been cheating on you for many years, occasionally from time to time not with people from the internet, but with guys who made a move and she complied. If you confront her now, she will tell you that it's all only fantasies, only virtual. She will swear she never cheated on you, bla bla bla... You will never know the truth, (as i believe go many years backwards) and you're sentenced to live in a continuos hell. You must consult friends or a family member you trust, maybe more than on. You must analyze everything with people who are not emotional as you on that. Try to decide Independently, what do you want to do according to your interest, and not according to your frustration, certainly not according to the BS she will feed you. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Just a Guy Posted February 11, 2017 Share Posted February 11, 2017 (edited) Hi Folks, I guess in the light of what Lola says, the OP needs to have his deal breakers in place. With what he is confronting at the moment, anything is possible and I would go with the worst possible scenario. If he has his deal breakers in place he will be able to simplify his decision making instead of teetering on the horns of a dilemma. I hope this is adequate information for OP to base his decisions on whatever they may be and lead to. A really sad state of affairs. Cheating spouses are really the Devil from hell. Sorry to use such harsh words but the pain and destruction they unleash on their spouses and family is just horrendous. Wish Zombie all the very best in this awful Edited February 11, 2017 by Just a Guy 3 Link to post Share on other sites
AnneP Posted February 11, 2017 Share Posted February 11, 2017 Got in her phone, red flags were correct. Sexting with at minimum 8 men. Nearly.300 nude pics, dic pics, dic videos. Really bad. I need to crash now. I will post more later. I'm so sorry. At least 8? Wow. Unbelievable. I'm glad you were able to get answers, though I'm sure you weren't expecting that. Link to post Share on other sites
BuddyX Posted February 11, 2017 Share Posted February 11, 2017 Annnnnmdddd watch her as she tells you "they mean nothing to me" 3 Link to post Share on other sites
usa1ah Posted February 11, 2017 Share Posted February 11, 2017 Do not do the chose me game. NO begging. NO pleading. Let her know she fked up and has to prove herself to you. Do not let her blame shift. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
BuddyX Posted February 11, 2017 Share Posted February 11, 2017 Do not do the chose me game. NO begging. NO pleading. Let her know she fked up and has to prove herself to you. Do not let her blame shift. ^^^ yes yes. Time for 180. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mrs. John Adams Posted February 11, 2017 Share Posted February 11, 2017 I had no doubt that you would find what you were looking for....and now the dramatic story will continue...Good luck Mrs. JA over and out 1 Link to post Share on other sites
AnneP Posted February 11, 2017 Share Posted February 11, 2017 Prove herself? She's sending out nudes and sexting at least 8 men. This to me is far more serious than an affair. She's addicted to attention. Without help, she won't stop doing this. ZH: I have a 8 year old son (just turned 8) and cannot imagine what you're going through. You mentioned that you do almost everything around the house. Why? She doesn't work and you have two young kids. Seems to me that this addiction of her's is more important than her own kids. Very sad. Your kids deserve better. You deserve better. I have a female family member who does this kind of crap to her husband and always has. She also has a PA with at least one man and that has been going on for many years. Her husband allows it. Don't be that guy. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
aliveagain Posted February 11, 2017 Share Posted February 11, 2017 (edited) Got in her phone, red flags were correct. Sexting with at minimum 8 men. Nearly.300 nude pics, dic pics, dic videos. Really bad. I need to crash now. I will post more later. Sorry for your pain friend but it is always worse than they tell you. The thing to remember about sexting, it has the same outcome as a physical meeting, she has an orgasm with another man. She just went from a suspected cheater to a serial cheater. Now you know why your marriage is failing, she is giving her time to 8 other men, time she is stealing from you. No relationship will work if you are only in it part time. Sounds like she might be shopping for your replacement. You need to expose her to those that have influence over her. If you have contact information for the other men, expose them to their significant others. Counselling will not work as long as she is being intimate with other men, the truth needs to come out. You need to have your confrontation, tell her you know the truth and give her one chance to tell you everything and there will be no second chance, don't tell her how much you know. Record the confrontation. This would be a good time to have a VAR in her car, her phone is going to get busy. Edited February 11, 2017 by aliveagain 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author zombiehead Posted February 11, 2017 Author Share Posted February 11, 2017 I'm up wife and twins are out shopping for a birthday present they are going to a party this afternoon. I have not confronted her yet. Getting ready for work, I work 2 jobs, have appointments all afternoon. Spent 5 hours in her phone last night collecting the evidence and emailing and texting it to my phone then covered my tracks. Skype was full of sexting, pics, and short videos. There were 8 men in the Skype account. I didn't have time to look through Tango. Also I took screen shots of her apps so I'll go back through that and see if there are any other messaging apps that she could be using. Also I emailed all her nude pics, those are upsetting. In her convo she told these guys she would never leave me, that I was a great husband, very handsome, amazing in bed. She told them that she was only looking for some "spice" nothing more. There was so much in Skype that I was burning time by reading it while collecting, so I stopped reading and focused more on collecting. I have to go now. Thanks for all your help, I feel like I made much progress and a resolution is near. 7 Link to post Share on other sites
AnneP Posted February 11, 2017 Share Posted February 11, 2017 This makes me angry. You're working two jobs to give your wife the lifestyle she doesn't deserve. I would make her go back to work, but that's just me. Please tell me she had the sense to not show her face in these pics and videos? 5 Link to post Share on other sites
WilyWill Posted February 11, 2017 Share Posted February 11, 2017 Find out where the other men live. If any are local, then things might have gone physical. Maybe there's already evidence of this in their chats. You might want to lie low for a while and gather more evidence. Put a GPS or VAR (voice-activated recorder) in the car to see where she's going what plans she's making over the phone. If there is only evidence of sexting with no physical meetups, you might consider starting out with the accusation to see how she responds. "Bob Smith's wife tells me you've been having sex with her husband... How many times exactly?" Do not reveal that you gleaned the info from her phone. She will admit to only what's on there. It's better to keep her guessing. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
BuddyX Posted February 11, 2017 Share Posted February 11, 2017 Once DDay happens, she'll be in a panic mode. VAR in the car will be beneficial. Just as stated above, the assumption is not "whether" but "how many". Don't ask "did you have sex". That's already understood. Some of these guys have spouses. There's some leverage right there. Man, I feel for you. 8 guys doesn't happen over a weekend. This has been going on for months/years. Google DARVO and be ready for it. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
AnneP Posted February 11, 2017 Share Posted February 11, 2017 I have to hand it to you, ZH for being able to pull this off AND stay quiet about it for now. I couldn't wait. I would have drug my husband's ass out of the bed when I got home. At least you're thinking things through and taking a rational approach. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
AnneP Posted February 11, 2017 Share Posted February 11, 2017 Once DDay happens, she'll be in a panic mode. VAR in the car will be beneficial. Just as stated above, the assumption is not "whether" but "how many". Don't ask "did you have sex". That's already understood. Some of these guys have spouses. There's some leverage right there. Man, I feel for you. 8 guys doesn't happen over a weekend. This has been going on for months/years. Google DARVO and be ready for it. I agree. This isn't her first rodeo. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted February 11, 2017 Share Posted February 11, 2017 Your wife has some serious issues and that many nudes/vids could end up on porn sites. She will need serious IC help. However, you need to take some time and decide what you want. Just because you know what's up doesn't mean this will stop. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
AnneP Posted February 11, 2017 Share Posted February 11, 2017 (edited) How long has she been out of work? Does she have a degree? A skill set? If you decide to leave her, make sure you quit your second job first. I wouldn't pay her any more than you have to. Also, I would make her leave the home. She chose this, not you. Don't know your state, but unfortunately in many states the court doesn't care if your spouse cheated. Do you want to work this second job just to have to shell more money out to her? Even if you choose to R, is there a reason she cannot work? Your twins are 7, so presumably in 1st grade? Tell her she needs to get a job. Working two jobs could also affect the amount of time you have with your twins. Hang in there. Also, I don't know if this is the right way to go about things, but I would shame the **** out of her. Mothers naturally have guilt when they spend time away from their kids or even engage in things alone at home. Tell her she's been a ****ty mother by devoting her time to behaving like a single **** instead of focusing her time on the kids. No reason she cannot go back to work as she has all this free time to spend with strangers. I would be so ashamed and embarrassed if I were her. She's not only betrayed you, but also your children. Edited February 11, 2017 by AnneP 3 Link to post Share on other sites
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