bluefeather Posted February 10, 2017 Share Posted February 10, 2017 I think it is ridiculous, the amount of games that you are playing. Trying to invade her locked phone by swiping her finger while she's passed out, waiting for Valentine's Day to confront her (for what? poetic justice?), pretending to be kinky with condoms... Just own what you know is going on and stop this nonsense. Your ego is damaged and you just keep wanting to know more and more in some twisted form of disbelief that is causing self-harm. I have seen this happen before: when someone being cheated on wants to know "details," down to the freaking positions. You feel like you just HAVE to know, but it is only going to cause you more pain. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted February 10, 2017 Share Posted February 10, 2017 donnivain: You are absolutely correct. I will confront her on Valentine's day with D papers. However I'm going to try to get in her phone tonight. She is going next door for drinks so she will be buzzing when she comes home and she will want to fool around. I'm picking up a VAR and I will pick up some condoms as well. I'll explain the condoms that we should try something new and these are suppose to increase your pleasure. So I will give her a few Os and along with the alcohol she should be sound asleep, like in a near coma and I will be successful at getting her phone unlocked. When she has some drinks and good sex she is out, she is down for the count. I'm getting in that phone tonight. I will make sure and have my shoes on and the car running in the driveway to make a quick exit if she does wake up and catch me. However I doubt it, she will be out in a deep sleep. I hope you guys will be checking this forum late tonight in case I'm successful and the evidence is really bad I'll need someone to talk with. I don't want to tell any of my friends or family right now. If I get the proof I need tonight then I'm not sure about when I should confront. I want D papers in my hand so I probably need to wait until Vday but I don't know I will be able to wait that long. I want this to come to a head asap. Why are you so afraid of her? If you let your fear control you thats a big problem. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
AnneP Posted February 10, 2017 Share Posted February 10, 2017 Why are you so afraid of her? If you let your fear control you thats a big problem. As a parent of two young kids, I would run from the house too. What if she wakes up and all hell breaks loose in front of the two 7 year olds? Someone has to be the adult here and she doesn't seem to be acting like one at the moment. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Buckeye2 Posted February 10, 2017 Share Posted February 10, 2017 Also she is being overly nice to me, telling me I'm her best friend, we are a team, initiating sex all the time. Normally the wayward spouse (WS) finds fault with their betrayed spouse (BS) to justify their affair and feel less guilty. They use something that did happen and blow it all out of proportion. They end up believing their rewriting of the marital history and withdraw from their spouse. This is usually the first indication the BS picks up that something is wrong. Your wife isn’t doing that. To me that indicated that she thinks that you’re fine and has no intention of leaving you. She’s happy with the stability and security you provide and just wants some excitement on the side. Some people value the relationship more than faithfulness. IMO your wife telling you that you’re her best friend is her reinforcing how strong your relationship is and the relationship is what matters. She has no intention of breaking up the family so in her mind she’s faithful. EA or PA it’s just sex and sex doesn’t matter. initiating sex all the time. Is this a change? If so the OM may be getting her worked up . 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted February 10, 2017 Share Posted February 10, 2017 Jersey, Yeah most of the red flags are happening. Eye contact, holding hands ect. That has dropped off lately. But the sex has picked up. She is initiating sex more lately. This could be because she is getting worked up from the sexting and is ready to go. The other man is getting her motor running and I'm there to hit the gas pedal? Yeah she doesn't do much around the house, I'm doing most of it, she is longer at the store than usually, she is trimming like she hasn't before, she bought some sex toys, sexy panties, working out more often, dressing more like a teenager, tight pants, tight shirts, spending more time fixing her hair. Yup she is changing and I asked her about it. Her reply was, "what? are you complaining that I'm trying to look better?, most men would love it if their wives did this". She put it right back on me, she is good at manipulation, something I didn't find out about much later after we were married. This could be why you are where you are. Those that do too much in a marriage sometimes get taken advantage of and lose respect. Marriage should be balanced @ 50/50. Your actions tell her she's worth more than you. She isn't. You need to value yourself. Read "No More Mr Nice Guy" free PDF download quit living your life on her terms 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Jersey born raised Posted February 10, 2017 Share Posted February 10, 2017 Does your wife work? Link to post Share on other sites
Try Posted February 11, 2017 Share Posted February 11, 2017 I don't really understand the need for more proof or the confrontation. I would have her bag packed & calmly say that having caught her twice taking nude photos, knowing about the 2 accounts & her unwillingness to let you see her phone you have put the pieces together to conclude she violated your marital vows & that you are insulted that she thought you were so stupid as to put up with this betrayal. As a result you expect her gone. You may have to leave or at least vacate to the guest room pending advice from a divorce attorney, but don't give the option for this to turn violent. Just start the process to separate. I cannot like this enough, especially where you say "you have put the pieces together to conclude she violated your marital vows". Cheaters openly lie to their spouse's face and expect them to ignore logic and common sense, and so many betrayed spouses buy into this. Link to post Share on other sites
Author zombiehead Posted February 11, 2017 Author Share Posted February 11, 2017 Jersey no she doesn't work. Link to post Share on other sites
Author zombiehead Posted February 11, 2017 Author Share Posted February 11, 2017 Bluefeather not playing games. This is coming to head soon. I'm getting into that phone tonight. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author zombiehead Posted February 11, 2017 Author Share Posted February 11, 2017 Annep: Excellent idea. When I get the phone unlocked I will leave the house. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
AnneP Posted February 11, 2017 Share Posted February 11, 2017 Make sure she has quite a few drinks tonight. ? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mrs. John Adams Posted February 11, 2017 Share Posted February 11, 2017 I have really been thinking about this all day...and i want to share with you some of my ideas....bizarre as they may be. I think you should go see a lawyer find out your rights...get your ducks in a row. and then I would be oh so very nice to her...honey...i was thinking...if you want nude photos of yourself...I would LOVE to be the one taking them....it would turn me on so very much..... Would you let me take the pix babe? If you want ...we can even go to an amateur porn site and post them and read the comments together....you are so beautiful and i know other men would want you like i do.... unlock your phone for me so i can use the camera.....go pose on the bed for me babe.... I realize this is underhanded....and evil....however....you build up her confidence...you stroke her ego...you make her think she can trust you....and she may really be turned on to the whole idea. Now you have her phone...you can look at everything on the phone...and depending on what you find...you tell her you have seen the lawyer. You may NEVER figure out how to unlock that phone....and you catch more flies with honey than vinegar....if you can access that phone...you will have everything you need....photos, apps, texts, emails....the whole shebang. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted February 11, 2017 Share Posted February 11, 2017 Make sure you copy and keep the evidence in a secure spot. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
AnneP Posted February 11, 2017 Share Posted February 11, 2017 I have really been thinking about this all day...and i want to share with you some of my ideas....bizarre as they may be. I think you should go see a lawyer find out your rights...get your ducks in a row. and then I would be oh so very nice to her...honey...i was thinking...if you want nude photos of yourself...I would LOVE to be the one taking them....it would turn me on so very much..... Would you let me take the pix babe? If you want ...we can even go to an amateur porn site and post them and read the comments together....you are so beautiful and i know other men would want you like i do.... unlock your phone for me so i can use the camera.....go pose on the bed for me babe.... I realize this is underhanded....and evil....however....you build up her confidence...you stroke her ego...you make her think she can trust you....and she may really be turned on to the whole idea. Now you have her phone...you can look at everything on the phone...and depending on what you find...you tell her you have seen the lawyer. You may NEVER figure out how to unlock that phone....and you catch more flies with honey than vinegar....if you can access that phone...you will have everything you need....photos, apps, texts, emails....the whole shebang. Maybe I'm just a little crazy, but I would grab it out my husband's hand while it was unlocked and haul ass out the house before I would stroke his ego while knowing he was doing this crap, but hey, maybe some people could. I get the feeling ZH doesn't want to wait another day. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Mrs. John Adams Posted February 11, 2017 Share Posted February 11, 2017 I am telling you...if my husband touched my hand to place my finger on my phone it would wake me up...there is NO WAY in hell i could sleep through that and which finger did she use? you have 10 choices..... 4 Link to post Share on other sites
WilyWill Posted February 11, 2017 Share Posted February 11, 2017 Why are you so afraid of her? If you let your fear control you thats a big problem. His escape tonight is not about fear, it's about making sure he has the opportunity to read her phone. Here's how this story always plays out: The BH grabs the phone. The WW violently scratches at the husband to get it back. The BH is forced to defend himself and cannot read the messages. 911 is called with a DV complaint. The police come, tell BH to never touch the phone again, and possibly arrest him for DV. He spends the night in jail, never finding out the extent of his wife's infidelity. She invites her boyfriend over for the night. That's why he needs to make a hasty exit. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author zombiehead Posted February 11, 2017 Author Share Posted February 11, 2017 Annep: Excellent idea. When I get the phone unlocked I will leave the house. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mrs. John Adams Posted February 11, 2017 Share Posted February 11, 2017 well let me say...if the roles were reversed..If i thought my husband was cheating and taking naked pictures of his junk to send to someone....I would not hesitate to kick his ass out the door....no questions.....goodbye....no explanations....adios 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted February 11, 2017 Share Posted February 11, 2017 Good luck tonight but prepare yourself for what you are about to find. Sorry you're here. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
AnneP Posted February 11, 2017 Share Posted February 11, 2017 (edited) I am telling you...if my husband touched my hand to place my finger on my phone it would wake me up...there is NO WAY in hell i could sleep through that and which finger did she use? you have 10 choices..... Same here. I had thought it was risky too, however he says she sleeps heavy - especially after getting loaded. Sounds like she's a "homemaker" who doesn't do much around the house, but finds time to take nude selfies. She's probably not worried about much and will sleep right through it.... and that's so weird to me because normally women who have birthed children never sleep heavy again. Guess that's why he should have the car started and his running shoes on. She will be caught off guard and he can make a run for it. Edited February 11, 2017 by AnneP 1 Link to post Share on other sites
AnneP Posted February 11, 2017 Share Posted February 11, 2017 Also, her phone might be set to auto lock every 1 minute. Make sure you are doing something on that phone to keep it unlocked until you get somewhere where you can read. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted February 11, 2017 Share Posted February 11, 2017 Jersey no she doesn't work. So instead she's sitting at home up to no good and you're earning a living, providing for the both of you. WTF! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
AnneP Posted February 11, 2017 Share Posted February 11, 2017 So instead she's sitting at home up to no good and you're earning a living, providing for the both of you. WTF! And the two kids, which he also appears to be the primary care giver for. ? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Jersey born raised Posted February 11, 2017 Share Posted February 11, 2017 Did you review the state laws of the state you live in for spousal support and custody? What is her educational level? How hard would it be for her to get a full time job? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author zombiehead Posted February 11, 2017 Author Share Posted February 11, 2017 Annep yes I think she does have auto lock so I will make sure it doesnt lock while Im making my escape. Man how low is my life right now where I have to do this? I hope it is all innocent crap in her phone. Link to post Share on other sites
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