Author bulldog9 Posted January 9, 2017 Author Posted January 9, 2017 Kidm- I thought about that, but if nothing happened to him and he's there, I might get him in trouble if I call. I think if I don't hear from him in the the next day or two, calling there might be best option.
Dis Posted January 9, 2017 Posted January 9, 2017 Another thing that bothers me....2 months is plenty of time to determine if he wanted to be exculsive with you He's still on tinder after 2 months??? Thats sending a message (He doesnt want to be exclusive with you) I wouldnt date a guy for 2 months without having had the exclusive talk...def wouldnt be continuing to date him if he was still on tinder after all that time What do you think he's really doing on that site???....ya...not good 2
lakerman34 Posted January 9, 2017 Posted January 9, 2017 As a man who was recently ghosted, I can say a lot of your situation sounds familiar. Everything was going swell. We'd go to the store, and the cashier would pick on us (particularly me), and she'd always joke about how she had me on a short leash or how she had some sort of control over me. We were really cute. Then, she went home on holiday (we live in the South, her family lives in the northeast), she came back and stopped responding. I decided to just stay disappointed and realize it was over.... ...until I wasn't satisfied with that anymore. I HATE being ghosted. I never have been before. Frankly, it's disrespectful. I decided to send her a FB msg. VERY respectful, just telling her how I'm a human with feelings, I'm OK with her being over it BUT I'm not OK with her just ghosting me. She responded relatively quickly and was INCREDIBLY sweet and honest. Ultimately, my advice to you would be realize that it's most likely over (maybe not, but likely), and send him a short, sweet message about how if you offended him or did anything to cause him to run away to let you know so you don't make the same mistake in the future. Seemed to work for me.
Gaeta Posted January 9, 2017 Posted January 9, 2017 Bulldog: Easy to check if he is ghosting. Just call his phone from a public phone. If he picks up than you know his phone is working. Depending on his time off 3-4 days should be enough to get himself a new phone. Ghosting is common but between 1 to 4 weeks dating not 2 months dating.
Author bulldog9 Posted January 9, 2017 Author Posted January 9, 2017 Disillusionment373---Guess who told him to leave his profile up! Haha! I actually have had to use it multiple times to message him because sometimes texts don't get delivered on his phone for a few hours, I don't understand why, but his parents and friends were complaining to him about this as well. So sometimes I've had to use it to reach him if a text didn't go through. He 100% has not been out with anyone else, he sees me any night he is off work and during the day works his other job or trains for a few hours (he is professional jujitsu fighter).
Author bulldog9 Posted January 9, 2017 Author Posted January 9, 2017 Lakerman34--- So glad to get a guy's opinion on this. I was leaning towards a simple text just saying I don't know if you don't want to see me anymore, or something happened to your phone, or something happened to you, but please if you can see this text just let me know you are ok. I am really worried something happened to you. If he does respond, then I know he wants to end things, but if he doesn't respond, I'm still left not knowing if something happened and it's so frustrating. Gaeta---Yes, I might try to block my number and call, just don't know when to do it, since I can't really do it when he is at work, on subway (long commute each way), or training. Basically early morning or very late night are only options.
Dis Posted January 9, 2017 Posted January 9, 2017 Disillusionment373---Guess who told him to leave his profile up! Haha! I actually have had to use it multiple times to message him because sometimes texts don't get delivered on his phone for a few hours, I don't understand why, but his parents and friends were complaining to him about this as well. So sometimes I've had to use it to reach him if a text didn't go through. He 100% has not been out with anyone else, he sees me any night he is off work and during the day works his other job or trains for a few hours (he is professional jujitsu fighter). Ohhhh....just, lol Girl there are other ways of communicating! Like fb??? You, "Ya you can keep tinder up, that way I can reach you when my texts dont go through" Him, *Laughing on the inside* Guys dont WANT to keep their OLD accounts open when they really want a woman...if he really wanted you he wouldve deleted tinder and messaged you through fb or the dozens of other means of communication
kidm Posted January 9, 2017 Posted January 9, 2017 Lakerman34--- So glad to get a guy's opinion on this. I was leaning towards a simple text just saying I don't know if you don't want to see me anymore, or something happened to your phone, or something happened to you, but please if you can see this text just let me know you are ok. I am really worried something happened to you. If he does respond, then I know he wants to end things, but if he doesn't respond, I'm still left not knowing if something happened and it's so frustrating. Gaeta---Yes, I might try to block my number and call, just don't know when to do it, since I can't really do it when he is at work, on subway (long commute each way), or training. Basically early morning or very late night are only options. You've tried texting twice. I would try a different method of reaching him that's guaranteed to give you closure. Sending another text seems futile to me or you're still trying to hold out hope. It's easy to call the main line at his work and ask if you can speak to him, give another name and then see what the other person says "hold on" or "he's off today" etc etc. Why keep dragging this along? At the point, you're just making excuses for why you can't call. If you've been dating two months and your relationship is as deep as you have described it, you should have no qualms about reaching out. I doubt he will get into trouble for a one-off brief call. Hell you don't even have to speak to him if someone else picks up and asks you to hold on so he can get him. That tells you everything tot need to know. Of course this is your decision to make.
lakerman34 Posted January 9, 2017 Posted January 9, 2017 Lakerman34--- So glad to get a guy's opinion on this. I was leaning towards a simple text just saying I don't know if you don't want to see me anymore, or something happened to your phone, or something happened to you, but please if you can see this text just let me know you are ok. I am really worried something happened to you. If he does respond, then I know he wants to end things, but if he doesn't respond, I'm still left not knowing if something happened and it's so frustrating. Gaeta---Yes, I might try to block my number and call, just don't know when to do it, since I can't really do it when he is at work, on subway (long commute each way), or training. Basically early morning or very late night are only options. That might be too much, honestly. If I received that text, I would eyeroll SO hard. I don't know. Maybe it's a guy thing, maybe it's a 'me' thing, but when girls are concerned about me in ways that I deem as excessive, it pushes me away. I would just be honest. "I assume we're through, and I've come to terms with that. I don't really appreciate being ghosted though. If I offended you in anyway or hurt your feelings in any way, I sincerely apologize. You don't owe me any explanation, but I would have really appreciated a simple "this isn't working." That way I could definitively know it was over instead of playing this confusing guessing game. Anyways, I just want you to know that I've had a blast with you, think you're really fun, and I wish you the best." That is along the lines of what I sent the girl that ghosted me. I received a response within 15 minutes.
Gaeta Posted January 9, 2017 Posted January 9, 2017 Lakerman34--- So glad to get a guy's opinion on this. I was leaning towards a simple text just saying I don't know if you don't want to see me anymore, or something happened to your phone, or something happened to you, but please if you can see this text just let me know you are ok. I am really worried something happened to you. . Please stop with the texting. You said it yourself it doesn't always work so chances are it doesn't work anymore. If you know everywhere he works and his schedule why not catch him at his work at the beginning or the end of his shift? 1
lakerman34 Posted January 9, 2017 Posted January 9, 2017 Please stop with the texting. You said it yourself it doesn't always work so chances are it doesn't work anymore. If you know everywhere he works and his schedule why not catch him at his work at the beginning or the end of his shift? Yes -- that's key. If he's ignoring your texts, don't text. Our sole communication was via phone. I never, ever, ever messaged her on Facebook prior to being ghosted. I used Facebook as the vehicle to my "final message." Also, in terms of non-responsiveness, it was only 3 texts and a phone call for me -- not enough to enter uncomfortable territory for her. Some people, unfortunately, need 10+ texts to see that, hey, maybe they're just not that into you.
winny Posted January 9, 2017 Posted January 9, 2017 The chances of his phone not working, him being sick etc are very slim. Even if thats the case, why isn't he thinking that u must be worried n inform u about it proactively? There are a million ways to reach someone... He can even drop by your home for 5 mins to let u know, have a friend text u, use some internet website or app to text or call... Message on Facebook... Etc. My bet is that he is ignoring u. Why i dunno... I would do nothing at this point n wait n after 3-4 days start to move on. I do hope that he reaches out soon n someone has a happy ending
lakerman34 Posted January 9, 2017 Posted January 9, 2017 Another thing that is worth keeping in mind: he may be involved with an ex. I have had many people tell me that, with my situation, this is a "high probability" thing. Lady goes back home, she's social so she likes to go to parties (was at a bonfire for NYE), saw a guy she was into during high school OR her ex, knows that she was going back down south anyways, what I don't know won't hurt me, had sex with another guy, and a couple of things happened: 1) Unintentionally stirred up old feelings 2) She feels bad for sleeping with another guy when she's seeing me 3) Realized that her priorities are out of wack, so she's swearing off guys for a while b/c she doesn't know what she wants Based on my intuition, this IS a very likely scenario. Sometimes, guys (and girls) like the idea of a hot old flame, or even a new one. They don't think the girl (or guy) would find out -- I mean, it's just one time, right? They do the deed and actually feel terrible about it afterwards. When this happens, everyone just needs time and space. Ultimately, what I'm telling you is, we have NO IDEA why he went ghost. Maybe it is best to just give it a few days (4 or 5). If you still feel a sort of way about it afterwards, then go ahead and message him. Again, short, sweet, to the point.
Author bulldog9 Posted January 9, 2017 Author Posted January 9, 2017 Disillusionment373--- He doesn't use FB. We only discussed that we weren't dating or sleeping with anyone else, even if he wanted to he wouldn't have time, he works 3 jobs and trains for jujitsu 2x a day, and any time he gets off he sees me. He's not a player at all, I totally trusted him in terms of that. Kidm--- I think a phone call would be same result as texting, no response, whether that's because of ghosting, injury, or phonelessness. As for calling work phone, I might wait a few days and do it, but I think he will get in trouble. Lakerman34--- It was rough draft in mind, I wasn't quite sure how I would word it, but something to that effect. I honestly want to know if he's ok. FB messaging he will never look at. He doesn't use it at all. I wish I knew his regular email address, I don't actually know it. I also don't want to send a message like that just yet because if his phone is not in the picture and thats the reason, and then he eventually sees it, he might be like 'wtf', my phone was missing, i wasn't ghosting you. Gaeta--- As far as trying to reach him via phone, yeah, I am keeping all that in mind, but I wouldn't go anywhere. I know where and when he trains but it's a part of the city he knows I wouldn't just happens to be in, so I would look crazy if I just happened to run into him, haha! It wouldn't be cute. Winny---Yes, you would think if that is the case he would do that, but then again, a guy might not think anything of it, he might not think I'm worried, or might not think 3 days is such a long time. If he is without a phone though, he doesn't know my number by heart anyway so he can't really call me from elsewhere. Thanks Winny, me too Lakerman34--- 100% he isn't. We have talked about this stuff, he just moved here a few months ago and went on very few dates, 1 time each. He hasn't been back to his home state since May when he moved here. He works nonstop, he admits he has worst schedule ever for trying to date. This was actually one of the few guys (I can count on my hand) i have ever met in my life that I could really trust, he definitely wasn't a typical player like most guys in NYC, I've been here a long time, this guy was nothing like the men I normally meet here I'm not doing anything right now, going to try and hold off, but what would be a good text to send? The 2 I sent were essentially the same 'is everything ok?' text.
winny Posted January 9, 2017 Posted January 9, 2017 Winny---Yes, you would think if that is the case he would do that, but then again, a guy might not think anything of it, he might not think I'm worried, or might not think 3 days is such a long time. If he is without a phone though, he doesn't know my number by heart anyway so he can't really call me from elsewhere. Thanks Winny, me too I'm not doing anything right now, going to try and hold off, but what would be a good text to send? The 2 I sent were essentially the same 'is everything ok?' text. Really? Being a guy is NOT an excuse for being irresponsible!!! If that's the attitude he has... at work and otherwise... this is not a reliable guy. Why isn't he using any alternative methods? Also isn't he concerned how have you been these 3 days... like in general... wouldn't he want to know.. how are you... irrespective of his phone or health status?
winny Posted January 9, 2017 Posted January 9, 2017 "Hey X, How are you? Have not heard from you in few days. Bit worried and confused. Hope all is well. Give me a call when you have time. Looking forward to hearing from you soon." Send it on voice mail or something other than a text... maybe an email? And leave it at that.
lakerman34 Posted January 9, 2017 Posted January 9, 2017 Really? Being a guy is NOT an excuse for being irresponsible!!! If that's the attitude he has... at work and otherwise... this is not a reliable guy. Why isn't he using any alternative methods? Also isn't he concerned how have you been these 3 days... like in general... wouldn't he want to know.. how are you... irrespective of his phone or health status? I'm siding with winny on this one. If my phone is broken, I'm going to use another means of conversation. I even remember when my last ex broke her phone, she Facebook messaged me to let me know she wasn't ignoring me, that her phone broke and to just message her over FB.
Author bulldog9 Posted January 9, 2017 Author Posted January 9, 2017 Winny--- I agree. Not saying at all that's the attitude he has, he has never done anything disrespectful or done anything to make me think he is a jerk. (Until now). But I'm just guessing that guys don't know how much this bothers a girl. As for alternative contact methods... if something did happen, he couldn't have predicted it would happen. Everyone I know at least uses social media, he doesn't though, that's what is making this situation so frustrating.
Author bulldog9 Posted January 9, 2017 Author Posted January 9, 2017 Winny--- That sounds good. It would probably just be via text though, I don't know his email address and voicemail I doubt I will sound composed enough to speak because I'm too upset
lakerman34 Posted January 9, 2017 Posted January 9, 2017 Winny--- I agree. Not saying at all that's the attitude he has, he has never done anything disrespectful or done anything to make me think he is a jerk. (Until now). But I'm just guessing that guys don't know how much this bothers a girl. As for alternative contact methods... if something did happen, he couldn't have predicted it would happen. Everyone I know at least uses social media, he doesn't though, that's what is making this situation so frustrating. Guys too. It's just no acceptable to do this to a person with feelings. That's essentially what I told my lady, and she apologized for it. In college, it's more acceptable. In the real world, it's not. People need to grow up and be honest.
winny Posted January 9, 2017 Posted January 9, 2017 Also OP, I know this is a difficult time, I have been there so I know how much it hurts after especially you have spent so much time with someone. Your best friend right now is your patience. Understand that if he is indeed ghosting you then the Universe is doing you a favor in the long term and making way for you to find someone better. And if he isn't ghosting you then all is fine anyways. So either ways, you have nothing to feel bad about. Put this in your mind and try to be cool. I do sincerely hope that he comes back with a pretty solid reason for being MIA and it works out for you.
winny Posted January 9, 2017 Posted January 9, 2017 Winny--- That sounds good. It would probably just be via text though, I don't know his email address and voicemail I doubt I will sound composed enough to speak because I'm too upset I am sending you hugs and good vibes cause you are reminding me how I felt... and making me have tears in my eyes.... People have no idea how much their actions can affect someone... and how hard they have to work to get back to being normal again.... 1
Author bulldog9 Posted January 9, 2017 Author Posted January 9, 2017 Lakerman34--- It's the worst thing ever. If its after 1 date, it doesn't matter that much, but if you have seen that person a few times or been in a relationship, it's the cruelest thing. This is a recent phenomenon that I never experienced before dating apps came along. I live in NYC and this seems to be the preferred method of...almost everybody, makes dating very difficult altogether. At least your girl was respectful and gave you closure. 2
winny Posted January 9, 2017 Posted January 9, 2017 Guys too. It's just no acceptable to do this to a person with feelings. That's essentially what I told my lady, and she apologized for it. In college, it's more acceptable. In the real world, it's not. People need to grow up and be honest. OP, go and check lakerman and grey40's chains and you will know that guys are not like that... they also worry when they dont hear from someone for a day or 2... 2
Author bulldog9 Posted January 9, 2017 Author Posted January 9, 2017 Winny--- Thank you so much for that, and the hugs and good vibes I have been bawling my eyes out all weekend. From the beginning I thought this was just a fun thing, because I know long term this isn't the guy for me. That's what I thought anyways, until recently, I just feel this intense closeness with him (so much that I put a few others guys (including a long distance ex that wants me back and is moving here shortly) on the back burner. This guy just was all I wanted, and while I feel like he isn't 'the guy', I am seeing how hard this has been on me, so he definitely means more than I thought. I'm crazy about him and I miss him so much. I really hope he is ok, and that I haven't been ghosted. My fingers are so crossed that his phone died or got lost 1
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