Have you ever thought you were done with an ex, but found interest again?

[Sweetfish]

The woman dumps man scenario that is often on these forums, is the man acting needy but otherwise respectful and always available, she dumping him for being needy and available.

 

 

What sometimes and hopefully follows is that the man gos strict NC, and works on himself. She then realizes that he wasn't actually the weak, needy, disposable human being she thought he was.

 

Where's all the desperate drunk texts, the flowers at the door, the signs on social media that his life is crushed because she left him? This would validate that the right choice was made, and all the loyalty and dedication that she threw away were thrown away for a good reason.

 

It doesn't come, he just walks away as any self respecting man would. She's back to the dating game, the bars crawling with men with only one thing on their minds. 'Bad boys,' who couldn't give a cr#p and looked so exciting while she was in the safety of her last relationship. She might indulge, but it makes her feel worse.

A good man, she once again realizes, is hard to find and she remembers why she fell in love with her ex.

 

Inevitably, she starts to think about him. Maybe she'll reach out to him.

 

The problem for the dumper, is that they usually haven't gone and done the intense self work the dumpee has, and are at a severe disadvantage. They assumed they were in the right, so therefore didn't need to change.

 

If the dumper has applied NC and self improvement to their break up, they've come to realize that the world is crammed full of potential partners, and there is no such thing as scarcity. They'll also realize that its often futile to take someone back who's dumped you, hasn't kept to their pace of self work and therefore will most probably either dump again, or have to be dumped as they are presently not in the best state for a relationship.

 

This generalization is in my opinion a big false. Lets be real and look at real situations. We assume when a guy becomes needy or clingy is when he gets dumped.

 

That makes nooo sense. Your girlfriend is with you for 3 years and suddenly your needy 2 or 3 years later? If anything you will be more clingy at the initial point of the relationship and you both will take each other for granted as the relationship progresses. I've never seen a person buy a car and become MORE into the car as time progress.. its just HUMAN nature. (If you do its a small pool of people)

 

I know plenty of non-clingy guys who get dumped. Body builders, the rich, and hot guys. Even the bad boy can be bumped by another bad-boy or a good-boy.

 

"I'll do anything. I'll change" doesn't that sound ever so familiar?

 

The breakups threads that most the guys here start with was :the relationship was perfect."

 

The reality wasn't that the guy changed.. the reality is the female has changed. Her needs have changed. Most young women will not tell you these changes...some women are up front and do tell you.. hey i want more.. and thats A-OK thats call communication.

 

See as a man your suppose to just know...because thats the fairy tail women grow-up with.

 

The man becomes needy and clingy when these changes happen (shady behavior/shift in behavior) and at this point....he is too late and was NOT showing clingy behavior prior. He just caught on to her shift in personality. You'll be clueless and she will deny any change.

 

This is when a male unloads his emotions and this is when the women doesn't respect you. When he fights to protect the relationship.

 

If your girlfriend starts talking about a male co-worker often at work. You have two options.

 

Talk to her about it: look jealous.

Don't say anything: don't look clingy.

 

How about option 3 she shouldn't be close with the co-worker.

 

I agree with everything else in regards to framework and working on your self...

 

But STOP giving the excuse of needy and clingy behavior as the demise of the relationship... it is the lack of loyality, honor, and willingness to work on a relationship.

 

So if your 10 years in a relationship and you really

need your wife/gf You need her as your rock. You are saying when your weak she has every right to leave you? If she dumps you... she did you a favor... because thats not a relationship you should be in.

 

What im saying is... if your gf/bf dumps you..let them walk and you got two options.

 

Drown in your sorrows and become weak or

Live without them and make the best of your self.

 

Because your ex showed you a key element vital to a relationship... having each others back 100% and if he or she can't do that...

 

Trust me you dont want that....

 

So any dumpers walking back into a dumpee's life... ask your self are you worth it..? Do you deserve another try?

Edited January 12, 2017 by Sweetfish

[lauri]

^^^^ bingo!

[whatdeww18]

This generalization is in my opinion a big false. Lets be real and look at real situations. We assume when a guy becomes needy or clingy is when he gets dumped.

 

That makes nooo sense. Your girlfriend is with you for 3 years and suddenly your needy 2 or 3 years later? If anything you will be more clingy at the initial point of the relationship and you both will take each other for granted as the relationship progresses. I've never seen a person buy a car and become MORE into the car as time progress.. its just HUMAN nature. (If you do its a small pool of people)

 

I know plenty of non-clingy guys who get dumped. Body builders, the rich, and hot guys. Even the bad boy can be bumped by another bad-boy or a good-boy.

 

"I'll do anything. I'll change" doesn't that sound ever so familiar?

 

The breakups threads that most the guys here start with was :the relationship was perfect."

 

The reality wasn't that the guy changed.. the reality is the female has changed. Her needs have changed. Most young women will not tell you these changes...some women are up front and do tell you.. hey i want more.. and thats A-OK thats call communication.

 

See as a man your suppose to just know...because thats the fairy tail women grow-up with.

 

The man becomes needy and clingy when these changes happen (shady behavior/shift in behavior) and at this point....he is too late and was NOT showing clingy behavior prior. He just caught on to her shift in personality. You'll be clueless and she will deny any change.

 

This is when a male unloads his emotions and this is when the women doesn't respect you. When he fights to protect the relationship.

 

If your girlfriend starts talking about a male co-worker often at work. You have two options.

 

Talk to her about it: look jealous.

Don't say anything: don't look clingy.

 

How about option 3 she shouldn't be close with the co-worker.

 

I agree with everything else in regards to framework and working on your self...

 

But STOP giving the excuse of needy and clingy behavior as the demise of the relationship... it is the lack of loyality, honor, and willingness to work on a relationship.

 

So if your 10 years in a relationship and you really

need your wife/gf You need her as your rock. You are saying when your weak she has every right to leave you? If she dumps you... she did you a favor... because thats not a relationship you should be in.

 

What im saying is... if your gf/bf dumps you..let them walk and you got two options.

 

Drown in your sorrows and become weak or

Live without them and make the best of your self.

 

Because your ex showed you a key element vital to a relationship... having each others back 100% and if he or she can't do that...

 

Trust me you dont want that....

 

So any dumpers walking back into a dumpee's life... ask your self are you worth it..? Do you deserve another try?

 

Sweetfish, be my life coach please! I feel like you have described me and my break up... Although I don't think this describes all break ups, it really does capture a lot of relationships where the communication was lacking, effort was lacking, and all around things change as we grow in relationships.

 

Thank you for summing it all up! Got to keep learning!

 

Sincerely,

-WhatDEWWWWW

[Frozensushi]

Drown in your sorrows and become weak or

Live without them and make the best of your self.

 

My last breakup was extremely hard on me, but I learned so much from it about myself as well as other people.

 

One thing I learned is to not depend on my SO for happiness in life. That's far too much power to give someone and will ultimately cause me to suffer when problems should arise. I also learned to always have an escape plan ready. What I mean by that is having the ability, at any moment in a relationship, to just walk away and never look back.

 

Why the F would I want to give my heart and soul to someone who doesn't want me? Obviously, if there are problems good communication is key, but if the problems persist after trying to work it out and if attraction is lost and the love has diminished, it's better to just walk away.

 

Being able to walk away at any given time gives you power as they are not expecting that reaction at all. Most dumpers are expecting the begging, pleading and crying response. I did that and my Ex lead me on for an entire month before ending it. If I would have been like "Okay, bye", the moment she said it was over and then went NC, I guarantee her ego would have been bruised and she would have been crawling back.

[Sweetfish]

Sweetfish, be my life coach please! I feel like you have described me and my break up... Although I don't think this describes all break ups, it really does capture a lot of relationships where the communication was lacking, effort was lacking, and all around things change as we grow in relationships.

 

Thank you for summing it all up! Got to keep learning!

 

Sincerely,

-WhatDEWWWWW

 

I see a lots of confusion on breakups on this site.

I will admit at first i was very confused.

 

Women are very funny creatures(try not to be offended)

Women are almost like the Internet. They are interconnected or they talk to each other like whales in a frequency men can't hear. I don't know. Lol

 

Men are like the intranet. They are not interconnect to other males.

 

Thats why advice from both genders can be confusing.

 

This is my example:

 

Say i were to walk into a crowded mall and slap a female. You did not slap that one female. You have collectively slapped every female that can see the event.

 

If i walked into a mall and slapped a guy. That guy as an individual will feel that slap. Other males will not collectively feel that slap. They will be like damn that must have hurt and maybe laugh.

 

So when a female poster here says she dumped a guy. Many other female posters will say its because she checked out and the guy doesn't have a chance and thats is that. Because they are thinking on a collective level not a rational level. The reality is many western modern women want to play around between 21 and 27 and settle down when the egg timer gets near its end.

 

By the thrid year of a relationship a women testorone is at its peak and this is exactly why a lot of relationships die at 2-3 years.

 

The combination of testotrone and new male attention is the reason for majority of breakups. This is why men are emotional at the end of a breakup because his estrogen levels have actually peaked.

 

Thats why you shouldnt go back to a relationship after a breakup up in under 6 months. As long as your not hung up on your ex your testotrone will level back and this is when you will think clearly.

 

This is why the whole GiGs theory came into place. GIGS is another way of saying women with many options feel tided down and seek out better options. (Men with many options do the same.)But in the game of relationships women are trump in western countries.

 

Very very very rare you see other female poster critize other female posters here. I only trust posters like vevecake and smackie9 and a few others because they know true female and male nature. Male or Female they will call you out.

 

 

I don't comment about the other relationships because if the male was cheating, or ignoring his women, or taking the relationship for granted. There is nothing to debate. I don't think he deserves another chance because most often the women has given him many times to redeem him self. If she dumps him its done with little window to come back.

 

This is why the advice is confusing...

 

 

a 24 year old female that irrational dumped her stable boyfriend because she got a new group of friends...

 

The stable boyfriend comes on LS and says he got dump..

 

Some of the female poster collectively believed she checked out. This statement is wrong and i caught my self following this same idea. It is wrong.

 

The chances of recon are higher because she doesn't have negative attributes to connect to her reason for checking out. The checkout wasn't because he didnt get a job, or didnt commit, or cheating or abuse. That is when your in the dog house and women are not going back to correcting your bad behavior. (A stable one)

 

Again its the slap theory. Since many of the posters here dumped their boyfriends for a rational reason they believe all women perform a checkout process. This is the advice they are giving to the men. They are not taking into account that women do have a stage between 18 and 27 that can be very unpredictable.

[jamili]

. If I would have been like "Okay, bye", the moment she said it was over and then went NC, I guarantee her ego would have been bruised and she would have been crawling back.

 

Speculation. There is no guarantee this would have happened. And if it did, then she's getting back with you solely to mend her bruised ego - which isn't really what id call a good relationship foundation... you would get dumped again shortly after.

Edited January 13, 2017 by jamili

[Frozensushi]

Speculation. There is no guarantee this would have happened. And if it did, then she's getting back with you solely to mend her bruised ego - which isn't really what id call a good relationship foundation... you would get dumped again shortly after.

 

I agree because it happened over and over again. My Ex and I broke up over 15 times, around mark 12 I started to become needy and groveling. Before that, I had the "Alright, bye" attitude and she came running back everytime. It wasn't until I became the proverbial doormat that she started torturing me.

 

I wish I never took her back the first time around. Lesson learned. (The hard way)

[whatdeww18]

I see a lots of confusion on breakups on this site.

I will admit at first i was very confused.

 

Women are very funny creatures(try not to be offended)

Women are almost like the Internet. They are interconnected or they talk to each other like whales in a frequency men can't hear. I don't know. Lol

 

Men are like the intranet. They are not interconnect to other males.

 

Thats why advice from both genders can be confusing.

 

This is my example:

 

Say i were to walk into a crowded mall and slap a female. You did not slap that one female. You have collectively slapped every female that can see the event.

 

If i walked into a mall and slapped a guy. That guy as an individual will feel that slap. Other males will not collectively feel that slap. They will be like damn that must have hurt and maybe laugh.

 

So when a female poster here says she dumped a guy. Many other female posters will say its because she checked out and the guy doesn't have a chance and thats is that. Because they are thinking on a collective level not a rational level. The reality is many western modern women want to play around between 21 and 27 and settle down when the egg timer gets near its end.

 

By the thrid year of a relationship a women testorone is at its peak and this is exactly why a lot of relationships die at 2-3 years.

 

The combination of testotrone and new male attention is the reason for majority of breakups. This is why men are emotional at the end of a breakup because his estrogen levels have actually peaked.

 

Thats why you shouldnt go back to a relationship after a breakup up in under 6 months. As long as your not hung up on your ex your testotrone will level back and this is when you will think clearly.

 

This is why the whole GiGs theory came into place. GIGS is another way of saying women with many options feel tided down and seek out better options. (Men with many options do the same.)But in the game of relationships women are trump in western countries.

 

Very very very rare you see other female poster critize other female posters here. I only trust posters like vevecake and smackie9 and a few others because they know true female and male nature. Male or Female they will call you out.

 

 

I don't comment about the other relationships because if the male was cheating, or ignoring his women, or taking the relationship for granted. There is nothing to debate. I don't think he deserves another chance because most often the women has given him many times to redeem him self. If she dumps him its done with little window to come back.

 

This is why the advice is confusing...

 

 

a 24 year old female that irrational dumped her stable boyfriend because she got a new group of friends...

 

The stable boyfriend comes on LS and says he got dump..

 

Some of the female poster collectively believed she checked out. This statement is wrong and i caught my self following this same idea. It is wrong.

 

The chances of recon are higher because she doesn't have negative attributes to connect to her reason for checking out. The checkout wasn't because he didnt get a job, or didnt commit, or cheating or abuse. That is when your in the dog house and women are not going back to correcting your bad behavior. (A stable one)

 

Again its the slap theory. Since many of the posters here dumped their boyfriends for a rational reason they believe all women perform a checkout process. This is the advice they are giving to the men. They are not taking into account that women do have a stage between 18 and 27 that can be very unpredictable.

 

You have no idea how much I'd like to take you out for a drink to pick your brain to gain some more knowledge! This is all so fascinating and it does make sense. I'm sure there will always be more to the situation than what you provided but the amount of logic in it is impeccable haha.

 

Although women can be like that, I think men can be as well. I think his needs changed, he saw other options, and with all these hormones, options, stability, and problems just left him to think there's more out there. I don't blame him. Only thing was he blamed me for not loving him like he loved me and did all the small things. Guess he wanted more validation and commitment that I didn't even realize. To be quite frank, I would have been happy to oblige had he said anything but he took it upon himself to try to "fix" the problems himself for a couple months until he began looking elsewhere and breaking up with me.

 

We were each other's first love so not sure what else that adds to all this if anything. But I came to this thread being guilty for so many issues and things until I've come to learn communication is such a great fix for all that. Now, I come here to just learn from people like you, Sweetfish, to make my future relationships so much more successful and fulfilling .

 

You can be sure I'll be following your posts hehe.

 

Thanks, life coach!

-WhatDEWWWWW

[MeadowFlower]

Speculation. There is no guarantee this would have happened. And if it did, then she's getting back with you solely to mend her bruised ego - which isn't really what id call a good relationship foundation... you would get dumped again shortly after.

True. You want them to come back for the right reasons.

[MeadowFlower]

Sweetfish, can you give a quick definition and example of GIGS in a male dumper situation. If a guy loses all interest in a girl is that a sign of POTENTIAL gigs? Don't worry I know situations are different etc etc.

[whatdeww18]

Sweetfish, can you give a quick definition and example of GIGS in a male dumper situation. If a guy loses all interest in a girl is that a sign of POTENTIAL gigs? Don't worry I know situations are different etc etc.

 

Well her previous post pretty much summed it up. It's just put the guy in the situation although I'm sure there are other factors that play as to sexes but I do believe it's the thought and emotional attachment to the world outside of the relationship that they go strive for. Like Sweetfish said, women trump in western culture. I don't think guys have much a problem of finding hook ups and quick relationships. Maybe you are looking more to the thought process of guys during this phase of emotional attachment to outside the relationship?

I'm sure there is no one case or answer but a possible pattern that Sweetfish can allude to?

 

I'd be interested haha. If my case is deemed a GIGS break up, I can tell you communication and boundaries were a major problem. He probably thought the problems were too big since he only tried to fix them himself. Got the wandering eye and by the time I noticed and asked, it was too late to fix anything. He had already fallen out of love and was detached. Spoke not too long ago, dates don't seem to be going all that well but he enjoys the freedom. Finally got him to not talk about willing to try again in a few months and let us go. I've read about cognitive dissonance, and he doesn't really seem to align with his words and actions. He cares, says hurtful words, and only talks about how we had gone through so much and that I have a special place in his heart. I believe that problems lead up to this and the emotional detachment happens as Sweetfish had said.

 

-WhatDEWWWWW

[Sweetfish]

Sweetfish, can you give a quick definition and example of GIGS in a male dumper situation. If a guy loses all interest in a girl is that a sign of POTENTIAL gigs? Don't worry I know situations are different etc etc.

 

My opinion is I don't think men suffer "GIGS" like females do. If anything the average male is always in kind of a constant gigs mode and its not a stage in life. Ok.. i lied (I do believe men can have a mid-life crisis equal to "GIGS" and another member describes it perfectly.. I'll link it later )

 

No matter what he will always want to have or imagine having sex with someone else constantly and daily. Co-workers, the clerk at the store, some random girl that walks by. Men can have sex with another woman and not become in love with her... the woman he is in love with is the woman he is providing for. The need to always have sex is a curse really and the downfall of men. I mean seriously... masterbating/ having sex with you can actually keep a man from cheating. That is powerful. I don't think women and men understand each others sex drive.

 

If another women needs or acquires your man's resources ..your losing his love. I.E. The more indepedant a female is, the higher her chance of losing her man becomes. Because you are stripping him of his biological duties. So the more you strip those duties of providing, the more he will NOT be in love with you. So if a female that is better looking than you come along and needs him emotionally, his skills, and/Or his monies he can fall slave to her needs.

 

 

A nice guy will usually not irrational dump a female. Its rare. If he does its very complex because the introvert may irrationally dump a female because she is shifting her behavior not true to her nature and this may turn in to arguments, an extrovert male may irrational dump a female because she is to clingy and your negelecting his needs.

 

This is a huge generalization... but this is what i vision and what i usually see.

 

If a nice guy did dump you... it means your an emotional wreck or rollercoaster. In turn after you are dumped you will find another man quickly or find other people to heal you (guys) and by the time he thinks about coming back.. your quick decision to find another man or the post of your smiling face with your new friends is a huge wrecking ball to the relationship, his feelings towards you and ego.

 

Men don't get it. Women are design to surpress pain and its just grained in their biology as well. You see this in abusive relationship.. where pain is constantly surpressesd to keep the pair bond intact because a womans safety is priority. (Safety as in shelter and resources) More men commit suicide after a divorce because men actually are bad at surpressing emotional pain. This is why men don't get over women easily. This is why men are usually more mentally damaged than women. That is why women are more often BPD.

 

You can look at so many things in society that its a myth that men surpress emotions and women embrace it.

 

 

Bad boys will irrationally dump a female more often seeking out the pretties and/or most sexual female. The harder it is to acquire her by male standards, the more attracted he is with her. Notice i said and/or sexual. Its not always looks. Its very possible a bad boy will never completely fall in love with you and the need to master him will peak your sexual arousal... almost to the point that some women hate a man who is a mamma's boy. She wants full control of him.

 

 

If you think your boyfriend has "Gigs" its a byproduct of you acquiring a male who is sought out by many females and has the ability to be attractive and attract women. Meaning he doesnt has a syndrome.. their is no syndrome. Its just a package term to express sexual market value and the actions and motives that destory a perfectly sound relationship.

 

Most often when he is with his new girl (dumps you) its partly because he never totally fell in love with you from the beginning and/or the sex your providing is not enough ... bad boys don't care about a females intellience or her income or her job. He cares about sex and/or the fact that she "needs" him when she has the capability of having any man at her whim and he will continue to provide for her.

 

Bad boys recon back... because its possible the sex wasn't that great and/or the women has many men providing for her or at her disposal. He started supporting her... but he realize the EX valued him more and thats when true regret kick in. Because he stepped from one relation to another...he only transposed the old relationship to the new one. If the new girl is better than you in his eyes... he won't be back.

 

 

Nice guys know that their capacity of getting a woman is much harder, he will be more fateful (but very unskillful in his early stage of dating). Women dump these men because women and men don't love the same and time after time they will say... "I can't love him, like he wants to be love"

 

Guess what...? No women will love a man, like he wants to be loved. Because her love will always have conditions.

Marriage, a family, children, a stable job. If any of her conditions are not met she will not love him and she will find another man. Men rarely place conditions on women because they can unconditionally love women and once a man unconitionally loves a woman she will in no way understand or have the capacity be able to love him as he loves her or at least understand it.

 

If a nice guy dumps you... lets say he is just the average guy, but he will do anything for you. He is mr. Perfect. If he dumps you... more than like you were a headache or a problem. Rarely, its another female because he will think you are the perfect girl.

 

If you were a headache or rollercoaster and he sees value in him self after the breakup.. getting him back will be a mission and if you do get him back... pray he did't swallow "the pill" or read threads online. Your man will be different and this is why now he arousal your interest. Not because you love him... but you love what he was able to make you feel. He loved you because he love to make you feel good.

 

These are two different loves and usually after a breakup... the nice guy may learn to love him self more.

 

Ironically, i don't think most nice guys learn to love them self... or at least love them self unconditionally.

 

The only person an average mentally stable women will love unconditionally is her child and only because its an extention of her self and possibly her family and after that her husband or boyfriend and it won't be unconditional.

 

If a ship was sinking. Its your wife, your kid, her father and you. Only three people can get on that boat...

 

Without a doubt your dead.

 

This is my proof to my point.

[jamili]

My opinion is I don't think men suffer "GIGS" like females do. If anything the average male is always in kind of a constant gigs mode and its not a stage in life. Ok.. i lied (I do believe men can have a mid-life crisis equal to "GIGS" and another member describes it perfectly.. I'll link it later )

 

No matter what he will always want to have or imagine having sex with someone else constantly and daily. Co-workers, the clerk at the store, some random girl that walks by. Men can have sex with another woman and not become in love with her... the woman he is in love with is the woman he is providing for. The need to always have sex is a curse really and the downfall of men. I mean seriously... masterbating/ having sex with you can actually keep a man from cheating. That is powerful. I don't think women and men understand each others sex drive.

 

If another women needs or acquires your man's resources ..your losing his love. I.E. The more indepedant a female is, the higher her chance of losing her man becomes. Because you are stripping him of his biological duties. So the more you strip those duties of providing, the more he will NOT be in love with you. So if a female that is better looking than you come along and needs him emotionally, his skills, and/Or his monies he can fall slave to her needs.

 

 

A nice guy will usually not irrational dump a female. Its rare. If he does its very complex because the introvert may irrationally dump a female because she is shifting her behavior not true to her nature and this may turn in to arguments, an extrovert male may irrational dump a female because she is to clingy and your negelecting his needs.

 

This is a huge generalization... but this is what i vision and what i usually see.

 

If a nice guy did dump you... it means your an emotional wreck or rollercoaster. In turn after you are dumped you will find another man quickly or find other people to heal you (guys) and by the time he thinks about coming back.. your quick decision to find another man or the post of your smiling face with your new friends is a huge wrecking ball to the relationship, his feelings towards you and ego.

 

Men don't get it. Women are design to surpress pain and its just grained in their biology as well. You see this in abusive relationship.. where pain is constantly surpressesd to keep the pair bond intact because a womans safety is priority. (Safety as in shelter and resources) More men commit suicide after a divorce because men actually are bad at surpressing emotional pain. This is why men don't get over women easily. This is why men are usually more mentally damaged than women. That is why women are more often BPD.

 

You can look at so many things in society that its a myth that men surpress emotions and women embrace it.

 

 

Bad boys will irrationally dump a female more often seeking out the pretties and/or most sexual female. The harder it is to acquire her by male standards, the more attracted he is with her. Notice i said and/or sexual. Its not always looks. Its very possible a bad boy will never completely fall in love with you and the need to master him will peak your sexual arousal... almost to the point that some women hate a man who is a mamma's boy. She wants full control of him.

 

 

If you think your boyfriend has "Gigs" its a byproduct of you acquiring a male who is sought out by many females and has the ability to be attractive and attract women. Meaning he doesnt has a syndrome.. their is no syndrome. Its just a package term to express sexual market value and the actions and motives that destory a perfectly sound relationship.

 

Most often when he is with his new girl (dumps you) its partly because he never totally fell in love with you from the beginning and/or the sex your providing is not enough ... bad boys don't care about a females intellience or her income or her job. He cares about sex and/or the fact that she "needs" him when she has the capability of having any man at her whim and he will continue to provide for her.

 

Bad boys recon back... because its possible the sex wasn't that great and/or the women has many men providing for her or at her disposal. He started supporting her... but he realize the EX valued him more and thats when true regret kick in. Because he stepped from one relation to another...he only transposed the old relationship to the new one. If the new girl is better than you in his eyes... he won't be back.

 

 

Nice guys know that their capacity of getting a woman is much harder, he will be more fateful (but very unskillful in his early stage of dating). Women dump these men because women and men don't love the same and time after time they will say... "I can't love him, like he wants to be love"

 

Guess what...? No women will love a man, like he wants to be loved. Because her love will always have conditions.

Marriage, a family, children, a stable job. If any of her conditions are not met she will not love him and she will find another man. Men rarely place conditions on women because they can unconditionally love women and once a man unconitionally loves a woman she will in no way understand or have the capacity be able to love him as he loves her or at least understand it.

 

If a nice guy dumps you... lets say he is just the average guy, but he will do anything for you. He is mr. Perfect. If he dumps you... more than like you were a headache or a problem. Rarely, its another female because he will think you are the perfect girl.

 

If you were a headache or rollercoaster and he sees value in him self after the breakup.. getting him back will be a mission and if you do get him back... pray he did't swallow "the pill" or read threads online. Your man will be different and this is why now he arousal your interest. Not because you love him... but you love what he was able to make you feel. He loved you because he love to make you feel good.

 

These are two different loves and usually after a breakup... the nice guy may learn to love him self more.

 

Ironically, i don't think most nice guys learn to love them self... or at least love them self unconditionally.

 

The only person an average mentally stable women will love unconditionally is her child and only because its an extention of her self and possibly her family and after that her husband or boyfriend and it won't be unconditional.

 

If a ship was sinking. Its your wife, your kid, her father and you. Only three people can get on that boat...

 

Without a doubt your dead.

 

This is my proof to my point.

 

Damn dude, this was a beautiful post. Well said /bow

[divegrl]

Wow! You need to write a book! Seriously a book on the male/female mind. This is amazing!

 

Just one thing. And extrovert male will dump a girl because she is too clingy? Yet he wants her to need him emotionally, financially, etc? What's the difference between her clinging and him wanting to provide (her neediness)?

 

Again this is awesome!

[Sweetfish]

Wow! You need to write a book! Seriously a book on the male/female mind. This is amazing!

 

Just one thing. And extrovert male will dump a girl because she is too clingy? Yet he wants her to need him emotionally, financially, etc? What's the difference between her clinging and him wanting to provide (her neediness)?

 

Again this is awesome!

 

Lol.. I have horrible grammar.. i would never write a book.

 

every situation is so different you can't pinpoint every scenario and say this is exclusively why X happen. Also, you will never get men and women to agree on the battle of the sexes because they are two total different wars.

 

You can't say a nice extrovert guy will dump a clingy girlfriend. In reality it should be an extrovert guy will have a higher chances of dumping a clingy girl than an introvert. However, when you see situations the variable are soo predictable you can also generalize or narrow down the results.

 

Its up to the reader to take the data they get on LS and see if its parallel to their situation. If the information is legit and is it true because of my belief system or because its reality.

 

Ok... so a guy dumps a girl thats clingy... but its his imperative to be needed because men seek to have purpose and provide. (Again, were talking about a stable average nice guy) Your wondering how the two can exist and isnt it a contradiction. Yes and No.

 

The need to provide has to be brought on by a desire. This desire is driven by beauty or sexual situmulation. Desire and sexual situmulation is the core of a human being.

 

A really hot guy is not going to really pay for dates or invest in being a provider because his looks gets him his sexual desires. If he comes across a female that is hard to obtain he will thus feel the need to satisfy her to get to her "berries" and start providing to her.

 

Again if this women falls exclusively in love with this kind of man and starts providing to the man and robs him of his desire to "chase her" he will lose interest or start taking her for granted.

 

A nice guy on the other hand may welcome this attachment behavior. But most often its an introvert. He will invest only in a small amount of individuals in his circle of life. He will do anything for you and will never say your clingy and if he does... your being super clingy or dragging him out of his comfort zone.

 

An extrovert will welcome attachment behavior, but requires out side interaction of other individuals. Playing football with the guys or hanging out. He doesnt have the energy to deal with one person. He likes little burst of energy from mulitple people. Clinginess, means he has to focus on you and the focus on you exclusively is draining..

 

 

To be honest i wish people were just more direct and there will be less dancing around and half the breakups would never transpire.

[projuice]

Lol.. I have horrible grammar.. i would never write a book.

 

every situation is so different you can't pinpoint every scenario and say this is exclusively why X happen. Also, you will never get men and women to agree on the battle of the sexes because they are two total different wars.

 

You can't say a nice extrovert guy will dump a clingy girlfriend. In reality it should be an extrovert guy will have a higher chances of dumping a clingy girl than an introvert. However, when you see situations the variable are soo predictable you can also generalize or narrow down the results.

 

Its up to the reader to take the data they get on LS and see if its parallel to their situation. If the information is legit and is it true because of my belief system or because its reality.

 

Ok... so a guy dumps a girl thats clingy... but its his imperative to be needed because men seek to have purpose and provide. (Again, were talking about a stable average nice guy) Your wondering how the two can exist and isnt it a contradiction. Yes and No.

 

The need to provide has to be brought on by a desire. This desire is driven by beauty or sexual situmulation. Desire and sexual situmulation is the core of a human being.

 

A really hot guy is not going to really pay for dates or invest in being a provider because his looks gets him his sexual desires. If he comes across a female that is hard to obtain he will thus feel the need to satisfy her to get to her "berries" and start providing to her.

 

Again if this women falls exclusively in love with this kind of man and starts providing to the man and robs him of his desire to "chase her" he will lose interest or start taking her for granted.

 

A nice guy on the other hand may welcome this attachment behavior. But most often its an introvert. He will invest only in a small amount of individuals in his circle of life. He will do anything for you and will never say your clingy and if he does... your being super clingy or dragging him out of his comfort zone.

 

An extrovert will welcome attachment behavior, but requires out side interaction of other individuals. Playing football with the guys or hanging out. He doesnt have the energy to deal with one person. He likes little burst of energy from mulitple people. Clinginess, means he has to focus on you and the focus on you exclusively is draining..

 

 

To be honest i wish people were just more direct and there will be less dancing around and half the breakups would never transpire.

 

Wise words. I have been reading about break ups for a few months, and one person who stuck out was Craig Kenneth. He is a psychotherapist and relationship expert (Yes, with many years of studies and schooling) and he gets very indepth on relationships and reconciliation. Something he said that really stuck out was "If cheating and abuse wasn't a component to a break up, most people will visit the idea of reconcilation" (not an exact quote, but very close). I think this is the stage when they start missing you, and they test the waters. Like you said about the nice guy, he will probably try to see if his ex is still a rollercoaster. Craig also said the gender stuff is mainly just assumption, but he did notice more males will revisit the idea and test the waters than females. He knows a lot more than anyone on LS. Of course I like to hear people's thoughts on here, but I will only take his thoughts and advice because he actually has the experience and knowledge. I'm sure LS members have knowledge, but Craig is an actual expert.

[divegrl]

A really hot guy is not going to really pay for dates or invest in being a provider because his looks gets him his sexual desires. If he comes across a female that is hard to obtain he will thus feel the need to satisfy her to get to her "berries" and start providing to her.

 

Again if this women falls exclusively in love with this kind of man and starts providing to the man and robs him of his desire to "chase her" he will lose interest or start taking her for granted.

 

To be honest i wish people were just more direct and there will be less dancing around and half the breakups would never transpire.

 

Jaw dropped opened. This is exactly what happened in my last breakup. Wow. Thank you for being so honest.

 

Plz. These posts are ahmazing! I've copied at least 10 of them to my phone! We could start a column.... dear sweetfish! People need to hear this!!!

[Gr8fuln2020]

Jaw dropped opened. This is exactly what happened in my last breakup. Wow. Thank you for being so honest.

 

Plz. These posts are ahmazing! I've copied at least 10 of them to my phone! We could start a column.... dear sweetfish! People need to hear this!!!

 

You wouldn't be doing anthing novel. Look where you are, for example!:D:rolleyes: